Straightjacket Feeling
"Squall! Please just think it through! Is this really want you want? Headmaster is a position you can't just walk away from!" Rinoa pleaded, standing in front of the desk. Squall sat in the chair, its back towards her, and remained silent. "Squall, these people trust you. They feel so much safer with you at command. For Hyne's sake, you saved all of Gaia! And you're just gonna throw their trust away, just like that?"
Back me down from backing up
Hold your breath now
Squall still remained silent, praying silently that she would just walk away. A year had passed since they had defeated Ultimecia, and every second of every day Rinoa had been in his life, attempting to make their relationship work, attempting to get him to open up. But it was to the point now where he wasn't just closing himself off to everyone… It was just how he was. It wasn't his fault he wasn't outgoing or open like she was. But if she loved him as much as she said she did, then why the hell was she trying to change every part of him?
Etched with marks but I can deal
"You just can't step down from being Headmaster, Squall, you just can't." Her tone grew somber, and he knew that he was finally breaking her. He sighed quietly in relief, until he heard her breathe in suddenly, and she started in on him again. "Squall, I really wish you would just talk to me sometimes. We've been together for nearly a year now, and nothing's changed. I tell you everything, and you tell me nothing. I shouldn't have to fight everyday to get you to speak to me. I wish you'd tell me what your problem is."
And you're the problem
And you can't feel
He buried his face in his hands, growing more and more frustrated. She was suffocating him, drowning him, choking him. She was constantly forcing herself upon him and it was driving him mad. Sure, a year ago, he had feelings for her. Something drew him to her, something that made him think that he could love again, like he had loved his Sis. But then Edea had explained to him why he had been so drawn to her. She was a sorceress and needed protection. Rinoa's powers had made him so attached to her so quickly. She wanted to make him her knight, and sorceresses most often get what they want.
But Squall had gently talked Rinoa down from making him her knight. He had told her that he loved her, but felt like they needed time, time to connect, time to grow, and that someday in the future, maybe it could happen. It was the one thing Squall had ever managed to get her to do. The only thing she had really listened to him on. He never wanted to break her heart or hurt her, but maybe it was time he finally vocalized how he really felt about everything.
Try this on
Rinoa came around the desk and knelt beside his chair. She reached for his hand but he pulled it from her reach. She stared at him, wide-eyed and stunned. "Squall…?" He stood up and walked away from her, still keeping his back to her.
"Rinoa, I can't do this anymore…" She still stared at him confused.
"The headmaster position…?" She murmured, trying to make some sense of his sudden change. He shook his head furiously and growled.
"No Rinoa! Would you stop it? Seriously… For once, would you just put away your spoiled selfishness and take the time to listen to me? You complain that I never talk to you and here I am now, trying to, and you still won't listen!" He snapped, his stormy eyes full of fire and fury. Tears welled up in her eyes and she sat dumbly in the chair he had been sitting in.
Straightjacket feeling
"Rinoa, we can't be together, not like how you want us to be. I understand why you're so attached to me, it's because you're a sorceress and I protected you. You need a knight, and you think I can be that for you. But l can't. Not now, not ever." He slowed down when he realized that tears were streaming down her face, but he knew what he was saying had to be said. He didn't really love her in a romantic way, he had started to realize. He loved her like a really good friend, someone he trusted. But he couldn't even begin to imagine spending his entire life with her. And he didn't need her anymore. He had more than enough friends and acquaintances that were there for him, no matter what.
So maybe I won't be alone
Take back now my life you're stealing
"So… that's it…? Just like that… we're over?" She sighed deeply, visibly shaking. "We've been through so much together. I mean, for Hyne's sake, we saved the world together! Those moments we shared… In space, when you rescued me from the Sorceress Globe, when we escaped time compression… Do they mean nothing to you?" Her chocolate brown eyes stared up at him, like the eyes of a lost little puppy, but he ignored the beckoning look she gave him. She was doing it again, trying to control him, trying to bend him to her will.
"They will always mean something to me, Rin. But I can't love you like you need me to. Okay?" He didn't give her time to answer, instead he turned around and walked out of the room, walked out of their relationship, and walked out of the straightjacket feeling she had put on him for so long.
xxx
Most everyone who heard the news of their breakup was dumbstruck. When they looked from afar, they had imagined Rinoa and Squall to be the perfect couple. It was, after all, a fairy tale romance. They had met by chance, and saved the world together. She was a sorceress, and he was to be her knight. But those who saw the couple up close felt her desperation, his aggravation and frustration. Those up close knew it was only a matter of time before they fell apart.
Squall soon realized how hard it was to be alone all over again. There were moments where he almost missed her constant presence. He did miss the few tender moments they shared, but he knew they were too scarce to build a relationship on. But all in all, he felt refreshed and renewed after their breakup. Rinoa suffered much more than he did. She had left Garden for several weeks, fleeing away to the orphanage, where Edea attempted to mend the child sorceress's heart.
But today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And Squall found that as each day progressed, he opened up more and more to others. Soon he would sit the Café, surrounded by people, telling jokes and laughing. And he found himself confiding in Quistis, like she had wanted him to do for years. And it wasn't long before a close friendship was formed between him and his former Instructor. He realized what an amazing person she was. She was quiet and calm, just like him, but there were times where she really opened up and they had so many fun moments. She knew when to be serious, when to be funny, when to be sad, and even when to be angry. She was the most mature person he knew.
But he still couldn't seem to escape Rinoa.
He had dreams about her. So many times he'd wake up, drenched in sweat, tangled in his sheets, her face on his mind. And then he'd be awake for hours, wondering if she too was laying awake, thinking of him. He grew guilty at times, wondering how she was holding up, if she was doing okay. Occasionally he'd hear talk of her whispered throughout Garden, but that was it. Different mouths told different stories. Some said she was at the orphanage still, raising children in Edea's place. Others said that the breakup had done horrible things to her and she had fled to Esthar or Centra or even Galbadia. Squall didn't know what to believe.
And all I'd ever thought you'd be
That face is tearing holes in me
Again
And then one day, she came back.
xxx
All of Garden walked on eggshells when she came back, anxious for the moment when they would once again meet. They knew it would be inevitable, but how would their meeting be? Would they feign happiness for each other, pretending like they aren't hurting deep inside? Or would they be bitter and cruel towards each other, old pains still burning deep? Squall was with Quistis in the Training Center when he crossed paths with his former flame.
Quistis couldn't help but to laugh as the Grat batted at Squall furiously, and Squall ignored it, instead choosing to take on more serious monsters. Her laughter caught his attention, and when he turned back towards her, he tripped over the Grat and tumbled to the ground. Amid a fit of giggles she ran to his side, as the Grat disappeared into the shrubbery. "Are you okay?" She asked, brushing leaves and twigs from his hair.
He nodded smiling. He stabbed Lionheart into the ground and sat up, laughing too. Quistis fingers still worked their way through his chestnut hair, her touch growing slower and slower. Squall closed his eyes, her touch so strangely comforting. It wasn't long until he was leaning towards her, and her arm slipped around his neck, half hugging him, half holding him up. She stared at him momentarily, feeling something hanging in the air.
She tried to imagine what it could be that he was thinking. She had been amazed at how changed he had been since he had left Rinoa, but she wasn't complaining. She just wished that he had seen long ago what kind of person he could be, what kind of friend he could be, what kind of relationship they could share…
That's another thing that left Quistis deep in thought. She and Squall had grown so close in the past few months, that many a rumor said that they were together. They laughed off the rumors, but the laughter hung in the air, with words left unsaid. Quistis had always loved him, too much sometimes, but she knew that she couldn't force anything upon Squall. But sometimes, she wanted to blur the line between friendship and something more…
"Quistis…?" He whispered to her. She blinked, realizing that she had been so lost in her thoughts to realize that he had opened his eyes once more. She glanced down at her lap to find his fingers interlaced with hers. When had that happened? "Are you okay?" He still whispered, and his words made her heart ache. Why did she have to love him so much?
She smiled. "I'm fine, Squall." She glanced down once more at their interlaced fingers.
"Does it bother you?" He questioned further. When she cocked an eyebrow at him, he nodded towards their hands. She laughed and shook her head furiously. He found himself smiling back. What was making him be so forward? He had known her his whole life and had never felt the way he did now towards her. Something was drawing him to her, and he knew this time his feelings were real, not some stupid sorceress game.
"It doesn't bother me… It just makes me wonder a little… That's all." She felt her cheeks burning, and she ducked her head slightly, hoping he wouldn't notice. Why was it that she could be almost twenty years old, but still feel like a foolish school girl sick in love?
"Wonder what?" Squall asked, and she felt him shift closer. She could smell soap and the hint of the cologne that he wore, the same cologne she had bought him for his birthday. She could feel the heat from his body, and for a moment she thought she could hear his heartbeat, until she realized it was her own, pounding so fast.
She struggled for a moment to find the words and to make her lips form them. "What this means, of course." She murmured. She knew he was staring at her, but she couldn't force herself to look up from their bound hands. Was this the moment? The moment she had waited for ever since they were children together at the orphanage? Fate definitely had a way of playing with her mind.
His hand left hers and touched her jaw line ever so gently. He pulled her chin up, forcing her to look at him. He grinned slightly. "Well… It could mean one thing…" Her heart pounded harder and harder, faster and faster. "It could mean…"
"Ahem." Someone a few feet away cleared their throat, and Squall and Quistis quickly pulled away from each other, glancing up at the intruder of their moment. "I don't mean to interrupt anything, but I want to talk to Squall. If you don't mind." The voice strummed pangs in Squall's heart and he sighed when he realized who it was. Like he could ever forget those chocolate brown eyes, that raven hair, those few tender moments…
Squall climbed to his feet, and extended a hand to Quistis but she refused. "I'll be right back, I promise." Quistis nodded and watched as Squall disappeared with Rinoa farther into the Training Center. She sighed deeply, hoping that Rinoa's return didn't mean the end of whatever had just started between her and Squall…
"Still making promises, I see." Rinoa said, her voice full of bitterness. "I remember some of the promises you made me." She smirked at him but then shrugged.
"Rinoa, I -" He started but she waved her hand, and cut him off.
"I've done a lot of thinking, Squall, I really have. And it's horrible that we had to throw away everything we had for me to finally grow up and realize what kind of person I was to you. And I'm sorry for that. But I came back here for one thing." She stopped and leaned against a rock. He stopped in front of her, unable to break their back and forth gaze.
"What's that, Rin?" The nickname came back so easily, the nickname he had called her throughout their relationship. As soon as it had slipped out, he bit his tongue, wishing it hadn't.
She smiled. "I just want you to trust me again. I understand if you don't want us to be together anymore, but I do want you to trust me. Trust that I've changed, that I've grown up. I'm not that girl you hate anymore."
Trust you is just one defense
With a list of others, you don't make sense
He frowned. "I never hated you, you know that. We just couldn't be together. Rinoa, you were like a straightjacket. You bound me so tightly, and it seemed like I had to have your permission on everything. I just couldn't take it anymore." The smile left her face.
"But I have changed, Squall, I promise. Just give me another chance to show you. Things will be different this time, I'll show you. I know we could do it, Squall. And you know it too." She reached for his hand, and he didn't pull it away. "I know you've been thinking about me. I've been thinking about you too. Just one more try, Squall."
Beg me time and time again
A feeling was building in the pit of his stomach, like a tightening knot soaked in kerosene and it was burning him from the inside. He glanced up at her, taking in her spaded pupils. Was she a full-blown sorceress now? His eyes traced down to their interlaced hands and realization hit him. Was it magick that held him in place? Was she trying to control him, just as Ultimecia controlled Seifer? He refused to be her puppet. He had already been her plaything for too long. He yanked his hand from her grasp.
To take you back now, but you can't win
Take back now my life you're stealing
"No, Rinoa." His gaze was full of steel now. He stepped away from her, shaking his head furiously. "You had your chance and you lost it. You ruined it. I don't love you anymore. And you can't use your damn sorceress powers to make me love you! What kind of relationship would that be? Don't be like Ultimecia!" Fire danced in Rinoa's eyes.
"I devoted my life to you, Squall. And look where you left me." She spat out her words, angry as a cat. She flung her hand to the side, shooting off Fira magick that quickly burnt through a few trees before it died out. "I was ready for you to be my knight, I loved you so much. Since I've been gone, I've been studying up on this little curse of mine, about being a sorceress. When I leave here today, you will wish that you hadn't stepped down from that Headmaster position. I'm sure someday you'll bury your gunblade in my little black witch heart, just like you did Ultimecia." She started to laugh, and Squall felt fear burning deep in his stomach.
"And that will be the day that you wish you had taken me back, that you wish you had never left me to suffer. Besides, that's what this pretty little Garden is for, right? To kill sorceresses like me? Well, when the day comes, I want you to be the one to kill me." And in a flash, she was gone.
But today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
xxx
Squall came back around the bend, expecting Quistis to have left, to have grown impatient. But she still sat beside his Lionheart, her hands folded neatly in her lap. She didn't notice him and he took the moment to just look at her, to take the image of her in. In this moment, he had two choices he could make. He pondered for a moment, and then a smile spread across his face. He ran, covering the remaining distance between them. He fell to his knees in front of her.
She jumped slightly. "Squall?"
He grinned brightly and his hands cupped her face. He closed the distance and pressed his lips against hers, drinking her in, blurring the line between friendship and something more. He knew now was a moment that he could never take back, and he was unsure of where this moment would take them. He didn't know if someday in the future they would fall apart and lose everything. But it was a chance he was willing to take if he could have her now. He had a feeling the world was going to undergo a change, and if so, he wanted nothing more than to have Quistis at his side.
He finally pulled away and smiled at the way she looked. Her lips were swollen and pink, her face flushed, and her blue eyes crystal clear. She brought a hand to her face, her fingertips brushed her lips and finally her gaze met his. He smiled and to his relief, she finally smiled back. "So… what does this mean…?" She asked in a whisper. He leaned in and kissed her once more.
"I think it means that I love you, Quistis."
"You promise?"
"I promise, Quisty."
And all the things you put me through
I'm holding on by letting go
Of you