Chapter 1

"You don't have to do this alone, Phil." Carrie said as she jammed under her arm. She looked at me keenly as I tried focusing on the little things, like Carrie's springy blonde curls or that spider web in the corner that I should dust down.

Inhale. Exhale.

It's the most I could do now. Breathe. One breath at a time. It had been almost six months now since them both were gone. Six months and four days. I focused on breathing, because I knew if I tried focusing on anything else, I wouldn't want to do this. I would shut down, not talk, not move, nothing or worse, I would panic. The knot in my stomach twisted around and I focused on not getting on the floor with my head between my knees.

I slowly turned the knob and pushed the door open. Six months ago I had found my best friend lying in his own vomit, a bottle of Oxy in his hands and a note on his body, dead. My fingers twitched on the box, emotions making me nauseous.

Inhale. Exhale. Phil, you got this. I tried telling myself.

Six months ago I buried my best friend and before him, the love of his life.

Inhale. Exhale.

Six months ago, I shut down my YouTube account, closed his door, and never returned.

The place looked exactly the same, except it was in a torn up mess from the paramedics. I bit down tears and breathed as I started picking up things, one by one and putting them in the box. Carrie came in behind me and started pulling clothes off of hangers from the wardrobe and folding them neatly in her box.

Dan's stuff was easy. Most of it was going to go to his parents. It was Lia's stuff we didn't know what to do with. She came from America and had no relatives save an aunt. I didn't want to donate it to Goodwill or anything because that seemed so disrespectful…and permanent.

We worked in silence, slowly filling boxes up. I found random things like socks and books and a whole bunch of pictures.

Carrie started working next to me, finished with the wardrobe. She was humming something peaceful and it settled my nerves a little, but it was still so hard, being in here, invading Dan's space and trying not to relive that day I found him.

"What's this?" She said suddenly. I turned and watched her pull out small chest from under Dan's bed. I scooted closer to her and touched the box. It looked really old and I don't think it was Dan's because I would've seen it when we were moving in. Carrie slid her finger under the latch and I braced myself, like it was Pandora's Box and we were going to let go of everything wonderful in the world if we opened it.

Inside were letters. Lots and lots of letters. And some pictures. And some documents. But mostly letters.

"Look at this." Carrie pulled out a photo of a little girl with dark, almost black ringlets being lifted up and kissed on the cheek by a woman with dark eyes and long sandy hair. "Do you think that's-,"

"Lia." I breathed, looking at the photo. She was so young and her eyes, which were usually blank and staring were shiny and full of life. She looked completely different.

We pulled out things from the box, reading the letters and looking at the photos. The photos were of a perfect happy family from when Lia was an infant to when she was about eight years old. We read through some of the letters. They were mostly written from her mom to her dad, each envelope had a 'FAILUR E TO DELIVER' stamp on them. Her mother talked about Lia's blindness and her failure as a mother, each one hedging a little bit more of insanity and depression.

"What's this?" I pulled out a black box and opened it. Inside was a sterling silver locket on a thin chain. I managed to open the locket and found a folded up piece of paper. I pulled out the piece of paper and unfolded it.

My heart does not beat

It Rides with the sea, On the Beach of Tears

It walks on The road paved With nebulas, their stars Shining bright

It climbs the mountain sprinkled with magic, where happiness is made

My heart does not skip

It stops Only For the Best, Wrapped up in Vine

On the Beach far From home, it watches And waits

For that day to be reunited, to be whole, to be loved

Again

"Whose locket do you think this is?" Carrie asked, gently taking it from me and running her fingers over it. "And what do you think that means?"

"I'm not sure." I said, staring at the paper of riddles. I wondered what it means, what it was trying to say.

I had to find out.

For Dan.

For Lia.

For me.