Rating: T for language (overall)

Characters: Sulu, Kirk, McCoy

Summery: Jim, Bones and Sulu decide to share the American tradition of Thanksgiving with their friends on the Enterprise. But because it's the Enterprise they have to contend with culinary mishaps, Klingon attacks and Vulcan logic picking apart the seasonal mythology.

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek or anything affiliated with it. I'm doing this for fun, not profit.

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An Enterprise Thanksgiving

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THE TURKEY

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"Okay," Jim says counting off on his fingers, "We've got the turkey thawed, the fryer is on, the oil is heating. The thermometer's in there and my PADD is set to time. Before we actually get this bad boy started is there anything we're missing?"

Sulu looks up from where he's examining their trussed turkey for any signs that it hasn't thoroughly thawed. Straightening up he glances around the small section of the Enterprise's main mess kitchen that they've managed to rope off for themselves. Cooks and line workers are watching them from a distance with a mixture of curiosity and abject horror.

"Naw, that should be it." Sulu says, as he checks the temperature of the oil. "Oh wait! Didn't McCoy want to be here for the actual frying?"

"Yah," Jim says checking his chronometer. Bones should have been there by now. "I comm'ed him and he-"

Jim's interrupted by the chirp of his communicator. He looks at it, a little perplexed, then flips it open.

"Kirk here."

"We're ready Jim. Are you going to start or what?" Comes Bones' voice over the comm, sounding grouchy and weirdly hollow.

"Bones? Where are you man? Why are you comm'ing me?"

"I'm behind you, Jim." Jim hears a metallic 'clang' from over his right shoulder. "Behind the mixer."

Jim and Sulu whip around to look and almost miss the three people clustered around the giant kitchen appliance. They sort of blend in with the background.

"Bones." Jim says.

"Yeah Jim?" Comes over the comm from the headset inside his friend's helmet.

"Why are you wearing a hazard suit?"

"Jim."

"Yes Bones?"

"You are deep frying a fucking turkey... You."

"I'm helping too, you know." Says Sulu, arms crossed over his chest.

"I know. That's why I've got backup." Bones replies, gesturing at the two med-techs behind him. One waves a chemical and heat resistant gloved hand.

"Your confidence in us is overwhelming." Jim's feeling a bit irritated now. It's not like he makes a habit of blowing stuff up. Sure, he and Sulu do some crazy shit on occasion but they're taking this very seriously. "You had to wear hazard suits, really? That's such crap Bones!"

"Jim-"

"No Bones. We talked about this. It's our first Thanksgiving on the Enterprise and, if I remember correctly, you were the most adamant about doing it right."

"Yeah okay, but Jim-"

"And that means," Jim speaks loudly to drown out Bones' voice on the comm, "cooking everything ourselves. That means frying the damn turkey!"

"Jim." Bones raises his hands.

"You know I've done this before right? It's not quantum physics-"

"The fryer-"

"-Which I'm also pretty good at by the way." He continues, ignoring the way the med-techs are slowly backing away. "We're not going to get attacked by Klingons and the hull isn't going to rupture. We aren't going to spontaneously loose pressure or artificial gravity, there won't be floating globs of boiling oil-"

"Jim!"

"- Have a little trust in my girl, Bones! A little trust."

"Oh shit! Clear the deck!" Sulu yells, pushing Jim from behind.

"What the hell-" Jim says, glancing back. It only takes him a split second to process what he's seeing and then he scrambles up onto the nearest prep station. Sulu following close behind. They watch silently as the oil boils over the side of the fryer then as the metal walls warp and the remaining contents spill onto the floor.

"So." Jim says as the oil pools around three pairs of booted feet.

"Where did you get that portable fryer, Jim?" Bones says over the comm, which is still gripped in Jim's hand.

"The Ferengi." Sulu replies in a small voice.

"The Ferengi? You can't be fucking serious! Jim, that's insane-" Blessed silence falls as Jim snaps his comm shut.

"I've changed my mind. I like the hazard suits. Very convenient."

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