Just Die Already

(AN: Disclaimer: I do not own or claim to own Tales of Symphonia, its characters, or locations. Set after the firing of the Mana Cannon by Sheena and prior to reaching Heimdall. Spoilers, angst, death, language, sexuality. A/U .

REVISED: 6/21)

Chapter One: A Sinister Plot

It wasn't always this way. There was a time when I really did enjoy Colette. It was right before she became the Chosen. She was always kind, nice, and a little clumsy but I found her to be a friend.

It was when the regeneration started that I started to change my mind. When we first met Remiel everything was still fine. So Colette had an angel father! But it was when she started apologizing, lying, and being ill that I grew to despise her.

I couldn't deal with it! After every seal I was just waiting for her to fall flat on her face and follow up with, "No, please don't worry. I'm fine. Sorry for making everyone worry. I'm ok, really!"

Time and time again she has been sick, stolen, or about to die. But surprisingly she manages to survive because of the goodness of us. Yuck! I couldn't tell the others that I really wanted Colette to just get it over with and become and angel, or a Martel, or even a Cruxis Crystal. I didn't give a shit. And now I was camping outside of the Ymir Forest with them and her.

"Lloyd, are you okay?" She asked.

"Yeah. Tired, that's all." I replied, sick of having to put on a fake front so that everyone would be happy.

She made her fake smile and fake giggle. "That's good. I don't want you to worry about me."

I rolled my eyes without her seeing. Ugh.

"Colette?"

"Yes, Lloyd?"

"Honestly, when we were in the Tower of Salvation, at the final seal, did you want to be sacrificed or did you really want us to save you?"

"Well, I guess I wanted the world to be regenerated, but I don't think anyone ever wants themselves to die."

"I guess you're right. I did say that I wanted a world in which no one had to be sacrificed." Everyone but her, I though.

Colette had been through it all. First she stopped being hungry, stopped crying, and stopped feeling all together. I admit I was sorry for her then. Then she became practically soulless after we had to save her (again) from Rodyle at Ozette. I realized how quiet it was, how less annoying she was. Things had just gotten better when Colette was just a body!

But of course I had to make a Key Crest for her, or it would be my ass on the line. Then she was back to her whiny, annoying self. So her Angel Toxicosis had been reversed. She was Colette again. She was for awhile she saved Chocolat from Forcystus at the Iselia Ranch and her shirt was torn.

She was all scaly and disgusting. Crying, too. I had to console her, and tell her she was not disgusting even though she was. Turns out, she was turning into a giant Cruxis Crystal. 'Yes!' I thought. 'The end of the Chosen is nigh. There is no way we can get a cure to this one!'

But I was wrong again, and here we are chasing after stupid ingredients to save her, AGAIN! And now I was fed up with it! I knew there was no way to get out of getting what we needed so I would have to take care of her myself. I was going to kill Colette, the Chosen angel of Sylvarant.

Now I just needed the perfect plan. Colette was alone right now. I could ask her to go for a walk and if no one saw, that would be my chance.

"Colette, do you want to go for a walk with me?"

"Hmm," she thought. "Okay, I need to talk to you."

We walked for a bit. I was hoping to get as far away from the others as possible.

Colette giggled. "Lloyd, slow down! We shouldn't go far from the others. It's dangerous."

How ironic! But only dangerous for the Chosen. "You're safe with me," I lied.

She made a content and relieved smile.

"What did you want to talk to me about?"

She looked down anxiously. "It's you… and Zelos."

"Zelos? What are you talking about?"

"I see the way you two stare at each other, how you talk to him, and the way you act. I thought…"

It wasn't false. Zelos and I were close. Ie knew his deepest darkest secret: Zelos was gay. I actually cared about him though, even though I knew one day that Zelos might not always be there, at least that's what he had told me. Colette was only a naïve, pathetic, and silly Chosen.

"I thought you loved me, Lloyd."

I felt my stomach churn and my heart swell into my throat.

"Colette…"

"I mean, if you do have feelings for Zelos, I won't barge in. If you are..ga- I'm not saying you are! I want you to be happy. And… oh no. I'm sorry, I'm so stupid. You wouldn't like me. I'm just the Cruxis Crystal girl!" She started balling.

I put my hand over my face. Now was a good chance, just stab her and finish the girl.

"D-Do you love him?"

I thought. If I played my cards right and told Colette that I was in love with her and only her, then I could get her to kill herself easily. How malicious, but I didn't want to do the deed or get caught. I was going to do it. I would make Colette kill herself.

"That's dumb, Colette." I tried to force myself to blush. "I love you and only you. I have since the moment we met."

It was a sick and sinister lie.

"Oh, Lloyd! I'm so happy. I feel the same!"

She fell forward and hugged me. I got nothing from the hug but happiness when it was over.

"Please hurry, Lloyd. I don't want to turn into a crystal. I want to be with you." She smiled.

He had some major evil plotting to do.

"Let's return back to camp."

I knew what to do. I would make Colette feel guilty for putting everyone through so much trouble just to help her, AGAIN! She would be so depressed and kill herself. I just needed everyone to stay out of it and Genis was such a nosy tattle-tale.

I had a lot of planning to do.