Disclaimer: If I owned anything, would I be here?
Yeah, so this can be considered a sequel to "88 Rules for a peaceful Hogwarts experience." The premise of this being that if you'll broken all of the rules, or caused them to written in the first place, then proceeded to tick off the Death Eaters once they've taken over the Ministry, you'll have to run for your life. Some of these will cross over with other fandoms.
Tips For Fleeing Death Eaters and Staying Alive
1. Do not refer to Death Eaters as "Inbreeds, who get stupider as their blood get's thicker and who, if given no other option, would procreate with their parents for the sake of keeping their bloodline pure."
2. Don't call Voldemort a "Snake faced bald guy with daddy issues and a mid-life crisis" in front of Bellatrix.
3. Don't be a Muggleborn.
It should be noted that if you have not ignored the first three tips, along with annoying Umbridge for all of Fifth Year, you probably won't be running for your life, but for those of you who have found themselves on the list of Undesirables, cut your losses, get the hell out of Dodge, and follow these tips.
4. Change your appearance. You're picture is on a wanted poster. Avoid glamour charms. Get some hair dye and a new wardrobe. Avoid anything that any wizard will think blends in.
5. Learn how to operate any and all vehicles. Cars, jet skis, golf cars, doesn't matter, just learn. You'll have to learn as you go without a manual and the vehicle with probably be stolen, which brings us to our next tip.
6. Learn how to steal a car. You WILL NOT have time to rent one.
7. If the car you try to steal shows any signs of sentience, abandon the attempt and move on.
8. Death Eaters do not obey jaywalking laws, you shouldn't either.
9. Don't looked panicked near a Government building.
10. There is no "I" in "team" but pointing out that there is an "I" in "Justice League" will not endear you to anyone.
- Naming every hero with the letter "I" in their name and starting with Batgirl and Robin will make Batman want to hit you.
11. If you are in America and the Death Eaters chasing you cause a lot of collateral damage, you are likely to attract the attention of the Winchester Brothers. Upon meeting them make sure they know that your magic didn't come from a Satanic ritual so they won't try to shoot you.
12. It is perfectly acceptable to scream like a little girl when an undead monkey suddenly appears inches from your face, especially if the moon is out.
13. Tia Dalma is scary, but very useful, so ignore the jar of eyeballs and wait it out.
14. The man in the blue box who call himself "The Doctor" can save your life, but will end up endangering it even more. But it will be the most fun you'll ever have in your life, so go with him anyway.
15. Getting into a cake vs. pie argument with Dean will make Sam want to hurt you.
16. Yes, Cas is an angel, but not that kind of angel, so you'll be safe if you blink around him.
17. Captain Jack Harkness is immortal, and killing him every time he hits on you will just make him more determined.
18. Telling Mad- Eye Moody about Torchwood is a bad idea.
19. Starting a bar-fight is a great way to distract Death Eaters.
20. How to start a bar fight.
- Find the biggest, meanest looking guy in the bar and tell him that the Death Eater that followed you is eyeing his girlfriend.
- If it's a sports bar, find a guy in a jersey and tell him that the Death Eater that followed you says that his team sucks.
21. Introducing Mad- Eye to the Autobot Red Alert is a very, very, very, bad idea.
Should I contiune with this?
Review Please!