Something About The Flowers
A/N- This is incredibly eccentric, perhaps confusing, but enthralling post- series, Utena wandering the false world she created for herself, waiting for her redemption.
~*~*~
"Welcome back..."
Wh-What do you mean?
"You've finally come back to me."
Huh? But, I've always been here.
"In mind, perhaps. But not body."
What do you mean back 'to you?' I don't even know you.
"Yes you do."
No, I don't.
"You know me better than I know myself..."
~*~*~
And once again, she awoke to the world in which she was a stranger. The walls, the gravel, and the dying grass. None of them recognized her as part of their world. Alone she strode the grounds of the school. Nervous, predetermined steps. Faces without names either stared too long, or looked to briefly. But the faces did have names. And so did the streets... She just didn't know what they were.
The uniform. She wore it with a positive uncertainty. After all, that was the only thing she found in her closet. Somehow, it felt right. In a frightening sort of way. It feels right to dress as something you're not... Yet something you want to be. She blended in with the crowd, yet stood out like a sore thumb. That new girl. The weird one.
No, I'm not new. I've been in this school... I've always been here...
The sky fades into pink early here. By mid-afternoon, pink. The color made her shudder as she subconsciously gripped at her hacked locks. After realizing her actions, she tensely released the hold. Her hair was blonde. Not pink. Nor had it ever been. Who would color their hair pink anyway? Or any other weird color like that... Like purple. Especially not purple. The color of royalty. Of romance... The color of roses.
No, roses are red... Right?
Drift into the gardens. Look for an attraction. Something specific. Something to make you feel complete. Something about the flowers that will take your confusion away. Will the scent of roses take you home?
But nothing seems to help.
A scuffle of laughter. Don't all adolescents feel this way? Lost, and confused about who they are? No, these feelings are different. Can't remember... Can't remember anything. Where I'm going, where I'm from... Who I love...
She was expecting a sudden revelation. An apocalypse in her adolescence. An adolescence apocalypse. Odd words to put together....
Her own name. Tenjou. That must be it. But memories of having a mother or father were just as vague - if not more - than anything else. They have existed, sometime. Any other way, her existence in this world would be unnatural. If being here was right, then it would feel that way... Wouldn't it?
Even breathing feels wrong.
Strange. Every time she tried to think of family, images of coffins drowned her thoughts. The inside of a coffin. No proud father or smiling mother. Just the images of death. Are they dead? Nothing felt dead to her, but at the same time, nothing seems alive.
Nothing feels alive.
As parents brought death, purple brought life. Racking her brain, for the one thing she lost. Love. Instead of red, the color of love, she saw purple... Romance, perhaps. There is a tug at her heart whenever she tries to grasp its concept. Did she have a lover? Someone left behind? Or... Maybe she was the one left behind. Or maybe even a friend. A witch. No... a princess... She must have a princess. Wait, 'she?'
I have a princess... Why then, do I look for a prince?
You have the birth. The absolute birth. And with that, you can be who ever you desire, whenever you desire. But, what if there is nothing you desire? If you have lost the determination to be strong, noble, and loyal... Just like the princes of old. Would you then need someone else to make that decision for you? One person, who would cross over worlds, decades, even eons just to find you.
As if such a person could ever exist.
"If only you could open your heart..."
Like a dying cat, the metal hinges cry as she opens the door. A conservative size for a locker... No. Don't open that. A note, some sort of letter will be inside. Something that will challenge your determination. You want to keep her in your life, don't you? You never fought for the power... You fought to protect her, just like any real prince would.
To The Engaged...
Wait, the who? Pink hair flies as she rapidly shakes her head back and forth, visions of swords, roses and scattered petals cloud her vision. The Rose Bride. Give her to me, she's mine! I want the power....
Eternity. Miracles. Everything that glows. But all I want is her. If I had her, these all would eventually come to pass... And I would love every minute of it. I can have my eternity with her. She will be my miracle. And her radiant eyes would glow for me with every glance she gives. Give it all to me. Please, I can't go to you... So please come to me...
Cry. Spill bitter tears to show not just your love, but also your hate. Hatred for being left alone. Or hatred for leaving. After all, she made you do it. She said you didn't have to do it, but you knew better... you knew you had to, to prove your love for her. And you did... so why isn't she coming for you?
Wait, there is a letter.....
"To The Engaged...Welcome back....."
What is this? Smells like...
"Utena."
"Utena!"
"Utena..."
"Tenjou!"
"Utena-sama..."
I know you. All of you. But why don't you have a rose on your breast? All of you should. No, except you. I know you... Very well, I think.
"You knew me better than I knew myself... Now let go of this artificial casing, break free from this shell... Let me embrace you into the real world which is waiting for just the two of us..."
I let her embrace me. Enfolding arms of beauty, the very definition of a goddess. She's warm, and pure. No, she isn't pure, but once we have been reborn, I know she will be. Why then, did it take me so long? Why have I been wandering in loss for so long...? As she holds me, the shell known as the world which surrounds us begins to crack, and shatter before our eyes. But I'm not paying attention... Because I can't take my eyes away from her stare.
"Hime... Himemiya!"
My recollection. She smiles, her purple hair framing her exceptional features. Why today, why after endless wandering hours did she, my savior, come for me today?
Maybe it was something about the flowers...
~*~*~
A/N: Fin! Very weird and eccentric... Kinda like the series, huh? ^_^ I wanted to attempt at writing something along these lines, and tackle one of the most difficult aspects of writing, that is... getting inside someone's raw thoughts. Which, if you're anything like me, Hop from one subject to another, and range from first to third person. ^^
A/N- This is incredibly eccentric, perhaps confusing, but enthralling post- series, Utena wandering the false world she created for herself, waiting for her redemption.
~*~*~
"Welcome back..."
Wh-What do you mean?
"You've finally come back to me."
Huh? But, I've always been here.
"In mind, perhaps. But not body."
What do you mean back 'to you?' I don't even know you.
"Yes you do."
No, I don't.
"You know me better than I know myself..."
~*~*~
And once again, she awoke to the world in which she was a stranger. The walls, the gravel, and the dying grass. None of them recognized her as part of their world. Alone she strode the grounds of the school. Nervous, predetermined steps. Faces without names either stared too long, or looked to briefly. But the faces did have names. And so did the streets... She just didn't know what they were.
The uniform. She wore it with a positive uncertainty. After all, that was the only thing she found in her closet. Somehow, it felt right. In a frightening sort of way. It feels right to dress as something you're not... Yet something you want to be. She blended in with the crowd, yet stood out like a sore thumb. That new girl. The weird one.
No, I'm not new. I've been in this school... I've always been here...
The sky fades into pink early here. By mid-afternoon, pink. The color made her shudder as she subconsciously gripped at her hacked locks. After realizing her actions, she tensely released the hold. Her hair was blonde. Not pink. Nor had it ever been. Who would color their hair pink anyway? Or any other weird color like that... Like purple. Especially not purple. The color of royalty. Of romance... The color of roses.
No, roses are red... Right?
Drift into the gardens. Look for an attraction. Something specific. Something to make you feel complete. Something about the flowers that will take your confusion away. Will the scent of roses take you home?
But nothing seems to help.
A scuffle of laughter. Don't all adolescents feel this way? Lost, and confused about who they are? No, these feelings are different. Can't remember... Can't remember anything. Where I'm going, where I'm from... Who I love...
She was expecting a sudden revelation. An apocalypse in her adolescence. An adolescence apocalypse. Odd words to put together....
Her own name. Tenjou. That must be it. But memories of having a mother or father were just as vague - if not more - than anything else. They have existed, sometime. Any other way, her existence in this world would be unnatural. If being here was right, then it would feel that way... Wouldn't it?
Even breathing feels wrong.
Strange. Every time she tried to think of family, images of coffins drowned her thoughts. The inside of a coffin. No proud father or smiling mother. Just the images of death. Are they dead? Nothing felt dead to her, but at the same time, nothing seems alive.
Nothing feels alive.
As parents brought death, purple brought life. Racking her brain, for the one thing she lost. Love. Instead of red, the color of love, she saw purple... Romance, perhaps. There is a tug at her heart whenever she tries to grasp its concept. Did she have a lover? Someone left behind? Or... Maybe she was the one left behind. Or maybe even a friend. A witch. No... a princess... She must have a princess. Wait, 'she?'
I have a princess... Why then, do I look for a prince?
You have the birth. The absolute birth. And with that, you can be who ever you desire, whenever you desire. But, what if there is nothing you desire? If you have lost the determination to be strong, noble, and loyal... Just like the princes of old. Would you then need someone else to make that decision for you? One person, who would cross over worlds, decades, even eons just to find you.
As if such a person could ever exist.
"If only you could open your heart..."
Like a dying cat, the metal hinges cry as she opens the door. A conservative size for a locker... No. Don't open that. A note, some sort of letter will be inside. Something that will challenge your determination. You want to keep her in your life, don't you? You never fought for the power... You fought to protect her, just like any real prince would.
To The Engaged...
Wait, the who? Pink hair flies as she rapidly shakes her head back and forth, visions of swords, roses and scattered petals cloud her vision. The Rose Bride. Give her to me, she's mine! I want the power....
Eternity. Miracles. Everything that glows. But all I want is her. If I had her, these all would eventually come to pass... And I would love every minute of it. I can have my eternity with her. She will be my miracle. And her radiant eyes would glow for me with every glance she gives. Give it all to me. Please, I can't go to you... So please come to me...
Cry. Spill bitter tears to show not just your love, but also your hate. Hatred for being left alone. Or hatred for leaving. After all, she made you do it. She said you didn't have to do it, but you knew better... you knew you had to, to prove your love for her. And you did... so why isn't she coming for you?
Wait, there is a letter.....
"To The Engaged...Welcome back....."
What is this? Smells like...
"Utena."
"Utena!"
"Utena..."
"Tenjou!"
"Utena-sama..."
I know you. All of you. But why don't you have a rose on your breast? All of you should. No, except you. I know you... Very well, I think.
"You knew me better than I knew myself... Now let go of this artificial casing, break free from this shell... Let me embrace you into the real world which is waiting for just the two of us..."
I let her embrace me. Enfolding arms of beauty, the very definition of a goddess. She's warm, and pure. No, she isn't pure, but once we have been reborn, I know she will be. Why then, did it take me so long? Why have I been wandering in loss for so long...? As she holds me, the shell known as the world which surrounds us begins to crack, and shatter before our eyes. But I'm not paying attention... Because I can't take my eyes away from her stare.
"Hime... Himemiya!"
My recollection. She smiles, her purple hair framing her exceptional features. Why today, why after endless wandering hours did she, my savior, come for me today?
Maybe it was something about the flowers...
~*~*~
A/N: Fin! Very weird and eccentric... Kinda like the series, huh? ^_^ I wanted to attempt at writing something along these lines, and tackle one of the most difficult aspects of writing, that is... getting inside someone's raw thoughts. Which, if you're anything like me, Hop from one subject to another, and range from first to third person. ^^