DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of the characters mentioned in this chapter. *sigh* Also, I don't own the title "The Ransom of Red Chief". That is the title of a short story by O'Henry, about a pair of unfortunate men who discover kidnapping is harder than it appears. I'd suggest you read it first (I believe you can find it on for free), you'll probably get more amusement out of this if you do. However, you don't have to have read it to read this.
Author's Note: You may notice a line in here that looks almost identical to the line that Jane says in the season premiere (the 'Bravo, incorrect but good reasoning' to Grace line). I'd already written it, I swear! My jaw dropped when I watched that episode, and I heard him saying my line -- even to the same person! I started this last spring, but had to put it away due to lack of time. I decided to go ahead and put it up anyway, hopefully to encourage me to write some more.
As always, (or actually for the second time since this is my second story :P) I welcome reviews, and even critiques (yeah, yeah, I know everyone says that, but really, I do! If you see something wrong, whether it be grammar or OOCness, tell me!)
The Ransom of Red Chief
Chapter One
The sun was shining down hot on the four-lane, waves shimmering on the road in the distance only to disappear when approached. The view on either side was pretty plain, offering little interest. To a tourist, perhaps it might be attractive, but to the CBI agents it was commonplace. Especially after four hours on the road.
It had been a long drive, made longer by the fact that one of the two cars they had taken had broken down. They were in the middle of a case, so rather than wait for it to be fixed they'd all managed to cram into the large black SUV. It had started out awkwardly enough, but the discomfort hadn't improved. Lisbon, of course, had insisted on driving. Jane managed to call shotgun fast enough, which left a disgruntled Van Pelt squished between an uncomfortable Rigsby and Cho. It was hard to tell what Cho thought about it, his face remained straight as usual.
The first hour had been alright, Jane had managed to keep everyone entertained. But when the second hour began, his tricks began to become more irritating than helpful. By hour three, Lisbon decided it was time to either leave Jane at the convenience store, hogtie and gag him and throw him in the back, or banish him to the backseat. He was being frustratingly useful on this case, so she settled for the last, much to Van Pelts delight at getting to move up front. Rigsby, to say the least, was less than thrilled. It was hard to tell about Cho.
Going on to the fourth hour, the conversation had waned. Jane had either started to realize that his conversation attempts weren't working, or he'd decided that irritating people wasn't necessarily the best idea while sitting between two larger, well-trained agents. One of which he'd proved had a brutal streak. And you never knew with Lisbon, she might change her mind about throwing him out...
After about twenty minutes of silence, Van Pelt finally spoke. She directed a question towards Jane.
" You know all about us it seems, but we don't really know anything about you?" She asked it hesitantly, seeming to be doubtful about getting a straight answer. She was in for a surprise, though, because Jane answered simply, "What do you want to know?"
She thought about it for a minute, "Where are you from, originally?" Jane's straight forwardness ended here though. "Where do you think?" he asked with a grin. "Surely you all have learned something from me."
Rigsby muttered something under his breath about an escapee from a funny farm. Van Pelt glared at him, and he asked "what?" Jane just grinned and said, "Rigsby's vote is in, he thinks I escaped from a mental institution. Anyone else?"
Van Pelt scrunched her forehead up, trying to think like Jane. "I don't think you probably came from California. You said something about being on a carnival circuit. There's enough show-biz in California to keep you here. So probably somewhere neither east or west. You always wear your suits, no matter how hot it is, so you've got to be used to heat. You don't sound like a Texan, so.... um.... Utah?"
"Bravo!" Jane exclaimed. "Incorrect, but very good reasoning. So, we have an escapee from a mental institution, and a Mormon. Next?"
It was silent in the car for a moment. Finally Lisbon said, "I say you've always been here in California. Forget the reasoning, I'm not going to try to explain." "Good guess, but still wrong. I've spent over half my life here, but it's not where I'm from originally" Jane replied.
Cho finally spoke up. "You're all wrong. I can't believe none of you got this one." Jane looked at him somewhat surprised, as did Van Pelt and Rigsby. "Really? Where do you think he's from?" Van Pelt asked after a moment, prompting him to speak.
"Don't you know? Some magician pulled him out of a hat." Cho replied, and went back to looking out the window. Rigsby choked on his soda and Van Pelt stifled a giggle, but Jane seemed to think it was funniest.
A moment later, Van Pelt finally asked, "So really, where are you from?"
Jane was about to answer – at least presumably, when his phone went off. He looked at the caller ID with a puzzled expression, and then said "Just a moment, I need to take this" to Van Pelt.
So... Who was calling him, and why was he surprised? And what does this all have to do with Jane being kidnapped? Don't worry, I'll get to that in chapter two. Soon. As soon as I have my two research papers done...
Anyway, let me know how you liked the start. Hopefully I'll get things moving a little faster soon.