A/N: Giftfic for Rydia during the 2015 FF7 Fanworks Exchange on ao3. Beta'd by tyrannosaurus_rose and Silverleaf14.
Chapter 1: Hear Me
Sephiroth could remember what Angeal had told him when the hyperactive SOLDIER was left in his care. But he couldn't understand thewhy of it. There were far better babysitters – from more seasoned SOLDIER, to beady-eyed secretaries, to the rambunctious security department. Angeal could have only picked worse by dropping Fair into a pit of monsters.
Time was a precious thing for the silver general, especially when it came to browsing the archives. He needed to get in, get out, and make copies of everything he could possibly need before someone tried to disturb him. Being disturbed meant explaining what he was looking for, meant the added surveillance of too many eyes on him – things that would ruin the relative peace and tranquility of the archives.
The archives were, archaic as they were, Sephiroth's prime source of intelligence. The computer was too easily tracked and his hacking attempts were readily exposed. And after the last time he had procured books of his own, Sephiroth had decided that it was much less of a headache to simply rely on the archive instead. (How could he have known that one little book called "Sex Advice for the Socially Awkward" would have started so much trouble?)
"Don't touch that," Sephiroth ordered. Fair had been reaching for the files stacked up in the 'useful' pile – the pile that would be copied and taken to the apartment for further inspection. Already irritated at the disturbance of Fair in his quiet time, he was in no mood for dealing with a mess of papers.
Fair, however, had other plans: he was intent on going for the file on the bottom of the stack. He tugged. The stack swayed from side to side and Sephiroth had visions of papers littering the room.
Sephiroth pressed down on the pile. Finally, Fair deigned to pay attention. The silver general merely repeated, "Do not touch."
"Uh, okay. I guess I'll just, uh, look over here?" Fair pointed in the direction of monster-human interaction reports.
"That would be best."
Sephiroth watched, with not a little relief, as Fair wandered away.
Satisfied his papers wouldn't be falling anytime soon, he turned on his heel and made his way back to the cabinet he had been working on. With his eyes carefully tracking the younger SOLDIER, Sephiroth didn't realize what was happening until it was too late. Mid-stride, his shin connected with the thin metal of the drawer, a drawer he had left open for his own convenience no less than a minute ago when Fair distracted him, and the thing flew. Papers, folders, paperclips – they fell from it's mouth as it spun through the air.
There was a hideous screech as the crumpled metal hit the floor. It skidded with an ear ringing noise (that reminded Sephiroth of a sword slicing through iron at a bad angle) until it smashed against the wall. Fluttering papers settled into a trail, as if to incriminate Sephiroth's boot.
Sephiroth didn't even let himself recover from the noise before glancing at Zack. If anyone ever saw Sephiroth as less than perfect, who knew what would come of it. What sort of threats would be made on the building that housed a careless general? Worse, what would Hojo do if he found out that there was the slightest chance he might be accident prone?
But Zack Fair didn't spare Sephiroth a glance. In fact he was acting like he hadn't even heard the noise as he busily shuffled through a file cabinet.
Watching Fair for a moment longer, Sephiroth came to a conclusion. Fair was pretending the accident never happened. Given Angeal's assessment of his student's personality, it was highly unlikely that the youth would go on to tell everyone about Sephiroth's (very unusual) carelessness. The silver general was thankful for the boy's silence.
Sephiroth quickly set about cleaning up the mess. The files were unimportant – records on sterilization from mako use – so he stuffed them into the deformed cabinet haphazardly. The action was followed by an attempt to straighten the drawer enough to fit on its metal runner. He would notify a secretary that the drawer had been tampered with before his arrival. After all, if no one say anything, no one would know who had actually done it.
Sephiroth decided then and there that maybe the hyperactive SOLDIER wasn't such bad company after all.
It turned out that when Sephiroth made an effort to become friends with someone, success quickly followed. Though, he sometimes wondered if it was due to his efforts or Zack's amicable personality. Shortly after the cabinet incident, Sephiroth made an effort to set aside time to interact with Zack, to seek him out instead of wait for the reverse, he even participated in a squatting contest (which he won only by enhancement alone, he was sure).
As it turned out, Sephiroth found Zack's presence quite enjoyable. His mind just worked in the strangest of ways. It was different than Angeal's stern by calm personality, and Genesis's explosive and nit-picky words – a different that Sephiroth wholly welcomed. Zack seemed to wear nothing but smiles. They were nothing like stiff and awkward things the silver general he often received at headquarters. Instead, they were so bright and beautiful that he could get lost in them. And Zack's voice was like a beacon, never quiet and always echoing down the halls – Sephiroth found himself listening for it everywhere he went, often changing course just to seek it out. It was often that he didn't quite comprehend the thoughts behind Zack's words, but the Second said them with such enthusiasm that he couldn't help but listen curiously. Sometimes Sephiroth just found himself staring into Zack's eyes as conversation lulled and he wondered at the colors in the iris: at the speckles of purple and gradients of mako green that melted into a clear blue, at the way his pupils would contract in excitement and his eyes looked like shined mako stone.
One day, when Sephiroth happened to mention his opinions on his new friend to Genesis, the red general had simply replied, "My, my. It sounds like you have a crush."
Sephiroth knew what 'crushes' were (it was still a horrible term, it sounded more like the desire to sentence someone to death via crushing than something to describe romantic attraction), but he hadn't realized he had one on Zack. At first, he had wanted to deny it – Zack was Angeal's student, a subordinate, and one of his precious few friends – but quickly realized he didn't give a damn about any of that. Genesis suggested dinner and Sephiroth was off.
That was how he found himself standing in front of Zack on the SOLDIER floor. Being later in the evening, the floor was deserted save for them, but Zack was stilling passing the time doing squats. He paused long enough to smile and wave before going right back to it.
Sephiroth was distracted from his objective, and with another glance around he found himself asking a question he had been pondering for a while. "Zack?"
"Yup?" Zack said on an exhale.
"I've always been curious..."
"Oh? 'Bout what?" Zack asked with one of those dazzling smiles and voice just slightly out of breath. Sephiroth wasn't sure, but he felt like his heart skipped a beat.
"You have," Sephiroth stopped for a moment to search for the appropriate phrase. Interacting with Zack often had Sephiroth repeating himself in a variety of ways to get his point across. He finally settled with, "a habit of staying late to practice your squats."
Zack stood with a whuff of breath. "Well, I'm still on duty. And it's not like we have regular hours or anything, right?"
"This is true," Sephiroth admitted. "As SOLDIER we are on call 24/7. But that doesn't not mean you are obligated to stay on the SOLDIER floor. You are free to pursue a personal life." Sephiroth didn't add the 'with me', but it lingered on his tongue. That would have been, if Angeal was correct, too forward.
"Well, it's just easier to be here," he shrugged. "Besides, I can hang out with people if I'm on the SOLDIER floor." Zack lifted a leg to stretch his hamstrings as he spoke. "And I'm a lot easier to find, right?"
Sephiroth nodded. Zack had valid arguments, all of which the silver general found hard to disagree with. Zack bent abruptly to touch his toes. The image of Zack lowering himself with a smile, and the way his back curved as if preparing for a dive, and the way the standard issue pants tightened against the curve of his ass burned Sephiroth's eyes and he suddenly remembered why he had come down in the first place. He wasn't there to interrogate Zack about his habits or find a rebuttal to his arguments.
Sephiroth took a breath and asked, "Would you like to go out to dinner with me?"
There was no response. Zack just bounced once, and then twice, as he rearranged his hands on the floor. Perhaps he was taking a moment to decide on a response...
Sephiroth waited until Zack stood straight again. He must have looked eager because Zack let out a "Hmm?" Tilting his head as if he hadn't heard the question.
"I take it that your silence is agreement?"
Zack's face contorted into a confused frown. Sephiroth realized, abruptly, that it was the first time he had seen it today. "Huh? Agreement to what?"
Sephiroth tried not to be affronted. After copious amounts of time with Zack, Sephiroth had realized he didn't intend to be rude when he said things like that. Sometimes he was just, as Angeal said, slow processing – like the computer Sephiroth had electrocuted last year. "You weren't listening?"
Zack's eyes darted back and forth, as if looking for an excuse. "Uhhh."
Did that mean that he had been listening? And did that mean he had simply wanted a way to reject Sephiroth without actually telling him 'no'? Unlike Genesis or Angeal, Sephiroth couldn't accept something so ambiguous as confirmation or denial. So he asked again, "Would you like to get dinner with me tonight?"
"Sure!" Zack beamed his teeth. "Sounds great!"
Sephiroth was more than a little confused by the response. It seemed a little too easy. They had, indeed, been spending copious amounts of time together recently, but did that mean that Zack felt the same? Then why had he tried to act as if he hadn't heard? "Really?"
"Yeah," Zack's laugh was easy going, instantly calming Sephiroth's nerves. "It's just dinner. Angeal and I go out all the time."
"... oh..."
Zack studied him for a few moments. "Wait, did you mean, like, a dinner dinner?"
Sephiroth was sure this was going to be one of those educational moments he often had with his friends. "... is there more than one type of dinner?"
"You know, like a dinner date."
Sephiroth attempted a shrug – a function which he knew was a simple tightening of the shoulder muscles followed by release – but he had received many comments of its awkward nature. But Zack told him he was improving. "... aren't all dinners for dates?"
Zack giggled, at least that was what Sephiroth called it when he tried to stifle his laughter. "You can have dinners with friends, too, silly."
Sephiroth felt a hint of disappointment creep into his voice, "Does that mean you want dinner with a friend?"
Zack made a show of thinking (Genesis taught him that this gesture was largely theatrical, but Sephiroth was never certain with Zack), before he smiled again. "Naw. I'd prefer a date."
Sephiroth had never felt happier.
If anyone asked, Sephiroth planned to tell them it was a new hobby. But, in truth, he was more annoyed with the way his hands would twitch and twiddle of their own accord in meetings. Even if he was pretending to slice the president in half (so cleanly there was barely any blood, but copious applause), it did not mean his hands should react so much. A Turk was bound to notice.
There were many things Sephiroth could have done to occupy his hands. He had tried pen tapping, finger drumming, and even doodling, but they had only served to escalate the problem. (In fact, any documents with an errant doodle had disappeared. Genesis had told him about the Silver Elite's auction page after that.) So, he decided to learn sign language. He might as well do something productive with his hands – instead of making paper sculptures as Tseng was wont to do – that would help retrain his reflexes and teach him new skills.
Sephiroth started with the alphabet. It was confusing. So many of the gestures easily flowed into military sign that the silver general wondered how many people confused the two of them. How many people in the world even knew both signs? It wasn't as if learning materials for either were hard to come by, but what motivation could one have to learn both? Perhaps, Sephiroth pondered, a former member of the military who was deafened in battle. Or even an enlisted member who was trying to woo the affections of one who was deaf.
It was highly unlikely that someone would know how to sign upon joining the military. The screening test included a hearing portion; presumably anyone who knew sign language would be screened out far before getting the opportunity to learn military sign. In fact, Sephiroth wasn't even acquainted with anyone who could sign. But, still... all languages had inherent similarities, but so few people military signs outside of the military that he wondered how easily people could differentiate them. He made a note to look it up later.
Sephiroth was still trying to determine the relationship between the alphabet and more colloquial words when Zack walked it. It commonplace for him to stop by the office every so often now that they'd started dating, usually without announcement.
"Woah," Zack stared at Sephiroth's hands as he continued to practice. "Are... are you signing?"
Sephiroth stopped for a moment, looking up from the reference book. Zack had instantly recognized the gestures, which led him to believe, "Do you know it?"
"Uh," Zack shrugged. "Yeah. Almost everybody back home signs."
"Perfect." Sephiroth gestured his boyfriend into the comfiest chair. "I need someone to practice with."
"O-ok. Sure." Zack sat down on the chair hard enough to make it whomph. "Do you want me to start or..."
Sephiroth nodded. "Yes. Please begin."
Zack shrugged again – Sephiroth was still envious of how smoothly he could do it – before his hands started to move. "You..." something or other. Sephiroth had only recognized that one because of its universal nature.
"What does that mean?"
"Ah ah ah, say it in sign?" Zack's frown was teasing.
Sephiroth looked down at the pages of pictures and definitions. He hadn't recalled seeing anything that looked like a 'what' or a 'mean'. "... how?"
"You can always fingerspell."
"Finger... spell..." Of course. How obvious. Why didn't Sephiroth think of that? He had simply assumed too quickly that there were easier ways to express the same sentiment. But sign language came with an alphabet for a reason. Sephiroth spelled out his question in halting signs.
With a smile, Zack repeated his movements. "You," he said with a pointed finger. Then he raised both palms up above his head and tilted them in a motion Zack liked to call 'jazz hands.' "Are awesome."
"Really?" Trust that to be the first thing Zack say in a new language. Sephiroth couldn't help but laugh, even as Zack directed him to repeat it.
"See, I told you I was awesome, Seph."
Angeal was going out of town. Even though Zack's mentor didn't exactly approve of their relationship, Sephiroth often found himself looking after his boyfriend when Angeal was out. Usually it stopped at making sure he was fed and his mission pack was supplied. But this particular mission was going to be longer than usual, so the silver general had been giving the due task of training his boyfriend.
However, Sephiroth knew he had certain... limitations when it came to teaching. There was a reason he hadn't taken a student despite Angeal and Genesis's wild successes in doing the same. He got frustrated by how slowly people learned, his patience for the failures and botches of beginners only lasted as long as said beginners were willing to learn; most were far too easily distracted. Sephiroth would like to think Zack would be different: his focus in battle was razor sharp and he'd been under Angeal's care for years now.
Besides, Sephiroth had been looking for an excuse to spar with his boyfriend.
Sephiroth had picked the VR room for this particular spar. There were plenty of other places he could have picked: the sparring ground a few floors below, or the training ground a few streets from the tower. But Sephiroth preferred this spot: it was closer to his apartment. He had recently discovered the wonders of online shopping thanks to Angeal, and he had intentions to apply the massage techniques he had learned about in a book called Love Guru's Advice (it had been written by an author known only as Singing. Tseng had denied any involvement). It was going to be absolutely pleasant.
Sephiroth made sure Zack stretched and warmed-up before they began. It gave him a chance to review his strategy and Zack's form. It was a spar, but it was going to be a spar with the intention to teach: broader strokes, intentional openings, and louder footfalls. It was all going to be carefully controlled and calculated. Sephiroth just hoped that Zack would react as expected for once.
"Are you prepared?"
"Yup!" Zack readied his standard issue sword with a smile.
Sephiroth debated telling Zack to get serious. He often heard Angeal telling Zack the same thing, and he knew it would be meaningless. Besides, for all seriousness of the setting, Sephiroth knew he was smiling just as brightly as Zack. Angeal would be disappointed in them both.
Sephiroth moved first. It wasn't as if he was that eager, he simply wanted to set a pace and see where Zack would take it. It was an easy swing. Not too slow, easy to parry, something even a Third could take easily.
Zack parried with the flat of his standard issue. Even though he was still smiling, something in his expression hardened almost instantly. It was like Zack was finally looking at him as a fellow warrior: there was a heat in his gaze, the kind of heat that came from scrutiny and strategy. Those eyes captivated Sephiroth for a moment – and if Zack had chosen that moment to attack, well, Sephiroth's reflexes wouldn't have been able to distinguish boyfriend from enemy. He thought that Zack had the eyes of a true SOLDIER. The smile was clearly just for show.
Once Zack was moving, he set the pace handily. Sephiroth allowed him the offensive, as it gave him the chance to observe Zack's fighting style more clearly. There were some obvious flaws: his shoulders were too tense, more complicated attacks were sloppy, and he didn't rely on his hearing enough. But, he had a good stance and clear strokes. And he was fast. Zack's speed had always been one of his hallmarks – he had broken both the swimming and 400 meter dash records during his cadet days. Enhancement had only made him faster.
Pushing one of Zack's attacks to the side, Sephiroth slipped behind him. It was an easy enough maneuver to execute when an opponent overextended themselves. Sephiroth was tempted to do more, like something that ended in a throw, but he highly doubted the spar would go on after that. It was training, not foreplay, after all. So he simply stayed in Zack's blind spot.
It didn't take Zack long to recover his balance. He took his stance and whirled his head to and fro in search.
True, Zack was alert. But he hadn't noticed Sephiroth yet. As much fun as it was to silently stalk Zack, Sephiroth did that enough already. He could have done a sneak attack, but it simply didn't seem fun. He wanted Zack's stare to pin him in place, to burn along his skin as they sparred – seeing his back just wouldn't do. So, Sephiroth flicked his wrist just enough to make the Masamune hum against the air, and took a loud step.
Neither of these worked. Sephiroth frowned as he watched Zack turn his head back and forth warily, getting tenser as the seconds wore on.
Zack was relying on his eyes too much, far too much for a SOLDIER. It was bizarre even. Sephiroth was already half way through casting a Blind, instinct to leverage an enemy's weakness against them, before Zack turned and finally – finally noticed him.
And the expression on his face. Sephiroth felt a pang of adrenaline in his stomach when he recognized it: Zack hadn't even known Sephiroth was there until their eyes met. As if he hadn't heard a single thing.
Did that mean that Zack had injured his ears before training? No. He had been reacting as he always did... Perhaps earplugs? No. Sephiroth hadn't seen anything of the sort. Then why... unless... unless Zack simply couldn't hear.
But that didn't make any sense. But that would imply... how could he have managed to get into the military if it was true?
Sephiroth lowered his stance when he realized he couldn't fight Zack anymore. He couldn't focus on the spar any longer, not with these impossible thoughts clouding his head.
"What's up?" The hardened look on Zack's features melted away into that easy-going smile. "We done?"
"The spar is over," Sephiroth said the words carefully. He tried to ignore the cold logic that wondered if nuance even mattered if his boyfriend couldn't hear the words. "But I would like to go over some of your shortcomings."
"Ooooh, post-session lecture. You gunna be as long-winded as Angeal?"
"I do not have Angeal's way with words," Sephiroth shrugged. The action made Zack smile. "But I would like to teach you a few strategies and moves to be aware of in combat with a long-reaching weapon like mine."
"Sounds neat," Zack beamed. "What first?"
"First," Sephiroth pointed out. "You need to straighten your shoulders."
"Aww, I thought I fixed that." Zack made a face as he lifted his sword and hunched his shoulders to find the right position. "Like that?"
Sephiroth tried not to think about his worries and set about correcting Zack's all, nothing was true without proof.
It was called deafness. The inability to process sound that could have been caused by any of a plethora of reasons – starting from something as simple as a torn eardrum to something as complex as damage in the hair follicles that processed sound. Sephiroth only had experience with a temporary sort of deafness while out on the field. He had never truly met someone who was truly disabled in that way.
Now, with just the mere notion that Zack could be deaf, Sephiroth couldn't get the thought out of his head. The signs seemed so obvious when he thought about it. Part of the blame lay in his own social ineptitude – perhaps if he had paid more attention to Zack he might have noticed the problem long ago. Sephiroth had never encountered such a disability outside of the field of battle. He never even considered the idea that Zack might be...
But how could he have known? No one did – not even Angeal. Angeal often complained about Zack's inability to focus, how he often talked over people, and how he didn't listen. And even the things that might have alerted Sephiroth to the disability were so subtle, so tiny, that he had simply attributed to Zack's personality.
A lack of focus could have explained how Zack was so easily ambushed. The same for how he seemed to miss chunks of conversation when he looked away. Zack's excitable nature could have been the reason why he talked so loudly and vibrantly – even in bed. Perhaps he just preferred face-to-face interaction, which explained away his dislike for phone calls – he rarely sent texts or letters either (Sephiroth had checked).
But then there were other things that Sephiroth just couldn't explain away. Like how Zack's hearing hadn't been bothered by enhancement like the other men; or how he had known – and was still teaching Sephiroth even – sign with great fluency; or how loud (and in fact sometimes even more lively than his voice) his gestures were; or how he zeroed in on someone's face when they were speaking and gave them his full attention.
The more Sephiroth pondered on the subject, the more everything about Zack finally seemed to make sense. His boyfriend was simply trying to fulfill his dreams, to advance in a world full of sounds he couldn't hear. And, if Sephiroth hadn't fought him, he may have never figured it out – Zack was a surprisingly good actor.
If it were true. Sephiroth needed confirmation before he could truly believe his theory. The evidence seemed so circumstantial when he pondered on it that he thought he might have simply misunderstood.
How could Zack actually be deaf? There was simply no logical way. He would have never gotten into the training program, let alone SOLDIER. Surely someone had to have noticed before Sephiroth did. Perhaps Angeal, or maybe even one of Zack's (startlingly many) Turk friends – there was no way Sephiroth figured it out before they had.
But the idea kept lingering in the back of Sephiroth's head, like a persistent thorn. No matter how much logic he put it up against, the thought wouldn't disappear. As much as Sephiroth loved being kept awake at night with thoughts of Zack, he preferred ones with less paranoia. In the end, Sephiroth needed to confirm it.
That was how Sephiroth found himself standing in the middle of the living room.
Zack was sitting on the couch, back to him and nose in a book. If this worked out as planned, Zack would startle and Sephiroth would use the excuse he had prepared days ago ("I saw a bug," apparently used quite often in similar situations). The worst that could come would be an awkward laugh.
Sephiroth took a steadying breath and trained his eye on Zack; the silver general hadn't felt as nervous since the first time he stepped into battle. Raising his hands, Sephiroth slammed them together. The clap was loud – not ear-ringing, but definitely startling. It even made him wince.
But, Zack... ever expressive and moving Zack, didn't move a muscle. He didn't startle up and look around (as Angeal had) nor did he turn around to glare at Sephiroth (as Genesis had), he just continued sitting there. More than sitting, he turned a page casually.
This was not the confirmation he had wanted. But the nagging cloud in the back of his brain seemed to whisper, "I told you so."
Sephiroth leaned over the couch, searching Zack's face for any sign that he had heard the sound. Or that he had somehow stuffed in earplugs when Sephiroth hadn't been looking. "Zack?"
Zack looked up. Logically, it could have been from a multitude of reasons, from his added weight on the back of the couch, to the change of light his shadow caused, or the way his hair fell across the book pages. But, perhaps it was simply the sound of his voice.
"What's up, Seph?" Zack did that little head tilt of his – the fall of his bangs revealed empty ear canals. Sephiroth desperately wanted to say something else, to ask him about the book he was reading and pretend that the whole thing hadn't happened.
Sephiroth wasn't sure when he became such a coward.
"Did... did you hear that?" the words were hard to say, but he forced them from his throat.
"Hear what?" Zack's brows were furrowing. And his eyes lit with something – Sephiroth suddenly remembered where he had seen that before. Back when he asked Zack out on a date, he had thought the Second was just looking for an excuse. But, now, that Sephiroth was looking for it, he could almost... see fear.
"Just now," Sephiroth continued. "It..." sounded loud, "sounded close."
Zack glanced around the room, a careful sweeping gaze that seemed to be trying to determine the source of the sound. Eventually, he looked back with one of his concerned frowns. "It must have been too quiet for me to hear. But I'm down for investigating the vents if you want."
This was not the confirmation he wanted at all. Sephiroth hadn't truly understood the phrase 'blood runs cold' or 'fear panged in his stomach.' Not until now.
"No," Sephiroth spoke quietly. "It's fine. I was just being paranoid."
"You sure, babe?"
"Yes."
"Hey, come here," Zack tugged a silver hair and Sephiroth obligingly bent. The kiss was soft, but so familiar, so reassuring. Zack was smiling when he pulled away. "I bet it was just a Turk messing with you."
"Perhaps," Sephiroth said as he pulled away. He couldn't help but notice the way Zack's eyes quickly flicked to his lips as he spoke. "I will continue preparing for dinner."
Zack's smile was radiant and beautiful. "I'll be there in a minute. Just be sure not to put anything in the pot 'till I get there, okay?"
Sephiroth realized something as he stood there and looked down on his boyfriend. He didn't care how, or even why, Zack was like this. Zack was still Zack, deaf or not. And all Sephiroth could truly think of was: 'I have to protect Zack.'