Sinning in Hogwarts
"Barkeeeeep", pleaded Ron, massaging his British temple. Ron was down on his luck. Hermoine refused to blowjob him today, and his feelings got hurt. With magic, The bartender turned to face the boy, and began to approach. "Yes, what will it be," the tall, lanky man spat. The bartender was (arguably the meanest character in all of Harry Potter) Snape. Ron thought for a moment. In his mind, he ran through all of his favorite magic drinks; he tongued the end of his wand, and ran the fingers of his other hand through the short greasy curls at the end of his chin. Puberty had given him quite a beard. "Hmm," he continued to think it. There was the Bridesmaid – Snail scales and lion's hiss, poured over ice-cold Phoenix Cum. Also, the Fat Hagrid – melted butter, Animal Pheromone, and Dragon Hair. "Well Weasely, you cunt. What'll it be? I've so many fucking things I haven't done yet at my job. What'll you want to have to drink? I want to make your drink soon," explained Snape. "I, uh, well" stuttered Ron, British. "Listen, I'll make you a personal favorite" bargained Snape. Sweating, Snape spun about, knocking some shit over with his robes. He rummaged about, removing various objects from the vast shelves behind him. "I killed Dumbledore.." Snape muttered, spoiling the book again to himself. After several minutes, Snape returned to the boy. "Here we are, fucking boy. My boy, I've made your drink," Snape placed a dirty, chipped glass on the counter. In it: the gills of a Sunny, aborted fetus tears, a rare crumpled two dollar bill, Snape's pubes, milk, and heroin. "what the fuck?" wondered Ron. Snape used magic to read his mind, "the drink is called Man's Mistake. Drink it, and you will never again be able to produce sperm," advised Snape. Noticing Ron's look of distaste, Snape clarified, "consider for a moment, Weasely, the quantity of blowjob Miss Granger will be able to perform upon your big weiner if she has absolutely ZERO fear of tasting your putrid, stinking semen." Ron's eyebrows furrowed for a moment, and looked up at the ceiling, attempting to peer into heaven, for the guidance of Shiva. He continued to stare for a moment, and at once his course of action was realized. He lowered his gaze to the drink, threw a few crumpled bills on the counter, and raised the Man's Mistake to his eager, trembling lips. In his haste he downed the entire drink, and clearing his throat he picked a pube from between his front teeth. "Thank you, sire," whispered Ron, barely audible. Snape winked in response, and returned to his duties.
That night, Ron returned to his home, to an awaiting Hermione. Time had ravaged her body, and as she approached to greet her husband, Ron noticed her sagging hips, and acne-scarred face. "Well wellll," Hermione mused, picking a waxy ear, and licking her lips. "It looks like someone wants head!" snarling she added, "this time, I plan to use my teeth." Ron was ready to go, he unzipped his fly, and she did the 'job, much to his satisfaction. However, Ron was shocked to discover the feeling of spurting fluid as he came all over the place. "Ugggghh," groaned Hermione. Something terrible had happened. "You've just ejaculated pure blood! You fucking asshole!" Ron smiled sadly to himself… Snape had ruined his life. "This is disgusting! You bloody idiot!" belched Hermione, cum-blood sputtering out from slimy lips. "Well, my love.." Ron began, "It seems that you're the bloody idiot, eh?" Chuckling at his own pun, Ron cock-slapped Hermione, to death.