A/N: Ok, I wrote this like in one day, so bear with me…Ok, and so maybe the title lies. IT MAY OR MAY NOT TAKE YOU TEN MINUTES TO READ THIS! Lol…
But anyway, here's my RENT spoof! And yes. I'll admit. Slight (VERY slight) Mark/Roger pairing…but as a joke! Enjoy!
AND REVIEW!
Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own the awesomeness that is RENT…
Scene 1:
Mark: Oh, hey audience! Roger say hello!
Roger: Angst…angst…angst…
Mark: I'm Mark Cohen and this is my roommate Roger Davis! He's…angsty…
Roger: Oh my God…it's snowing….*with tears* April loved snow…
Mark: Yeah…we love in a loft on Avenue B! Oh, look! Here comes the whole cast!
Cast: Hi!!!
Mark: Let's ran about rent!
Scene 2:
Joanne: Maureen? Maureen? Dammit…
Collins: Gah! I got mugged!
Angel: *drumming*
Collins: Oowwww…
Angel: Aww…you ok, honey?
Collins: Yeah…I think…
Angel: OMG! You're cute!
Collins: What?
Angel: Nothing….let's go to Life Support!
Scene 3:
Mark: I'm gonna leave you now to go help my ex-girlfriend because apparently I don't give a shit about your angst! Bye!
Roger: *sigh* I wanna write a song…
Mimi: *knock, knock*
Roger: Company…April loved company…
Mimi: Open the damn door!
Roger: Hello…OH MY GOD! A LADY!
Mimi: Ok….Will you light my candle?
Roger: NO! *slams door shut*
Mimi: Crap…*knocks*
Roger: What?
Mimi: I forgot my drugs.
Roger: Oops. I secretly found them but I won't give them to you to intensify the plot.
Mimi: WHERE'S MY STASH?!?!?! Oh. You're staring at my ass.
Roger: NO I'M NOT!
Mimi: Yes you are.
Roger: Yeah…hey! A…candy bar wrapper!
Mimi: You can't afford candy bars…
Roger: Shit…
Mimi: *grabs stash and leaves*
Scene 4:
Mr. Jefferson: Drone on….drone on…
Mrs. Jefferson: Complain….complain…Wear a bra!
Scene 5:
Mark: Hey! I'm back! COLLINS!
Collins: Hey!
Roger: Oh, hi…
Collins: Oh hi? Wow…really, man?
Roger: I am angsty.
Collins: I see…Hey! I have STOLI!
Mark: Yay! Party!
Collins: And here's how I got it!
Angel: *twirls in* Today for you, tomorrow for me!
*Angel does her ditty*
Collins: WHOO! GO ANG! WHOO!
Angel: Thanks…hi!
Mark and Roger: Um…hi…
Angel: Let's go to-!
Benny: GET OF THE RANGE ROVER, MOTHER FUCKER!
Mark: Benjamin Coffin III….
Benny: I am mean and I spit on puppies and old ladies!
Angel: Gasp!
Benny: Roger! Marky! Let's open a cyber studio and crush Maureen's dreams in the process!
Mark: No.
Benny: You'll see….or you'll PACK, BITCHES!
Roger: Wow…
Angel: He needs Prozac…Good thing I know a psychopharmacologist!
Mark: A what?
Angel: Never mind…Hey! Let's go to Life Support!
Mark and Collins: Ok!
Roger: No.
Angel: Suit yourself!
Scene 6:
Joanne: Line in…I went to Harvard for this?
Mark: It's Joanne! My ex's girlfriend!
Joanne: Fuck this…
Mark: Joanne?
Joanne: Mark?
Mark: Hi…you know, Maureen is like a dizzy tango…
Joanne: Nice analogy…
Mark: Thanks…
Joanne: Well, this has been sufficiently awkward….bye.
Mark: Bye.
Scene 7:
Steve: GORDON!
Gordon: STEVE!
*they hug*
Collins: Wooooww….
Angel: Meet Steve and Gordon…
Paul: I'm Paul! Let's begin…
Mark: Oops.
Paul: Hello!
Ali, Pam, and Sue: YAY! A straight guy!
Mark: Um…I don't have AIDS…
Ali, Pam, and Sue: DAMMIT!
Mark: I shall film you…
Paul: ok!
Scene 8:
Mimi: WEEEEEE! Let's go Oooooouuuut tonight!
Roger: Angst…angst…angst…
Mimi: I busted through your door!
Roger: Oh crap…
Mimi: Kiss me, fool!
*They kiss*
Roger: Go away! Can't you see I'm angsty?!
Mimi: B-B-But I love you…NO DAY BUT TODAY, BEEYOTCH!
Roger: Grrr….
Scene 9:
Angel: We're on the street!
Bag Lady: Who the fuck do you think you are?
Mark: I'm Mark! I'm an artist!
Bag Lady: Hey, artist. You got a dollar?
Mark: No…
Bag Lady: Figures…I gotta go sell coats in the next scene anyway….
Angel: New York City *awkward Justin Johnston laugh*
Collins: Let's move to Santa Fe!
Mark: Why?
Collins: I dunno…DANCE, HOBOS, DANCE!
Mark: Bye!
Angel: I LOVE YOU!
Collins: ME TOO!
*They kiss*
Scene 10:
Joanne: GAHH! The phones calls! They are killing me!
Hobos: Hey! But our stuff!
Bag Lady: I sell coats!
Angel: C'mon! Let's buy a coat!
Bag Lady: Here
Angel: AHHHHHH! MY EYES!
Collins: I love you, Angel…
Angel: Kiss me, fool!
*they kiss again*
Mark: Then she rammed down the door?
Roger: Yeah…
Mark: Ouch…
Roger: Let's get fat. OMIGOD! MIMI!
Mark: That's Maureen.
Roger: No! MIMI!
Druggies: Yay! Drugs!
The Man: Yeah…I'm so cool, I don't even have a first name….
Mimi: Hi, Man.
Roger: Hey!
Mimi: Hey.
Roger: I am sorry…wanna go to dinner?
Mimi: Ok!
The Man: No! Don't steal my chick!
Roger: You suck!
Scene 11:
Maureen: omg, omg, omg, omg, omg, omg….
Crowd: WHOO!
Maureen: PROTEST!
Benny: Call the cops!
Crowd: RIOT!
Mark: Film!
Scene 12:
Maureen: Nice restaurant…
Mimi: Oh my God…BENNY!
Benny: I called the cops!
Maureen: You suck.
Benny: My dog died…
Angel: Oops.
Mark: Aw, Benny, c'mon! We're bohemian!
Benny: No. Bohemia is dead.
Bohos: NEVER!
Maureen: I shall moon you!
Mr. Grey: GAHH! MY EYES!!
Bohos: WHOO! Dancing on tables!
Benny: Grrr…
Roger: Hey, Mimi, I have HIV!
Mimi: Me too!
Roger: Let's kiss and walk away!
Mimi: Ok!
*they do so*
Joanne: YOU CHEATING BITCH!
Maureen: I hate Benny!
Bohos: Back on the tables! Whoo! VIVA LA VIE BOHEME!
ACT 2!!!
Scene 1:
Mark: Happy New Year!
Roger: Benny locked us out!
Mark: Bummer…
Mimi: I love you, Roger!
Roger: Yeah…
Maureen: Hi guys! Look at my sexy cat suit!
Mark: *gulp*
Maureen: My riot got you on TV!
Mark: Yes…I know…
Maureen: Hold on…POOKIE!
Joanne: What?
Maureen: Let me be your slave!
Joanne: M'kay…
Mark: Ok! Let's climb up the building!
Collins: Bond. James Bond.
Angel: And Pussy Galore…IN PERSON!
Collins: Where is everyone?
Mimi: Don't ask…
Scene 2:
Mrs. Cohen: YOUR MOTHER!
Alexi Darling: MARKY!
Scene 3:
Maureen: OMG! We should-!
Joanne: No…
Bohos: Let's bust the door in! WHOO!
Benny: Ho, ho, ho!
Maureen: Santa?
Benny: I am mean! Mimi seduced me!
Mimi: You lying asshole!
Roger: GAHH!
Mimi: *sad face*
Scene 4:
Mark: Happy Valentine's Day!
Maureen: Grrr!
Joanne: Grrr!
Maureen: I hate you!
Joanne: I hate you too!
Maureen: Well, I'd hate you even if I didn't hate you. That's how much I hate you…
Joanne:….I'd hate you even if that made sense…
Maureen: DIVA FIT!
Scene 5:
Mimi: Hi Roger!
Roger: YOU CHEATING WHORE!
Mimi: Um…
Roger: HAPPY SPRING, BITCH!
Mimi: *sigh*
Angel: Well, we've been missing from the plot ever since the Act 2 opener…now I'm dying…
Collins: No!
Scene 6:
Roger and Maureen: Let's have sex!
Mimi and Joanne: M'kay!
Collins and Angel: Us too!
Angel: Wait…I thought I was dead?
Mark: What am I doing under this sheet?
Ensemble: Life and death dance!
Maureen and Roger: it's over!
Joanne and Mimi: It's over!
Collins: It's over…
Scene 7:
Collins: WAAHHH!
Mimi: I miss Angel…
Mark: Me too…
Benny: Why am I here?
Mark: Hello? Alexi Darling? *sigh* I am depressed…
Mimi: Roger! Where are you going?
Roger: To Santa Fe!
Mark: You ass!
Scene 8:
Mark: Ooh! Vampire welfare queens are compulsive bowlers! WTF?
Roger: OMG! MY SONG! Back to Avenue B!
Scene 9:
Mrs. Davis: Roger? Where the hell are you?
Mrs. Marquez: Spanish…Spanish…
Mr. Jefferson: Kitten, we're stalking your office!
Mrs. Cohen: MARK!
All: PLEASE CALL!
Scene 10:
Hobos: Ugh….Christmas…
Mark: Roger! I finished a film!
Roger: Awesome! I finished a song!
Mark: Cool!
Roger: Where's Mimi?
Mark: I dunno…*under his breath* nor do I care…
Roger: What was that last bit?
Mark: I LOVE YOU, ROGER DAVIS!
Roger:….yeah…..
Collins: Merry Christmas, bitches!
Roger: Mark is gay!
Collins: And you're surprised by this?
Mark: Hey!
Collins: I got money by illegally rewiring an ATM!
Maureen: MARKY! We have Mimi!
Joanne: Maureen, can you help me here? She's really heavy…
Maureen: Not now, Pookie!
Mark: Mark to the rescue!
Mimi: *cough*
Roger: *Sings "Your Eyes"*
Mimi: *Dies*
Scene 11:
Mimi: CRAP!
Angel: Hi!
Mimi: Hi!
Angel: Don't die yet.
Mimi: Ok!
Scene 12:
Mimi: HOLY SHIT!
Roger: Mimi?
Mimi: I saw Angel!
Collins: Yay!
Mark: Aww…we're all so happy now! Let's watch my movie!
All: NO DAY BUT TODAY!
A/N: Reviews?