Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, but this fantasy world is all my own. Please come in and remember to use the window.
AN: Happy Birthday, my dearest kita_the_spaz, this chapter is all for you!
My editor is the delightful and brilliant Meiun who would like it firmly stated that she in no way takes any responsibility for the madness of this fic.
EN: Not only that, I told her she was supposed to finish one before she started another. I threatened, cajoled, pleaded, and whined but was I listened too…NO. *shakes head and sighs* It isn't my fault she hasn't updated. *teary eyed puppy look* really.
Mystic Minds
Chapter one: through the window, not the chimney
The old stone cottage at the edge of the woodland was unlike anything Kakashi had ever seen. The building was worn; red paint peeling from the open shutters with two of them hanging precariously from broken hinges and creaking softly in the gentle breeze. Wooden shingles were secured haphazardly across the roof forming a multicoloured shelter. It was obvious that any repair jobs had been done with what timber had been on hand judging from the variety used. Wild wisteria rambled up one-half of the building and covered it in a plump, purple floral coat. The strangest thing, though, was how the whole cottage leaned drunkenly to the left. It looked like a warped depiction from a fairytale that a toddler had doodled.
As the journalist walked from his car up the cobbled front path, he couldn't help but gape at the myriad of plants that could possibly be called a front garden. He doubted there was a country unrepresented in the messy shrubbery actively abuzz as brightly coloured insects darted rapidly between the foliage. He stepped over an ant line soldiering their way across the cobbles and fat bumblebee buzzed in front of his nose before making its way to the purple flowers ambling up the stonewall. As Kakashi reached the front door, he openly cringed at the tacky yellow paint covering it. The person he had been sent here to interview obviously had no colour sense what so ever.
Being a reputed sports journalist, Kakashi couldn't believe he'd been ordered all the way out to this remote area of countryside. On the drive here, he'd actually seen cows. Cows! The only kind of farmyard creature he was interested in was the ones already cut up, plastic wrapped, and on sale for dinner at the local butcher. He was a man of the city through and through. All the wide-open spaces and fresh country air made him feel sick and isolated. Gods, he just wanted to get this interview over with and get back to his sleek, downtown apartment. The only reason he was even here was because the supposed doctor that occupied this 'house' was reputed to be able to cure any injury or illness.
Morino Ibiki, the heavy weight boxing champion of the world, had come to see this doctor when he had developed long-term nerve damage in his right hand and wrist. After multiple surgeries and the best modern medical care had yielded poor results, he had come all the way to this very cottage out of sheer desperation.
Morino was known as a terror in the boxing ring. Fast, vicious, and completely ruthless, the massive man had been fighting for as long as he'd been breathing. Heavily scarred from his days as a street punk and openly known as one of the more brutal sadists around, there were a lot of people very afraid of Morino and they had reason to be. He wasn't well liked but he was a magnificent boxer and dominated the ring through both intimidation and skill.
Leaving his entourage behind, Morino had travelled to this remote patch of nowhere in a last ditch attempt at a cure. When he returned three weeks later, doctors were astounded to discover that not only was his wrist completely healed but overall his physical condition had improved dramatically. Considering he was an elite sportsman, few thought that was even possible. The bigger shock, however, was yet to come. When a press conference was called, the media flocked to the boxer hungry for the story of his miraculous recovery. All were expecting Morino to announce his next big fight along with the usual aggressive verbal diatribe on his opponent, which always makes for a good article. None had expected what had actually occurred.
The man who walked out in front of the cameras that day was not the vicious tyrant of the boxing world. Instead, they were presented with a man radiating a strong sense of calm. Morino's entire being was one of a person in excellent health and who had found inner peace. Instead of stomping out, swearing angrily, and air-boxing as he usually would, the huge man had simply strolled quietly to the front of the room and smiled at everyone. Smiled! If that wasn't shocking enough, his announcement that he was retiring effective immediately from the boxing world certainly was. That had had the majority of reporters in the room foaming at the mouth for more information but he had simply stated this.
"I have found my truth. I now know that through out my life I've used my skills for the wrong reasons. Strength and speed should not be used as tools for intimidation and inflicting harm. Strength is a gift used to help loved ones. Speed is a privilege so you can get to them faster. Combined, they are the means to protect those precious to you for as long as possible. I will no longer abuse these gifts."
He had refused to say any more on the matter, wished everyone a pleasant day, and left in the same calm manner he had arrived.
The ex-boxer was currently travelling around the world, taking time out to find 'a new calling' in life. It had started a media storm that stretched even beyond the sporting world. If his miraculous healing hadn't been enough, the drastic change in personality certainly was. Wild theories, from alien intervention to the power of God, flew through the airwaves like darting swallows. Magazines and newspapers pounced on the story and greedily ran with it. Journalists from all around the globe flocked to the location of the doctor's residence only to find… nothing. No one could find the man's house.
This had, naturally, lead to more wild stories. During all this time, Kakashi had refused to form an opinion. Unfortunately, It was because of his refusal to form an opinion he found himself standing in front of a tacky yellow door. His Editor in Chief was a woman not to be reckoned with. Tsunade wasn't one of those women who set out to conquer the business world. Oh no, she wanted to crush it, gut it, and sell it off in little pieces at an exorbitantly high price. The bleach-blond woman was a force of power suits and powerful tempers. If she wanted something done it had to be done right then and to perfection, which was why she ran the most profitable sporting magazine in the country.
Imagine Kakashi's surprise when he was summoned to her office and he'd found her reading a note that appeared to be scribbled on the torn off panel of a tissue box. The note also appeared to be written in jam. If that wasn't strange enough there was a raven perched on her desk looking incredibly bored and Kakashi could have sworn he heard the thing sigh.
"Sit down," Tsunade had ordered and slid the 'note' across her desk to him, "and have a read of this."
Before reading it, Kakashi lifted the scrap of cardboard to his nose and sniffed. Yep, it was jam. "What's with the bird?"
Tsunade rubbed at her temples with perfectly manicured fingertips and glared. Kakashi decided to forgo the teasing comment sitting on the tip of his tongue and read… blinked, and read again.
Tsunade,
What a fascinating name you have. Could it possibly be from the great conqueror of Snow Country from last century? Though, I do seem to recall his name was Tsubaki, which is rather unusual considering it's a girl's name. But then he might have been cross dressing for all we know. From memory, he was rather fond of eucharis lilies, which supposedly represents the charm of maidens so possibly he was a she or at least wanted to be. Well, I've always been all for women in the workplace. Hoorah!
Feel free to send one of your cronies by. I'll make tea, though I'll have to find the blasted jam first. Send back a message with my occasionally feathered friend so I know when to put the kettle on.
Umino Iruka
Kakashi placed the note on the desk and looked at his employer with eyebrow raised. He could see what was coming a mile away. Tsunade didn't disappoint as she fixed him with serious toffee eyes.
"I had to go on a date with Jiraiya to get the information I needed to contact the man and secure an interview. Morino Ibiki swears that you will never find this doctor's house unless he wants you to and therefore you need to be invited. I'm as sceptical as the next person but considering how reporters have been running around in circles looking for a house they can't find there may be some truth to it. This opportunity has cost me not only some of my dignity, sanity, and a lot of owed favours but also forty bucks plus postage for a jar of hens teeth because apparently the best way to get in the doctor's good books is to ply him with very unusual gifts." The older woman frowned. "Now, I've heard a lot of stories about this Dr. Umino and his uncanny influence over people. If Morino Ibiki was turned into the peace-loving kitten he is today,then I need to be extremely careful with who I pick to go meet this man. You're the most cynical, sceptical, misanthropic bastard I've ever met and have zero chance of being converted to anything. Congratulations, you're off to the countryside."
"I refuse." He had answered instantly.
"What? You can't refuse, I'm ordering you."
"I hate the country, loath it and I have no interest in meeting a half baked quack who has called himself a doctor." Both of them startled as the raven on the desk let out a loud, angry caw and did a fair impersonation of a glare. "I'm not going." Kakashi finished absently while watching the bird suspiciously.
Could that thing understand him? Impossible.
Tsunade had huffed for a moment before a sweet, coaxing smile parted her highly glossed lips.
"Do this, Kakashi, and I'll give you that raise you've been chasing. Get me the story that no one else can get and I'll line your pockets nicely. How's an extra twelve percent a year sound?"
There was a moment silence in the room as the two assessed each other, the grumpy bird ignored in favour of money talk. "Seventeen percent and I want Koharu's old office. You haven't assigned it to anyone since she retired last week and I want it." The blond glared at him and Kakashi couldn't help but grin. "Or you could send Gai to get the story. I'm sure he'd be able to stay objective about the whole thing."
"Fine." Snapped the older woman. "I'll let him know you're coming on Wednesday. Run your questions by me before close of business today. You will take as much time there as required to get the story I want."
"Fine."
They shook hands and Kakashi flatly refused to acknowledge the suspicion that the raven had sighed again and muttered 'morons'… regardless of the fact that Tsunade had also shot the bird a surprised look.
This was how Kakashi came to be in his current predicament of standing in front of the worn yellow door. He growled at himself and shook his head; he'd been zoned out and staring at the fading paint for at least a minute. The quicker he got this interview over with the quicker he could get back to the city. Raising his hand to knock on the door a sudden shout had him pausing in his action.
"No, Naruto, that's too much!"
The explosion that followed had the journalist stumbling back and the whole cottage rattling on its foundations. One of the already hanging red shutters gave up its weak hold to the house and clattered into the garden. Kakashi stared in shock as thick, sunshine yellow smoke started billowing out a nearby window. The sound of heavy coughing coming from within the house snapped him from his shock.
"Hey!" He yelled out, pounding on the door with his fist. "Are you alright in there?"
The coughing continued for a moment before a voice called back. "Yes, yes, *cough cough* we're fine. Too much pennywort can have that effect. *cough* C'mon in."
With much dubiousness and a nervous glance at the smoke that was thankfully thinning rapidly, Kakashi clasp hold of the ancient brass handle and pulled the door open. He was met with a solid wall made up of haphazardly stacked books.
What the?
No two books were the same but they were all thick, leather bound tomes displaying labels of various topics and languages. Why in the name of all things sane were they stacked in front of the door?
"Well, are you coming in or not?" The same voice called out to him impatiently. "No need to stand on ceremony."
Kakashi couldn't help gesture disbelievingly at the books even though he knew no one could see him. "The door's blocked."
"What?"
Another voice, younger, piped up excitedly. "We had to move the books because there was no room left in the laundry so the mice shifted them to the entryway."
Mice? Kakashi frowned. He must have misheard.
"Oh, right, right." The first spoke again. "Well, what about the chimney?"
"That's blocked too."
Kakashi blinked. The chimney?
"Of course, how could I forget?" The voice rose again, obviously speaking to Kakashi this time. "You'll have to come in through the window."
"You're joking." Kakashi muttered quietly to himself.
"Oi, oi, Sensei, he's scared of climbing through a window! He's muttering to himself 'you're joking'." The youthful voice had deepened in an attempt to impersonate Kakashi's before there was an eruption of loud laughter. "He's a wimp!"
"Manners, Naruto! Honestly, go sit over there and be quiet. Try to behave for once; you've been naughtier than usual today. I'll be lucky not to have to start a new pot because of your antics."
Kakashi began to edge his way over to the window, which had been previously billowing smoke, listening in shamelessly on the conversation taking place inside. It was obvious the occupants were as warped as the house itself (one of them with super hearing) and he really didn't want to go inside. Gai would have fitted in perfectly here. He should have refused and made Tsunade send his so called 'rival' instead. Then again, Gai was crazy enough as it was. The thought of the spandex loving, aerobics junky becoming as 'reformed' and Zen as Morino Ibiki was something he just couldn't inflict on the human race.
Taking a fortifying breath, the journalist adjusted his necktie and stepped in front of the window. The sight that greeted his eyes was unlike anything he had ever seen or even imagined to be possible. If an antique store, a joke shop, and a thrift store were all combined under one roof and hit with an earthquake it would have been less of a mess than the room he was looking at. Digging through the chaos with his back to the window was a man with long brown hair pulled back in a messy ponytail muttering to himself about a rocking horse.
"Where is it? Where is it?" He mumbled as he pushed aside a large rusted tuba before slipping on some unseen object and crashing to the floor with a yelp ending up half-buried in flotsam.
"Hey, are you alright?" Kakashi called out as he quickly vaulted through the window and tripped his way across the room.
"Found it." The other man groaned as the journalist reached him and pulled a toy soldier off his back.
The body below him turned and Kakashi sucked in a deep breath. He hadn't put a lot of thought into what the illusive doctor would look like during his trip, but he had assumed the man to be aging and possibly disfigured. Instead, Kakashi found large brown eyes staring up at him from lightly bronzed skin smattered with dark smudges of soot. Even under the dirt the silver haired man could tell that this person was gorgeous. The two men locked equally stunned gazes as a small model of a rocking horse was held uselessly between them.
"Doctor Umino Iruka?" Kakashi asked a little breathlessly and the eyes holding his attention finally focused as if coming back to reality.
"Hens' teeth!" The assumed doctor suddenly exclaimed and Kakashi blinked in confusion. "Thank you for the hens' teeth." He continued hurriedly. "Your boss sent them and they've been most useful even if they were fakes, but that's alright because sometimes you need a little misdirection to get the balance right."
"What?" Kakashi frowned, by this stage utterly confused but still unable to drag his eyes away.
The youthful voice from earlier broke into their conversation. "Pot's gonna over boil."
"Ahh!" The darker man leapt to his feet, sending knick-knacks flying and a tower of old records cascading to the floor.
Kakashi leapt backward away from the sudden flurry of activity as the doctor dashed toward a large pot bubbling angrily over a lit gas ring across the room. A loud, off key tonk from where he landed had the journalist darting his eyes back to make sure he hadn't broken anything. He discovered he was perched against an old piano that had been sawn in half and propped up by a large desk fan. The journalist looked wide-eyed around the room as the doctor started grabbing various jars and throwing what appeared to be uncalculated amounts of God knows what into the now hissing pot.
Movement from the other end of the room had him locking eyes with a fox curled up in an old laundry basket filled with bright orange velvet. The fox's head was cocked to the side curiously as its large, startlingly blue eyes watched him. The surrounding madness must have been messing with his eyesight because the fox suddenly gave him what looked to be a big toothy grin. An angry caw had the fox and Kakashi turning toward a drunkenly leaning bookcase where a raven was glaring beadily at the journalist.
"It's too thin."
Kakashi's gaze snapped back to the man still frantically throwing in various objects including… ice skates?
"I need… I need…" The frazzle headed man peered around the chaotic room with the fingers of both hands firing out rapid and impatient clicks. "AhHA!" the exclamation was so loud that the raven on the bookcase startled and cawed angrily again, "The Hekorian texts! That'll do nicely. Hurry up, hurry up!"
"Hurry up?" Kakashi questioned from his stunned position, still plastered against the half piano.
"Yes, yes, it's over there." A long, bony finger pointed toward a corner of the room as the brunet went back to stirring the bubbling mixture now spewing a chokingly thick black smoke. "Quickly now, we're running out of time. The skates sharpened the mix a little too much."
Kakashi bemusedly began picking his way through to clutter toward the indicated area. "What does it look like?"
"Old scroll, about as thick as a prized cucumber and tied off with red cord."
A grey eye rapidly scanned over the mess but couldn't see anything matching that description. "Umm," he began shifting aside bolts of vividly coloured cloth and assorted kettles, "I don't see anything like that here. Wouldn't it be on one of the shelves?"
"On the shelves? Heavens no. Why in the world would something that longwinded go on a shelf? Just be quick, will you."
"If you need it so desperately, tell me where it is. I can't see it anywhere." The silver haired journalist snapped, his shock starting to give way to annoyance.
"It's in the chimney of course! Good grief, why do you think you had to use the window? Think, man. Use that blocked up, walled in mass of grey matter for something other than assisting gravity."
Of course it's in the chimney. Where else would you keep a highly flammable scroll? And he accuses me of not using my brain. Damn quack. Kakashi griped internally as he reached up the tiled flute and felt a long object wedged across the opening about half an arm length up. A sharp tug freed it and Kakashi's arm remerged with the described scroll in hand.
He quickly carried it across the hazardous room. As soon as the harried journalist was within reach, the mad doctor's arm shot out and wrapped surprisingly strong fingers around the scroll and Kakashi's hand. With a startled gasp, Kakashi found himself tugged down so he was almost nose to nose over the hot pot. The black smoke had thankfully dissipated and what was bubbling inside the copper container looked something akin to molten lead. The thing he found himself most focused on, however, was those startling mahogany eyes flecked with vivid gold that were locked with his. He hadn't noticed the gold flecks before. Stunning. The eccentric man began speaking in a low whisper as if he were sharing the most grave of information.
"Contained within this parchment is the entire political history of the Hekorian civilisation. Hundreds of years dedicated to the production and perfection of policies, procedures, and the political preposterousness that produced the founding stone in parliaments around the globe today." Almost spindly fingers carefully untied the fragile, faded red cord binding the yellowed scroll and unfurled a section to reveal the tiniest and most compact writing Kakashi had ever seen in a language he didn't recognise. "This document is the singular most important piece of political history ever recorded."
With that, the brunette dropped the scroll into the bubbling mix below them and his face lifted in a dazzlingly bright grin.
"Should thicken this up nicely, ne?"
Kakashi could only back away and watch with his eye wide as the liquid in the pot rapidly dissolved the ancient parchment and began to change shades. A deep royal purple spread like a spider web through the bubbling silver and the brunet stirred it in with a thoughtful frown.
"Not quite right yet I see." He muttered before his eyes lit up and he clicked his fingers. "That's what I forgot!"
Reaching down, he blindly picked out a jar and reached inside. "Three leaves from the deadly nightshade."
The leaves fluttered down to rest on the tick silver and purple surface for a moment before fizzling up and sinking in.
"Oh, I do enjoy this part."
There was a moments silence as the brunet watched his concoction with rapt anticipation and Kakashi watched the mad man with wary anxiety. Slowly, pink and gold fumes started to waft up from the mixture and the strange man's face suddenly relaxed into a soft, satisfied smile. The Journalist could only stare in stunned disbelief as the fumes began to take shape. The wisps circled and merged together, gold and pink swirling into a tight solid circle before suddenly it unfurled to take the form of beating wings.
"There now," the strangely calm concoctor spoke gently and offered a thin finger for the newly formed butterfly to perch on. "Welcome to the world, my dear."
The pink and golden butterfly rested only briefly before taking to the air and gradually fluttering out the window. Kakashi had no doubt that at that moment his jaw was resting solidly on his shoes and his eye would have been as wide as a dinner plate.
"Impossible." He breathed barely audibly.
His comment caught the attention of the other man who turned back to him with annoyed eyes.
"How rude. She's been alive for less than a minute and you've already discounted her existence? Honestly, your mind must be more closed in than a subsurface aquifer." He huffed and scooped up an empty vial, ladling some of the mixture into it, and sealing it with a cork. A quick note was scribbled on a bit of cloth using a broken tube of purple lipstick and tied around the vial neck with a bit of string.
The fox, which had trotted its way across the room, rose onto its back legs and put its front paws on the table so it could sniff at the colourful concoction.
"Hey, isn't deadly nightshade, y'know, deadly?" The little fox suddenly asked with wide-eyed curiosity. Kakashi's legs gave a strange quiver and collapsed out from under him. He recognised that voice from earlier.
"Only if you use it at night time." Iruka answered completely unconcerned that an animal had just spoken. "Sasuke, please take this to the Pickering residence at the old white manor across the valley." With that he absently tossed the vial toward the window.
The raven shot off the bookshelf like a black blur and caught the container in its claws before soaring out the window and into the bright blue sky.
"I'm timing ya, bastard!" The fox yelled joyfully after the bird and gave another grin before sitting down and starting to count. "One… two… three…"
"Poor little Sophie Pickering has been suffering from a terrible chest infection for months. Almost killed the child it got so severe! Honestly, her parents really should have come to me sooner rather than trusting that quack in town that calls himself a doctor. Antibiotics he calls those little pills, antibiotics. Why you would want to put anti-anything into your body I have no idea. Seems awfully contrary to me." Kakashi watched in dazed detachment as the doctor fished a large earthenware jug out from somewhere on the floor and poured the rest of the pot's contents into it. "That should keep for a good while yet."
"The fox swore." Kakashi finally managed to speak even though his tongue suddenly felt far too large for his mouth.
"Yes, he's got terrible manners but then 'bastard' is actually his endearing term for Sasuke so I overlook it." The brunet grinned at the fuzzy orange creature still counting for a moment before glancing around the room. "My, my, what a mess. The mice are going to have a hell of a time getting this back in order. They'll likely want… oh dear."
Kakashi finally registered the fact that the mad concoctor had paused in his ramblings and was looking at him very carefully.
"Oh dear, looks like that was all a bit too much for you."
"Yes," Kakashi agreed vaguely, "it was a bit…"
The brunet walked over to him and gently took his hands, helping him rise from where he had unconsciously slumped onto a tottering pile of books.
"It's alright." Iruka said soothingly. "It happens to many visitors, though normally things aren't quite this chaotic. A bath will fix you up in no time. Come along."
For a few moments the silver haired man followed obediently until the calmly spoken words seeped through his overwhelmed state, "Bath?"
AN: This story is what happens when I drink Wattle-seed and Daintree tea. Marvellous stuff ^_^
Please drop me a review via the spare ravens if you feel so inclined… I'm sure I've got some jam around here somewhere you can use.