Love me tenderly

DISCLAIMER: Law and Order SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. If I owned them, Chris would be in season 13, so our beloved Elliot Stabler would get a divorce and start dating Olivia *sigh* but I guess we are free to dream…

I do own the rest (plot, idea, etc.). This story takes place after the shooting. I hope you like it. Oh! And please let me know if you think the title is alright for it.

Chapter 1 – So this is it…

It had been a week since it happened. Since that shocking afternoon when Jenna came into the bullpen with that gun, shooting everyone that made the 'mistake' of being standing or walking at that moment… wrong place, wrong time.

Olivia came in that morning, after spending too many sleepless nights to count caused by the regular object of her thoughts, but this time it wasn't because she couldn't stop picturing how he would make love to her, it was for a different reason: she was worried about Elliot. As she left his coffee on his desk, she sighed… she had a bad feeling today.

She was worried because even though her partner tried not to show any trace of weakness or anguish, she knew him. She really knew him. And after almost thirteen years, he couldn't fool her. She could tell that his mind had been running 3000 miles an hour, reeling with thoughts and feelings based mostly on guilt. Was it the right decision, to shoot Jenna? If it had been me with the gun, I wouldn't have been able to do it. Was it avoidable? Who knows, it was necessary… Knowing Elliot, THE protector, I don't doubt that he decided to fire after considering- in one split second- the possibility of Jenna starting to shoot the few people she had left alive after her first tirade.

"Good morning, Liv." He startled her out of her thoughts. And she could feel, as always, how her own eyes brightened at the sight of this fine, beautiful man inside and out, even if a week ago he had to kill a girl younger than his youngest daughter. Olivia shook her head, trying to get rid of the memory, at least for the moment.

"Good morning, El. How are you?" a question that people usually make out of habit, for them it always had a deeper meaning, now more than ever.

Elliot looked at her and kept her gaze for a moment, during which Olivia could watch his feelings passing by like the trailer of a horror movie. After what seemed like ten minutes but in reality were seconds, he gave her a smile that couldn't quite reach his eyes and answered "Thanks for the coffee, I really need it if I want to get through this morning." Olivia didn't fail to notice that that last sentence had a deeper meaning and her worry multiplied by 100. Yet, being the detective she was, she tried to dig a little deeper in his thoughts.

"What's up? Couldn't sleep?"

He took a sip of his coffee and swallowed hard. "Yeah, that and… I…" he lowered his gaze to the floor, and stuttered "I need to… to talk to you… later."

A horrible feeling formed at the pit of her stomach, she thought she was going to be sick. Her heart started pounding loudly and she could feel her body shaking. "W-Why later? We-we haven't caught a case yet. Why not now?" she was horrified to notice that her voice was trembling, a lump forming around her throat almost choking her. She swallowed hard, and stared at him as he took a deep breath and said the line that turned her day into her worst nightmare "I need to talk to Cragen first."

He lifted his eyes, colliding with hers, slowly nodding. So this is it, Olivia thought. For a moment, both of them were flooded with memories, starting from the first days together, how she was there for her when he thought he could have gotten HIV, the whole Gitano case, when she said "Like you said, you're the longest relationship I've ever had with a man, who else would put up with me?", those moments Elliot had Olivia's back during her search for her brother, that heavenly hug after Eli's birth, the undercover mission when she had to pose as his hooker and he was shot.

The shooting at the airport-he had been so scared that it was her that Porter hit, not Rojas-, how he took care of her that day she had the flu and how hard he worked to clear her name when Brady Harrison framed her for murder, how scared he was for her when he heard that she was being held hostage at the morgue.

And then came the memories of their last times together: how worried he was about her getting too emotionally attached with Calvin because her little sip of motherhood would only be temporary, how he was there for her when the boy was taken away; when they watched that college boy and his little brother reunite after years of search and comforting hug he gave her after Olivia helplessly watched Sonya's life slipping away through her fingers. The Swingset – how natural it was for them to pose as a married couple- and the Kenneth Turner case.

When their eyes filled with unshed tears, they turned their heads to their computers and tried to pretend being focused on paperwork that didn't even exist. It took all of their strength for both of them not to burst into tears right then. When Olivia couldn't take it anymore, she got up and ran to the stairs that would lead her to the rooftop, she wanted to be able to sob somewhere she wouldn't be noticed.

Elliot's eyes followed her as she left; he could see she was deeply hurt. So for the thousandth time he asked himself the question that had been haunting him since that shooting, is this the right decision? As he reflected on their life together, their Partnership- in every meaning of the word- he argued with himself: NO, it's not! I don't want to! It's the most painful choice I've ever had to make. But if I want to keep my sanity as well as my family together, it's necessary… it needs to be done.

He was startled out of his thoughts when heard the noise of a door being opened, signaling that Cragen's meeting was over. He watched as his CO – and the only father figure he had for years - dismissed the uniformed officers coming out of the office. He waited a minute and with heavy feet, he got up and walked towards the door –which the Captain had left open- and almost timidly knocked on its frame. "Cap, do you have a minute? I need to talk to you".

Don Cragen lifted his eyes from the DD5 he had been about to sign and studied his favorite detective –even if he wouldn't admit it to anyone, Elliot was like the son he never had – and he knew, he just knew as their gazes collided, his son came to say goodbye.

A/N: I know the beginning is sad, but stick with me, better times will come, I promise. Please let me know how I'm doing.