A/N: Ok, so this is mostly song lyrics, but I just HAD to post it!! It is gonna (hopefully) help me get rid of my writers block. Just a not, sally and Derek are only friends. Not dating. I never liked them as a couple.... and some things are a bit AU.
Goodbye (I'm Sorry)
By: SuperxXxGirl79
"The next act at Smelly Nelly's open mike night is..." Sally said, glancing down at the piece of paper in her hand and smiling. "Derek Venturi."
People applauded politely, and Derek felt the burning stares of his friends, family, and peers on him as he walked up to the stage with his guitar. (A/N: It's an acoustic guitar)
Taking a seat on the lone bar stool, he cleared his throat. "This is a song that I wrote after my mom committed suicide." Surprised looks and whispers circulated around the room. He waited a moment before continuing in a choked voice. "I was in the next room, all alone, when the shot went off. I was 12 at the time, so the memory of my mother lying on the living room floor, eyes wide and glazed over, with a bullet through her head, will always haunt me. But I think I gave myself some closure by writing about it. So, here goes nothing..."
Time has run out, for me.
Everything's distant and I don't know what to believe.
It's so hard, lost in a world of confusion.
And I need to leave, for a while.
Life is so meaningless, there is nothing worth a smile.
So goodbye, I'll miss you.
Derek glanced at his dad, who was smiling with tears in his eyes. The experience had been painful for the both of them.
And I'm sorry, but this is my fate.
Everything is worthless, no one who wants me to stay.
And I'm sorry, but I've waited too long.
So here's my goodbye, no one will cry over me.
I'm not worth any tears.
He thought back to everything that had happened that day. It had been an ordinary one- his dad had left for work early, like he did every Saturday, and Derek had woken himself up by nine and gotten breakfast. There were some things that were different, however; his mother wasn't in the kitchen with her usual cup of coffee and book, smiling and giving him a hug.
At the time, he thought nothing of it. Oh, if he'd only realized and called someone...
It's been the years, of abuse.
Neglected to treat the disorder,
That controls my youth, for so long.
I'm in a fleshy tomb, buried up above the ground.
It's no use, why should I hold on?
It's been five years, don't need one more.
So goodbye, life's abuse.
Derek had been distant for months after the funeral. His mind couldn't grasp what Abby had written in her suicide note:
And I'm sorry, but this is my fate.
Everything is worthless, no one who wants me to stay.
And I'm sorry, but I've waited for too long.
So here's my goodbye, no one will cry over me.
I'm not worth any tears.
I wanted you to stay, he thought. Doesn't that count? Didn't it back then, when you made your decision?
Back in the present, Derek continued, keeping on strumming, while trying to get the message across.
"Every 18 minutes, somebody dies from a suicide. Every 43 seconds, somebody attempts one. If you, or anybody you know, is suicidal, call 1-800-784-2433. They can help." He caught a few people discreetly writing the number down.
And I'm sorry, but this is my fate.
Everything is worthless, no one who wants me to stay.
And I'm sorry, but I've waited too long.
So here' s my goodbye, no one will cry over me.
So here' s my goodbye, no one will cry over me.
I'm not worth any tears.
As he finished, all was silent. Without waiting for the crowd's reaction, he walked briskly off stage, set down his guitar, and walked towards the door.
"Oh my God..." he heard Casey say, tears thick in her voice. Similar things were being murmured throughout the rest of the restaurant.
Derek didn't look back. As soon as he got outside, he ran.
And ran.
And ran. The adrenaline pumping through his veins in great quantities kept him going. Before he knew it, he was pushing open the cemetery gates and jogging to a familiar stone slate, underneath an old willow tree.
He collapsed into the grass and looked at where his mother's body lay. "I still don't understand... why you did it," he said, still breathing heavily, "but I'm...willing to forgive you."
He felt a weight lift off his shoulders and a shadow of something passed overhead. He stood, head inclined towards the sky, and somehow, he knew that he was being watched by not only his mother, but the rest of the grandparents, and great grandparents that were up there.
Feeling a sense of euphoria, Derek, head still pointed at the sky, began spinning around in circles, arms outstretched. Laughing, he kept on going.
He felt truly happy, for the first time in a long time, and in a way, that's all that mattered.
A/N: So, there it is! A special little one shot for ya! Hope that makes up a bit for being absent and not updating a bunch of my stories.
Btw- the song is "Goodbye (I'm Sorry)" by Jamestown Story. (again, I recommend listening to it on repeat while reading this fic, because it gives so much more meaning, and you can just picture and hear and feel Derek up on that smelly nelly's stage singing his heart out.
Also, last and most importantly, I urge any of you who know someone who is, or could possible be, suicidal, to call the number which is once again 1-800-784-2433.
Suicide is something that can be prevented in a lot of teens, and it is a very powerful subject to write about. I hope I did it justice.
~ A.G.