Trades46 here.
I recently received a PM asking if amidst all of death and destruction of Ship Girls in Kancolle-verse and bringing in gruelsome history into the mix, do I actually like Ship Girls that much? The answer is a resounding YES. Else I wouldn't even be writing these things in the first place. However, why trust my feeble self when my stories can do the talking?
Anyways I always have noted a weakness of my writing; I tend to get overly serious and suffer a weakness in writing comedy. This drabblework collection is my experimentation of using already established characters of my Secrets from the Abyss verse and adding drama and humor without any conflicts between Abyssals or morality.
This is a test of what I can do at an attempt of 'comedy'. Whether I'm successful or not depends on your reviews readers. I'm not a good judge of comedic works.
Without further ado, here is the Secrets from the Abyss: Maizuru tales.
Secrets from the Abyss: Maizuru tales
When they first met
April 10, 1939 – Maizuru naval base - 8:25am
Newly promoted rear-admiral Fujioka Sekimoto slumped down on his desk. His facial expression is feeling mediocre at best. Normally this would not be the face of a man who, after fighting the Americans for 4 years in the Pacific, one of the first officers to hear about the possible US surrendering and as of recent, gotten a promotion from a captain to rear-admiral.
No, the reason Fujioka is dejected is due to the letter on his desk, addressed to him by the Imperial naval Headquarters saying as an admiral-ranking officer, he will soon be tasked with the training of a fresh naval officer, one that is straight from the Imperial Naval Academy to boot.
He has heard of the horror stories about fresh trainees from the academy from his superiors and friends higher-up the pay grade. According to them, there are 3 types of trainees: Book-smart field dumb, Idiots who charge in recklessly and promotion-hoarders.
This is not helped as most Imperial naval cadets are from prestigious families with strong financial or political backgrounds, which can also be read as rich arrogant brats.
There is however, a small glimmer of hope, as Fujioka prays, is that hardline female rear-admiral who is making waves of controversy in the Imperial naval HQ Kizuki "Ya-Macho Nadeshiko" Tonda has passed a law few years back allowing female cadets to be trained in the academy. Though Fujioka heard the number of women actually signing up can be counted with one hand, who knows maybe he might get lucky? Fujioka smiles, wondering if he would get one of the few female cadets to train.
'Heh, you wish you stupid old man. You're already 39 and married with a waiting wife back home and a two-year old son and you're thinking about some imaginary pretty girl from the academy to be mentored underneath this old fart?'
His thoughts are interrupted as someone begins to knock at his door.
"Come in," Fujioka calls to the knocker, expecting the new cadet to be here. As the new officer walks in, he has to rub his eyes a few times to make sure he isn't daydreaming.
"Rear-admiral Sekimoto sir! My name is Asuka Shiba, a trainee officer that is assigned to you starting today. Please take good care of me!*"
In front of the rear-admiral isn't some rich-snob kid from an aristocratic lineage or a brat who doesn't even know how to present them to a superior officer properly, but a cute girl roughly in her late teen bowing down to him.
Fujioka looks up excitedly, to the questioning face of the young ensign. He stands up and goes to greet her.
"Hello, Shiba-kun. I'm rear-admiral Fujioka Sekimoto, nice to meet you. May I ask, though you are an ensign of the imperial naval academy correct?"
"Yes, though not that many females there…is there a problem? Did I do something wrong?"
"No, I'm simply inquiring, nothing more…"
Fujioka is already beginning to study the girl in detail. 'She's a rather straightforward one…and stiff as a stick. I'm feeling rather whimsical, so let's play a little welcoming prank on the trainee...'
Fujioka lets out a cough, and asks why she is not wearing the correct uniform. Asuka immediately stands up and studies herself. She's in a fully clad white naval uniform with the matching pair of pants.
"Rear-admiral sir? I am in my proper uniform…at least, I think so…" Asuka begins to doubt herself slightly, trailing her words off. Fujioka, stifling his light chuckle continues to tease the girl.
"You don't seem to know the new rules, Shiba-kun. When a female officer begins her duty at the front lines, she is supposed to be wearing an Imperial naval HQ standard skirt. You do know the IJN follows conduct from European roots do you? If so, I would have thought you know about proper dress codes…"
Asuka begins to fidget and blush, feeling embarrassed she showed up on her first day improperly in front of her new superior, not knowing Fujioka is enjoying watching the poor girl's reaction, every second of it. Fujioka smirks internally, feeling a bit evil now, and the 'I'm not done with you…' feeling surging.
"Shiba-san, do you know of the old age custom of the first meeting with a new officer in the Japanese navy do you?"
Asuka is beginning to quickly lose her composure, stuttering in response.
"Custom…? I…I didn't hear about any…customs like that… in the academy when I graduated…"
"They don't teach you these sort of things at the academy, Shiba-san. What the custom is to give your dominant hand to your superior and let them kiss it. It is done so that the admiral's blessing will stay within your grasp in the future."
Fujioka had to further stop his urge to laugh when the girl blushes even harder, looking at her hand then at Fujioka. The rear-admiral silently thinks he should stop before he makes her angry.
'Ok, Ok enough teasing…the reactions she had given me is already enough to make me smile the entire week. She…wait, is she really?'
Asuka trying her best to cover her bright red face with her right hand, slowly and shaking in embarrassment extends her left hand towards Fujioka. She pleads quietly, looking like tears are about to form in her eyes.
"P…pp…please…do it…do it quickly…" Asuka stammers, barely forming the words in her current state.
Fujioka looks at her questioningly, and then unable to sustain it any longer, he explodes into laughter, his hands holding on to his stomach in pain.
Asuka then stares at her commanding officer, not sure of what he's doing or why he is laughing.
"Umm…sir? Sekimoto-san, are you ok?"
Fujioka stops himself after a minute later, settling down and still trying to stifle his giggles, explains to the young ensign.
"I'm laughing at your ensign. I…I *giggle* can't believe you would actually believe the 'skirt dress code' or the 'kiss on the hand' thing! Oh *stifle* Asuka-chan you are an angel, truly a piece of work, a true stick in the mud. I don't think anybody else would have actually done that…HAHAHA!" Fujioka continues to laugh, pounding at his desk. So much in fact, he did not see the female ensign's eye twitch.
"So…rear admiral Sekimoto, everything that you have told me the second I walked into this room is a lie…or actually, how do I actually know you ARE Rear Admiral Fujioka Sekimoto?"
The man stopped laughing, sensing the seriousness (read. anger) in Asuka's voice. He tries to assure her unconvincingly.
"Hey, let me take a time out for a minute. You see this sign?" He points at the picture of him and his desk nameplate. "That is 100% fully me. I'm Fujioka Sekimoto ok? I was just playing a harmless joke…"
"I never met a teacher or superior that is as much of a scoundrel as you, trying to force me into a skirt and giving you my hand for a first ever kiss! You PERVERTED BAKA! KUSO TEITOKU!"
SLAP! SLAM!
Fujioka slowly comes back up, feeling the warm and stinging hand print on his face and the slightly dislodged door of his office. While he may have angered his cute pupil, he tells himself he will later go apologize to her.
All he knows however, is he is now looking forward to the new cadet training for the next couple of years then he originally had.
When they first met: Deja Vu
July 29, 1943 – Maizuru naval base - 1:30pm
Vice Admiral Fujioka sits at his office with his newly created Ship Girl also secretary ship Unryu standing behind him as he is working away at his paperwork. The recent development of the "Ship Girl project" has just been green lit by Imperial naval HQ and big changes are happening across the naval bases of Japan, where special tools, technicians and crewman are infusing the current existing Japanese ships with a spirit of a 'Ship Girl', a physical manifestation of a military vessel in the form of a young maiden.
An interesting project, Fujioka thought to himself. Rather unorthodox with no crew and pilots to fight in a war, but spirit of warships as main weapons. However, their enemies the Abyssal Deep Sea fleet utilizes a similar spirit girl/military vessel system to great effect, so I guess we should by all means fight fire with fire: 'Takes the flame out, sucks away the oxygen'.
Fujioka's current fleet of his flagship carrier CV Unryu, CV Shokaku and CV Zuikaku already undergone the operation, as well as his heavy cruiser CA Atago (who likes to smooch him in those giant 'fuel tanks' of hers a little too much). Today, the next ship to undergo the operation, and according to the clock should be almost complete, is the flagship of his pupil Lt. Commander Asuka Shiba, the destroyer Asashio.
Just as Fujioka is wondering if the operation is complete, the door of his office is knocked. Unryu, not requiring her Vice Admiral's command, goes to the door and opens it. Standing in front of the door is a young adolescent girl in her early teens, long flowing black hair, a simple white dress shirt, black suspenders with a skirt and black knee socks. The girl salutes to the vice-admiral, stating in a confident manner.
"Vice Admiral Sekimoto! Long-range type Destroyer Asashio, reporting for duty!"
Fujioka looks up at the destroyer girl. Compare to that of Unryu, Shokaku or Atago her appearance can be summarized in one word: plain. She's cute though, but in much the same way a beautiful girl down the street will look if she waken up that day with a sunny smile.
Fujioka stands up from his chair and extends his hands towards the destroyer Ship Girl, who walks forward, back straight and standing proud shakes his hand.
"Hello Asashio-kun, I'm Vice admiral Fujioka Sekimoto. I welcome you to our Maizuru naval base."
"Sir I believe you are mistaken. I'm not another ship just created out of the docks. I've been here since November 15th of 1941, the day I was fitted out and assigned my captain of Lieutenant Commander Asuka Shiba."
Fujioka begins to muse, seeing this destroyer girl like a miniaturized mirror of a certain girl he met in the same room around 4 years back.
'Even the ship she commands inherits a personality that is as stiff as a board and straight as an arrow.'
He cracks a light smile, thinking how he's a terribly playful vice-admiral. Unryu notices his admiral's whimsical nature surfacing, and she lets out a slight cough. Fujioka notices but pays no heed. He begins his 'fun' by asking the destroyer girl.
"Alright Asashio-kun, since you are new here as a person, do you know of the proper 'Commissioning Ceremony' of a new Ship Girl?"
Asashio eyebrows move up slightly, not understanding the question.
"Admiral sir? What do you mean 'Commissioning Ceremony'? I believe all proper documentation and tests are finished the second I leave the dockyards." Fujioka shakes his head in denial as he continues his prank.
"No, Asashio-kun. They don't tell you these things at the dockyards, but only when the Ship Girl arrives to greet their commanding officer." The Ship Girl destroyer, following the vice-admiral's words, nods as she continues to ask what is this 'commissioning procedure'. Fujioka continues, now with Unryu giving her vice-admiral a worrying glance, but stays silent.
"The 'Commissioning Ceremony' is divided into two parts. First it the 'commissioning pledge' where you must recite this pledge in your sweetest voice you can procure to your admiral. Here is the pledge." Fujioka hands Asashio a piece of paper, and the destroyer girl takes it with a polite thank-you as she begins to scan the paper's contents.
In the next 10 seconds, the long-haired destroyer girl's cheeks flush crimson red, looking more closely at the paper again and again to make sure she's not misreading anything. Fujioka tries his hardest to stifle a laugh as Unryu continues to watch in silence.
"Well, Asashio-kun? I'm patiently waiting for you to begin the 'commissioning pledge'…"
The destroyer girl looks at the vice-admiral, face crimson red. She swallows her pride and embarrassment as she begins to read, stuttering at the words.
"I…Destroyer Asashio, pledge my h…heart and my…b…bo…body…to the de…de..desire of my admiral…and to serve him with my all in ni…ni…night…battles…until he is satisfied with the p…p…p…pleasure…of my s..se…services…thereafter."
Fujioka is barely able keep himself from falling over his chair laughing, but he manages to keep a straight face at Asashio who has just read one of the lines of a perverted short story written by an amateur author from another naval base which he conveniently found laying near his mail sent to him on his desk.
The poor destroyer girl however, is completely crimson red in the face with a hint of steam coming from her head and her machinery on her back.
Fujioka laughs mentally, preparing for the 'second part' of his 'commissioning pledge'. Unryu, seeing the poor destroyer embarrassed out of her wits, lightly taps Fujioka on his shoulder. The silver-haired carrier girl whispers to him.
"Vice Admiral Sekimoto, I think that is enough already. You should stop now and go back to your duties." Fujioka whispers back.
"Nonsense Unryu. I done no harm; I just made her read a bunch of really bad lines from a lemon written by some bloke at Yokosuka! After this I will go back to work, I promise!"
Unryu let out a quiet sigh, wondering why her admiral gets excited seeing people get embarrassed by his antics. Fujioka turns his attention to Asashio, now beginning to recover from her embarrassing 'pledge'.
"Alright Asashio-kun, well done on the first bit. Now we move onto the second part of the 'Commissioning Ceremony'. I assure you, after you do this other half you are free to be on your way."
Asashio, quickly nods, hoping to herself that this second part isn't as embarrassing as the first part and wanting to quickly leave the admiral's office.
"You know, in the actual launching of a ship, it is ceremonial that a bottle of wine is often smashed into the bow of the ship as a sign of good luck. While we already did that to you, as you may have known on November 15th of 1941 on your actual vessel. It is however, just as important to hold a similar procedure for the Ship Girl on her day of commissioning as well. This is the second part of the 'Commissioning Ceremony'.
Asashio's face already becomes one of fear, thinking that she has to use her head to break a glass bottle. Fujioka takes the hint immediately and shakes his hand.
"No no, Asashio-kun you are thinking it wrong; it is more simple than that, just a bit." Fujioka looks over his shoulder behind Unryu and picks out a cheap bottle of wine (but Unryu and Asashio, being Ship Girls do not know about the price of wine) and takes a bottle opener and opens the cork. He hands it over to Asashio explaining.
"I don't need you to break the bottle and hurt yourself, but the procedure for a Ship Girl is to just poor the contents over your head…but don't do that here…"
Fujioka is not able to finish before the destroyer girl, steeling her nerves, dumps the entire contents of the wine bottle on herself, getting her hair, clothes and the carpet of Fujioka's office all wet of wine.
Fujioka goes silent, his face in disbelief as his carpet is ruined by the wine, soaking everything up.
'I didn't think she go and do it immediately…Asuka and Asashio…you two are a truly Ingénue angels, innocent and pure to a fault…I should have learned that the first time around…'
Asashio, dripping head and toe with alcohol, bows quickly to the vice-admiral thanking him of his 'Commissioning Ceremony' and runs out of the office, leaving a huge residue of wine stains behind. Unryu lets out a slight cough and states matter-of-factually after a minute of silence.
"I've warned you so vice-admiral. Now I'm afraid that you will have to clean all that up yourself, as I do not see why I should help you in a mess you caused yourself."
Same Date – Maizuru naval base - 2:30pm
It took nearly half an hour before Fujioka is able to get a mop and clean every last bit of wine that Asashio spilled over his office. Afterwards, he forces Unryu, who did not help him clean up the spill, to get rid of that now ruined carpet on the floor to the garbage room in the basement.
Now sitting alone, he is just about to go back to his paperwork as a knock is heard from his door. Thinking it is Unryu coming back after doing her task, he doesn't look up and responds.
"Come in…" Fujioka states absent-mindedly. He has lost much of his enthusiasm after the destroyer girl made a mess of his prank. "Unryu, have you took care of that ruined rug yet?" he asks without looking up.
A loud slap on his table causes him to jump slightly, looking up at the perpetrator. To his surprise, the person who walked in is not his silver-haired carrier secretary ship, but a truly pissed looking face of a certain Lt. Commander, literally with fire emitting from her body. Fujioka immediately tries to act innocent.
"Asuka-chan! What a fine day it is today. Is there anything that you need? Why are you so angry for?"
"Did you, or did you not force my flagship and partner to pledge her body to you in 'night battles' and force herself to a 'ceremonial launching' by pouring wine all over her body?"
"What…I…err…well, since she is new and all, I thought a harmless prank would be…"
"BAKA! KUSO TEITOKU!"
SLAP! SLAM!
Five minutes later, Unryu comes back into the room. She sees the vice admiral is now sitting back and continuing his work, also with a clear bright red hand print on his left cheek, exactly in the same spot and intensity as that of 4 years ago.
Yes, Kuso Teitoku indeed. If any of you have Akebono on your fleet, you know exactly what that means.
* Directly translated from the Japanese equivalent quote. Hence it sounding weird in english.
So my first true attempt at an all-out comedy series after the part-comedy part-serious Idolmaster work I've done a year earlier.
Tell me what you think: I might further expand this if you actually finds this humorous or interesting.
-Trades46 out.