"Blaine, take these and put them in the shelter, go on!"
I sighed and took the large package of food from my mother. Why she was getting all worked up and insisting we stock up the bomb shelter I don't know. The skies had been empty of fighter jets for days now. She seemed to take this as an ominous sign.
I shouldered open the heavy metal door and trudged into the slightly damp smelling bomb shelter. Four bunks lined the walls already covered in stiff white sheets and thick wool blankets. Stacks of food filled the groaning wooden shelves and bottles of water stood in neat uniform rows along the grey concrete floor. Two handheld lamps, one at either end of the shelter, sat winking at me in the sudden burst of sunlight that followed me in through the door. The sound of my footsteps echoed off the high bare walls adding to the empty feel of the shelter. I slid the package underneath the lowest food-packed shelf before straightening up and hurrying out of the shelter as quickly as possible. I didn't like to be in there. It made me think of unpleasant things that I would rather not picture.
I heard my boyfriend calling for me as I climbed the steps leading out of the shelter. He came running at me out of nowhere, flinging his arms around me, his styled hair catching the sunlight. I grinned down at his laughing eyes and wide smile.
"Kurt." I greeted him.
He just continued to smile and dragged me off to the local park so we could sit and enjoy the warm day.
When Kurt's lips moved away from mine, I couldn't help the small whine that escaped.
"Blaine, look!"
I spun round and squinted up in the direction Kurt was pointing, shielding my eyes from the glare of the midday sun. I couldn't see anything so I was obviously looking in the wrong direction but I could hear them and that was enough. The bombers.
"Let's go, Kurt." I grabbed his hand, trying to act calm despite the fact that fear was bubbling up inside me, flaring up like a flame taken to fuel. My fear was reflected in Kurt's wide blue eyes as we sprinted out of the park.
The humming became a droning as we rounded the corner of my street. Dogs barked, people shouted and birds screeched. Everyone knew what was coming. The only warning had been the increasingly loudening roar of plane's engines and it was enough only for the prepared.
We were separated whilst running through a panicking crowd. Thinking that Kurt was still following me I pounded into my back yard.
My mother was crying as I skidded to a halt in front of her. She didn't think I would make it back in time and she had been panicking whilst father tried unsuccessfully to calm her down. He bundled us into the shelter, locked the door and then sat down with us to wait. It was only then that I realized Kurt was gone.
Jumping to my feet I ran to the door but before I could go more than two strides my father had caught me and pushed me back.
"Kurt!" I yelled, struggling with him. "I have to go…Kurt!"
"It's too dangerous. He'll find shelter, he'll be okay."
I opened my mouth to argue back but stopped when the sound of the planes increased.
A deafening roar, a shrill whirring sound, a thunderous blast and the crashing of defeated buildings. These sounds were repeated too many times and then, after one final roar, there was silence.
Silence.
I thought the best place to start looking for Kurt would be his home. A small voice at the back of my mind told me what I was trying not to think; his house had no bomb shelter.
I kept my head bowed as I walked down the once familiar street, trying not to step on any of the cracks on the pavement. The nearly impossible task kept my mind clear of all thoughts of Kurt. I came to a halt at the end of the street and turned to face his house with my heart pounding and my hands shaking. I took a deep breath but instead of calming me it made me panic more. Burning; the smell of it filled the air, saturated every particle of it. My head jerked up and my stomach clenched with fear.
Half of Kurt's house was completely gone. Only the black, charred, smoldering remnants were left lying in disfigured clumps. The side of the house that remained was smoking slightly and obviously completely empty. If anyone had been here before, they weren't here now.
The local bomb shelter, I thought numbly. The one around the corner. Without looking at the house again I set off.
I didn't know what to do as I walked slowly around the bomb shelter after checking every person there twice. Kurt wasn't among them. I couldn't think where else he could possibly be, but I couldn't give up, I had to keep searching. I would find him.
It's been six months, six. I don't know where to look anymore. My friends say I should give up, move on, but I can't, it just doesn't seem right. I know Kurt's looking for me and he won't rest until he has found me. I won't rest either.
Drawing in a shaky breath I leant back against a low stone wall watching the crisp, browned leaves chasing an old, ripped newspaper page up the road. A tall spindly tree in a nearby front yard creaked as it was tossed from side to side by the wind. A large, apple green leaf fell from its branches, twirling through the air as it danced to the ground before coming to rest at my feet. I stood up and began walking aimlessly around the streets, allowing my attention to wander freely.
I had given up. It has been over a year and I have forced myself to let go, to accept that he is gone. I tried my hardest and it wasn't enough. I felt it when I stopped clinging to Kurt, to finding him. I felt a strange emptiness; a part of me was gone for good and now I didn't know what to do with myself. I was lost, automatically going through my daily routines. I was like a leaf floating down the river, going where the currents took me but unable to change direction because if I did change I wouldn't be able to survive the stronger rapids.
A bell tinkled and I looked up; my feet had taken me to a small café. I sat down, glancing across the small room when I felt a pair of blue eyes on me. My heart stuttered.
"Kurt?"