Severus Snape slinked slowly, stopping only when he realized what an appalling alliteration he had just unwillingly created.
"Well this sucks," he snarled to no one in particular. "All the good verbs and adjectives become cutesy bits of meaningless fluff when paired with my name. Who is responsible for this? I demand retribution! If I slither, slink, snark, snarl, or snap, I sound like a simpering fool! How am I supposed to retain some semblance of a smily psuedo-villian if my supply of words is thus hampered?"
Snape sneezed, then sunk into stunned horror as he realized another set back started by his name.
"My sex life!" he screeched, slipping further into his gloom. "All the good words start with s! Sensual, sexy, silky, seductive... I can't even strip salaciously! I must sound like a sleeze when my love live is discussed."
Severus slipped further into his slump as the true implications of his name sunk in.
"I bet my middle name even starts with an S. It's probably something ridiculous, like Septimus, or Stanton, or Sally. Will the struggles caused by this nonsense never cease?"
Sinking slowly into the shadows, Severus Snape said softly, "I suppose I'll simply suffer. Or sullently sulk in my subterranian isolation. Which, come to think of it, I already do. Perhaps this whole sorry situation isn't as severe as I first supposed."
Severus slumped his shoulders and was about to slip off into the slippery depths of the Hogwart's castle dungeons when a feminine giggle caught his attention.
Staring angrily at the swag from which the giggle had emerged, Severus threw it aside and found his 23 year old assistant Hermione Granger laughing at him.
"Oh Sev," she giggled, reaching out to smooth the fabric of his robes. "You are so silly! It doesn't matter that alliterations stick to you like spearmint gum! You're still the same Potions Master, and we all love you for it."
With that, she planted a smooch on the surprised Snape's lips, and sashayed away down the corridor, throwing sweet look back over her shoulder.
Snape struggled to supress a smile, but was not successful. As he smiled for possibly the first time in years, he reached a decision. He would simply be satisfied with his life, which would be helped along by no longer stifling his feelings for the svelte and stunning Hermione Granger. After all, it wasn't like his name was Dumbledore. Because, let's face it. No matter WHAT you did to that name, it always managed to seem ridiculously silly.