Do you know that feeling? That feeling where it feels like everything is closing in on you, you can't seem to catch your breath, you can't seem to keep your head above the tide. That feeling like you're suffocating, you can feel your lungs withering to nothing in your chest, everything seems to be slipping through your fingers like water. You can feel your life spiraling out of control but it seems surreal, it feels like you're watching it all happen behind a television screen, this can't be real, it can't really be happening. You do nothing because you don't know what to do or how to stop it all from happening. You feel scraped empty, hallow. You look back on your crises of a bad math test from a month ago and you scoff, you laugh and you cry because it could never compare to what you feel now, to where you are now. You dream of going back to that moment and cherishing the concern in your mothers voice as she scolds you. You commit the color of her eyes to memory, the way her calloused hand strokes your cheek, her eyes stern as she tells you not to let it happen again. You remember the sound of your best friends laughter and you almost lose your last shred of sanity, you remember the smell of his cologne, too strong in attempt to impress some silly girl. You beg and you scream, you want it all back, you would kill for the life you once had, the life that shattered before your eyes in what seemed like mere moments.
However god, god isn't listening to your prayers, they fall on deaf ears, your screams and your cries, no one hears them. You pull yourself together, the broken pieces of your heart rattle with each painful beat. Your lungs sear and burn with each breath you take. You find you wake up one morning and existing doesn't hurt as much, living day to day isn't as hard. Nothing is good, not by any means, but bearable, things are bearable.