I waited for him at the bus station. My heart is pounding and even my palms are sweating but why though? It's been five years since I saw him but still in those times I loved him. Those eyes that twinkled when he smiled and that voice that would always draw me in for a good story. I haven't called him in a while but it was surprising to know that he still wanted to see me…even after his parents were killed by something- the police couldn't even find. His parent's murder is a total bloodbath and because of that he left town and disappeared for a while. While he was away I finished college and got a job as a newspaper editor.

The bus tires screech to a stop and the doors squeak their way open. People flood from the bus but as the as the doors were about to close they soon opened and revealed him to me. After all these years he still looked the same and my heart and stomach fluttered. My breath quickened and in the blink of an eye he soon found me with a smile; that same warm smile that I still remember. Even after all these years I am still in love with Gabriel Carter.

"Hey!" He said embracing me. I smelt his cologne which was a fresh minty scent that left me wanting more.

"How have you been Gabe it's been too long."

"I know and I have so much to tell you about my time away!"

I drove him to a café called The Grapevine and we shared a vegetable pizza. I laughed at his jokes and once again felt at home. A warm wave of comfort wrapped around me like a hug.

"So do you know where you will be staying for the night?" I asked sipping my Pepsi.

"No, um I was actually thinking about crashing at a motel or something like that."

I looked at him wide eyed and thought to myself "He sure as hell isn't going to stay at a motel." It was perfect though because I just finally moved out from where my roommate and I shared an apartment and I finally had my own place.

"Um why don't you stay at my place for a while that is until you are back on your feet again."

"Oh no! I couldn't impose Val."

"No I think it will be great I mean I won't be alone so that's good."

"If you insist then I guess it would be okay."

We rode around town for a bit and even went to the beach but it was getting late so I drove us to my apartment. My heart began to race as soon as I closed and locked my front door. That is when we both knew that we were actually alone.

"Can I use your shower?"

"Of course you can," I said happily.

He laid his bag down on the sofa got the things he needed and went to the bathroom. The moment I heard the shower going my stomach flipped. I wonder what he looked like without a shirt on but I shook that thought away. I looked through his bag just poking around and came across a used t-shirt. I held it to my nose and breathed in the scent. I loved the way he smelt it was musky and fresh always.

I continued to look through his bag and came across a Crucifix and a Rosary. I found it odd because Gabe never was religious when we were going to college together so why now? I stopped looking through his bag and sat on the sofa and began to read Wuthering Heights. I thought to myself about the past. The memory of him and I in his room with the moonlight shining through his white curtains made me tremble. His eyes greener than ever and he reached over and brushed my hot cheek. I bit my lip and closed my eyes but he did not kiss me. Instead he got up and turned on his lamp.

"It's getting late Val and you have a game tomorrow I wouldn't want to mess up your sleeping schedule."

"Oh right," I felt at that moment unattractive. I cried that night because I wanted him to kiss me so badly but he didn't.

I snapped back when I heard the shower turn off and a wave of embarrassment and guilt hit me. I no longer felt happy but like I did before sad and alone. He came out of the bathroom wearing nothing but black pajama pants. He had a smooth six pack and pecks he was no longer that college boy that I knew but a man now. I gulped and smiled with satisfaction. He was drying his hair with my towel. I wanted to at that moment fling the towel from him and push him onto my bed and have my way with him, but I didn't I merely watched him as he came over to where his bag was.

"Eh what are you looking for?"

"A shirt I forgot one." He found one and said after smelling it, "Yes and its clean."

He put on a white V-neck and my body no longer raged but calmed a bit.

"What time is it?" He asked looking into my chocolate brown eyes.

I looked at the clock hanging on my wall and I never realized how late it got. He came over to me and sat down next to me. I was still sad and was trying not to cry.

"Valerie what's the matter?"

"Nothing," I mumbled.

"Did I do something to offend you because if I did I apologize and I will leave if want me to."

"No, I promise I'm alright."

"Are you positive?" He asked raising my chin up and our eyes meeting. I wanted so much for him to kiss me.

"Yes, I'm fine I'm going to bed so goodnight." I went to my room and closed the door and laid in my bed crying into my pillow. I got undressed and put on my night clothes then brushed my teeth in my own bathroom. I thought about all the things we could be. I could be the one dancing with him and waking up next to him. I lie in bed and begin to cry. We could be at the beach or at a fancy restaurant drinking wine and reminiscing things we did in college that freshman year before his parents died. I desire that more than anything in this world to be closer to him more than anyone. I want to be held and loved only by him. I heard a knock on the door and Gabe walked in and then closed the door behind him. My heart stopped but my mind was racing with all the fantasies of what he and I could have been but aren't.

"Val, I wanted to make sure you were all right. I'm sorry to take up your apartment space I think I should leave."

I cried more and he came over and lied beside me. "Valerie what do you want? What will make you happy?"

He began to pet my hair and I turned over to face him. "What do you want?" He whispered into my ear once again. I looked into his eyes that were twinkling as they always do.

"Gabe back then when we were in your room why you didn't kiss me?"

"I was afraid that it would lead to something you weren't ready for."

"I'm not a child Gabe; I'm twenty-four years old."

"I know but still I don't want to ruin anything."

"Ruin what?"
"Answer me this Val exactly how many guys have you been with?"

"A good handful I suppose."

"How far did you get?"

"What is it to you Gabe?!"
"I need to know."

"Not far they always wanted to but I didn't. I'm just waiting for the right person Gabe that's all."

"Alright Val I just don't want to hurt you is all because we can't ever be together."

"Gabe?" I asked puzzled but the tears began to develop and stream down my face. He wiped them off and continued to stare at me. His face did not reveal his true feelings but I honestly knew that this was a hard thing for him to say.

"Gabriel I want you so much. I want to be closer to you than anyone in this entire world. No more than the world the entire universe!"

"Your being ridiculous Valerie." He said getting up from my bed.

"Gabe!"

I said running to him and hugging him from his back.

"Get off of me Val! I don't like you that way!"

I stopped and fell to my knees. "Why, Gabe? Am I ugly or something?"

"Val!" He cried and brought me to feet and when I blinked I was against the wall. My heart is pounding and a warm sensation overtakes.

"I want to be with you more than you will ever know. I want to be with you all the time and do things with you and to you." He said and my heart jumped.

He leaned down to me and I closed my eyes and he kissed me passionately. I grabbed his hair and he picked me up and laid me on the bed. I can't think only feel. I run my hands up and down his torso feeling his six pack but he doesn't grab me or feel my body but instead holds onto me against him and holds my hand. His lips were moist and delicious they tasted like mint. We laid next to one another our clothes still intact but I knew deep within me he wanted me but isn't going to push me.

I whispered in his ear, "Goodnight Gabriel."

Then he whispered back, "Goodnight Valerie."

CHAPTER 2

Five Years Ago

Gabe is an unforgettable person. In my college course of Introduction to Literature Gabe's explanation of how Stephen King's books influence a younger audience to act on their feelings rather than reason stirred something inside of me. He was firm in his thoughts and I loved hearing how deeply he was passionate about keeping the innocence of the younger generation. After that I never could get him out of my mind. I thought about him almost daily and when I saw him again I knew I had tender feelings for him.

"Hey is it alright if I sit here?" He asked setting his bag near mine.

"Sure," I said happily smiling. I moved my books over and he sat down.

"So I'm Gabriel what's your name?"

"Valerie Watson."

"Oh ha! Sorry then my name is Gabriel Carter."

It was weeks before we ever spoke again.

During the lecture when half of the class was sleeping and the other half texting I wanted so much to reach over under the table and hold his hand. To feel the intertwining of our fingers that would or even could represent us and a union that may happen. I began to reach over but to my shock he found mine. My stomach flipped and for some reason I began to laugh and I embarrassed myself completely but he still kept holding my hand. After my embarrassment and the class finally quieted down we being me and Gabe wrote each other notes.

"Do you want to have dinner with me tonight we can go to The Grapevine."
"Sure."

When class was over my heart was beating very fast. I was ecstatic.

"Hey Gabriel is it alright if I put my bag up in my dorm and get ready?"

"Sure take as long as you need, here," he said reaching for my hand, "Here is my number, call me when you are ready okay I'm going to my dorm to."

I powerwalked to my dorm and threw my bag on the bed. My roommate was there and so were her snobbish friends.

"Where are you going Val?"

"To a date."

"Oh are you sure? I mean not to be a bitch but you exactly aren't dating material."

I closed the bathroom door and took a shower then brushed my teeth. I blow dried my hair and put on black skinny jeans, a white V-neck and my black ankle boots. As I was putting on my jewelry one of Veronicas friends said meanly, "Val's going to go fuck someone!"

"Val who are you going on a date with?" Veronica asked as she painted her middle finger nail red.

"Gabriel Carter."

"Oh shit no way!" Veronica exclaimed. "He's like the most popular guy out here on this campus why in the fuck would he choose you?!"

I got my purse and left that room. I was happy to be out of there I really don't like Veronica she always brings her boyfriend to the room to have sex and kicks me out. I always hear the bed squeak and her moan like a dog or something. She is a disgusting human being.

I called Gabe and he responded in a matter of seconds.

"Hey I'm in my car already where are you?"

I told him where I lived and he was there in a flash. He drove a white Camaro and I got in.

"You look great," He said happily and we drove away.

"So what are you in the mood to eat Val?"

"Um… pizza."

"That's great I know where we can go."

He took me to a place called The Grapevine and being with him was total bliss. I love hearing him talk about writing and how one day he was going to be a travel writer of some kind and tour the world.

"You know when I'm famous Val we'll have to take a trip together."

"Where would we go?"
"We could go to India and see the elephants then the ancient temples. It would be an adventure."

"It would be paradise to me Gabe."

"Why Val?"

"Because then we would be together."

His eyes widened with an interest that I thought I could never provoke in any male until now. I was curious as to how much he wanted me.

We finished the pizza and went to the beach. My mind was racing. He was holding my hand as we stood in front of the sea and our feet were buried underneath the hot sand. The moon was rising and I wanted to be kissed. I looked up at him and he looked down back at me. He brushed my hot cheek and leaned down and kissed me tenderly. I tasted mint which was nice and I loved how his lips were moist. His cheeks were hot too.

We rode to his apartment which I was shocked that a sophomore could have. He opened the door and the smell of him engulfed my lungs. His scent was everywhere like a sweet perfume. I breathed in deeply and exhaled out. I love this place.

"So this is my place my parents are paying half and I am paying the other half."

"That's good you have your own place Gabe living in the dorms suck."

"Why Val?"

"Oh my roommate, Veronica."

"Wait Veronica? Like Veronica Smalls?"

"Yes."

"I went to high school with her she used to follow me around like a lost puppy we were friends but now we aren't anything. She's just another face to me now."

I didn't say anything only looked at the floor. The way he said that so easily made me feel powerful over her.

"Has she done something bad to you Val?"

"Um well…."

"Tell me."

"I…I can't"

"Val it's not like I'm going to hurt her if anything I will talk to her."

"Well she brings her boyfriend in the room."

"To do what Val?"
"The bed always squeaks and I hear him grunt a lot and her moan some."

"That jerk."

In that moment he embraced me to a point where I could hear his heart beat.

"Val everything is going to be okay I'm gonna take care of this problem okay."

I nodded and he looked down at me and kissed my cheek. I began to cry and he walked me over to the sofa.

"Valerie don't cry it will be alright darling."

"Darling?"

"Yes we are together aren't we?"

"I thought you didn't like me that much?"

"I do I'm crazy about you!"

I surprised him with a kiss that left him speechless and he grabbed me and began to kiss me passionately. I couldn't think only feel and I wanted to be with him but I knew if I did it with him it would be wrong because God wouldn't want that. He stopped and took me to his room where the walls were painted a sky blue. He sat me on his bed and began to play with my hair but he stopped and only looked into my eyes. He leaned in but just before our lips could touch he stopped. He then got up and turned on the lamp and said that he didn't want to do this and that I needed to go home.

I didn't want to go home. I wanted to stay and be with him underneath the warmth of his blankets making sweet memories.