If you don't think things through, you're screwed. If you act on emotion, you're done for. Mind over matter, matter over heart. But sometimes, the heart wins no matter how much reason tries to stop it. And more often than not, you regret it.
The events of the night before still burned in her mind. His kisses and his touch still lingered on her skin. It still sent shivers down her spine and shook her very core – but her heart trembled like nothing else in her body. Torn between remembering the passionate night and anticipating the dread that comes with the new day, her heart pounded fast and loud that it drowned her thoughts.
She pressed her palms on her temples to ease the throbbing of her head. Her mind screamed at her heart for not listening to reason, but her heart refused to listen.
His arm extended over her body. It was comforting to know that it was not a vivid dream but guilt twists her insides, knowing that she should not have done what she did. The more she tried to think about what to do next, the more her heart and her mind tried to conquer each other. She thought it best to think of something else, but her mind was occupied by the different possibilities that may come out from her actions. It scared her.
She picked up her clothes from last night and put them on. She walked to the door.
"Ow!" She placed her hand over her mouth to stifle her cry, hoping that the one still sleeping did not stir.
She sat on the edge of her bed and examined her foot. She had stepped on his glasses. She remembered how she took it off his face and just threw it on the floor, caught up in the heat of the moment. Her foot did not bleed, luckily. She massaged it for a while until the pain subsided then she went out of the room.
"So, I guess somebody got laid last night," Tyra said with a knowing grin. "Pants on the floor, you're wearing a shirt – just a shirt, I bet you had just as much fun as he did."
"T-Tyra," Emily started ,trying focus on her friend instead of the impending events her mind was conjuring. "When did you get back?" She yawned and stretched.
"Oh, just now, but more importantly," Tyra sat on the couch and patted the cushion next to her, "tell me the details. I bet it was fun playing doctor."
"It's not what you think," Emily said half-heartedly. "It's really not what you think, AT ALL."
"What do you mean –"
The door creaked open to reveal the towering, well-built body of Will Collins. He only had his jeans on and was about to put on his shirt.
Tyra's eyes widened at Emily. Emily bit her lower lip, looking away from her friend's reproachful look.
"Have you seen my glasses?"
"Uhm about that," Emily said turning to him. It was a mistake. She was captivated by how chiseled his figure was even if the shirt had covered it. She remembered how her hands raced up and down his strong back and how her own torso felt tingles when it met his. It was electrifying.
"Owens," Tyra said, snapping her out of her trance. "You have to tell me how this happened," Tyra said as she shook her head.
Emily bit her lower lip. She'd liked to know how it happened too – as in, the reason it happened.
Will sat behind her. She felt paralyzed again, unable to speak or move.
"So, I guess I interrupted something," Tyra said getting off the couch and making her way to the fridge. "What do you guys want? Eggs? Toast?"
"I'm fine," Will said.
"Same here," Emily said, catching Tyra's accusing look. She can't help but glare at Tyra. It's not like she did anything wrong, right? Who am I kidding? I'm screwed.
"Uhm, about your glasses," Emily said turning to Will. She couldn't look him in the eye, it was hard knowing that they won't be able to look at each other the same way again. "I sort of, kind of, stepped on them when I got up." She smiled nervously. "They're on the bedside table."
"Oh, it's fine," Will said a dismissive hand gesture. "I'll just wear my contacts until I can get my glasses fixed. You can throw away the glasses." He smiled at her and she smiled back. They stayed that way until Tyra offered them orange juice.
"You know," Will said getting up and stretching "I'll get going now. I have to go fix some things in my apartment and go find my contacts. So, I'll see you at work?" He started to reached for her but decided not to. Instead, he clasped her shoulder and she smiled.
When Will was out the door, Tyra set down a plate of toast on the coffee table in front of the couch. "All right, Owens, spill. What's with this thing with Will?"
"Well," Emily started nervously, "I got laid." She laughed nervously. y
Tyra gave her a you're-kidding-right? look. "Okay so how did you end up in bed together?"
"I don't know," Emily said burying her face in her hands. She swept her hair back and looked at the ceiling before finally looking at Tyra. "It started when he knocked on my door last night. I opened it and he kissed me."
"So your feelings for Will were buried deep down right?" Tyra said somehow mockingly.
"I thought the same thing too, but I guess it' was just not deep enough," Emily said more to herself. "I just don't know what to do or where to go from here."
Tyra grabbed her shoulder and said, "I get it. Four years isn't something to kid about. I get how pining for him all those years isn't that easy to switch off. You knew that too, but you said you wanted to focus on something good." Emily looked at her miserably. She knew all too well where Tyra was going. "Which brings me to another topic, Micah."
Emily rested her elbows on her knees. "I-I don't even want to go there." Now comes what she dreaded the most since gaining back her senses, Micah. What was she going to tell him? How was she going to tell him? Was she going to tell him?
"Do you like Micah?" Tyra asked.
"I do," Emily said. "But," Tyra gave her a reproachful look. "Don't give me that look," Emily was flustered. Why doesn't anybody else understand where she's coming from? "I don't think I can risk my career. I'm only starting out and what happened yesterday might just as well be a sign of what's to come if we do date."
"What happened yesterday? You mean when she chose Cassandra over you for the Triple A repair?" Emily nodded. "Just give it time and you guys will get the hang of balancing the personal and professional aspects of your relationship." Emily didn't look convinced. "Look, Micah's a good guy. He wouldn't get personal with you during work if you guys end up fighting."
"And the reason he chose Cassandra over me was because we decided that we were going to date and that he overcorrected himself thinking that by doing that, he wasn't showing me special treatment."
"Please," Tyra said disbelievingly, "even if you guys weren't dating, he would always choose you. He knows that you're a great doctor and that you have a lot of potential. He knows that even if he didn't like you the way he did. Give it time."
Emily was still not convinced. She looked at the clock that hung on top of the fridge. "It's almost time, we've got to go work."
All your actions speak of your character. There is no better tool for judgment. If that's the case, then what does that say about me?
Emily parked her car in her usual slot. On their way to the entrance of the hospital, Emily spotted Micah at the door. He looked around, searching for someone. Emily knew all too well that he was waiting for her.
"You better think of what you're going to do about him," Tyra said passing her.
Emily's feet felt heavy. She didn't want to walk towards him. But still, she did. His smile, his bright eyes were enough to invite anyone to come to his direction. And, had they the time to get to know, they would find him absolutely infectious. They wouldn't want to be parted from him. That's how she felt. And that made her feel even more stupid.
"Hey," he said with that trademark grin of his.
"Micah," she said rather breathlessly. "Hey."
He led her in. His arm wrapped around her shoulder for a split second, but he knew how cautious she was and he chose to make it look like a friendly tap on the shoulder.
They reached the nurses' station and Micah was handed some charts.
"Micah," Emily started softly.
"Yeah?" He said, his eyes still fixed on the charts.
"I need to talk to you." Emily noticed how his face twisted into some grimace. She could not mask the seriousness in her tone. It unnerved Micah a bit, but he gained composure and smiled at her after reading the charts.
"We'll talk in the OC room later after rounds." He smiled at her before heading for the locker room. She could feel her heart sink. She didn't want to do this. What could happen if she doesn't tell Micah and completely blow off Will? Wouldn't it make everything easier? It wouldn't. She knew perfectly well that it would eat her up inside. Which is why, she decided to be open with Micah about what happened. She was crazy, yes. She would hurt him, yes. But it was better than lying to him.
Sometimes, even if you try your hardest to not make a mistake, the more you make them. That's what I learned from my mother. The more she tried to be perfect, the more she made mistakes. She's the queen of mistakes, and I am her daughter.
"Dr. Owens," Micah said, louder than usual. She was brought back to reality and all eyes were on her. "The prognosis?" Micah prodded.
"Oh, uhm, your rigorous exercise regiment causes the muscles of your heart to contract in above average rates which leads to the inflammation of your chest. Basically, your exercise routine is too much which is why you have chest pains." Emily smiled at her patient.
He was short and stocky and had a somewhat high pitched voice. He had delicate features for a man, although she learned not to judge.
It said on his chart that he was a competitive weight lifter. Although, Emily can't help but notice that he was rubbing his neck.
"Dr. Owens, I'm leaving him to you," Micah said before leading the group out of the room.
"Sir, are you –"
"Monty, my name's Monty," the man said, somewhat out of breath. He had a thick Mexican accent.
"Is your neck painful?"
"Not just my neck, but my back, and my stomach. But, this isn't the first time it's happened. I think I'll be fi-f—"
The man fell of his bed. Emily rushed to his side and tried to put him back on his bed but he was too heavy for her.
"Somebody!" She called out. "I need help!"
"What's going on?" Will burst into the room. He helped Emily put the fainted man back on his bed.
"What happened?" Micah came rushing back with some nurses.
"He was complaining about some pain in his neck, back and abdomen," Emily said as she checked the man's pulse.
"What's important is for him to regain consciousness," Micah said. He gave the nurses instructions on what combination of medicines to use. Within a moment, the patient's eyes fluttered open and he started gasping. The nurses placed a mask connected to an oxygen tank on his face to help him breathe.
"Monty, can you hear me? Nod if you can understand what I'm saying," Emily said softly.
Monty nodded stiffly.
"All right, has this happened before?"
Monty nodded again. "I-" He coughed blood.
"All right, we have to get you an angiography right away to figure out what caused it," Micah said.
The nurses rolled the patient out of the room, leaving Emily, Will, and Micah. For a brief second, they stood there in the awkward.
"I think we should get back to rounds," Emily said, giving both of them a small smile. As she passed Micah, she noticed how his face fell. Her heart started racing. She knew it was going to be a long day and she wanted it to end as soon as possible. Never had she wanted tomorrow to come so soon. I don't think any day will ever be the same.
Tyra stood by the door of the lab, waiting for her results. She would've taken a seat, but Molly was the only one there. They haven't spoken since the benefit and any time they would pass each other was like the other did not exist.
"I don't see any anomalies," Molly said peering into the microscope. She swiveled to her left to type something on her computer. Tyra shifted uncomfortably on the door jamb, her arms crossed over her chest.
"You can sit, if you want," Molly said, turning to look at Tyra. Her tone was expressionless and so was her face.
"It's all right," Tyra said dismissively. She pretended to check the time on her watch. "I have to go, I'm due to pass some papers. Just have them page me when the results are out." Molly nodded and gave her a weak smile. She did the same and left.
Beep! Beep! Emily took out her pager to see that she was needed in the E.R. She darted out of her office and went to the elevator. Once the doors had opened, she found Will leaning against the elevator walls.
"E.R.?" He asked.
"Yeah," Emily said.
She was hesitant in going in, seeing as this would be the first time she had been alone with Will since last night. She went in and stayed on the side opposite him.
"So," Will started, trying to break the silence, "about last night?"
"I-I don't really want to talk about it right now," Emily said, looking down. She bounced on the balls of her feet just to keep herself occupied. Don't think about it. It happened. It's done. You're at work. Focus!
"Right, sorry," Will said.
The elevator doors opened to reveal Micah.
He smiled, somewhat nervously. Emily did the same.
"There's a patient in Bay 6 who slipped on an ice cube. She just recently regained consciousness," Micah said.
"Right, we're on it," Emily said as she got off the elevator.
"Hi, I'm Dr. Owens and this Dr. Collins," Emily said upon reaching the patient. Her petite figure was in sharp contrast to the hospital bed. The loud and vibrant colors of her clothes and her auburn her shied away the neutral colors of the walls and sheets. Next to her stood a man of average height, slightly taller than Emily, in a business suit and swept back brown hair.
"I'm Ciara and this is my overprotective boss, George," she said with a smile.
"I'm not over protective," George said. "You're just too careless."
"So, how long was she out?" She directed her questions to the patient's companion.
"A little over thirty minutes. When we got to the E.R., she just woke up. She has a massive headache though."
"Nothing new, I always have headaches." The patient smiled as she pressed the cold compress on her head. "I always get headaches when it's that time of the month."
"But recently, it's been coming often" her companion said.
"I'm fine George," she said dismissively. "Look, really, I'm fine. I take naps when they get unbearable. I've been prescribed some pain killers. It's all good."
"Ciara, the pain killers won't get you cured," George said, definitely not convinced. "Why don't we have you checked out? I'll pay for it."
"George, seriously!" Ciara was starting to get infuriated. "It's fine. And besides I can pay for it myself."
"Your mom just died and you practically paid for the whole funeral. It's fine, I'll handle this one."
"No," Ciara said defiantly. "Look," she addressed Emily, "How long do I have to stay here because I have relatives at home and nobody's going to look after them or clean up after them. I just need to get back there as soon as I can."
"If that's the case, then I'll have Dr. Collins check you out first, if all's clear, then I'll go give you the discharge papers."
Emily goes to the nurses' desk in the E.R. to sign some of the discharge papers.
"Ciara!" Emily rushed back to Bay 6 to find Ciara unconscious. Will performed the standard procedure and still no response from Ciara.
"We have to get her to imaging. Fast!" The nurses rolled her away. Looking at Emily's distraught face, Will took her hand and squeezed it.
"It's all right," he said softly. "We all make mistakes."
Emily felt the warmth and security that his hand emanated. She did not want to let go, but any second longer and her mind and her heart will start to go at it again. She cannot have that during work. She has to focus.
She slid her hand out of his. "Thank you," she said as she patted Will's hand.
My mother is the queen of mistakes, she thought as she lied down on of the bunk bed in the OC room. Her arm rested over her eyes. I'm supposed to be the one who thinks before doing anything. One careless move and it might mean the life of your patient. Focus!
It was an oversight, an irresponsible decision – something that she would not normally do. She feared what the day had in store for her, and if there was more of this, she was not prepared for it. Not now. Not now that she's obtained that research assistant position after working hard for so long. She cannot have it slip through her fingers.
"Emily," she got up to see Micah at the doorway. Her insides twisted. After all, they had decided to go out, but then it happened.
"Are you all right?" He asked sitting next to her.
"Yeah, just the patient in the E.R. It was a careless decision to just think that she was fine. I mean, I didn't even ask if she hit her head on something. I didn't even ask anything about her medical history after her friend said that she'd been suffering recurring headaches. I just don't know what happened. I'm not usually like that – I'm never like that. With all that's been going on today, I don't know wha—"
"It's all right," Micah said, as he held her face. "Sometimes, things just don't go as smoothly as we'd want it to." He smiled. His smile was the most comforting thing Emily has seen that day. She didn't want to lose that bit of comfort. But with what she going to tell him, she knew she would. She was debating whether to tell him, but she had decided that she would. Still, would it be better if she didn't? Sugar coat it even? Was it possible to think of a euphemistic way to say that I slept with a guy I was supposed to be over with when said yes to dating you?
They locked eyes for few seconds. His eyes were the most expressive of all his features; large, rounded mirrors reflecting his inner most thoughts and betraying whatever mask he wore. His eyes were searching hers. He was worried at what he was about to hear and he should be because what she was about to say was not going to do either of them good.
Emily took Micah's hand and rested it on her lap, clutching tightly. She squeezed it one more time before letting go.
"I have to tell you something," she started.
Micah tried not to look anxious but his eyes did no good in hiding that. He shifted a bit so that his body was facing her.
"I don't think," she cleared her throat, "I don't think I'm ready to take that leap with you." It was a mistake to look at Micah at that moment. She saw how his face twisted from a grimace into an awkward smile, just trying to contain his emotions and it was like a hot knife piercing through her heart. She was about to lose her resolve, but she had to tell him.
"You're my boss and I don't want to jeopardize my career."
"Hey, we talked about this," he said softly. "I promised I wouldn't overcorrect myself." His tone was trying hard to convince her. "We can take small steps first, just try it out. I won't let you back down from this."
He tried to tuck the stray strands of hair on Emily's behind her ears, but she pulled away.
"How are you so sure that what happened yesterday won't happenagain?" Emily said looking at him sadly. "I just can't afford those kinds of things. I know I said I didn't want special treatment, but how are you going to make it seem like it's not special treatment?"
"Just trust me," Micah said, almost pleadingly. "Hey, you trust me don't you?"
Emily nodded. And now, she was about to drop the bomb.
"There's also the case of," she paused for a second, feeling like she was about to choke, "Will."
She saw how his face contorted into a scowl. It made it even harder for her to continue.
"I thought you were over him?"
"I thought I was, then I realized that my feelings for him were just buried somewhere deep, and that they haven't completely gone away."
There was a brief silence. Emily wondered whether to tell Micah about what happened last night. She could feel how hurt he was. Just by looking at him and his movements. His lips pursed and his eyes shifting, trying to look at something else besides her just to ease his frustration.
"Where does that leave us?" He said finally.
"I don't know," she said almost inaudibly.
Micah's beeper sounded and so did Emily's.
"The angiography's done. We'll talk about this later," Micah gave her a curt smile and went out first. Emily went back to lying on the bed and pressing her arm over her eyes.
Emily heaved a sigh.
Seeing his friend darting out of the OC room, Dr. Aquino decided to try to talk to him.
"Hey," Aj said, trying to keep up with Micah's pace.
"Hey," Micah said without looking at him.
"So, Dr. Owens was in there, then you went out. What happened?"
Micah just ignored him. Dr. Aquino went in front of Micah and stopped him.
"Get out of my way," Micah said. "I need to get my patient's angiography. Now move." Micah went passed him, but Aj grabbed his shoulder.
"Are you still mad about me not telling you about Bindari?"
"No, I'm mad because I stuck my neck out for you without fully knowing what happened. And now that you're back and hitting on the attending physician, it's going to reflect on me and my ability to judge and could jeopardize my career." Micah ran his hand through his face. "Sorry, that's not supposed to…uh…just the fact that you were sleeping with Dr. Bindari and the fact that you kept me in the dark just really pissed me off."
Aj stood there watching how his usually calm and collected friend swim in frustration. He knew that whatever he was feeling wasn't completely his fault. He knew it had something to do with Dr. Owens.
"Did Dr. Owens say no to going on a date," he said knowingly.
"It's none of you business," Micah spat and passed him.
Aj exhaled and shook his head. The things that go on in Denver Memorial are the same things that go on in every other hospital yet, it was still somehow different. With that thought, he made his was back to the nurses' station to check on his charts.
Emily goes to Monty's room and sees that Micah has told their patient what had happened.
The look on a patient's face when they hear something they fear is something you can't ignore. But in order to treat them with the utmost accuracy and efficiency. You must stay objective and not let any feelings you may feel from sympathizing with your patients get in the way. Then again, this is me and I get too involved with my patients.
"What's this SCAD?' Monty asked weakly, completely disbelieving that he could have such a condition.
"Dr. Owens," Micah said.
"SCAD is Spontaneous Coronary Artery Dissection. It's a rare, sometimes fatal trauma caused by a tear in the coronary artery, causing blood to flow between the layers which forces them apart. It's a common case in females but it is not unheard of in men. The space between the layers of the artery's wall may fill with blood, which may reduce or block blood flow through the artery. It's symptoms are very similar to a heart attack."
"H-how do you treat it?" He stammered. His face completely drained of color.
"Well, there are two procedures," Micah started, "first would be the PCI or the Percutaneous coronary intervention where we insert a thin, catheter with a balloon on the tip into an artery in your arm, neck or groin and guide it to your coronary artery using X-ray imaging. Inflating the balloon in the dissected artery and inserting a stent through the catheter into the opening, helps restore blood flow and prevent the expansion of the artery."
"The second one is a Coronary Bypass," Emily started. "It's when—"
"In coronary bypass surgery, we surgeon creates a detour around a blocked artery using arteries or veins from other parts of your body. When connected to other arteries in your heart, the graft brings oxygen and nutrients to your heart," Micah interjected. Emily looked down and shifted her feet.
"Is the first one similar to the angiography?" Monty asked, clearly shaken by the choice he has to make.
"Yes, we can either pass through your neck, groin or arm," Micah said. "But it seems that your neck needs some time to recover because we found that you broke your neck a few months back and prematurely removed the brace," Micah said. "So we'll have to go through your arm again or your groin if you choose the first procedure."
"The second one is it like any other surgery wherein I'm asleep?" Monty asked timidly.
"Yes, you will be sedated and we will operate on you."
"I think I'll go for the second one," he said.
"Okay," Micah said. "We'll prep you for surgery in two hours. Do you have anybody we can contact? Any family members perhaps?"
"No," Monty said softly. "I live alone."
"All right, I'll leave Dr. Owens to assist you or to answer any questions you may have about the procedure. Micah left the room without another word.
"So you live alone?" Emily said, adjusting the IV.
"Yes, I haven't been in contact with my family since a few years back. Hey, listen, you don't have to contact anyone in case the procedure goes all wrong."
Emily gave him a suspicious look. "It won't go wrong," she said reassuringly. "We have very capable doctors in this hospital. And we have the best surgeons here. There's no need to worry about anything going wrong."
"So if I die, you won't notify anyone?" Monty pressed on the matter insistently.
"We won't be able to since you didn't give us any contact person, but it would be best if we did. In the event – although it's a slim chance – that you go into a coma or any complications that may lead to you being on life support, we can have a decision made immediately seeing as you won't be able to decide for yourself."
"Well, I'm telling you now, if I die. Do not resuscitate me. I want to disappear from this world."
Emily felt unnerved by his choice of words, but she tried to make herself seem disinterested in what he just said.
"Are you sure you don't have anybody we can contact in case of anything? A friend at most."
Monty looked like he was contemplating on whether he should refer anyone. He sighed and held out his hand.
"Give me a pen and paper," he said defeated. "I'll write down the name of my sister. I haven't talked to her since, well, let's just say it's been a long time."
Emily got the piece of paper from Monty. "So in case of anything we'll contact Theresa Martinez or Mariella."
"No, I'm Mariella," Monty said.
"Excuse me?" Emily was caught off guard. "Could you repeat that please?"
"My real name is Mariella Martinez. Theresa is my sister. I had a sex change a few years back which is why we haven't been in touch."
"Oh," Emily said, comprehending the situation. "I see, so I'll tell her that you're going to have an operation this afternoon then."
Up on the roof, Emily sat on one of the deck chairs trying to think of the day's events. From Monty being a transsexual to Micah and Will. She lied on her back and breathed deeply but the door swung open. It was Tyra. She never had the best timing. But Emily welcomed the thought of talking or listening to her.
"Hey," Tyra said as she sat on the chair next to Emily's. "How's your day?"
"Well, I told Micah," Emily said, covering her eyes with her arm.
"How'd he take it?"
"Well, I didn't exactly tell him that I slept with Will. I just told him that I wasn't ready to be in a relationship with him."
"So are you ever going to tell him about that?"
"I don't know," Emily sighed. She looked at Tyra, "I don't know if I could. I should, but I really don't know if I can. I saw how his face just twist into a scowl almost immediately after I said 'Will' what more if I tell him I slept with Will on the day I told him that I decided to go out with."
"You're screwed," Tyra said plainly.
"I know," Emily said. "Enough about my horrible day, let's hear about your horrible day."
"What makes you say it's horrible?"
"To be honest, none of us come up here if we didn't have something horrible happen to us," Emily flashed her a knowing smile.
Tyra placed her arms behind her and rested her head on them. "Well, it's not really horrible, but more like awkward. I was waiting for the lab results from Molly. She handed them to me and it's like my hand overshot by itself and practically grabbed her wrist."
Emily chuckled. "I wouldn't say automatic but rather longingly shot out to grab her wrist."
"You're not helping," Tyra glared at her.
"Right, go on."
"Well, it was really awkward. She didn't pull away fast but kind of slowly. I apologized and she was like as if nothing happened. Then she went back to work. I mean who does that? We practically held each other's hands and then you act like nothing happened." Tyra let out a groan. "I can't really blame her. I led her on then I pushed her away. I wouldn't take it against if she did the same thing I did."
"Love is really not for us isn't it?" Emily said contemplatively as she looked at the blue sky.
"Don't get me in the same boat," Tyra said, feigning offense. "I think I have better luck in love than you do."
"Says the person who has never had a relationship after her best friend got a boyfriend."
Tyra hit her arm. "Ow! What was that for?"
"Ouch, Owens. But actually I like that you said that. It's not very you. It's somewhat normal."
"Well, I can try to be normal but it only happens when I'm depressed."
"So are you ever going to tell Micah?"
"I want to, but I don't know how."
"It sucks, doesn't it? This thing called love."
"True." At that moment, Emily's beeper sounded. She shot up from her chair. "I completely forgot about the other patient!"
Tyra laughed as Emily rushed to the stairs.
Emily raced to the fifth floor and found Will talking to George, their patient's companion.
"We'll have to operate on her immediately," Will said grimly. "At the rate she's going she's going to be brain dead in a matter of hours."
"I'm sorry, I'm late." Emily said catching her breath. "What's the prognosis?"
"Her CT scans revealed that she has Medulloblastoma," Will said. "It's a highly malignant primary brain tumor that originates in the cerebellum or the posterior fossa. It seems she's been unaware of its growth."
"I-I have what?" Ciara said, barely opening her eyes.
"You have a tumor," George said, visible mad. "You could've told me about this."
"I didn't know," Ciara said weakly.
"You never take care of yourself," George said exasperatedly. "You never have time to take of yourself. You always put other people ahead of you. Like that Luke guy who didn't even care about your existence. You went over to visit him almost every day when he was hospitalized but when he came out it's like he didn't know you at all. Your grades suffered for that and you lost your scholarship!"
"My decisions are no business of yours!" Ciara yelled. She breathed heavily and her BP was rising. "Why should you care about what I decide to do?"
"You're seriously asking that question?" George spat disbelievingly.
"Look," Will said, "We'd appreciate it if you didn't stress her. She needs to stay relaxed."
"Relaxed?" Ciara said disdainfully. "You just told me I have a tumor lodged in my brain. How am I going to stay relaxed or calm or even level-headed when I'm told I have a tumor in my—"
Ciara slumped down on her bed, mouth opened. Will was taking George out by force. The nurses came in and Emily had told them to mix some drugs to get her heart beating again. Once it stabilized, she went over to George.
"You have to contact her relatives. She's going into surgery now," Emily told him softly.
The scornful expression had was to be expected. He ran his hand through his hair and brought out his phone.
"I'm calling her Aunt Cecilia." George sighed and waited for an answer. "Hello? Cecilia, yeah, it's George. Look, Ciara's going into surgery – What? Are you sure? Wait, don't you care about – Hello? Hello?"
"Well, they left me to decide," George said. "You see, they don't care for her or her mother. They see them as the black sheep of the family. Ciara was a child out of wedlock and in a family of socialites and social climbers, being knocked up by a guy that owned a hot dog stand was a slap in the face." George laughed nervously. "Anyway, I notified them so I guess, you can start with the surgery then."
Emily gave a curt nod and told the nurses to contact Micah.
"Dr. Owens," Nurse Sandy said. "A Ms. Theresa Martinez is on the phone for you."
"Hello?" Emily had to pull the phone away from her ear because of all the noise that came from it. It's as if someone was having a celebration.
"Hello?" The person on the other line called. "Emilio, turn the music down! Maria, the chicken!" Her accent was a very thick Mexican accent. "Yes, Dr. Owens? My name is Theresa Martinez – Oi! Dios Mio! – Maria the baby!" Emily could hear her talking in fast barely discernible Spanish. "I'm sorry, there will be no interruptions from this point on. I received a call earlier regarding my sister Mariella?" She's not really much of a sister now. "You see, I haven't heard from her for quite some time. There's been a bit of tension in our family since her decision."
"I'm well aware that she's – uh, I mean, he's a transsexual."
"I can be there in an hour's time if I really have to be there. But, if I can just communicate by phone, it would be much easier. We're kind of busy right now."
Emily tried not wince at the apathy her patients were experience from their families. Stay objective. 'All right, we just need to know what would your decision be if in case he – she needed to be placed on life support."
"It's up to her," Theresa said dismissively.
Emily had half a mind to slam the phone and cut the conversation. "Dr. Owens," Theresa said, "don't think badly of us. We all have our own problems, and this is just how we deal with them."
"All right, thank you, Ms. Martinez," Emily tried her best not to slam the phone. She placed it down gently and told the nurses to contact any available resident to deal with Monty's procedure.
"I'll do that," Aj said from the other side of the nurses' station as he finished signing some papers. "I'll need an assistant." He eyed Emily and it made her feel weird. Almost like Dr. Putnam coming on to her. She didn't feel comfortable around this person, mostly because most of him was an enigma to her.
"I think it's best that you choose someone else," Emily said as her lips went inwards.
Dr. Aquino raised an eyebrow and sighed, "All right. Nurse Sunny, kindly contact Dr. Collins, tell him he's assisting me in a CABG."
"Cabbage?"
"Coronary Artery Bypass Graft, Dr. Owens. Are you really Dr. Bindari's research assistant?" He smirked.
Emily tried her best not to look insulted she also tried her best not to glare – which was hard because the man that was an enigma turned into someone she disliked.
"Are you all right, Dr. Owens?" Dr. Aquino inquired. Emily, unaware of the face she was making, which was a mixture of cringing and trying not to glare, was snapped back to reality.
"Oh, sorry, I was just thinking of something," she said dismissively.
"All right, but, in case you have any gastronomical problems, you can just ask the nurses who to go to," said Dr. Aquino chuckling as he left the nurses' station.
Emily turned to Nurse Sunny and whispered, "Was my face really that awful?"
"It was like you were constipated and had diarrhea at the same time."
"Contact Dr. Dupre and tell her she'll be assisting me in a segmented ressection," Micah said from behind her.
"Micah," Emily gave him a small smile but all she got was a curt nod. Nurse Sunny handed him the charts and Emily slipped away from the nurses' station.
Not wanting to go to the roof of the hospital, she decided to busy herself in the E.R. Surprisingly, she wasn't needed as there were few casualties at that time. She went back to the nurses' station after a while and asked if there were any discharge papers to sign.
"All the papers are in order," Nurse Sunny said, fixing them.
Emily was about to leave when Nurse Sunny told her there was something she could do.
"I think you can try to calm him down," Nurse Sunny said gesturing to the waiting room.
She went to the waiting room and saw George pacing back and forth.
"It doesn't help to get yourself anxious," Emily said as she approached him.
"I can't help it," George said, smiling. It was odd, Emily thought how much he reminded her of someone.
"Why don't you sit down?" Emily said, gesturing for him to sit.
"I guess," George sat and started fidgeting with his fingers.
"So, you're her boss? Ciara's boss, I mean." Emily said trying to distract him. "Most bosses don't usually go to their employees funerals."
George smiled. It was a familiar, comforting smile.
"Well, she's our secretary actually. She would often work late hours to get extra pay and I would work late too. I'm just a supervisor but the work is just like you're running the whole company. Sometimes she teases me that I'm the whole brain behind the company."
He paused for a while and had started to laugh. "She was just so stubborn all the time. She didn't really remember me. I knew her from when we were kids. I was older than her, but we got along fine. After she moved into our neighborhood, it was never the same." He sighed. "She always looked out for everyone else around her, you know. One time, she jumped in front of a car just to save a cat. Kids, you know?"
Emily, smiled and nodded.
"But you know, we moved away after the car accident so I guess that's why she doesn't remember me. She had temporary memory loss. They said that she would regain most of her memories after six months, but I guess she just forgot me." He inhaled deeply. "I had to pretend that I didn't know her and that actually helped me to understand her better. We would spend our breaks just talking and it felt nice, kind of like when we were kids – we'd talk about anything: family, friends, relationships, even what we had for lunch."
Emily smiled, talking to him made her feel better. Seeing him reminisce somehow made all the worries she had disappear even for that moment. It was something so familiar, so close to her heart, something she couldn't put her finger on. But she'd rather not know for now.
"It's funny, you know. She always went out with guys that didn't seem to care for her. Like that Luke guy, he was somebody from the HR department. They broke up before he got hospitalized. But even after they broke up, she would still visit him, sometimes staying the night. It took its toll on her, but even if you tell her not to, she still will. Trying to figure her out would be like trying to understand quantum physics. It's hard, right? Unless you know quantum physics, Dr. Owens."
"I'm as familiar with quantum physics as I am with Chinese. So, no," Emily laughed.
"Well, you get the idea. Those simple quirks, that she has like rolling her eyes at everything I say – which should actually make me mad – just makes me smile. She's different than most girls. But the thing is, no matter how much I like her, I don't think I can bring myself to let her know."
Emily felt a familiar twinge. The reason why it was so familiar suddenly dawned on her.
"Do you know the hardest part of being around her Dr. Owens?" George said disrupting her train of thought. "It's knowing that I wouldn't be anything else but her boss."
Emily could see him trying to hold back his tears. Seeing him do so, and realizing how close to her heart the situation was, made her eyes burn. She wished she hadn't realized it sooner. She wished that it could've just lingered in her mind until she slept – or better, until she forgot about it.
It brought back painful emotions: guilt, confusion, and indecision. Guilty for what she done when she knew she could've stopped it. Confused for what she truly feels. Indecisive about telling Micah what had happened. Was it really better for him to know? And what about Will? How is it with them now?
"Dr. Owens?" George said. "Are you all right?"
"Oh, what?" Emily sniffed. "Yeah I'm fine."
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to –" Emily held up her hand to stop him from talking.
"It's all right," she said forcibly. "I just remembered some things."
There were no tears, but her eyes were almost at their spilling point. She took out her handkerchief and dabbed her eyes.
"Excuse me, Mr. Lucas," Emily turned to see Micah. She had hoped that he hadn't noticed her eyes, but the expression on his face said otherwise. "She's all right." Micah said smiling.
"Thank you," George said shooting up from his seat and shaking hands with Micah, then Emily.
"She's in the ICU. You'll be able to visit her after an hour," Micah said. George left the room in a hurry.
Emily stood up, and walked past Micah, but before she was out of reach, Micah grabbed her wrist.
"Are you all right?" Micah said, clearly worried.
"I'm all right," Emily said, smiling weakly. She slipped out of his grasp and made her way to the nurses' station.
"Dr. Owens," Dr. Aquino said from behind her. "I would like you to make a call to Mr. Martinez's family."
Emily turned around to see the troubled expressions both he and Will had.
"His heart just stopped beating," Will started, running his hand through his hair. "We tried everything, but he just wouldn't come back."
Emily's heart sank, she remembered his words, I want to disappear from this world. She hesitated whether to call his family, but decided that since it was the standard procedure, she called his sister.
"Hello?" Ms. Martinez yelled from the other side of the phone.
"Ms. Martinez? This is Dr. Owens."
"Oh Dr. Owens! Wait – Antonio! Turn the music down! All right, go on Dr. Owens."
"I regret to inform you that your sister – brother died."
"O-oh?" Emily could hear the pain in her voice. There silence for a while except what sounded like sobs. "I-is anybody going to take his body?"
"No one, he'll be placed in the morgue until you or anybody from your family will decide to claim him."
"I see," Ms. Martine said in between sobs. "Well, I'll be there to pick him up in a week. I'll be coming from Florida, so…"
"I'm sorry for your loss." With that, Ms. Martinez's sobs became louder. Emily put down the phone and headed for the roof.
No one can prepare you for everything that will happen. Sometimes, it's best to be caught off guard, sometimes it's better to be prepared. But, ultimately, you never know what, when, and where, so the best thing is to do wait and see what will happen.
On the way to the roof, Emily passed by the ICU. Ciara was awake and George was ecstatic. She caught snippets of their conversation as she watched them from outside the room.
"I'm glad you're all right," George said softly. "God, you seriously are the most stubborn person I know."
"I take after my mom," Ciara said, her voice raspy. "I always get myself into trouble."
Ciara gestured for George to come closer. She held his face and kissed him.
George pulled back. "I'm your boss. You – we can't do this."
"Screw it," Ciara said. "I don't care if you're my boss. Back when we were kids, it didn't matter whether you were older than I was. I would always beat you in a race and make you buy me ice cream."
George smiled and kissed her again.
Emily smiled to herself and went to the roof. Her heart sank upon the realization that what she had just seen, should've been what happened between her and Micah instead of the news she broke to him this morning. She lied down on the deck chair and looked at the sky. She started counting the stars just to ease the nervousness welling up inside her.
"Micah!" True enough, it was his sister Liz. She was carrying a large black bag.
"Oh no," Micah said shaking his head. "You didn't kill anybody did you?"
His sister punched his arm. For a girl, she always did punch like a guy.
"Shut up mouse," she said, crossing her arms over her chest. "I brought this for mom."
"What, you found dad, gagged him, and brought him to mom so he could apologize for abandoning us?"
"I could've but dad's a snake. When you think you've gotten him cornered, he'll just slither away."
Micah placed his arm around his sister's shoulders and they went to visit their mother.
"Oh, wait!" Micah said. "You go on ahead. I have to meet someone."
"Is it that Emily girl, again?"
"How did you—"
"Please mouse, you're not really subtle with people you like. I wouldn't be surprised if the whole hospital knew."
"Well, I hope they don't." Micah said before rushing off.
"Whatever!" His sister called out.
Sometimes, you wish that everything would go smoothly. But someone once told me you wouldn't be living if there were no ups and downs.
"I knew you'd be here," Micah said, a little out of breath."
Emily turned around to see him approaching. She wanted to get up and leave, but then, it wouldn't be fair to him if she did that. The worse thing about not telling someone the truth is if they hear from someone else, and that's something that she doesn't want to happen.
Micah settled on the chair next to her.
"It's been a long day, huh?" He started,
"Yeah," Emily said softly. Her heart pounded, it was getting unbearable, she had to tell him.
"Micah—" "Emily—" They said in unison.
"You go first," Emily said.
"I'm sorry for all that's happened today. I guess, I just didn't think things through. I get it, you've like him longer. I'll wait. You did say you liked me, so I'll wait until you're finally sure with what you want to decide about us." He gazed up at the stars. Emily could see his eyes twinkle in the starlight. Glistening, filled with hope.
She couldn't take it anymore. Her eyes have given up and the tears just started to flow. She sniffed and Micah got up from his chair. He reached out to wipe her tears. She pulled back and shook her head.
"I just can't," she told him, smiling despite her tears. "I just can't do this to you."
"What is it?" Micah smiled reassuringly. "You can tell me."
Emily shook her head. The tears kept flowing, and she tried to stop it. Her breathing was shallow and her throat practically closed on her.
"Emily, calm down," Micah said softly. "Tell me."
She stifle her sobs and mustered her courage.
"Micah," she started almost inaudibly. Micah leaned in closer. She bit her lower lip to stop it from quivering. "I…"
She took a deep breath taking in all that has happened between them, knowing that once she exhales, things will never be the same again.
"I slept with Will," Emily said. Micah's lips pursed and he didn't even look at her. "It happened last night." Micah turned away, lips slightly parted. He got up and left her.
Liz was setting up the piano she had taken from Micah's apartment. Micah came into the room feeling dejected.
"Oh Micah," his mother said happily. "Look what your sister brought!"
"Sorry to disappoint you mouse, but it's not dad all gagged up, but I think this is better. Mouse, are you all right?"
Liz disrupted his thoughts and for once, he was thankful for the interruption.
"Yeah, it's just that it's been a long day. So mom," he said taking his mother's hand, "what song would you like me to play?'
"I'm thinking Wind Beneath My Wings," his mother said enthusiastically.
"Okay," Liz started, her hands up in surrender, "I'm not singing, just so we're clear."
"Neither am I," Micah said, laughing.
"Then I'll sing," his mother volunteered, raising her hand.
"I hope you didn't take in too much medication," Micah said giving her a knowing look.
"Oh, just say it straight son," his mother said. "I smoked pot."
Liz and Micah exchanged looks. The three of them burst out laughing.
"I never thought I'd hear you say that mom," Liz said in between giggles.
"I never thought I'd say it too," his mother laughed. He had never seen his mother laugh so much in a long time since her treatment started. He wasn't going to let the events that transpired today dampen their moment. Although, Emily was still in his mind and his heart seemed to beat painfully in his chest, he went to the piano and poured out all he felt.
"I forgot how beautifully you played the piano," his mother said swaying to the music.
"Don't forget your queue, mom," Micah said.
Following him was something she didn't want to do. It was not like her to do that. But Cassandra wanted to talk to Will. She realized that not wanting to talk things over was wrong and she'd just like closure. But upon following him to the roof, she decided not to intrude.
He sat next to Emily and they were talking. He took her hand and kissed her forehead. She looked away and went down. Hurt by what she saw and insulted by the fact that she would be hurt over seeing that, she decided it was time to call it quits for today. She passed the nurses' station but stopped upon hearing music – the playing of a piano and loud, off-key singing. She followed it and found herself in Mrs. Barnes doorway. She watched how happy they were. She looked at the one playing the piano. He wasn't her type and he was her resident. Still, she could not help but admire a man who, after a long day at work, still had time to spare for those he loved. She passed the room thinking how much Emily had lost out by not choosing Micah. Not that Will was bad, but a guy like Micah was special.
She shook her head and snapped out of it. She shouldn't be feeling sorry or anything at all for that matter for the one who took her coveted research position. She changed out of her scrubs and got out of the locker room. To her dismay, there they were, holding hands and smiling at each other. Will swooped down to steal a kiss but Emily pulled away.
She got everything that she wanted: the man she pined after for four years and the research position she came here for. Cassandra knew better than to concede, but she couldn't help feeling envious of Emily. She sighed and walked passed them.
"Good night," Emily called out. Cassandra raised her hand in acknowledgment.
It was weird, she thought, how she finally got everything, but still, it didn't feel fulfilling. Emily had always thought that finally getting together with Will was probably the best thing to ever happen to her not to mention her research position, so why did she feel like she had lost?
"So, I guess, it's official? We're official?" Will said, pointing to himself and Emily.
"Yeah," Emily said, smiling. "I guess it is."
He hugged her. For a second she enjoyed being in his arms. But, when her eyes darted to the nurses' station, she saw him and suddenly all the butterflies in her stomach left and it felt empty.
Micah's stare was painful to look at. Cold knives were worse than hot ones when they prod your heart. The hot sensation cools off eventually but the cold feeling lingers for a while and it makes you shiver – tremble even.
Sometimes, the heart has reasons that reason does not know of. And that just complicates things.
A/N:
Some music to listen to while reading this chapter:
King and Lionheart – Of Monsters and Men
Wind Beneath My Wings – Bette Midler
Love, Love, Love – Of Monsters and Men
They helped me get the feel of the whole chapter, which I hope you guys feel too. By the way, "Lionheart" sounded like "Lying heart" to me, hence the title. (:
I am so sorry for the length and the constant shifting of perspectives. To be honest, I just have a hangover from the last episode. I wanted to write as if I were watching it, so that's pretty much the reason for the weirdo shifty writing.
Anyway, this will be the first chapter of the nine chapter story I'll be posting. I won't promise speedy updates because I'm pretty busy with school, nevertheless, you can expect this to finish within the year.
In case you're wondering, this is what I think will happen in the nine unaired episodes that would've concluded the full first season of Emily Owens. Yeah, screw CW for not giving them a full season.
Anyways, enjoy. (: