Thanks to Cfighter and P.A.W 07 for their reviews and Beta-reading on this story! This story falls after my Bringing The Fallen Home story. So many Raptor fans wanted her to actually have a shot at true romance, I finally gave in...
Blackness of Heartbreak
Driving blindly into the night, Optimus madly tried to leave the pain behind him. He tried to smash it to nonexistence under his tires as he swerved wildly around the sharp turns. But every time he slowed, the pain crept back. It clawed and tore at his core, its sharp talons piercing his very spark! He couldn't escape it, no matter how far and fast he went.
Exhaustion finally stopped the big Mech. Exhaustion not only of his primary power core, but of his control over his emotional state. Transforming, he found himself staggering into the nearest burned out shell of a building. Smashing his way in through the rusted main doors, he stumbled blindly in. Collapsing in a heap, he put his head in his hands and wished it all away.
The visions of Jetfire standing proudly next to him in battle filled his processor. His bond mate, so strong and certain that they would always win! Jetfire's loyalty to Prime going so much deeper than any Autobot's!
The pride in Jetfire's optics, when he had convinced Red Alert to use him to modify! For the shuttle wanted no one other than himself to ever bond with Prime, to ever power link with Prime. So he was willing to undergo a complete rebuild, so that he could be the one to combine with the red Mech. So that they could face battle truly as one! Together as JetOptimus!
Grabbing an energon cube from his stash, he turned it up, trying to drain it in a single gulp! He sputtered and coughed as he almost choked himself in the process. Not caring, he finished draining it as soon as he cleared his throat. Feeling the warmth spread out from his core, he wanted it to drown the agony within him. Make him forget how truly pathetic and weak he was!
The tears that Optimus had fought for days began to slowly cascade down his blue face. His amber optics dull with the grief of his loss. Shuddering, he could no longer contain his sobs. For he was finally alone, and no one would ever see him like this!
No! What Mech would want to see their strong leader reduced to a miserable wreck like him? He'd faced Megatron for millennia, sacrificed himself for both Earth and Cybertron! All of this without a tear shed, nor even the thought of fear! After all, he was Optimus Prime – the strongest of all Mechs.
Who was he kidding? He was just an old pathetic soldier. Unwanted and unneeded, now that the war was over. There was no more excitement, no more thrill to be found. He was now just a paper pusher. So dull that even his long-time bond mate had left him.
No one cared about him. As long as he made his appearances and signed whatever forms they set on his desk, they were happy. No one asked how he was, how he was doing. They simply tried to drag his aft out with them so they could be 'seen' with the old decrepit leader.
His Meta drifted back to those memories of drifting alone in space. The peace and satisfaction of knowing he'd finished the mission he'd been built for. He had felt that he was loved, even as he waited for death – all alone in the empty cosmos. The critical wounds that Unicron and Galvatron had punched into his chassis – had meant nothing to him. For even as his life force so agonizingly slowly dripped away from him for all those years – he had been happy. He had been whole!
"Why Primus? Why'd you let her find me?"he cried to the empty building, his voice filled with despair.
Why did the Earth Mech Commander have to search for him? Why'd she have to link with him, to bring him back alive? If she'd just waited a little longer, she'd have found nothing but an empty chassis. She could've just brought him back then!
But no! The damned Seeker had to find him alive! She had to bring those darned minicons with her to help repair him! She wouldn't let him die in peace! Instead, the bitch linked with him, forced her energy into his systems. She forced him to stay alive! Never even bothering to ask him if he even wanted to live!
No! If he'd known that Jetfire had found another – he'd have preferred death over life! For what life was there, in this boredom of peace, without happiness in your life? Was coming home to loneliness and emptiness, day cycle-after-day cycle, worth the price of the energon filling your core?
"Why didn't you just let me die? Let me remember my life filled with love?"he bemoaned, as sobs raked over his chassis.
This loneliness was unbearable, yet he couldn't end it. For he was Optimus Prime, the great leader of all Mechs! His life wasn't really his. He belonged to his men, to Cybertron. It was for them he had died, it was for them he was now forced to live!
His responsibilities overwhelmed him. The feeling of unworthiness filled his core. He was weak! Weaker than the youngest of sparklings! But he knew he could never let any of the Mechs see this weakness. For the Decepticons that followed him would never accept a weak leader. If they saw his weakness, then a new civil war would begin.
And it would be all his fault if the war renewed. For he was nothing but a worthless old soldier, now too emotionally weak to even contain his own tears!
Eventually, Optimus drifted off into defragmentation. His bright red and blue chassis so out of place in the rusted shell of the dilapidated building.
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