Didn't See it Coming
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.
Summary: "WHAT? IT'S EVEN IN HIS NAME! HIS PARENTS NAMED HIM KAKA. KAKA-SHI BECAUSE THEY KNEW HE WAS A PIECE OF GIRL POO." Kakashi doesn't see things coming. He wishes he did, but honestly, he doesn't. Sequel to Should've Seen it Coming.
Kakashi sighed, it had started out as a beautiful day, wonderful even! It had been nice and bright and sunny. A perfect day for reading porn out in the sun. But his former students had to go and ruin his wonderful plans. He should have seen it coming, he really should have, but he didn't. Kakashi never saw these things coming (it was because he didn't stick his unwanted nose into other people's business like some people did).
Apparently, Sakura and Sasuke had been fighting a lot lately, this much he knew from Naruto who didn't know how to close that hole in his face, and Kakashi could only tune out so much, eventually stuff started to leak in, he started soaking in information that he didn't need or want like a sponge.
Which is how he ended up in this situation, in a very public restaurant with two very angry former students glaring at each other and one former student hiding under the table, probably in fetal position while he sucked his thumb and cried.
Kakashi sighed, why didn't he see these things coming?
.
One hour earlier.
.
Kakashi smiled as he opened up his slightly worn orange book, it was his first and his favorite. He got giddy just looking at it, at the prospects of opening it up and beginning to read.
He never got very far before Naruto interrupted him.
The kid was still obsessed with orange. Some things never changed.
"Hey Kakashi! We're going out for lunch! Sasuke's paying! Do you wanna come? Huh? Do ya?" He grinned and jumped up and down, while Sasuke scowled and Sakura looked as if she was trying to pry her arm from his grasp. He raised a brow, well that finalized his decision.
"No. I'm reading. Now go away and leave this old fart alone."
"Aww come on! It's gonna be so much fun!" Naruto grinned and practically spewed sunshine. How could someone be that happy?
"No," he deadpanned and turned his face and body.
"I'm not taking no for an answer. Come on!" Naruto shouted.
"No."
"PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE? PLEASE?" Kakashi tried to ignore the idiot but he swore the kids voice went up an octave with every new please, and frankly, he just couldn't take it anymore.
"FINE!" He shouted back in defeat.
"Thank god! Seriously Naruto, what the hell was that for? If Kakashi didn't want to come along, you didn't have to force him!" Sasuke just looked like he was in severe pain. A man of few words, as always. Kakashi sighed and joined the bunch. At least Sasuke would be paying. That was a small consolation. He shuddered, remembering the huge bills they'd left him with over the years. Bills they never paid him back for.
The restaurant was fairly close by and Naruto never let go of his hold on either Uchiha. Both Sasuke and Sakura were, uncomfortably, dragged along behind Naruto as he skipped to his destination while Kakashi reluctantly trudged behind, trying to get a little farther in his book before he would be forced to endure the torture of Naruto's disgusting chatter. Disgusting for exactly two reasons.
One, he spoke of disgusting things.
Two, he spoke with his mouth full. All the time.
Anyway, they weren't long into the meal when Naruto spit food onto Kakashi's face while he was telling some stupid story about Kiba and Akamaru. It took all his self control not to fling himself over the table and kill him. He probably would have too, if there weren't witnesses.
He didn't want to live out the rest of his days in prison, after all.
So he just glared at Naruto and shuffled over a little more. This put him out of Naruto AND Sakura's range. She'd been shooting death glares at her husband ever since they'd sat down. She was going to blow any second.
And blow she did.
"Seriously, I can't believe that you did that," Sakura's face had slowly been turning purple for the past few minutes. Sasuke, who had been avoiding her gaze, finally looked up.
"Can we talk about this later?"
"Why can't we talk about this here?"
"This is a public place Sakura."
"So? You never talk about it in a private place."
"I'm not talking about it here," he said and turned back to his food.
Kakashi swore, he could see steam coming out of Sakura's ears, even Naruto was quite, noodles hanging out of his mouth.
"You are going to talk about it here and now damn it!"
"Sakura," Sasuke snapped, "behave yourself."
"YOU'RE TURNING INTO YOUR FATHER!" She screeched, and threw her plate at his face.
Kakashi paled, Naruto choked, and Sasuke barely managed to avoid the plate and it crashed into the wall behind him.
Naruto slowly slid down so he was sitting on the floor and aimed at finishing his noodles down there.
"Sakura!" Sasuke tried to control his wife as he apologized to the people seated behind them, and management, who had come out at the sound of breaking china.
It was too late.
"And you!" She whipped her face to where Naruto was formerly seated, "YOU SHOULD NEVER HAVE BROUGHT US HERE! I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE ME ALONE AND YOU HAD TO COME DRAG ME HERE! THIS. IS. ALL. YOUR. FAULT." Naruto just kept on hiding. Kakashi pretended he wasn't here, trying to blend in with the wallpaper. No one wanted Sakura's rage directed at them. "Uzumaki! I can still see you, you haven't disappeared. ARE YOU EATING YOUR NOODLES?" Sakura leaned over and yanked him up by his hair, took his noodles and dumped them over his head.
Naruto just slunk back down, he looked as if he were about to cry, more from losing his ramen than Sakura's actual words.
Sakura and Sasuke had really gone at it after that.
.
Present time.
.
Kakashi was trying to slink out while he was still unnoticed like the rest of the patrons, but with the slightest movement, he'd gotten caught in Sakura's radar.
"And you!" She screeched looking at Kakashi, "You sit around reading porn day and night! Do something with your sorry life! Get a girlfriend! All you do is sit around all day!"
"Sakur-" he was about to tell her that he was a teacher. He had been hers, after all, but she wasn't having it. She cut him off before he could even protest.
"YOU JUST SIT AROUND ALL DAY LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT! WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU HAD A SHOWER?"
He was so taken aback that he could think of nothing to say, but Naruto and Sasuke did. The Uzumaki even peaked out from under the table, shocked, and joined Sasuke in saying an appalled, "Sakura!"
"WHAT? IT'S EVEN IN HIS NAME! HIS PARENTS NAMED HIM KAKA. KAKA-SHI BECAUSE THEY KNEW HE WAS A PIECE OF GIRL POO."
"That doesn't even make sense," Sasuke pointed out, while Kakashi just opened and closed his mouth like a fish.
Naruto took this chance to edge out, and Kakashi stayed there for a few extra seconds, his mouth still hanging open.
"Apologize. Now." Sasuke commanded. Sakura just glared, pouted and crossed her arms over her chest.
Kakashi started edging out. In fact, he was almost by the door when there was another crash. He turned his head to see what Sakura had thrown this time, only to see the window by him gaping open. Did she throw something at him? No, because when he looked at her, there was a dart in her neck, and she was face down on the table.
He looked out to the street, wondering who did this, and why whoever it was hadn't done it sooner.
This is where he received another shock. There, out on the street. Were Karin... and a badly beat up Itachi, Kakashi's mind briefly wondered about what happened to him, when Karin uttered a long victory screech.
"I GOT HER! REVENGE IS MINE!" She was laughing a little maniacally while Itachi stood there with sheer joy reflecting in his features.
Now that he thought about it, he remembered Naruto telling him something about Itachi being thrown into a pit of his fangirls while Karin was chased out of the Uchiha house by Mikoto Uchiha herself.
Maybe this had something to do with it... but he didn't stop to figure out what would happen next.
This was his chance to escape, and escape he did.
He made it back to his house, where he locked himself into his apartment (and he was going to stay there for a while, it was summer, no one would miss him for a few weeks) and called his mother.
His father picked up.
"YOU!" Kakashi snarled into the phone, "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD NAME ME AFTER MOTHER'S SHIT!" Then he hung up and wrote a nice long letter expressing his thanks to both Itachi and Karin.
Then he called his lawyer, wondering if he could get a restraining order in place against Sakura, Sasuke and Naruto.
His ego could only take so many blows.
Hey guys, I've been planning on writing this one for a while now. I'm glad I could finally get to it. What is this, my 5th story in 2 days? Yay! This one, unlike the rest, I just wrote today. Let me know what you think! (That means review people. :P)
Oh, and gimmie prompts! I need more ideas!
But let me give you a sneak peak at something upcoming: Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura. A white, unmarked van and some candy.
"Come on, Hinata, you know you want some candy. It's not sugar free, I swear! Just get in the van!"