The moon is half full tonight, like the empty spot inside left by the person who she's allowed to take occupancy when his time should've expired. She's said her peace to all her colleagues, save for one.
She isn't taking responsibility for that anymore. If he wants to respond, he'll respond.
Even though it's the tail end of summer, she's chilled from the breeze kissing her arms in her J Mendel sleeveless dress. She knows she should've left the roof with Louis, but she needs a moment to catch up with her newfound resolve.
The plan had been to head to California in just over twelve hours, to help head up and teach at the Interact School of Theater. A dream of an opportunity, but it meant letting go of one she'd already built.
The door behind her squeaks and slams shut. She spins around to face the intruder to her moment.
Harvey. He recoils in his step as if the sight of her somehow strikes him, the juxtaposition of panic and hardness on his face.
"You're just going to leave without saying goodbye?"
"You were going to let me without saying it yourself?"
He steps toward her, his right hand raising just a tad from his side. He's reaching to hold on to something, but too cowardly to grasp it.
"Donna..." His voice is breathless. "You can't..." His voice breaks then, moisture in his eyes as he swallows.
She feels her heart start to sink but tethers it up in braced support. She's not bailing him out anymore.
His fists ball at his sides. "I can't lose you." He says with a finality to the words.
She raises her eyes to the sky, shaking her head. They've been here before. "You can lose me. I was your secretary, now I'm PSL's COO. I could be replaced."
"You can never be replaced for me."
"That's ridiculous Harvey. I'm not your girlfriend, your wife, or your mother. You're-"
"I broke up with her."
She feels the admission she was about to speak catch in her throat, and she's momentarily thrown off guard. She's given this man a lifetime of practice at upsetting her point when he wants to manipulate the situation to his benefit. She swallows resolve again, gaining practice as she forges ahead with boundaries first. "I'm sorry it didn't work out. But this is my life Harvey, and you can't ask me to not live it because you don't want to have to deal with your feelings."
"I know that." He looks away from her as if the sight of her is too much. "Goddammit I know that," he whispers. "I'm not trying to make you do anything."
"That's not what this sounds like."
"I can make it without you. I've finally worked that out. I'm telling you, I don't want to. No one can ever fill your place in my life."
Her entire chest aches and she curses her eyes for burning with tears. This is not how this was supposed to be like. What letting go is supposed to feel like.
Her body betrays her. He is declaring something, in the grand way he always seems to manage without actually moving them anywhere. She's bailed him out of too many emotional hardships, she can't let her feelings for him do it again.
"This is too late," she says as she spins away from him, not fully committing to confiding the truth that could end his attempts, but trying to keep up her fight.
He's in front of her in an instant, now feet apart. "Then follow your dream. But I can't let you go without telling you... What I unfortunately needed someone else to help me realize."
Agard? She's frozen, because the faith she's carried in her heart for him is thundering hope she's trying to block out.
"I love you Donna."
She closes her eyes as tears spill out, shaking her head because she can't be certain she can escape being hurt by those words in ways that won't leave deeper scars.
His thumb brushes her cheek, steadying her motioned protest. "Donna."
"You can't do this to me again, Harvey!" she chokes out.
He dips his head to the side, concern and regret woven tightly between his lips and the wrinkle between his brow. "I've messed this up before. But I'm not messing it up now. I want this. Us."
"Us?" asks, wiping at her face.
He nods, his other hand coming to rest on the side of her face as his forehead touches hers. "Please don't leave without letting us have a chance to start." His voice is soft and filled with emotion.
"I'm not leaving," she admits.
"What?" He pulls back then, his eyes wide with hope.
"Well, technically I am, but it's just for a few weeks. I okay'd it with Louis."
"I don't understand."
She sucks in a breath. "I've spent almost half of my adult life working with you, and the majority of that has been with this firm. It may not be where I expected to end up, but now it's a part of me too."
His shoulders relax, with a grin he saves for his biggest victories plastered on his face.
She arches a brow. "And then there's the five-hundred-thousand dollars I just invested."
"What about your dream?"
She softly smiles. "I don't have to give it up."
His brow draws together.
"It's a long story, but I'm getting them set up in California, and their sister theater is having me lead some workshops as a part time consultant here. Turns out staying gets me the best of both worlds."
"I'm proud of you Donna."
"You should be," she gently chides.
His eyes scan her face, and somehow they're back to the standstill of emotional electricity neither of them ever dare to breach. She wants to think he's scared to make a move, but fear makes her think maybe he's more comfortable slipping back into the complacency that defines them. Then his fingers link in hers, and suddenly he's closer.
"How long do I have before you go?"
"My flight leaves tomorrow morning."
His chest falls, as if she's sucked the hope back out of his intent with a sentence. He lips press together, in an amused way that show he thinks he's won something. "Would you want a travel companion to help you settle into your hotel?"
"We both know I'd be the one handling the organization of my hotel room, Harvey."
"We could test out the amenities," he offers.
She fights away a cursed blush she can feel forming, dreading how girlish her coming statement will sound. "You haven't even kissed me yet."
He cocks his head, and a look appears on his face that's laced with amusement and dare she think happiness. His gaze drops to her mouth, and stays there for a moment before he leans forward and his lips meet hers, finally closing the one thing she thought he never would again.
The space between them.
I don't think anything will happen in the ep like this, but a few words of it popped in my head so I wrote a little thing. I hope the 100 gives us at least a little bit of hope and goodness! Reviews help keep me motivated, so please respond if you can. I own nothing.