Trials of a shelled King.
Chapter 1, Evicted
"ACHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" The sneeze of the large Koopa King echoed all throughout his castle. Several goombas jumped slightly however they quickly shook it off and continued with their duties.
Bowser lay in bed with a thermometer sticking out of his mouth and an ice bag plopped over his head, his horns stuck out from the edges of the bag.
Kammy Koopa stood in the corner brewing a medicine of some kind.
"Would ya hurry up already I-I- ACHOOO! I can't go kidnap peach like this!" Kammy turned and huffed at her impatient lord.
"Oh quiet down! Honestly can't you take a break from kidnapping that girl; she's more trouble than she's worth! The last time she was here I had to put her to sleep because she wouldn't stop crying! You'd think she would get used to being here." Kammy said as she turned back to her potion.
Bowser sat there grumbling in his bed with his arms folded across each other. Then suddenly a rancid smell filled the room. Bowser's face turned green and he felt the need to barf.
"What is that smell!" Bowser demanded.
"Do you like it? It's my newest potion that'll cure right up quick." Kammy said with a satisfied look on her face.
Bowser covered both his hands over his mouth and he burped.
"No I don't like it! And I'm definitely NOT drinking it… ~sniff~" Kammy started to pour the mixture into a mug for Bowser to drink, much to the Koopa king's dismay.
"Stop snorting that snot back up, use a tissue instead!" Kammy said as she brought Bowser the Medicine. She brought it right up to Bowser's nose, and recoiled. "Just drink it already! The sooner you do it the less torment you'll have to endure! Don't be a weakling like Mario!" Bowser suddenly sat straight up sending Kammy flying against the wall, however the soup stayed.
"WHAAAAAT! HOW DARE YOU COMPARE ME TO THAT IDIOT PLUMBER MARI-MARI- ACHOOOOOO! HMPH! If I drink this that'll make me that much cooler than Mario… alright bottoms up!" Bowser pinched his nose, and he splashed the drink into his mouth. However pinching his nose did nothing to the flavor of the potion and he felt the full intensity of it.
"GWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" Bowser screamed.
He then sprang up from the bed and ran down the hall to the bathroom. Several hacking noises could be heard coming from the room, and they echoed through the castle.
Several Koopas looked up curiously, and many Boos were laughing. Kammy joined in.
Bowser came out to see a red faced Kammy biting her lip.
"What!" Bowser yelled. Kammy kept her calm and she let her lip go. "What's so funny, I heard the Boos laughing… were you?" Kammy quickly shook her head, and Bowser trudged back to his bed.
As soon as he lay back down he noticed something. It wasn't a fever, it wasn't a sore throat, and it wasn't a runny nose. In fact all those symptoms didn't even show themselves. Bowser suddenly sprang from the bed and tossed his ice bag at Kammy, who promptly turned it to ashes with her wand.
"…I feel all better! BWAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH!" Kammy gave a triumphant look, as she nodded.
"See I told you, nothing ol' Kammy can't fix up!" Bowser suddenly started to stomp his foot repeatedly on the floor causing a chandelier over head to swing.
"NO NO NO! Can't you see! I recovered from my sheer awesomeness! Mario would never have recovered that quickly! Now I know I can beat that little runt! BWAHAHAHAHA! I FEEL LIKE A MILLION COINS!"
Kammy rolled her eyes and murmured a couple of spells under her breath.
Bowser was jumping and spinning around until he suddenly felt dizzy. He sat back down on the bed, and he felt his headache coming on again. His throat became sore, and his nose started to leak.
"Oh come on!" Bowser said as he laid in his bed.
"Sire you really shouldn't push yourself right after a head cold, after all anybody can fall into a relapse." Bowser looked up Kammy who looked rather smug.
Bowser finally figured it out. "YOU DID THIS!" Bowser did not wait for her answer instead he charged forward baring his fangs. He attempted to punch her, but Kammy managed to teleport to the other side of the room.
"Phew I'm getting to old for this!" Kammy said as she panted while hunched over.
"You're gonna feel a lot older when I'm done with you!" Bowser said as he charged at Kammy again. This time she did not teleport, but instead casted a freeze spell.
"Go Blizzaga!" Kammy said as a large snow flake hit Bowser. The Koopa King was frozen on touch from the neck down.
"Blizzaga? What does that even mean!" Kammy shrugged.
"I don't know it's just a spell I picked up in the Beanbean kingdom, they have quite the assortment these days!"
"Whatever! Just unfreeze me!" Kammy waved her wand and the ice melted leaving a large puddle in the middle of Bowser's room. "Oh great going!"
"You're not very appreciative…" Kammy said as she created a mop to clean up. The mop landed down on the floor and it started to clean the puddle up. Bowser watched with amazement, while Kammy acted as if it were an everyday thing.
"Wow… can you do that again?" Kammy glared at Bowser and she proceeded to stick her wand in his face.
"I can but I won't! Now then let's get down to the stage." Bowser angrily coked his head at her.
"Huh why." He asked.
"Remember you were gonna give a speech to the castle staff. I think it was to commemorate them for… something. Oh and Kamek's going to show up." Kammy stated rather dully.
Bowser gave an inquisitive look at the name Kamek.
"Kamek huh? I haven't seen him in a while. Well the more the merrier!" Bowser said with a loud bellow. Kammy didn't seem too happy that Kamek was going to be there, and she appeared to get darker when Bowser mentioned his name. "What's wrong! I demand to know!" Kammy turned around and started to violently shake her wand at bowser.
"Shut up!" Kammy yelled. Bowser was taken aback by her comment and he began to get angry.
"Do you wanna go? Cause I can take down any old hag with both arms tied behind my shell!" Bowser replied.
"Hey I am a Beautiful Koopa with a beautiful name, Kammy Koopa!" Kammy said as she shook her wand. Bowser finally stepped back and calmed down, which was unusual for him.
"Yeah I think I know your name! Let's hurry up and get down to the stage." Bowser yelled. Kammy promptly agreed and she rushed Bowser down several flights of stairs.
The stage was the one part that Bowser had refused, or rather was too lazy to remodel after Fawful had turned his castle into a theater. He thought that it would be perfect for speeches and such. However the stage needs a tune up. It still has marks from when Bowser fought Midbus, and following an incident with a talent show, the stage is in desperate need for some curtains.
Bowser came stomping out onto the stage wearing a white tuxedo that he got when Count Bleck married him and Peach. Bowser pretended that there were curtains, and he waited for them to rise. Once the imaginary curtains rose he saw the audience.
It was a basic conglomeration of Magikoopas, Hammer Bros., Goombas, Koopas, rogue Toads, Boomerang bros., and Boos. Every single one was cheering his name.
"Go King!"
"Take it for the win!"
"You rock!"
"Defense, defense!"
"No, Offense, don't you know how Bowser is!"
"Moo!"
"Rawr!"
"Go, go, go, and go!"
"Tell em like it is!"
"Go for a slam dunk!"
"No it's a touchdown!"
Bowser probably uses the most unconventional way to silence crowds.
"SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU!" Bowser screamed. Immediately the crowds hushed and allowed Bowser to start. "Minions! Loyal minions! Over the past two decades we have been kicked, stomped, torched, and crushed by a single man… MARIO!"
The crowd started to boo at the mention of the hero. Instead of silencing it Bowser encouraged it. Eventually the booing died down as the crowd wanted to hear more of the Koopa King's speech.
"Mario has defeated us many times, BUT, We have defeated him many times as well." The crowd suddenly broke out into a whisper of confusion. That whisper weaved itself into everybody's ears, and the whole crowd became confused.
"It may seem confusing, but I can explain. Every 1-up he uses, every Flag he passes, is a defeat by him. We don't use 1-ups, why? Because we are strong! Also isn't our goal to kidnap Princess Toadstool Peach? It is! Thus every time we take her highness, we win, and Mario is defeated! Of course he manages to counter that, but that's a discussion best saved for later! And I have… some…. Uh m-more information?"
Bowser stared at the back of stage where Kammy was holding up signs for Bowser to say. She was waving the current sign frantically trying to get Bowser to read it.
"I… uh- it's… Kammy stop it! Uh… Oh! I think that says uh…. Great Green mushrooms Kammy your hand writing sucks!" Kammy brought down her sign in anger.
"Hey it's no better than yours!" Kammy screamed. Bowser suddenly ripped off his Tuxedo and flared his nostrils.
"Ok It is on!" Bowser jumped off the stage into a clearing made by the crowd. Kammy called on her broom and she hopped on it. Then Kammy threw out an insult WAY out of the box.
"Bring it on Blastoise!" Bowser threw up his arms in confusion.
"Blastoise!" He asked. Kammy just shrugged, like she did when she casted Blizzaga.
"Again, it's a term I picked up in a Kingdom called Kanto…" Kammy suddenly launched a flaming square at bowser. He reflected it by tucking into his shell.
Bowser suddenly lunged at her claws forward, and mouth outstretched. Kammy simply floated up a couple of feet and Bowser missed her by an inch. The Koopa King crashed into a nearby row of seats, while Kammy laughed.
Bowser slowly got up and he huffed. Once again he lunged at her, and this time she was unprepared. Kammy noticed Bowser was attacking her again, and she hurriedly searched her memory for a spell.
"Hya!" Kammy screamed as she let out a bolt of thunder. Bowser was struck clear in mid-air. The lightning bolt struck bowser's shell, and it channeled itself through his body. It searched for a way out, and finally it found it. Bowser blasted a lightning surge from his mouth, and struck Kammy off her broom.
"AAAAAACK!" Kammy screamed as she was sent flying against the wall. Bowser was dumbstruck.
"…BWAHAHAHA! See that? Bowser the Koopa King still ranks Number one! I'm the champ, the cream of the crop, the ace in a deck of cards! HA!" Bowser gloated. Kammy stood up, but rested her hands on her knees.
"Alright fine, you're the winner your majesty." Kammy admitted. Bowser started to do a little victory dance.
"You know it!"
"And so do I." Said a mysterious voice. Kammy quickly looked up, and Bowser turned around. The man they saw wore a blue robe, and large glasses. He was obviously a Magikoopa, but he seemed different. Kammy was the first to speak up.
"Kamek… you're late!" Kammy scolded. Kamek didn't seem to care.
"Kammy Koopa, angry and old as always." Kammy frowned at the statement, and she gritted her teeth. "How about we catch up a bit, let's go to the conference room."
Bowser and Kammy sat in a green couch with a spiked shell attached to the back of it, while Kamek sat in a simple recliner made of red velvet. Kammy sat there uneasy being around Kamek, while Bowser listened to stories of his travels, as if he were a grade school kid.
"After that I was jumped by several Yoshies, but I made my escape! I casted many fire spells, but the Yoshies ate them!" Kamek exclaimed. Kammy didn't really much care for Kamek's story, and she interrupted him frequently.
"OH! Kamek!" Kammy said. Kamek gave her the evil eye before replying.
"WHAT! What do you want this time!" Kamek yelled. Kammy was taken aback as if she were an innocent bystander.
"Well I was just going to ask you how you like your tea, but if you're going to say it like that I'll just cancel your order." Kammy said with a smile on her face. Kamek started to panic before apologizing. "Ok that's better… now then, how do you like your tea!"
"Oh I like it searing hot!" Bowser said with glee. "Real men burn their mouths!" Bowser proudly stated. Kammy just rolled her eyes, and waited for Kamek's response.
"I like it without any flavor at all." Kamek said. Kammy reached into her pocket and pulled out a cell phone decorated in Glitzville items. Bowser looked at it with disgust. Kammy whispered some things into the phone, none of which anybody could hear.
"Oh…. And in Kamek's tea… make sure to put a sleeping pill in it. I don't know how much longer I can listen to him." Kammy closed the phone with a smug grin across her face.
"What?" Kamek asked. Kammy smiled and replied with,
"Oh nothing just a joke I picked up." Kammy said. Kamek seemed intrigued.
"Well tell it to us!" Kamek said. Suddenly Bowser started to freak out.
"NOOOOOO! If you picked that joke up in some other kingdom, DON'T tell it!" Bowser exclaimed.
"Pray tell why not?" Kamek asked. Kammy was still grinning from ear to ear.
"Well I did pick it up in Dry Dry outpost, I went there to sunbathe, and it didn't work out so well…" Kammy said with a frown on her face.
"Ok enough of this; I want to hear more of Kamek's story!" Bowser demanded. Kamek nodded and he continued with getting attacked by rabid Yoshies. Kammy impatiently stared at the door waiting for the tea. For now she had to listen to his story.
"And then he lunged at me! I fought back fiercely, but to no avail, I was taken down. They tied me to a pole and carried me into their cave! They put me up over a pit of lava! Ha-ha, but I was quick. I called my broom over and cut myself free. Then I flew off out of their caves. However when I emerged I saw a giant Yoshi! It charged at me, and I was knocked down again." Kamek said. Kammy once again spoke up.
"Umm… how long is this story exactly?" Kammy asked.
"Oh well we haven't gotten to the spaceships, and then there's the army of bob-ombs… um about an hour left." Kamek said.
"Well then….." Kammy said while forcing a smile. Suddenly there was a bang on the door. "Oh the tea's here!" Kammy got up to go open the door. Once she did, two goombas wheeling a kart burst into the room. The kart had three cups of tea. Two of which were just porcelain, however the third was a large spiked mug, obviously Bowser's. The three took their respective cups, and continued with Kamek's story.
Bowser took a big swig of his, and the result was drastic. He tried to hide the burning sensation in his mouth, but his eyes started to water, and his mouth started to twitch.
After Kamek sipped his tea he started to get drowsy. And Kammy appeared to be the only one who didn't have any problems with her tea.
"I just love Wiggler shell tea! Don't you Kamek?" Kammy asked with an obvious dark tone to her voice.
"I don't… know ~yawn~ I'm getting kind of tired…" Slowly Kamek drifted off to sleep. Kammy started jumping and celebrating.
"YES! IT WORKED HAHAHAHA!" Kammy shouted with glee. Bowser painfully swallowed his drink before noticing that Kamek was asleep.
"AW! I wanted to hear more about that giant Yoshi!" Bowser complained. The Koopa King got up and stretched. "Hmm now that Kamek's asleep I'm getting kinda tired too. Well I'm off to bed, Kammy!" Kammy turned to bowser with shock.
"But it's only seven! You really can't be tired; you usually stay up till like three in the morning!" Kammy screamed. Bowser suddenly collapsed on the floor snoring loudly. "WAIT!" Kammy turned to the Goombas and stared them down.
"DID YOU PUT SLEEPING PILLS IN ALL OF OUR TEAS!" Kammy exclaimed. The Goombas nodded timidly, and waited for Kammy's wrath.
"You idiots… I-i-i…." Kammy fell over deep in slumber leaving to dumbstruck Goombas. The two eventually laughed and ran out of the room.
Bowser woke up to the sun shining right into his face. The king rolled around waving his arms wildly.
"GAH get that lamp outta my face!" Bowser continued to roll until he opened his eyes. "OWWW! THAT'S NOT A LAMP!" Bowser screamed.
He then got up and ran out of the room stumbling about. He fell down a couple flights of stairs. Bowser then crashed into a troop of Koopas. Several shells then went flying leaving many Koopas in boxers. Bowser rose up and rubbed his head.
"Ow…. My head… HUH! W-why are you all naked!" The Koopas were at a loss for words, until one of them spoke up.
"Uhh… Remember sire you told us to train without our… uh shells to…. Uh… figure out how to fight unarmed?" The Koopa lied. Bowser started to think and he rubbed his chin.
"Oh yeah I remember… I think… Well what're you all doing lying on the floor? Get back to work!" Bowser said. The Koopas scrambled to their feet and saluted Bowser.
"YES SIR!" The Koopas said in unison. All of them marched off in the other direction. Bowser looked the other way, and realized something, he was hungry.
Bowser marched down a nearby stairway, and turned to the hall on his left. He trudged down the hall and stopped at a door. He opened it, and beyond it was the dining room.
The dining room had many large mosaic windows on the side opposite of the door. The floor was a tiled marble, with a large green carpet draped over the middle of it. Three chandeliers hung from the ceiling, and Boos were constantly relighting them. On top of the green carpet was a long dining table with seventy chairs on the table's longer sides. On the shorter sides it had only one very large chair. It had a spike shell design on the back, and it was pure gold. Kammy sat in the chair.
Bowser walked over, and yelled right in her ear.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" Bowser screamed. Kammy looked over at Bowser, and jumped.
"Oh! This is your chair… sorry I forgot." Kammy said as she climbed out of the chair. She found a new one right next to bowser. Kammy looked exhausted. Her hat was sitting cocked to one side and several dirty grey strings of hair fell in front of her face. Her glasses were cracked and barely hanging on her face. Bowser looked at her with an inquisitive look.
"… Wow Kammy what did you do!" Bowser asked. Kammy looked at him.
"I had a very rough sleep. I think I woke up in the cellar…And I fell down some stairs while I was making my way up here." Kammy said. Bowser started to think a bit before bursting into laughter.
"BWAHAHAHAHA! Kammy you're a genius!" Bowser exclaimed. Kammy looked at him with confusion written all over her face.
"I am?" She asked. Bowser laughed some more before patting her on the head.
"Of course, now I know how I can beat Mario. We'll lure him to the castle, and then we place a banana peel on the stairs, and he'll trip!" Bowser said with a grin. Kammy glared at Bowser for a while until a Boo wearing a tuxedo floated over.
"My my, Bowser the Koopa King, and Kammy Koopa, what a pleasant surprise. Fine speech you put on my lord, I especially enjoyed the end." The Boo said.
"Huh? I gave a speech?" Bowser dumbly asked. Kammy put her hand to her temple.
"Yes remember it ended with us getting in a fight." Kammy said. Bowser looked as though realization came to his eyes.
"Oh yeah… A fight that I won!" Bowser proclaimed proudly. The Boo laughed, and agreed with Bowser.
"Now then my name is Booleger and I shall be your waiter, what would you like this fine morning?" Booleger then handed the two menus to look over. Kammy scanned the menu until she noticed they had a food called 1-up Brothe.
"What exactly is this 1-up Brothe?" Kammy asked. Booleger quickly replied.
"Oh we take a 1-up mushroom and cut it in half, we then take the remains, chop them up grill them with a couple of fire flowers, and put them into the bottom of the Mushroom. Then we pour some chicken broth into it, it's rather tasty! In fact the result can bring people back to life, most people get one when they're on their last life."
"Hmmm that does sound good, I'll have one!" Kammy said. Bowser then proceeded to order the fiery steak. A simple steak with tons of Fire Flowers grilled with it. Booleger floated through the wall to the Kitchen leaving the two to converse.
"Hmmm Kammy lets think of how we can lure Mario here so my plans can come to fruition!" Bowser said. Kammy grabbed her fork and threw it at Bowser.
"That plan is horrid! Even if Mario did trip on the banana peel it would nothing! You have to think of a better plan your gruesomeness." Kammy said. Bowser's smile faded and his mouth gaped wide open.
"Bu-but that's the perfect plan Kammy! How else am I going to defeat Mario?" Bowser said.
"… OH! I know!" Kammy exclaimed.
"What?" Bowser asked.
"My lore book! It's got all kinds of legends in it. After Breakfast I'll show you!" And with that Three Boos, one of which was Booleger, came out of the wall carrying two plates. A hollowed out mushroom with a soupy mixture in it was handed to Kammy, while a large searing hot steak was placed in front of Bowser.
"Alright looks good Booleger!" Bowser said with excitement.
"Oh your nastiness you do me too much honor!" Booleger said while waving his arms in glee. Bowser then pretty much engulfed his steak in one bite. Kammy watched with boredom.
"OH I can't wait to try this…" Kammy picked up her spoon ready to enjoy the 1-up Brothe. However Bowser stopped her.
"No time Kammy we've got to check out that Lore Book!"
"Aw but I wanna… alright fine, Booleger put this in a box for me ok?"
"Of course Kammy I hope you'll enjoy it some time." Booleger said. He then turned back to the wall to fetch a box.
Kamek rummaged through his bag desperately looking for something. After going through some clothes and a strange gem he found it. Kamek grabbed out a Rectangular slim device. It was Aqua blue, and on the top it read
DS MAIL BOX SP
Kamek opened it up and held it up to his ear.
"My lord you were right, this castle is perfect, and Bowser is too dumb to notice the power it holds!" Kamek listened to the reply.
"Yes, can you get here tonight? That's when he'll be least aware!" Kamek once again listened to the reply. "Oh well I'll be expecting your arrival, Oh and make sure to bring the Novaxe, Bowser is no push over!" Kamek the put his DS mail box sp away in the bag.
He turned away from the bag with an evil grin on his face.
Kammy grabbed her Lore Book from her bag and thrusted it into Bowser's face.
"See The Lore Book, It has every legend known to man." The book was a simple hardback cover made out of wood, and on the front it had a large sky blue stone. Kammy opened it up and flipped through the pages.
"Hmmm let's see… Star spirits…. Crystal stars…. Chaos heart… ugh we've been through all of these, and we've failed...Grand Stars… Dark Star… Bean Star… Cobalt Star…hmmm this book is a waste of time Bowser we should just look around for something else. We aren't getting anywhere." Bowser dropped his head.
"I can't believe we've been through every single legendary treasure! I really can't be that desperate to get back at Mario!" Bowser said dumbstruck.
"Come on your grogginess, it's getting late, we can research artifacts and stuff tomorrow." Kammy guided Bowser out into the hall, and a large group of Goombas ran up to them.
"Bowser, Bowser, Bowser! There's a guy out at the gates asking for you." The Goombas formed a circle around Bowser and Kammy, and they led them down to the main gate.
Once they reached the gate the Goombas formed a defensive barrier around the gate. Outside was a strange man. He appeared to be an Alligator of sorts, only he had large horns coming out of the back of his head. His nose had many thorns out of it. His snout had many spikes on it as well. He wore two large metal shoulder pads with curved spikes. The rest of his body was wrapped in a dark cloak.
"And who is this bozo?" Bowser asked.
"Kroul." The man said.
"Huh?"
"My name. It's Kroul." He said with a bow. Bowser however didn't seem all that impressed.
"Well what do you want!" Bowser said while folding his arms. Kroul took a step forward, and outstretched his hand.
"I've come to take your castle. Its power doesn't suit you." Kroul said.
"Bwahahahaha! Yeah right Goombas get him!" Immediately in a flash of light all the Goombas lay on the floor unconscious, Leaving a dumbstruck Bowser, and a dumbstruck Kammy. "What was that!" Bowser inquired.
"Now then I think you'll submit." Kroul said with a wicked smile on his face. Bowser took a step back before growing angry.
"What do you think you are some hotshot celebrity! Look pall If you really want my castle you'll have to go through me! Bwaaaaah!" Bowser shouted. He attempted to blast out fire, however nothing came out. "Huh? HAAAAAA! Nothing? … what's going on!" Bowser screamed.
"Heh! I thought you were supposed to be the great and powerful Koopa King?"
"Why can't I breath fire!" Bowser exclaimed.
"Wow, I am truly impressed… Kamek told me that you'd be no push over, but that's probably an understatement." Kroul said.
"Kamek?... WHAT!" Bowser yelled.
"Why yes your little Magikoopa betrayed you! Surprised? You shouldn't be, after all I am the better leader." Kroul proclaimed. Bowser snapped.
"WHAAAT! YOU WOULD DARE TO SAY SUCH THINGS! !" Bowser screamed as he lunged at Kroul. Kroul took a step back and revealed his left hand. He was wearing a golden Gauntlet with a red jewel on the back of the hand. The jewel flashed, and Bowser was suddenly engulfed in Darkness. "Huh?... GWAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"
"Oh no Bowser!" Kammy Koopa said as she lunged into the darkness. Kroul seemed pleased with this.
"Oh good two of you… Kammy would have betrayed me anyways… Well since you disobeyed me… I suppose I'll have to send you to Dry Dry Desert!" And with that the darkness disappeared leaving nothing behind.
Kammy's inventory
1-up Brothe
Lore Book
Kammy's wand
Kammy's broom
Well how was it. This would have to be my second story. My other one, Kirby Super Star the True Story, is not over with, I'm just going to work on two at the same time.
Bowser and Kammy will continue to go at it, and Kammy will continue to throw out random insults.
Seeing as how this is the first chapter there isn't much for me to write in Author's notes so see you next time!