LOVE ON THE EDGE
Summary: Merlin/Arthur AU – A story of love between Merlin and Arthur that balances on the edge of a sword's blade. Forbidden love that will raise them to the heights of ecstasy, then plunge them into the depths of despair.
This story is obviously not canon. It is my own take on how far Merlin and Arthur's love for each other takes them; and how it affects the people around them who struggle to accept it. This is a story that will stretch Merlin and Arthur's own limits of how deep and committed their love really is, against the backdrop of medieval Camelot.
Familiar characters assume new roles in this tale that threatens to bring down the Kingdom of Camelot unless Merlin and Arthur can prove that their love will not bring doom upon their people.
Chapter 1 Dangerous Liaison
Autumn blew her wintry breath throughout the castle as the sky lightened at dawn, causing the residents to subconsciously shiver as they moved like ants about their work. Her efforts to ease everyone gradually into Winter's icy grip, were largely unappreciated. Summer had not lasted long enough.
It was the 6th hour in the castle and Merlin strode purposefully through the warren of corridors, his arms laden with a large, lumpy bundle wrapped in an old silken sheet riddled with tears from constant use. In it lay Prince Arthur's newly laundered clothes.
Merlin's mind was far from the mundane task he was engaged in. Rather, he was pondering the puzzling behaviour over the last few weeks, of his best friend Guinevere. Both of them had seemed too busy with extra chores to be able to spend time together sharing a meal or a drink. But that wasn't what concerned Merlin.
Guinevere's behaviour had been really strange, almost furtive at times, when she appeared to want to avoid him. Even when they met briefly, he could see how distracted she was and eager to be away about her business. Sometimes she would barely look at him or mumble a brief greeting as she hurried past him. Merlin was worried.
The reason for his errand was also puzzling him because it had involved, in a strange way, Guinevere. She had asked him what time he delivered Arthur's laundry. Merlin had told her exactly when he picked it up from the laundry every two days, and she had immediately offered to pick it up the next time it was due ... most enthusiastically.
Merlin knew that Guinevere had a soft spot for Arthur, just as he had, but he felt it was a bit silly for her to go delivering laundry to him just for the opportunity to moon over him. Still, he supposed it would do no harm. He was genuinely fond of Guinevere which was why he had allowed her to pick up Arthur's laundry this morning ... which she hadn't.
He had been about to visit Gaius to share breakfast with his mentor and discuss more of the disturbing news that Kilgharrah had told him the previous evening; when one of the laundry boys had yelled out to him as he had passed by, that Arthur's laundry was still sitting on the bench waiting to be picked up. He was told none too politely whether he would see fit to clear the washing away before it caused a major backlog of laundry bundles.
Somewhat disgruntled at Guinevere's broken promise and a detour that would reduce his time with Gaius, Merlin did as he was bidden and picked up the bundle, glaring at the cheeky laundry boy. Although annoyed at Guinevere's apparent forgetfulness at not picking up Arthur's laundry as promised, he chided himself for thinking badly of her. Morgana had, of late, been somewhat erratic in her behaviour towards everyone so it was quite likely that she had given her servant extra chores to perform this early morn.
Merlin turned the last corner and crossed into the main corridor leading to Arthur's room. He presumed the young Prince was still in bed as was his usual habit until the 8th hour when he would be waiting impatiently for Merlin to deliver his breakfast.
Standing outside Arthur's door, Merlin reached down to open the door. To his surprise, it was locked. Grumbling under his breath at the extra inconvenience and time wasted, he laid down the laundry on the flagstones, then reaching under his tabard, pulled his pouch free. Opening it, he found the large, iron key he needed.
Turning it carefully in the keyhole, he pushed the door gently aside, picked up the laundry and walked softly into the room. The curtains around Arthur's bed were still drawn so Merlin wondered whether the young Prince had engaged in a little midnight dalliance with one of the pretty young ladies of court, then scuttled her out quickly in the wee hours before anyone was around.
He rolled his eyes at the incautious behaviour of his Prince, and flatly refused to acknowledge the green-eyed monster that niggled at the back of his brain. Finding a clear space on a nearby chest, Merlin went to put his load down. Then he heard something.
From behind the deep folds of the burgundy curtains framing the four poster bed, the sounds of throaty groans, two sets; were clearly audible and rising in volume. Panic flittered across Merlin's features as he realised the reason Arthur had locked the door. The young Prince would not appreciate his dalliance being witnessed by his servant, so stealthily, Merlin crept across the floor towards the door.
His hand was just on the handle about to open it, when two voices joined in a crescendo of passionate shouts ... and two names rang through the still, morning air as they cried out each other's name. "Arthur!" "Guinevere!"
For a moment, Merlin paused in stunned shock! The names shouted out in the heat of frenzied passion from behind the closed curtains, seared their way into Merlin's mind ... and burnt a deep hole in his heart.
Shaking himself free of his frozen moment, Merlin pulled the door open sharply and slipped out, carefully closing the door noiselessly behind him before locking it. Panicked footsteps led him quickly back along the corridors he had come from. His feet padded out a painful tattoo as he fled to the quarters he and Gaius shared. He ran through the dispensary, grateful that Gaius was nowhere to be seen, and into his room.
Flinging the door open, he pulled himself inside, slamming it shut behind him. Caught up in the whirlpool of emotions that exploded over him, Merlin stumbled towards his bed and threw himself down.
Stinging, salty tears tracked down Merlin's face as he gulped down his gut-wrenching sobs trying desperately to damp down the noise. A headache began pounding on the back of his head as his stress levels rose. He recognised quickly that it wasn't just grief that seared through his mind, it was also anger. But at whom?
Somewhere in the back of Merlin's mind, a part of him was stunned at the seeming over-reaction to what he had stumbled upon in Arthur's room. Was he really as devastated as his reaction suggested? Who was he angry at, Arthur or Guinevere? Or both? Why was he angry? Why did he hurt so much? To whom did his heart lean towards, Arthur or Guinevere?
A tiny voice spoke clearly in Merlin's mind amidst the clamour of questions vying for space. "You're in love with Arthur". The tone of truth rang out in that voice and Merlin doubled up on his bed, sobbing the terrible reality of it. He was so distraught he couldn't even find rationalisations to counter that voice. There was no point.
It's hard enough that I have to hide my magic from him. Now I have to hide my feelings from him. But ... what if something of my magic, or something of how I feel about him spills out of me? I'd be executed on either one of these points. What am I going to do?
The sound of a soft knock on his door, followed a few seconds later by a louder knock, went unheeded by Merlin as he drowned in his sorrow and fear. It wasn't until the loud, urgent call of Gaius at his door, finally penetrated through Merlin's painful haze.
"Merlin! Merlin! Open the door! Let me in!" Authority rang through his voice as Gaius demanded entry. Reluctantly, Merlin uncurled himself knowing he could not ignore his mentor's demand. Slowly, he got to his feet and shuffled to the door. He hastily wiped the tears from his ravaged face and swallowed down the heart-broken sobs that threatened to choke him. He opened it slightly, then turned and shuffled back to his cot; flopping inelegantly down on it, his head hung limp.
Gaius took one look at Merlin, pursed his lips, and then firmly shut the door behind him. He had never seen his young charge in such a terrible state. Moving the small, rickety stool to Merlin's bedside, Gaius sat down, concern radiating out of his sympathetic blue eyes.
A long time elapsed as Merlin struggled to compose himself, his gulping sobs reduced to hiccupping mewls like a distressed kitten. Gaius waited patiently knowing that words would be a harsh intrusion on the young man's distress.
Suddenly, Merlin straightened himself and sat up. His voice was croaky as he spoke haltingly to Gaius between small gasps. "I'm _ I'm sorry you had to _ to witness that. I'm f_fine now."
His old mentor scowled and sent him a piercing look that penetrated Merlin's well-constructed barriers. "No, you're not! So don't bother telling me you're fine. Obviously, you are not alright and your red-rimmed eyes, your blotchy face and your whole body tells me that!"
Merlin dropped his grey-blue eyes to the floor, knowing he couldn't fool his old friend. Without looking back up at Gaius, Merlin related the events in Arthur's room from earlier, his voice struggling to remain steady.
Sadness and pain coloured Merlin's tone, but it was for this reason that Gaius furrowed his brow in a deep frown, anxiety exuding from his eyes. Not realising the 'ménage-a-trois' that was at the crux of Merlin's emotional state, Gaius saw the bigger picture and the possibility of terrible consequences resulting from the scene Merlin had just finished describing.
Gaius's piercing blue eyes softened as he felt Merlin's waves of pain wash over him. He immediately assumed that the young man was broken-hearted because he was secretly in love with his best friend ... Guinevere.
Finding her in Arthur's bed would have been absolutely devastating for Merlin. Gaius had often watched the two friends together and had imagined they would eventually marry each other. Now it seemed that the handsome prince had stolen her away from Merlin. Even if for Arthur, it was a fleetingly moment of passion; for Merlin it was the utter destruction of his heart as Guinevere willingly let herself be bedded.
Gaius' anger at Prince Arthur bubbled up inside as he wished, yet again, he could teach the arrogant prince a stern lesson. But he couldn't. Arthur would go on wreaking devastation to many a young man in the kingdom as he 'sampled' the best of Camelot's maidens ... then left them heart-broken and alone.
He longed to soothe the young man's agony of heart with a potion or a spell, but he knew it was futile. Some of life's lessons could not be 'magicked' away; sometimes the only way around the pain, was through it.
Something moved into Gaius' mind and his attention turned quickly towards that stray thought. Danger ... for Guinevere. With sudden clarity Gaius saw the bigger picture beyond young Merlin's despair and pain. Icy tendrils trickled their way slowly up his spine as the revelation played out all the possible ... and probable ... scenarios in his mind.
The young man was too pre-occupied to notice his mentor's increasingly agitated state until Gaius snapped him out of his despondent mood. "Merlin! Pull yourself together! Don't you realise what you inadvertently walked in on? This is serious, Merlin, very serious indeed!"
Merlin's head whipped around to face his mentor; tears still falling unheeded down his face. The urgency in Gaius' words and the fear-laced tone of his voice, pulled Merlin out of his personal hell.
"What is it? What's wrong?" he gasped in croaky voice.
Gaius resisted the urge to pull Merlin off the bed and shake some sense into him, so great was his anxiety. He drew in a very deep breath and forced his mind to formulate words carefully before speaking. Merlin's fragile state of mind was something Gaius didn't want to damage any further. If he could help it.
"Guinevere and Arthur. Together. In his room and in his bed. That should never have happened, Merlin. Arthur is the Crown Prince, Uther's heir. Guinevere is a servant in the Royal household. Imagine what would happen if Uther found out that his son, the future King of Camelot, was conducting a steamy romance here in the Palace. Right under his nose."
The shock of hearing the truth laid bare, stark and uncompromising, shook off the shackles of pain that immobilised Merlin. For the time being. That pain would return to finish its work of breaking Merlin's heart into a thousand pieces, but for now it retreated back into the shadows of reality.
Merlin saw now, beyond his personal hell, the bigger picture. It wasn't the fact that Guinevere was a servant and Arthur was the Crown Prince that sent darts of fear shooting through his body; it wasn't the fact that Guinevere would be banished from the Palace, or even from Camelot that had beads of sweat forming on his brow.
Clarity defined in detail the terrible consequences that could take place if the unthinkable had happened in that one night of unbridled passion. His eyes mirrored the horror he saw in Gaius' blue eyes. Gaius nodded his head in solemn agreement.
"Yes, Merlin. Guinevere. She could be with child, even now even as we speak. Arthur's seed buried in her, blossoming into life. Uther wouldn't exile Guinevere for that offence. He would have her executed, along with her unborn child. If its one thing Uther will not tolerate, it's an illegitimate child; pretender to the throne borne by a servant!"
Merlin shot to his feet, steadying himself against the wall as a wave of nausea passed through him. He extended his hand as Gaius moved forward to help him. Dragging a deep breath, he assured Gaius that he was fine as he felt the momentary nausea pass.
"No. No. It can't be. That ... that just can't happen. We ... we have to do something. I have to do something. I will do something."
Gaius drew himself up to his full height looking at Merlin with an expression of compassion and deep understanding of his young charge's inner turmoil. Merlin often acted rashly when prompted by his emotions, not thinking through the possible consequences of his actions. This was one time when Gaius knew he couldn't allow Merlin to fly off the handle with rash actions.
"Merlin! Stop! Just stop and think for a moment. We need to wait and see what has happened. Nothing may have come from this and that is the best we can hope for. If the worst has happened and Guinevere carries Arthur's seed, then there's nothing that can be done about that! The best we can do is remove Guinevere far away from the Palace. Possibly out of Camelot in order to save her and her child's life. The only real problem with that would be that it still presents us with a future problem of a pretender to the throne."
Cold fingers of ice touched Merlin's heart and rational thought deserted him. He turned his stormy-blue eyes towards Gaius and held his mentor's gaze with an intense, dark gaze. Merlin watched as Gaius returned his gaze with an expression of understanding ... and shocked horror.
"Gaius. We can't do that. You know what we have to do. You will make Gwen a potion to rid her body of any unwanted child. I will give it to her. Then I'll talk to Arthur and make him see sense. For Gwen's sake as well as his own. He'll have to stop seeing her. There's no way around that. We can't let them continue knowing that they risk Gwen's life and her bearing an unwanted child. We have no choice."
"No! Merlin, you can't. You wouldn't. That would be murder. Of an innocent babe? I don't believe you could do it. You couldn't. You're obviously not thinking clearly."
"We don't even know if Gwen has conceived a child yet. I'll try and find a spell that can help us find out. I won't act rashly, but ... well ... you know that it's my destiny to protect Arthur. I will do that against any threat whatsoever and right now, Gwen is a major threat to Arthur."
Outrage shone brightly in Gaius' eyes. "I can't believe you're talking like this, Merlin. So cold and clinical as if Gwen wasn't a person to be considered at all! Why would you behave so heartlessly when you have strong feelings for her? Is this revenge, Merlin, because it doesn't suit you!"
Merlin immediately realised with Gaius' impassioned words that his old mentor had grabbed hold of the wrong end of the stick. Gaius thought Merlin's feelings were for Guinevere and not for Arthur. By now, Merlin knew exactly why his heart was shattered into a thousand pieces ... he was in love with Arthur.
The young warlock decided to use his old mentor's misunderstanding to his advantage. It would have been very awkward indeed to explain his true feelings. Yet Merlin knew the thin line he trod between acting impartially in the situation and doing exactly what Gaius accused him of ... seeking revenge.
He needed to be cool headed and not rush in on a wave of confused emotions. Merlin knew that despite his personal pain, he truly loved Gwen as the close friend she was. Ruefully, he remembered a time when he would have been happy to be involved with her, but that time has passed and a new love had taken its place ... Arthur.
"No, I don't want to seek revenge against either Gwen or Arthur. I want to help them, really I do! But you're right. I'm not thinking clearly. Now is not the time to act ... now is the time to think. Both of us need to think about what actions we can take to resolve this problem."
A look of profound relief swept over Gaius' craggy features. He nodded in agreement. "Good. I'm glad you're finally talking some sense. For a moment there, you had me worried. We need to think about this and come up with a plan. Probably a good idea to have a contingency plan in case the first one goes wrong. For now, get some water and boil it up. I think we'll need a good strong cup of tea. I'll prepare breakfast for us."
Merlin nodded in agreement and moved quickly to do as his friend instructed. He had no real appetite but felt it best to humour Gaius as much as he could. The seed of a plan was beginning to blossom in his mind and he wanted a little time to flesh it out before presenting it to his mentor.
Despite his extensive powers of persuasion, Merlin knew that in this matter, Arthur would not listen to him. His friend's heart was swayed towards Gwen and he wouldn't see reason. Arthur was just as impulsive as he was and Merlin knew how he would feel if Arthur, or anyone else for that matter, dared to interfere in his personal life.