A/N: Well, I'm actually uploading another story. Amazing right?

Just a few quick notes before you start. There isn't really a specific time for this to take place. Some time in the near future when Klaus is gone and everything seems to settle down a bit. I'm purposefully being vague when talking about how things ended with Klaus. Mostly because I just don't want to get into it. It's not really pertinent to the story. Also, Elena is writing in her diary for this first chapter, but what I wrote isn't exactly what she's writing. It's more like her thought process as she's writing. Same gist, but subtle differences. I mostly did that because I prefer writing in 3rd person, and I don't like reading diary entry styled stories, most of the time. :/

This was loosely inspired by the song "Sober" by Kelly Clarkson, although the idea sort of ran away and morphed into something completely different. Stories tend to have a mind of their own that way. :) Title taken from the song "Lost and Found" by Katie Herzig. Both are amazing songs and worth listening to (I would suggest listening to Sober for the first chapter and Lost and Found for the second. Just my opinion.)

So that's the end of that. Please, enjoy. :)

Chapter 1: Quiet Musings

It had been a quiet couple of weeks. A virtual miracle here in Mystic Falls, but there it was. Klaus was gone–not dead, unfortunately. Stefan was MIA as well. According to Damon, he was getting some "much needed alone time" with his humanity.

She, on the other hand, thought it had more to do with the fact that after everything was over, she didn't go running back into his arms immediately. There were no tearful, heartfelt confessions or 'I-love-you's. Things did not end up okay. Not really, anyway.

When she had begun her search for Stefan at the beginning of the summer, she was sure that no matter what happened, no matter who he was when she found him that they would still be a 'they.' It was only recently that she had started rethinking that.

She had fought, kicking and screaming the entire way. She had fought to find him, fought to get him back, fought to get him to feel, and then, at the end of it all, just fought him. It was a scenario she had never imagined for them. All of her love, all of his love, turned into this bitter, hated thing. Darkness had consumed them, chewed them up, and spit them back out as two different people.

Looking back, she didn't know when she went from loving and needing him, to despising and avoiding him. Probably around the time he betrayed her to save Klaus (even if she could understand the reason why.) Or possibly when he seemed to stop caring what happened to her or her loved ones. Maybe before all of that; she didn't know. All that mattered was that this was who they were now.

It had been hard telling that to Stefan. Hard for him to hear and harder for him to believe. But it was the truth. After everything that had happened, she couldn't bring herself to forgive him, let alone let him back into her heart. And maybe he didn't belong there.

Looking back on their relationship, there had been so many lies, from the both of them, that she wondered if they were doomed to fall apart anyway? Although he had told her some of his past, had given her some part of his vampire-self, there was still so much she hadn't known. So much he had done. And it sometimes angered her, when she was alone and content on thinking herself into oblivion, like now, that he lied to her just to "protect" her from the truth. "Protect" her from his past, his self. Some good that did, seeing as how much more it hurt her in the end.

Well, if she was going to place blame, some of it needed to be placed on her too. She had encouraged it really, Stefan lying to her. She had always encouraged the human side of him to be the only one that showed. It had been just so easy to forget sometimes, what he was. It was like she could pretend they were normal. But they weren't. He was a vampire, doomed to forever be the hunter; she was a doppelganger, doomed to forever be the hunted.

That wasn't her only lie though, not her only fault in this.

Damon, she thought.

Yes, Damon. Sitting on her windowsill, diary in hand, she shook her head at the thought of him. How could she have been so stupid? So blind? In retrospect, it was obvious to her now. The signs were all there. But being with Stefan, she had studiously ignored them, refused them, and discounted them. She was not Katherine. She would not be Katherine.

Maybe that was it. Why all this time she's been fighting her feelings for him. To go from one brother to the other, it was too much like Katherine. To toy with both brothers–her greatest fear, and truthfully, her greatest fault. Because really, even when she was with Stefan, faithfully devoted to him, was she not somewhat toying with Damon? Not pursuing him of course, God no, but she had become too used to him doing anything for her, wanting to help her, that she had become dependent on it. Possibly even used his feelings for her against him, although not intentionally.

And the entire time there was Stefan, who saw, though reluctantly, what she refused to see. Maybe he had convinced himself that when she told him that she only loved him, that she was telling the truth. She had thought she was too, then.

But she knew now, at least, what the truth was.

She loved Damon Salvatore.

Wow, she thought. I'm in love with Damon. I love Damon.

It was a scary thought to think, and an even harder one to write, but it was the truth. Admitting it to herself was the hardest part though.

Old habits die hard, I guess.

He was caring, when he wanted to be, cruel, when he was hurting, fiercely protective of everything he cared about in life, and willing to give it all up for her. He loved her with every single cell in his body; every particle of his being sang with the energy of it. And that scared her.

After everything that had happened since she met Stefan, all of the pain, fear, loss, and regret she had experienced, she couldn't get over the thought that she wasn't allowed to be happy. It was some fluke, some major screw up that someone would swoop down and fix right as she began to let herself enjoy it.

Because after being with Stefan, loving him with her whole heart, and having it break into a million pieces… Well, she couldn't imagine what Damon would be able to do if she let herself love him like he loved her. It would be so much more than what she and Stefan ever were, she saw that. Damon was simply intense, in and of himself. Loving him would be a million times more intense than he as a person ever could be. And being loved like that, and loving in return like that… Well, that just made it a hell of a lot easier for someone to break you. After everything that had happened, she didn't know how much more she could take. She didn't think she'd survive it.

But surviving without him? That seemed like the more painful option. And she knew it would happen too, if she kept on going like she had been with him. There was no Stefan keeping them apart now. He had no more guilt in "stealing his brother's girl." She was no longer his brother's. And she didn't think he would be able to stay, to see her choose to be with no one rather than be with him. He had barely survived watching her be with Stefan, and had definitely not come through unscathed. She doubted he would hang around to watch her not choose him, for as long as she lived.

So there were her options. Be with him, or live without him. The first one scared her, beyond belief, but the latter? Well just the thought of it had her heart pounding, tears coming to her eyes. She couldn't do that. And really, when had she become the girl who didn't put herself out there for fear of getting hurt? Since when did she run away from her feelings?

Really? When have you NOT run away from your feelings?

Well, now the voice inside her head was just being annoying, not helpful at all. Sighing, Elena finished writing the last line of her entry and signed her name. There really was nothing more to put. She had figured out her problem, wrote it all out, and now knew what she was going to do.

The only thing to do now was to figure out how.

A/N: There you have it. So what does Elena do, you ask? Well, you'll have to wait for the next chapter. :) This will just be a two-shot, and the final chapter will be up in the next few days. You won't have long to wait.

I'd love it if you left me some feedback. Did I portray Elena well? What about her and Stefan's relationship? Her and Damon's? I would like to know, because I always worry that I write OOC characters. So yeah, a review would be awesome. And if you're a Stelena fan, please tell me what you think of my portrayal of their relationship. I'd love to know how you see it. :)

Best wishes!

~Jamie