First Mortal Instruments fanfic and I have yet to finish the first book, but I'll be done with it soon enough so don't bug me about it.

P.S. This story is a surprise for my older sister though it's not really a surprise anymore

So without much further ado, you see the little black symbols down there that can only be defined as letters? Pretty, yes, I know…they're a beautiful sight. Now please read them.

**All flames with go towards Magnus' steak dinner and Alec's baking Twinkies.**

~Twinkies and Magnus DON'T mix~

Magnus opened his eyes. Ahh! THE LIGHT! IT BURNS!! The light is not suppose to be in his room! It's blindingly bright with it's deathly-white rays of whiteness! His room is suppose to be a CAVE!

So he closes the blinds and the room becomes dark enough that the bats come back (too bad that's not literally).

Okay, that was a bad beginning so let's skip to the afternoon, shall we?

O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O

"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

It was Alec.

Magnus jumped up in the air and nearly hit the ceiling with his head (he is the HIGH Warlock of Brooklyn). "Alec! You rock my socks!" He said and he squeezed Alec into a tight bear-hug.

"I can't breeeaaath." Alec said as his breath was knocked out of him.

"Sorry."

"Anyways, I have something for you."

"RLY?! For me?"

"Close your eyes and don't use the internet acronym!"

"Okay." He closed his eyes and held out his hands. He something be placed into his hand, and whatever it was, it was fluffy and smelt like sugar. He opened his eyes and freaked.

In a bad way.

"AH! IT'S THE ACURSED TWINKIE!" He jumped up and grabbed onto the fan (which surprisingly didn't break) and was rotating along with it. Sort of like that cat, except the cat hit a wall. Magnus hit his cabinet.

"You have something against Twinkies?"

"They're evil! They're nothing like my room! My room is suppose to be a black abysmal of darkness and dread, not fluffy like kitties, puppies, light, and the dreaded TWINKIE!! AHHH!" He ran out of the apartment building and into the crowds of New York.

Alec looked either like O_O or :O Hmm…maybe O.o? How about O-O? No, that doesn't seem right.

Magnus ran into some and recognized him as Edward Cullen. It was obvious because he had the droves of girls after him (seriously, what is up with that?) and he was just walking through. "Hi?" He said.

"EEK! It's worse than I thought! Edward Cullen, save me from the dreaded Twinkie!"

"TWINKIES?!?! EEEEEEEKKKKKKKK!!!" He ran away screaming like a girl (sorry Twilight fans). Magnus just stared as he started running for Quebec. Hmm…why was Edward Cullen in New York, anyways?

We will never know.

Magnus ran into a nearby grocery store. He sighed once he was inside, not noticing the stares people were giving him (pretend that they can see him, okay?) because he was wearing bright neon-yellow flamboyant pants and a shirt that was fluorescent pink that had the profile of a chicken on it. When he opened his eyes, there were signs saying 'TWINKIE SALE' and Twinkies were everywhere.

"Tis the dreaded Twinkie with it's twinkliness! It's the color of the sun! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

O_O ?

He didn't even bother to open he door. Instead, he rammed into it and it flung off of it's hinges as he ran around with his arms up in the air.

Then Valentine shows up, and as excepted from the readers, he runs into Valentine.

In this case, he was wearing an undershirt that said 'Magnus Bane's hair is awesome and he is hot'.

"It's the Magnus Bane! Magnus the Magnificent, High Warlock of Brooklyn! I salute you like me and my boxers with my undershirt!"

"…"

"I got them specially made for you, my little salad!"

"…"

…salad?…

"Salad? But salads had cabbages in them. Cabbages smell bad. Why are you calling me a smelly cabbage?"

"In French it's a compliment."

"Why do your boxers say 'I love Magnus?'"

"BECAUSE I'M A FANGIRL! BOY! I'M A FANBOY! EEEK!"

"Make it stop!" Magnus screeched and started running around New York City with Valentine. Then people followed Valentine for no apparent reason and there was an epic mob of epicness chasing Magnus. Imagine it like packman.

"They said that there's worse than a women's wrath!" Magnus yelled with his flailing arms. "I found something worse! FANBOYS! Ooo…diet coke. Mentos! I know! I will create an epic battle of diet coke and mentos! Haha!" He grabbed a bottle of diet coke and a mentos tablet.

"EAT IT, SUCKA!" He yelled as he shook up the coke bottle and threw the mentos into it.

As excepted (again) it was a complete and utter epic fail.

Packman again…

"Come here, my little salad! I love you, my little salad!"

"I'm not a smelly cabbage, Valentine!" Magnus said.

More fan boys (?!).

Then out of all times, a truckload of Twinkies was unloaded a another store. "Ahh! The dreaded and accursed Twinkies! They're too light and fluffy! The different world of Mayonnaise 345 wants to wage war against you yet your fluffiness always escapes! WHY?!?!?!" He ran in the other direction.

"MY LITTLE SALAD! I LOVE YOU!"

"I'M NOT A SMELLY CABBAGE!" He started running even though the truck blocked his way. He flung himself into the side of the truck. "YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!"

Now he was in a pile of Twinkies.

"DIE, TWINKIES!" Magnus said as he grabbed a flamethrower.

Rule 354: Never give Magnus a flamethrower when near Twinkies.

He set fire on the Twinkies and then blew up the truck (he walked away unscathed). "Die Twinkies! Die Twinkies! Die Twinkies! Die Twinkies!

He ran away from the burning Twinkies and now had to escape an epic mob of epicness full of fan boys and a Valentine who was wearing a shirt that said 'Magnus' hair is awesome and he is hot' with hearts all over it and boxers that said 'I love Magnus' with bright fluorescent neon-pink hearts.

And the author leaves the lame and seriously insulting fanfic as a cliffhanger and she's going to make you wait until the next chapter is up.

Magnus: Glad that's over with. Is Valentine really gay?

Valentine: Yes, my little cabbage! I mean…salad! I love you!

Magnus: _

CyndarDragon: Good luck, Magnus. Just wait until Jace and Clary come in.

Magnus: **Gulps**

CyndarDragon: :D

Well, wait until the chapter to see what Magnus does! This is probably going to be one of those never-ending fan fictions, I'm sure. Well…I hope my sister liked it! I know it's totally lame, but oh well.

I like Magnus and I really like the book, so don't think that I hate it. I REALLY like the books and all of the characters.

Plus I don't own anything that has to with the book.

:D