~ Sunday ~
It ended
I think we both knew it, but couldn't say it to eachother... It was to painful
I felt that this day would be a strange and bad day
He walked up to me, looked into my eyes... and I saw what he thought. I'm sure he saw what I thought. This past month has been , how can I put it, just not right.
He didn't say anything. I didn't ask.
I didn't say anything. He didn't ask.
I never knew it could be go so easy. Maybe he knew that. Maybe he didn't.
~ Sunday night ~
It has gone only a few hours and I feel totally ok with it. Maybe he was right, it can be easy to forget what we had. It has gone ok so far.
I haven't thought much about him . I'm going to be alright...
~ Sunday ~
It ended
This was the worst day in my whole life. I can't believe it. She just accepted things and went away. Couldn't she see that this was the hardest thing I have ever done. I'm never going to get over this.
People say that your heart hurt so badly that you can really feel it. That is so true. I have never had such a big chest pain, like I have now.
I don't know what happened between us. Everything just didn't feel the same as before.
Stupid me, I should have asked her, or at least said something. But I didn't and I think I would regret it forever.
I never thought that I would start writing down my feelings, but Jake is right, it feels a little bit better after you have written it.
~ Monday, 1 one day after the break-up ~
I didn't know how to be around her today, so I ignored her a little. It was so hard. But I knew that talking to her would just make me feel worse.
She acted like things were fine. She is handling this much better than I am ever going to do.
Then I though at least I can try to move on with my life. If she can, then I can. So I acted pretty normal the rest of the day.
But as soon as I came home, I felt just as bad as before. No, I felt worse.
This is the worst day in my whole life. Just because she acted like our relationship was a bad one and that she was glad that it had ended.
~ Monday ~
He was handling this well. Maybe it was because I tried to act normal and he thought he could do that too.
I think we both can get over this. Moving on with our lives is the best thing we can do right now. I know that we will never forget our first love, and I think he knows that too, but we will cope. This was the first day after our break-up and it went just fine.
Why do I feel that the he thinks our relationship was just a waist of time???
~ Tuesday ~
We actually talked today. That was good. We also told Bella, Scout and Will. I haven't seen three so surprised people in my whole life. If they only knew that I feel more surprised then them.
I knew it was going to happen eventually, when you look back on how things has been lately between us, but I didn't want it to happen.
OMG, I have admitted that to myself that I didn't want it to happen. I can't do much now, it's over and I have to accept that fact.
~ Tuesday ~
They couldn't believe it. Well I couldn't believe it that Hamilton and I told them today. It went pretty good. We both were calm and I think we are both handling this so well.
I can only feel better from now on.
Otherwise the day has been a ordinary day. Bella asked me how I felt, and I answered truthfully that I was doing ok and that I have accepted that things are over between us.
~ Wednesday ~
I feel so much better right now. Telling them was a good thing to do. I actually talked a little to Jake today. I really needed to talk to her. We needed to clear the air between us. I honestly can say that I think we can become friends again.
I spent the rest of day with Will and Scout. They tried to avoid any subject that had to do with Jake, which was a bit difficult for them but also very nice of them to do.
I told them that I'm doing alright.
~ Wednesday ~
It came 3 days later. A delayed reaction!!! As soon as I talked to Ham I rushed to my room and started to cry. This was hard. I didn't cry much, and actually I felt relieved that I did cry. It helped me process what has happened much better.
But I do miss him. I regret that I didn't say anything to him when we broke up. If I did maybe it hadn't ended the way it did. How can I ever forgive myself...
This was the worst day in my whole life...
I realised that I lost Hamilton
~ Wednesday night ~
Bella called to see how I was doing. I was pretty good covering up. My voice wasn't the best, but I don't think she could tell that I have cried.
I'm not going to let anyone know how I feel. Can they not see how I feel, then they can't. I need to handle this by my own. It's just going to take time, more time then I though it would take.
Tomorrow is a new day and I hope it will be better than today.
~ Thursday ~
I didn't see her today.
Why do I always start my diary with talking about her? She isn't my girlfriend anymore.
Today was ok. I got some history homework. I could really need some help from Jake with it.
This isn't going well. I think I just have to admit that I can't stop thinking about her. She WAS my whole world. She meant a lot to me. But it's over. It's totally over between us.
I just wrote it, but I didn't mean it. Maybe we can still be friends. I want us to be friends. I think I'll ask her tomorrow if she still wants to be my friend.
~ Thursday ~
I didn't talk to him today. I avoided him. It was for the best. He has accepted that it is over. I need to do that too. I hope I can accept it soon.
I just had a delayed reaction. A stupid delayed reaction. I hate it. . .
I feel the same as yesterday, but the good thing is that I haven't cried yet. This will work out.
I just need to let this sink in.
I want it to sink in faster, I want it to sink in faster and I want it to sink in faster.
~ Friday ~
I am not good at avoiding people. He talked to me today. I didn't want to talk to him. I wasn't and I'm still not ready to talk to him.
This is what happened today...
He came up to me today and asked me if we still could be friends. Out of the blue he asked me that. I didn't expect that he would ask me that now. I hadn't prepared myself for that question. I haven't even thought about it. What did he expect me to say???
I said to him " I don't know, maybe". And I don't know if he was surprised, sad or angry. He had this strange facial expression. I never want to see that expression ever again.
I think I hurt him.
I couldn't be one more second around him, so I just said bye and slowly went to my room though I wanted to run as fast as hell.
I came to my room, got changed and then went on a run. I ran and ran. Suddenly I stopped and I can exactly remember what I shouted out.
"Why, why do I feel this way? How can he be over this? Why am I not over this? I hate him for making me feel this way. How dare he make me feel guilty? It takes two to break up... "
Then I fell on my knees and started to cry. I cried and cried, it felt like I cried forever.
This is the worst week in my whole life
~ Friday ~
I miss her. I miss our talks. I miss playing videogames with her. I miss her. I would do anything to get her back. I can settle with just being friends. That's why I thought it was a good idea to ask her if she wanted to be my friend.
Boy, was I wrong...
She said," I don't know, maybe". What is that for answer?
And her expression was so puzzled. Was she surprised by my question? Did I ask it to soon? I think I ruined everything between us. She just said bye and walked away quickly.
I must be the expert on ruining relationships and friendships.
I hope she changes her mind. If she doesn't I would be the most miserable guy in whole Rawley.
How can I ever get some sleep tonight???
~ Saturday ~
I didn't get much sleep. I didn't feel like doing anything today. So I was in my bed and stared at the ceiling.
Hopefully I feel better tomorrow.
~ Saturday ~
Hamilton is right, why can't we be friends? I miss his company and it's better than nothing.
But I didn't feel ready to say that to him today, maybe another day. I went on a ride with my bike. I ended up at the docks when he told me that he loved me for the first time. I don't why I went there, but I don't regret it.
I didn't do much today, I thought much today instead.
~ Sunday part 1 ~
I don't know where to start. I don't know what happened today. I wonder if she knew what happened?
I saw that the clock was soon 2 pm and remember that it was just that time I broke up with her last week. It has been a week...
The worst week in my whole life, well that was what I thought then. Suddenly I felt an urge to go out. And so I did.
I walked on and on and I met a person.
I met Jake
She had the saddest eyes I have ever seen...
~ Sunday part 1 ~
I couldn't stand being in my room for one more second, so I took my bike and went out on a ride. When I was going back to the dorms after my ride I saw him.
I saw Hamilton.
I got the greatest chest pain I ever had in my whole life. I have ruined our relationship and it hurts like hell.
He had the saddest eyes I ever seen.
Suddenly we were next to eachother
I said I missed us
I felt this great feeling rush through my heart and I still have it
~ Sunday part 2 ~
I walked towards her.
For every step I took, the happier I got.
She talked to me. She said that she missed us. I said that I missed us.
We decided to try again
~ Sunday part 2 ~
We decided to try again
It ended
I think we both knew it, but couldn't say it to eachother... It was to painful
I felt that this day would be a strange and bad day
He walked up to me, looked into my eyes... and I saw what he thought. I'm sure he saw what I thought. This past month has been , how can I put it, just not right.
He didn't say anything. I didn't ask.
I didn't say anything. He didn't ask.
I never knew it could be go so easy. Maybe he knew that. Maybe he didn't.
~ Sunday night ~
It has gone only a few hours and I feel totally ok with it. Maybe he was right, it can be easy to forget what we had. It has gone ok so far.
I haven't thought much about him . I'm going to be alright...
~ Sunday ~
It ended
This was the worst day in my whole life. I can't believe it. She just accepted things and went away. Couldn't she see that this was the hardest thing I have ever done. I'm never going to get over this.
People say that your heart hurt so badly that you can really feel it. That is so true. I have never had such a big chest pain, like I have now.
I don't know what happened between us. Everything just didn't feel the same as before.
Stupid me, I should have asked her, or at least said something. But I didn't and I think I would regret it forever.
I never thought that I would start writing down my feelings, but Jake is right, it feels a little bit better after you have written it.
~ Monday, 1 one day after the break-up ~
I didn't know how to be around her today, so I ignored her a little. It was so hard. But I knew that talking to her would just make me feel worse.
She acted like things were fine. She is handling this much better than I am ever going to do.
Then I though at least I can try to move on with my life. If she can, then I can. So I acted pretty normal the rest of the day.
But as soon as I came home, I felt just as bad as before. No, I felt worse.
This is the worst day in my whole life. Just because she acted like our relationship was a bad one and that she was glad that it had ended.
~ Monday ~
He was handling this well. Maybe it was because I tried to act normal and he thought he could do that too.
I think we both can get over this. Moving on with our lives is the best thing we can do right now. I know that we will never forget our first love, and I think he knows that too, but we will cope. This was the first day after our break-up and it went just fine.
Why do I feel that the he thinks our relationship was just a waist of time???
~ Tuesday ~
We actually talked today. That was good. We also told Bella, Scout and Will. I haven't seen three so surprised people in my whole life. If they only knew that I feel more surprised then them.
I knew it was going to happen eventually, when you look back on how things has been lately between us, but I didn't want it to happen.
OMG, I have admitted that to myself that I didn't want it to happen. I can't do much now, it's over and I have to accept that fact.
~ Tuesday ~
They couldn't believe it. Well I couldn't believe it that Hamilton and I told them today. It went pretty good. We both were calm and I think we are both handling this so well.
I can only feel better from now on.
Otherwise the day has been a ordinary day. Bella asked me how I felt, and I answered truthfully that I was doing ok and that I have accepted that things are over between us.
~ Wednesday ~
I feel so much better right now. Telling them was a good thing to do. I actually talked a little to Jake today. I really needed to talk to her. We needed to clear the air between us. I honestly can say that I think we can become friends again.
I spent the rest of day with Will and Scout. They tried to avoid any subject that had to do with Jake, which was a bit difficult for them but also very nice of them to do.
I told them that I'm doing alright.
~ Wednesday ~
It came 3 days later. A delayed reaction!!! As soon as I talked to Ham I rushed to my room and started to cry. This was hard. I didn't cry much, and actually I felt relieved that I did cry. It helped me process what has happened much better.
But I do miss him. I regret that I didn't say anything to him when we broke up. If I did maybe it hadn't ended the way it did. How can I ever forgive myself...
This was the worst day in my whole life...
I realised that I lost Hamilton
~ Wednesday night ~
Bella called to see how I was doing. I was pretty good covering up. My voice wasn't the best, but I don't think she could tell that I have cried.
I'm not going to let anyone know how I feel. Can they not see how I feel, then they can't. I need to handle this by my own. It's just going to take time, more time then I though it would take.
Tomorrow is a new day and I hope it will be better than today.
~ Thursday ~
I didn't see her today.
Why do I always start my diary with talking about her? She isn't my girlfriend anymore.
Today was ok. I got some history homework. I could really need some help from Jake with it.
This isn't going well. I think I just have to admit that I can't stop thinking about her. She WAS my whole world. She meant a lot to me. But it's over. It's totally over between us.
I just wrote it, but I didn't mean it. Maybe we can still be friends. I want us to be friends. I think I'll ask her tomorrow if she still wants to be my friend.
~ Thursday ~
I didn't talk to him today. I avoided him. It was for the best. He has accepted that it is over. I need to do that too. I hope I can accept it soon.
I just had a delayed reaction. A stupid delayed reaction. I hate it. . .
I feel the same as yesterday, but the good thing is that I haven't cried yet. This will work out.
I just need to let this sink in.
I want it to sink in faster, I want it to sink in faster and I want it to sink in faster.
~ Friday ~
I am not good at avoiding people. He talked to me today. I didn't want to talk to him. I wasn't and I'm still not ready to talk to him.
This is what happened today...
He came up to me today and asked me if we still could be friends. Out of the blue he asked me that. I didn't expect that he would ask me that now. I hadn't prepared myself for that question. I haven't even thought about it. What did he expect me to say???
I said to him " I don't know, maybe". And I don't know if he was surprised, sad or angry. He had this strange facial expression. I never want to see that expression ever again.
I think I hurt him.
I couldn't be one more second around him, so I just said bye and slowly went to my room though I wanted to run as fast as hell.
I came to my room, got changed and then went on a run. I ran and ran. Suddenly I stopped and I can exactly remember what I shouted out.
"Why, why do I feel this way? How can he be over this? Why am I not over this? I hate him for making me feel this way. How dare he make me feel guilty? It takes two to break up... "
Then I fell on my knees and started to cry. I cried and cried, it felt like I cried forever.
This is the worst week in my whole life
~ Friday ~
I miss her. I miss our talks. I miss playing videogames with her. I miss her. I would do anything to get her back. I can settle with just being friends. That's why I thought it was a good idea to ask her if she wanted to be my friend.
Boy, was I wrong...
She said," I don't know, maybe". What is that for answer?
And her expression was so puzzled. Was she surprised by my question? Did I ask it to soon? I think I ruined everything between us. She just said bye and walked away quickly.
I must be the expert on ruining relationships and friendships.
I hope she changes her mind. If she doesn't I would be the most miserable guy in whole Rawley.
How can I ever get some sleep tonight???
~ Saturday ~
I didn't get much sleep. I didn't feel like doing anything today. So I was in my bed and stared at the ceiling.
Hopefully I feel better tomorrow.
~ Saturday ~
Hamilton is right, why can't we be friends? I miss his company and it's better than nothing.
But I didn't feel ready to say that to him today, maybe another day. I went on a ride with my bike. I ended up at the docks when he told me that he loved me for the first time. I don't why I went there, but I don't regret it.
I didn't do much today, I thought much today instead.
~ Sunday part 1 ~
I don't know where to start. I don't know what happened today. I wonder if she knew what happened?
I saw that the clock was soon 2 pm and remember that it was just that time I broke up with her last week. It has been a week...
The worst week in my whole life, well that was what I thought then. Suddenly I felt an urge to go out. And so I did.
I walked on and on and I met a person.
I met Jake
She had the saddest eyes I have ever seen...
~ Sunday part 1 ~
I couldn't stand being in my room for one more second, so I took my bike and went out on a ride. When I was going back to the dorms after my ride I saw him.
I saw Hamilton.
I got the greatest chest pain I ever had in my whole life. I have ruined our relationship and it hurts like hell.
He had the saddest eyes I ever seen.
Suddenly we were next to eachother
I said I missed us
I felt this great feeling rush through my heart and I still have it
~ Sunday part 2 ~
I walked towards her.
For every step I took, the happier I got.
She talked to me. She said that she missed us. I said that I missed us.
We decided to try again
~ Sunday part 2 ~
We decided to try again