Disclaimer : I donot own harry potter , all of it belongs to j.k rowling and warner bros.

Hermione's POV

It was raining hard on the window panes of shell cottage. It always rained nowadays. It seems as though the heavens have burst and are spilling their tears over the loss of Harry Potter.

As I sit by window, I too was crying with heavens. Our tears mingle together and meld our pain into one. My salty drops and their fresh waters are a perfect combination of how much pain I am in. This pain is mind numbing. It is the type that can never be forgotten, no matter how hard I'll try, I will always end up here, crying with the skies.

"Hermione," a hoarse voice breaks into my thoughts, from behind me. I already knew who it was. Ron. He was so broken and messed up that even if I'd attempted to pick the pieces he just couldn't be put back together.

I didn't turn around. I don't want to see those broken eyes, although they have every right to be. But I can't stand it.

"Hermione," he comes closer, and he tries to put his hands on my shoulders, but of course, I shrug them off. I don't like body contact much these days, ever since Harry has gone. He was the one who used to hold my hand, comfort me.

The loss was unbearable.

His soft and medium hands used to rake my hair, but Ron's large hands just sit there frozen, doing nothing, offering no comfort, no warmth.

"Hermione please look at me…please?" Ron's broken voice sounds again. I try to block it out. It was almost too easy As I look at the ocean, but none the less:

"Please," Ron spoke again. I wipe my tears, and finally turn around. I want him to stop it. Stop being broken and shriveled up, he isn't the only one who lost harry, we all lost him.

Ginny went mad after seeing Harry's body. She raked her nails into her skin and hair, she screamed and screamed yet harry never woke up. She pushed him kicked him kissed him slapped him yet he never woke up. After harry's burial few days ago. Ginny stopped speaking, she went still. Her eyes always pinned to the door, she was placed in one of bedroom's of shell cottage which she never left.

Lupin survived but with Tonks gone. All he had was teddy; he never let him get out of his sight not even for a minute. Mr. Weasley, molly, Fred, George, Percy all of them survived yet they were the only ones who were functioning as humans expect me.

All I had had been Harry, and even though with him being gone, I still wanted him to live. I had a selfish desire for him to survive and kill everybody but the fates had other ideas. They took him away.

I've refused to break down. I never cried in front of anyone. I don't want to. The war has hardened me and my emotions. I could feel nothing. No love, no happiness, no anger, nothing. I have forgotten every emotion I used to have except for loss, the pain that your heart is being ripped apart. I feel as though I have no heart. It does pump blood and everything but it failed to create any emotions for me, other than loss. Yet tears do escape. Yet harry comes on my mind and tries to make me break, but still I refuse to break down.

The order was mess; it had more people now than ever, with the additions of Neville, Dean, Seamus, Luna, Cho, Lavender, the Patil twins, the list goes on. Their parents and families are staying with us, too. They were members of the Order out of convenience, as Lupin would say. Something they'd been forced to do. Yet they remained, they never complained, they were quiet, and they shared our pain as equally.

I finally brake away from my thoughts to see Ron standing there. Broken, shabby, and smelly.

I can't help wrinkling my nose in disgust. He hasn't slept or ate since harry's death. He is still wearing those bloody clothes.

They reek of death.

"Yes Ronald?" I ask very coldly. I hated being cold to Ron but he's the one that made me hate him. Ever since he left us in the Forest of Dean.

I haven't forgotten it. The feeling of betrayal: the trust, the friendship all broken in one single moment. He made me choose between him and harry even though he already knew the answer to that.

I never could never forgive Ron after that, and it was bloody hard to get along but we did. We acted like perfect strangers that had been thrown in a situation together, and Ron soon figured out that he wouldn't be able to get anything from me, so he gave up and I was fine with that.

"Hermione …Lupin is having a meeting downstairs. You should come."

"I will get down as soon I can."

Ron leaves and I dive into the shadows once again to watch the rain.

Lupin was head of the order now, but he chose me as some sort of Lieutenant or something. I didn't want this, and I told Lupin about it, but apparently he has deaf ears when it involves me.

I go downstairs, and I see everyone has gathered up, except Ginny, for a meeting. Lupin has Teddy on his lap, clutching him tightly to his chest while humming.

I step around them and take my seat, and only address Lupin. I don't look into other members eyes. I might break if I do.

"You called?" I ask Lupin.

Lupin takes few moments to scan the crowd and hold Teddy even tighter before he speaks.

"Hermione I need to ask you something. You could call it a favor," he says with a solemn expression.

I arch an eyebrow, which tells him to go on. This seems important.

"Hermione you see I am the head of order now and we have failed with the war," he says.

"Genius! When did you figure that out?" I ask sarcastically.

Lupin ignored me and went on.

"Hermione I want to say that for Teddy's safety I had made promise to Nymphadora before she died."

"And…?" I ask. Where is he going with this?

"Nymphadora made me promise to keep Teddy away from war until it was finished, and that was when Harry was alive. Now that he isn't I hereby regret to say that I have to leave due to my son and late wife's promise." Lupin casted his eyes low.

"WHAT?" I yell. I stand up and go up to him and to point my finger into his chest, seeing nothing but red. How could he do this? How could he just leave us like this?

"Are you saying that you are going because of one stupid promise you made? You're going to leave us? All alone? You are the leader! They survived because of you, and you are abandoning us?"

"Hermione calm down I didn't want to abandon any of you, this is just because of my boy. My little boy."

"You are paranoid, Lupin! You are too afraid now! You used to be brave and everything but you've lost it! You are scared for your boy? Well why don't you turn around and ask everyone else how many boys they have lost? Sons, husbands, fathers, brothers, boyfriends, why don't you ask them?!"

Lupin turns around and looks at everyone. Nearly everyone has lost someone close to them. Someone they loved.

Lupin sighs and very quietly he speaks, "I am sorry Hermione but this seems like the right decision for me and my son. I made a promise and I can't break it. I am sorry for being selfish but this is decided now."

"WHY YOU—"

Teddy screams, I grab Lupin's collar pulling him in front of my nose, but hands pull me back and I scream. Just like Ginny, I yell curses, words that I never knew I can ever speak.

Lupin just holds teddy closer, his eyes have tears in them now.

Mr. Weasley tries to calm me with his soft gentle voice, and says, "Let him go Hermione. He asked our permission and we gave it to him. I am sorry for putting this burden on you, but we will be there, we all will."

I don't calm down. instead I push his hands off and went to my room. I throw myself in the pillow, I can't take this. this was hard, I yell for Harry. For mum and dad. For everyone, but no one came.

Everybody has lost their someone dear.

But I have lost everything, including my love.

Because to say that I was never in love with Harry Potter would be a total lie.

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