The title Maybe Memories is from a song by The Used. They're a great band.
Disclaimer: I only wish I owned Legal Drug.
Maybe Memories
by Fox
Darkness reigned. Kazahaya walked through the gloom, unable to see even the path below his feet. The darkness didn't bother him; instead, it comforted him, pushing away his despair and loneliness.
A shimmer of light caught his eye, and he turned his head. He blinked in surprise as a butterfly fluttered past, glowing with phosphorescent light that was left drifting in a trail behind it like fairy dust. He laughed as more of the glimmering butterflies appeared, illuminating the darkness with a thousand colors. They weren't glowing, he suddenly realized, but were made of light! Kazahaya laughed again and started to run. The butterflies swirled past in beautiful streams of color as he ran and ran.
He didn't see the shadowed figure of the man until it was too late. Knowing he couldn't slow down in time, he closed his eyes tightly, expecting at any second to crash into the man and tumble painfully to the ground.
Kazahaya waited with his eyes closed, but no collision came. He tentatively opened his eyes and realized he was standing before the man. He raised his eyes to the man's face, and his eyes widened.
Rikuo.
The dark-haired boy was holding Kazahaya's shoulders and gazing down at him tenderly. "I'll always catch you when you fall, Kazahaya," he murmured softly.
Catch me when I... Kazahaya blinked in surprise. He caught me. That's why we didn't fall when I ran into him.
A shadow drifted across Rikuo's face, and Kazahaya glanced up. He saw nothing, but the tiny shadows were floating everywhere around them. The butterflies had disappeared.
It's like that job Kakei-san sent me on. The fireflies by the lake, he thought. All at once the fireflies became visible.
What? That's not right, they're only visible when they're in...
Water. It was everywhere, surrounding him on all sides. Kazahaya panicked as he realized he couldn't breathe. He turned to Rikuo for help and almost cried out in dismay. Rikuo was already floating away. Kazahaya tried desperately to swim over to his roommate, forgetting that he didn't know how to swim, but his body refused to be propelled through the water. He knew he had to get to the surface for air or he would drown, but he couldn't leave Rikuo behind.
Rikuo reached out to Kazahaya as he drifted farther away into the darkening water, a pleading expression on his face. He opened his mouth to speak, and the last of his air bubbled out as he was carried out of sight.
No, he thought, tears immediately carried away by the water. You jerk! Don't leave me. Please, don't die! Rikuo!
His lungs were on fire, but his heart hurt more. Kazahaya screamed in agony and blackness engulfed him.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kazahaya bolted upright in bed, disoriented and gasping for breath. He stared in confusion at the heavy shoe lying in his lap.
He flinched as a small clock was shoved in his face, the time showing that he was already running late.
"Get up. You overslept again, and it's your turn to cook breakfast," Rikuo said, placing the clock back on the night stand.
Finally registering the fading pain in his stomach from the shoe Rikuo had dropped on him this morning, Kazahaya growled with rage. "Rikuo, you jerk!" he yelled.
Rikuo, already out the door, chuckled. "Idiot."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rikuo tugged his apron on over his head and tied it, surreptitiously watching as Kazahaya received his daily groping from Saiga. He was, in a way, jealous of the older man. Saiga and Kakei obviously had some sort of a relationship together. Rikuo, on the other hand, had no one but Kazahaya, the fiery-tempered "stray" he had saved from a cold and lonely death in the streets months before.
He flirted with the brown-haired boy, true, but Kazahaya's only response was to turn scarlet and shout furiously at Rikuo. He wondered briefly if Kazahaya realized he really was attracted to him. Probably not. The boy was oblivious to a lot of things, and, however cute he may look in drag, was probably quite straight.
Rikuo sighed and began his first task of the morning: restocking the cough syrup.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Kudo-kun, Rikuo, could I see the two of you in my office for a few minutes?" Kakei's smooth voice broke into Kazahaya's thoughts.
"Yes, Kakei-san," he responded automatically, placing the last bottle of KY personal lubricant on the shelf. Rikuo had, of course, teased him when Kazahaya blushed after seeing what he was being forced to restock.
"What's wrong, Kazahaya?" Rikuo asked from behind him, his warm breath tickling Kazahaya's neck. "Are you too innocent to touch the bottles, or are you thinking naughty thoughts about me again?"
Kazahaya whirled on his roommate, scarlet with embarrassment and spluttering with rage. "I--"
"Don't just stand there, idiot. Finish stocking the shelf or Kakei will dock your pay," he said, already walking away.
Kazahaya growled, his anger returning as he remembered the incident. That jerk. Why does he go out of his way to make me uncomfortable?
He sighed and walked back to Kakei's office. Rikuo entered right behind him. At Kakei's insistence, they sat.
"Do you have another side job for us, Kakei-san?" Kazahaya asked, already resigned to the fact that he'd end up working with Rikuo again.
"Yes, Kudo-kun, I do. Entirely optional, of course." Kakei smiled.
"I'll do it," Kazahaya said instantly.
"Idiot," he heard Rikuo mutter quietly. Kazahaya gritted his teeth and ignored the comment.
"Good." Kakei beamed. "Now about this assignment..."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"So...what is it we're looking for again?" Kazahaya asked nervously as they walked up the path to an abandoned house, the sun just beginning to set behind them.
"Idiot," Rikuo muttered for the tenth time that day. "We're looking for a silver dagger, remember?"
"Oh," Kazahaya responded distractedly, hardly hearing the insult. Something about the old house gave him the creeps. He wanted to find the item they were searching for--what was it again?--and get out.
They were at the door now. A soft click was all that betrayed Rikuo's power as the lock broke. Without hesitation, Rikuo opened the door and stepped inside.
The house had been abandoned only recently, so dust and cobwebs had yet to form on most surfaces. From what Kazahaya could see from where he stood in the foyer, the furniture was still in place, but no personal items remained. No pictures of family or friends hung on the walls, no knickknacks adorned the mantle in the living room, no vacation souvenirs or other mementos anywhere in sight. The furniture was expensive-looking, but simple, and he house had a comfortable if not homey appearance to it.
Despite the lack of apparent danger, Kazahaya's sense of foreboding grew, and he unconsciously shrank closer to Rikuo.
"Let's get started," Rikuo ordered. "You start on the living room, and I'll--"
"No!" Kazahaya blurted. He flushed when Rikuo gave him a strange look. "I don't think we should split up."
Rikuo smirked. "Are you scared, Kazahaya?"
"Yes," he admitted, refusing to look at the taller boy.
Rikuo frowned at him. "All right," he said after a moment's thought. "Let's start searching then. Which room first?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rikuo sighed and pushed open the door to yet another room. They had already searched the entire first floor with no luck. The house did not have an attic or a basement, and there were only two rooms on the second floor, one of which had already been thoroughly examined. The dagger had to be in this room somewhere.
He stepped inside the room, the master bedroom by the looks of it, with Kazahaya following closely behind.
Rikuo frowned and started searching the room. The other boy had been acting strangely since the moment they first set foot inside the house. When I teased him about being scared, he didn't even try to deny it. He should have been as angry as a wet kitten, he thought, but he's acting more like a lost puppy. He hasn't left my side once.
"I don't think it's here either," Kazahaya said with a sigh, pulling him from his musings.
"Are you sure you didn't get anything from the picture Kakei showed you?"
"Nothing," he confirmed. "Just a creepy darkness." He shuddered visibly with the memory.
"How very helpful," Rikuo grumbled. He glanced at Kazahaya just in time to catch the look of hurt that passed over his fair features before he turned away.
Rikuo immediately felt guilty. Idiot! he mentally cursed. He tried his best, and you make it sound like it's not good enough. No wonder he hates you, he thought bitterly.
As he was internally debating whether or not to apologize, something caught his eye. A large picture hung on one wall, its features still distinguishable in the waning light. Something about the picture wasn't right, but he couldn't place what it was. He walked closer to inspect the painting, and finally saw what had caught his attention.
"Rikuo?" Kazahaya questioned.
"The shadows are all wrong," he murmured.
"What? What shadows?"
Rikuo brushed his fingertips over the surface of the painting. At the light contact, the picture disintegrated. Kazahaya gasped behind him. It was an illusion. The painting was never even there.
The disappearance of the painting revealed a hidden compartment in the wall, a small recess that contained only one item: a plain silver dagger.
"You found it!" Kazahaya exclaimed.
"Yeah, now let's get out of here," Rikuo said, his voiced laced with impatience. He reached through the opening, grabbed the dagger--
--and screamed. He reeled backwards, still clutching the accursed object, until his back collided with Kazahaya and they tumbled to the ground. The dagger clattered away, but he made no move to go after it.
He sat on the floor, eyes wide with terror, trembling with the force of the vision.
Blood. It was everywhere. He could smell it in the air, taste it on his lips. Rikuo held up his shaking hands and whimpered. He felt someone shaking him, calling his name, but he couldn't respond. His hands were coated with sticky, crimson blood. It ran down the walls to pool on the hardwood floor, dripping down the cracks between the boards. The thick, coppery scent invaded his nostrils, making him both dizzy and nauseous. He squeezed his eyes shut and resisted the urge to retch.
"Rikuo!"
It was just like that day...
"Come on, Rikuo, snap out of it!"
...the day he found Tsukiko's room covered in blood.
"Rikuo, please!"
...just like Tsukiko. How could I let it happen again?
He opened his eyes and looked straight at Kazahaya. He was on his knees in front of Rikuo, desperately trying to get through to him. He looked at the crying, panic-stricken boy as if seeing him for the first time. He was the only thing in the room untouched by the blood.
So clean...so pure...
"Kazahaya," he whispered hoarsely as the darkness claimed him.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Rikuo," Kazahaya sobbed. "Wake up. Please, wake up."
It was useless. The dark-haired boy was out cold, and nothing Kazahaya did would wake him up again.
I know I promised I wouldn't pry into his memories, Kazahaya thought, but I have to know what he saw. I have to know why he screamed.
Feeling guilty but undeterred and without a single thought about his own safety, Kazahaya gently took Rikuo's hand in his own and closed his eyes. Memories flashed through his mind. He saw, through Rikuo's eyes, the bloodied room. He felt Rikuo's fear, pain, and guilt.
Guilt? Why does he feel guilty?
Darkness. He heard his own voice calling Rikuo's name, and in the next instant, saw his own face swim into view. A strange emotion flooded him, and Kazahaya could no longer tell if it was his or Rikuo's. Carried away on the feeling, Kazahaya lost his grip on Rikuo's hand, on his memories, and on consciousness.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kazahaya awoke to darkness. He was lying on the floor next to a still unconscious Rikuo. His neck was stiff and his back was sore, but he gave little regard to his own physical discomfort.
He stood and walked over to the bed. With difficulty, he managed to tear off a large piece of linen from a sheet. Kazahaya was taking no chances. If the memories from the dagger could hurt Rikuo, then it was possible they'd kill Kazahaya. He wrapped the blade in the torn sheet and carefully tucked the bundle inside the waistband of his jeans.
Turning back to Rikuo, Kazahaya despaired. How was he going to get him home? It would be impossible for him to carry the larger boy home, and he refused to leave Rikuo long enough to call Kakei-san and Saiga-san.
Kazahaya jumped when Rikuo groaned. Falling to his knees, he peered into Rikuo's face.
"Hey," Kazahaya whispered. Bleary eyes opened, clouded with pain, and focused on him. He winced in sympathy. "Do you think you can walk?"
Rikuo nodded weakly.
"Good." He pulled Rikuo into a sitting position, then helped him to his feet. Rikuo wobbled unsteadily, but Kazahaya held him upright. Together, with Rikuo clinging to him like a lifeline, they made it out of the house and back to their own home.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Kakei-san?"
The effeminate drug store owner looked up from the paper he was writing as Kazahaya walked into the office. "Ah, Kudo-kun. You're back, I see. Where is Rikuo?"
Kazahaya swallowed nervously at the mention of his roommate. "He's at home."
"Is he all right?" Kakei asked with concern.
"Fine," Kazahaya lied. The older man raised an eyebrow, but did not push the matter.
Kazahaya placed the wrapped dagger on Kakei's desk. The precog lifted the gleaming metal blade from its cloth binding and smiled. "Wonderful. I don't see any damage, so you and Rikuo will be paid. Excellent work, Kudo-kun."
Kazahaya nodded mutely. He glanced at Saiga-san, lying like a beached whale on the couch, before asking the question that had been bothering him since Rikuo's episode at the house.
"Kakei-san? What kind of people did the dagger belong to? Were they murderers?"
Kakei looked up, clearly surprised by the question. "Assassins, actually. Despite its appearance, this weapon is very old. It has been handed down from assassin to assassin for hundreds of years."
"That's why there was so much blood," Kazahaya murmured to himself. "It's tainted."
"Yes. You've seen the dagger's memories then?" Kakei asked, frowning. "Were you hurt?"
Kazahaya avoided the piercing gaze. "No. Rikuo found it. I never touched it." He turned and left, leaving Kakei in a shocked silence.
"Something wrong, Kakei?" Saiga asked, coming up behind his lover and wrapping his arms around him.
"The dagger's memories are strong. It is possible that Rikuo picked up on them when he touched it, even though he doesn't have Kudo-kun's power. How else would the boy have seen all the blood without touching the blade himself?"
Saiga picked up on Kakei's worry. "You're afraid the images of the blood could have sent Rikuo over the edge."
Kakei leaned into Saiga's comforting warmth. "Exactly." He sighed. "I should have seen this coming. I wouldn't have sent them out for it if I had known this would happen."
"You're a precog, not a god," Saiga chided. "What's done is done. Should we check on him?"
Kakei hesitated. "No," he decided. "If anyone can help him, it's the boy. He got Rikuo home without our help. We'll just have to hope he can handle the rest of it now."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kazahaya grimaced as he entered Rikuo's darkened room. He hadn't moved the entire time Kazahaya had been gone. He was still perched on his bed with arms wrapped around his knees. His eyes, dull and empty, stared straight ahead.
Kazahaya sat down beside him. "Rikuo?"
Rikuo made no response.
"I know you can hear me."
Silence.
"I know what you saw. I saw your memories, and I'm sorry, I didn't have your permission, but I wanted to help you. I still want to, but I can't do anything unless you talk to me. Please, Rikuo? Please, say something." Kazahaya begged.
Rikuo turned to look at him, and Kazahaya was shocked to see tears in the other's eyes. "R-Rikuo," he breathed, stretching one trembling hand out to touch the boy's face as one tear fell, then another. The next thing he knew, Rikuo was in his arms, clinging to him in desperation and sobbing as he told Kazahaya everything.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rikuo felt numb. He had cried in front of Kazahaya, told the boy about his past, about Tsukiko, and confessed his growing despair of ever finding her. He had never even told Kakei about his doubts and fears, but he told Kazahaya. He felt relieved and comforted in the boy's arms, and although he did not want the feelings to end, he knew he was probably scaring him.
When he pulled away, however, he saw no trace of the uncomfortable embarrassment he expected to see. Instead, Kazahaya was regarding him with worry and concern, his eyes brimming with unshed tears.
"Just because you haven't found her yet doesn't mean she's not alive," he said quietly. "You'll find Tsukiko, I know you will. And if there's a way I can help, I'll do it." He looked away. "I know I screw everything else up, but I won't make any mistakes with this. I promise."
Rikuo was stunned. "I don't get you. I put you through hell every day, and you're still willing to help me. Why?"
Kazahaya smiled. "Why do you always save me when I'm in trouble?" he shot back.
Rikuo averted his eyes, not sure if he was ready to answer that question just yet. "I'm sorry I'm such an ass all the time. I don't mean most of what I say," he mumbled. "It's just...since Tsukiko..." he trailed off.
"You're afraid of someone else getting hurt," Kazahaya finished.
Rikuo nodded and glanced at Kazahaya. The moonlight playing on his delicate face made him look like an angel fallen from heaven without wings. He was frowning, and his unfocused eyes showed he was thinking deeply about something. Rikuo smiled.
"You know," Kazahaya said slowly, "you're wasting your time worrying about me getting hurt. I--" He focused on Rikuo and flushed. "What?"
Rikuo chuckled. "Nothing."
He watched as his beautiful angel's face scrunched up in that cute expression of irritation he loved so much. "Are you listening to me, Rikuo? I want you to stop pushing me away, all right?"
"Are you sure about that, Kazahaya?" Rikuo whispered, his voice hoarse with emotion.
"Yes," Kazahaya said decisively.
Rikuo was silent.
"I'm serious, dammit! Besides, I'm only alive because you--"
Rikuo closed the gap between them and silenced him with a gentle kiss. He pulled back and smiled sadly, seeing Kazahaya's flushed face and look of shock. Had he gone too far? "Do you still want me to stop pushing you away?"
Kazahaya responded by leaning in for another kiss. Rikuo caressed his face, reveling in the softness of his lips, then slid his hand through the silky brown hair. Kazahaya's arms went around his neck and pulled him closer, deepening the kiss. He traced his tongue along Rikuo's lower lip, asking for the admittance Rikuo eagerly gave. He was surprised at Kazahaya's passion, but even more surprised at how good it felt to slide his tongue against Kazahaya's, exploring his mouth in ecstacy.
They finally broke apart painting, but did not move away. Kazahaya's lust-filled gaze sent waves of desire coursing through him. He shuddered and decided he loved the expression far more than the angry one.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kazahaya offered no resistance as he was pushed back on the bed. He gasped as Rikuo started kissing along his neck, and he fumbled with the buttons on the other's shirt with increasing urgency. The memory of his dream drifted into his thoughts and he froze. Rikuo stopped and looked down at him, worry and longing clearly written on his features. "What's wrong?"
"Rikuo?" Kazahaya began timidly. "If...if I fell, would you catch me?" He knew he wasn't making sense, but he could see Rikuo understood the importance of the question. He smiled affectionately and kissed Kazahaya lightly. "Always," he murmured. "I love you, Kaza-kun."
Kazahaya smiled at the name. "I love you, too."
Rikuo's smile turned into a smirk. "You're still an idiot."
Kazahaya growled and opened his mouth to protest, but found himself locked with Rikuo in a burning kiss that left them both shivering with pleasure.
Rikuo nipped at his neck, eliciting a soft moan from the back of Kazahaya's throat. "But you're my idiot," he whispered sensuously.
Kazahaya decided he was perfectly fine with that, so he said nothing. They didn't speak after that. Then again, they didn't need to.
-Owari-
Author's Note: I was tired of waiting for someone else to post a new Legal Drug story, so I decided to write one of my own. Besides, today's my last day of summer break, and I wanted to celebrate somehow. I started the summer by posting a story, and it's only fitting that I end it in such a way. I know most people like seeing Kazahaya as the victim, and I'll admit he does make a good victim, but I decided to switch it around. Why? Because I can.
So what do you think? I live for reviews. I encourage everyone to write Legal Drug fanfiction! And hey, while I'm encouraging, go write Hands Off! fanfiction too! We need more of them. A LOT more.