Author's Note: So, this is my first Doctor/Rose story, though I've been reading fanfic about them for… I dunno, feels like forever. It's pretty shaky, but their relationship is so fresh in my head that I haven't quite been able to sort them out.
This takes place sometime after The Impossible Planet, but definitely before Doomsday (which I still cannot bring myself to watch, though I'm totally caught up and ready for the 50th). It is, of course, very AU, but honestly, what fanfiction isn't?
Thanks for reading!
Painted Glass
When one travels with the Doctor, one is prone to believing they are impervious.
Rose, though she had verbally conveyed to the Doctor that he was never responsible for any harm that came to her whilst they saved various worlds, never actually thought able what would happen the day that a bullet, an arrow, -hell, she had been attacked with a tennis racket before- didn't miss.
She was not prepared to die.
And the Doctor was not prepared to let her go.
…
"Quatherinia!" the Doctor said by way of greeting as Rose walked into the control room. He bounced like an eager child around the console before coming to a stop on the side where she was.
"Hello to you too," she replied wryly, peeking over the Doctor's shoulder at the screen he was studying. They stood there for a moment of silence, enjoying each other's body heat, when Rose spoke again. "Well? Where are we, then?"
The Doctor looked at her funny, rolling his eyes. " I told you: Quatherinia. Fourth planet in the Trax System. Huge galaxy, really. Much better than the tiny Milky Way galaxy that you little humans call home. Quatherinia… second most famous tourist location, I think. Only topped by the planet Moulin, but that's just because the whole place is sort of… well… it's a…"
Rose raised an eyebrow. "C'mon, Doctor. It can't be that bad," she teased, her tongue poking out from between her teeth. Any chance to see the Doctor less than perfectly cool was one she was going to grab with both hands.
"A brothel," the Doctor spit out, turning away from her slightly. The human girl could see his cheeks flushing.
Rose began to laugh. "Oh, that's just fantastic!" She paused, laying a hand on the Doctor's arm. "Jack would've loved it," she added, a bit wistfully.
Watching carefully, Rose noticed the Doctor's countenance crumple a little. She had spent over four months with this new incarnation of the man – well, basically a man – she loved, and though he seemed more open than the last one, at the same time, he was harder to read. He almost never showed sadness or disappointment or jealousy, and it drove his companion mad because she wanted to help. And he wouldn't let her.
Sure enough, five seconds later, the Doctor was straightening up and grinning and grabbing her hand tightly and they were off, just like they always were.
Off the TARDIS, and directly into trouble.
…
The Doctor, for once, did not know how they were getting out of this one.
He was standing with Rose in between two groups of vicious enemies with guns. The Elder of the blue lizard tribe – the others being green lizards – had kidnapped them both and brought them here to mediate between the two groups.
They had tried, honest, to sort everything out, but the groups had been too stubborn. They both wanted too much land and too many rations of food, and both were eager to resort to violence in order to stop it.
So, ignoring the Time Lord and his companion, shots were suddenly fired. The Doctor really was regretting not listening to his gut feeling that morning, the one that told him to gather Rose very quickly into the TARDIS and get as far away from this planet as he could. He tried his best to shield Rose from the gunshots, knowing that, at least, if he were shot he'd only regenerate. If she was shot… well, he didn't want to think about that.
But then there was a squeak of pain, and it was a female squeak. The gunfight immediately stopped, all participants worried that they might've hit a female of their own race. There were very harsh laws about that here.
The Doctor turned to face Rose, figuring he'd check her over for superficial wounds. After all, Rose could never get hurt. That shot certainly could not have hit her.
However, when he turned, he was met with pain-filled eyes and the ashen-white face of Rose Tyler. His eyes only had time to flash to the red stain blooming on her abdomen before her legs gave out and she collapsed on the floor.
…
For a Time Lord, the world never stopped turning. But for a moment, for the Doctor, it did.
Then he was falling to his knees beside her, hands shaking uncontrollably, moving over her dying body helplessly. He was called the Doctor, wasn't he? He was supposed to fix it, he was supposed to fix her.
"Doc… tor," Rose gasped, a hand flying up to capture one of his. He grasped it tightly, impossibly twining his fingers with hers. The blue and green lizards stood around them, unmoving, no longer fighting. Somehow they knew speaking now, in this moment, would be an instant death sentence.
The Time Lord quickly shed his jacket, letting go of Rose's hand briefly to attempt to staunch the blood flow. All the while, he murmured soothingly to her, eyes not daring to meet hers. He was too afraid of the acceptance of what he would not allow to happen in them. "Shh.. Rose, don't try to talk. You're going to be just fine, okay, you see? I still have to take you to Barcelona. Dogs with no noses, Rose Tyler! I'll just…" he trailed off helplessly. "Let me just – I'll fix this, I promise."
"Doctor…" she repeated, eyes glassy. Reflexively, the Doctor clutched her to him, trying to ignore the urge he had to bury his face in her golden locks, the urge he had to breathe her in before she was gone.
"Shh. I know." He shuddered. "I know."
The lizards watched in rapt silence as the Doctor attempted to save his love. It was hopeless. This was turning into a goodbye.
"And Messaline! Great planet. Huge flowers that sprout out of the ground in a single day! They fought a war with themselves one time, you know. Kind of ridiculous story actually-"
"Stop," Rose interrupted, cringing when the wound pulled as she spoke. "Doctor, just… stop. Am I going to die?" She asked, almost innocently. The Doctor opened his mouth to speak, but choked on his next words. His eyes filled with tears, and his body shook desperately as he refused to meet her eyes. He focused on her tiny, human hand in his, bringing up his other hand to cover it. Rose read the truth in his actions, and a single tear ran down her cheek. "I'm so sorry for leaving," she breathed. "You know I was going to stay with you forever?" The light in her eyes began to die, and the Doctor nodded, rocking back and forth on his heels. "Sorry, Doctor."
He cradled her in his arms, her head falling onto his shoulder as she attempted to smile up at him. "But we had… a great run. You and me. Promise you'll not be alone."
The Doctor held her tightly; as if afraid she'd slip from his arms. "I won't. Because you'll be with me, right Rose? The Doctor and Rose Tyler… The Stuff of Legends."
Her eyes fluttered and her heart began to still. The dam that had been welling up inside of him for two years finally broke.
Snapped, just like that.
"You can't leave me!" he shouted at her body, shaking her desperately. "You can't! Rose Tyler, fat lot of good you are, giving up like this! You can't… don't leave… don't go. Not before… I haven't, you've got to hold on Rose!"
She went limp, blonde hair tumbling over his shoulder and the single tear that had made it all so real earlier fading away. His following scream was inhuman and terrifying and words ripped from his throat as he begged her to stay with him. Words that he had always been too afraid to say. They spilled desperately from his mouth, and they seemed to only add to the emptiness that filled up every corner of his mind. Not his hearts, though. His hearts still beat for her.
"I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you… Rose I love you. Rose, my Rose, please stay, come back. I'll be better, I'll stop traveling… Morgages, grocery shopping. But I'll move worlds for you, anything for you."
He couldn't hear himself say anything. He could only hear her voice, promising him forever.
His arms were occupied with his precious girl, so he curled her body into his chest, finally giving into his earlier urge to bury his face into her hair. He let her scent permeate his senses, drowning in Rose Tyler and drowning in his tears. Another wordless shout of pain interrupted his futile confessions of love.
The Elder that had trapped them there in the first place hesitantly moved forward, but the Doctor heard, his entire body tensing at the first realization that he and Rose were not alone.
"GET OUT!" He screamed, his eyes black with anger as he rose like a terrible avenging angel over the body of Rose Tyler. He didn't need a gun to frighten the occupants of this world. "Clear the path to my ship. Don't doubt I'll kill anyone that dares to step in my way."
The room was cleared in an instant.
For that matter, the city was cleared in a day. Most of the planet, a week. No one wanted to ally themselves with a place that was hated by a Time Lord.
The Doctor gathered Rose gently to him, bringing her protectively into the circle of his arms. Her back was still arched from the pain she had been subjected to, and her lips were slightly parted; that perfect tongue-touched smile was gone forever. He lifted her easily, eyes staring blankly ahead. His hands were still shaking as the curled into the fabric of the pink hoodie she had dressed herself in this morning, and the denim underneath her knees. The streets he walked were empty, and the journey to the TARDIS was quick.
The time machine had elongated the jump seat, allowing the Doctor to relieve his light burden. The TARDIS mourned with him; he could hear her screaming in his head. Both of them had loved this human girl much more than they should have. He sent them off into the Vortex before collapsing next to Rose, holding her to him, burying his head in her chest and finally letting himself break down into helpless sobs. His time sense told him it had only been nine minutes since… well.
He didn't think about how he would have to last nine hours without Rose. Nine days. Nine months. Nine years.
Thirty seconds later, the Doctor realized the TARDIS had stopped grieving. His hand twitched into a fist, slamming into the floor. "What? She was only special enough for eight minutes?" He seethed. "How dare you?"
The TARDIS hummed hopefully, prompting the Doctor to glance at Rose.
"I don't want to look at her," he denied. "I can't… I just can't right now, okay?"
The TARDIS hummed again.
The Doctor looked.
Rose's chest moved.
The Time Lord watched in absolute shock. How could she be alive? He had watched her die. She had died! Her chest moved again, and the Doctor snapped out of it, allowing himself a single moment of indescribable, overwhelming joy before snatching Rose back into his arms and running to the Med-Bay.
…
The room was so blurry. Rose tried to focus, but all she could see was white. That couldn't be right; there was no way she could be in Heaven. She had never believed in it, after all. She had believed in the Doctor. That was all she ever needed.
"Rose."
It wasn't a question; it was a statement. Rose tried to turn her head to find the source of the noise, to see her Doctor, but she was unable to move. Her mouth tried to find words, but she was unable to speak.
"Rose, don't try to talk. Just rest. I promise, no harm will ever come to you while I am here, and I'm not going anywhere."
Rose wanted to smile; she knew the Doctor would take care of her. How could she ever doubt him? She closed her eyes, drifting back into the land of dreams.
…
The next time Rose Tyler woke up, she saw pink, not white. Sitting up carefully, she realized the Doctor had returned her to her bedroom. Smiling at the obviously thoughtful gesture, she made to get up. She felt fine, after all.
"Don't."
Rose quickly followed the voice to the velvet armchair in the corner of her room, meeting the eyes of the Doctor. She smiled widely at him, confused when he didn't return it.
"Nice to see you up," he added quietly as he stood from the chair. His hair and suit were crinkled, and it was obvious he hadn't slept in days. "You should, however, stay in bed."
Rose nodded, collapsing against her collection of pillows. "Last thing I remember," she began, "was you telling me to hold on. I thought I was dying, Doctor." The man in questioned cringed at the offensive word. "What happened?"
The Doctor sighed, leaning against her bedpost. "Bad Wolf." Rose gasped, but before she could question him further, he continued. "Remember when I told you how you absorbed the Time Vortex?" She nodded, remembering that long conversation several months ago. "Well, I'm sorry. I made a mistake and didn't test you for side effects. Apparently, the vortex gave you mild regenerative properties; a bullet in the stomach was nothing for your mutated DNA, compared to, well, an un-mutated human's DNA. When you appeared… the way you were, it was really just a short healing coma. I should've checked closer."
Everything seemed suddenly very clear, and Rose wanted to laugh. They had done it, another very narrowly successful escape. "Well then, where do you want to go next?" She asked excitedly, clapping her hands together.
The Doctor stiffened, and Rose's smile slowly flickered and faded. "No where," he said shortly. "You need healing time."
He turned and stalked out of the room, leaving a bewildered Rose to stare after him.
…
After the eleventh day that the Doctor refused to go anywhere, Rose broke.
She stomped angrily to the Doctor, who was staring at her with absolutely no emotion on his face, as if she was a tiny child and he was the adult and sinking to her level would not be appropriate of him.
"Why won't you take me anywhere?" She shouted, glaring at him fiercely. "And don't give me any shit about not being "healed"," she added mockingly, making quotation marks with her fingers around 'healed'. "I have felt absolutely fine for the past ten days. Barely a scratch."
The Doctor frowned at her, shoving his hands deep into his pockets. Rose could tell that he was thinking of her pale face, her bloody stomach, that frightening ten minutes where her heart was not beating. "I'm keeping you safe," he said finally, not meeting her eyes.
"What if I don't want to be kept safe?" She asked, fighting tears. "I don't want to live this life; I want to live your life. The running and the fighting and the feeling of being alive. You can't just keep me in here!"
"My TARDIS, my rules," he replied shortly, taking her by the shoulders. "I promised your mother. I promised myself. I am going to keep you safe," he repeated. "No harm is going to come to you ever again, Rose. Not while you're with me."
He meant to be reassuring. Why couldn't she understand? He couldn't bear to see her empty and cold ever again. He needed her whole and alive.
"So what?" She began angrily. "You're just going to lock me up in the TARDIS for the rest of my life? You're going to be my jailer?" She pushed at his chest, her face red. The TARDIS flashed her lights in agreement, but the Doctor ignored the sentient ship.
He took a step back, pulling at his hair. "It's not like that," he growled, exasperated.
"Oh?" Rose asked. "Then what is it? Because I think it's exactly like that, and if it is, you can drop me off on Earth after I finish packing." She was bluffing, he thought. She had to be. "Well, is that how it's going to be, Doctor? Speak up! Answer me!"
After getting no reply, she turned away from him, ready to head for the corridor to pack.
To pack.
His walls shattered at that realization, like painted glass. They had appeared so strong, so unbreakable. Then she had come along and pushed them, challenged their appearance, broken them down. And he had come to realize that, when faced with his pink and yellow human, his tiny little – yet so big, so important, so impossible – Rose Tyler, his walls had begun to act like a thin sheet of glass.
One tiny punch, one tiny step away from the protection and love of his arms, and that was all it took.
His eyes darkened as his hands shot out, grabbing her and practically throwing her against the console. She looked up, suddenly quiet, eyes wide and lips parted.
"Wha-" she managed to gasp, before he stepped forward and suddenly he was all around her, trapping her where she was and holding her against him. His lips took hers and she was gone.
Words like need and love and Rose and closer spun around them, weaving a web that tangled and pulled and almost nearly hurt. She tried to whisper back, but he wouldn't let her, and his hands wandered while hers pulled and tugged at his hair, causing him to moan softly.
He traveled down to her neck, kissing and biting, and he was still speaking but she couldn't understand what he was saying – though she knew it wasn't English – as he traced a circular symbol with her tongue at the place where her neck met her shoulder. "I thought I lost you," he groaned raggedly in the only language she understood, pulling at her clothes. "You can't… Rose don't… you can't leave. I can't let you go, Rose. I'd never make it without- Please… no, don't let anything take you away from me. I won't let anything take you away from me," he growled softly. Tears pooled in her eyes at his words, and she kissed him softly. "Rose," he breathed, "I think I need you."
Rose finally smiled a genuine smile, cupping his chin with her small hand and lifting his head up gently so he could meet her eyes. She took a deep breath.
"Well, that's funny, Doctor, because I think I love you."
…
The Doctor rewrapped the bandages around her stomach, kissing her when he finished. "There," he said softly. "That should do it. Two more days and you should be completely healed. Your regenerative properties could be better."
"Well, I don't have your superior Time Lord biology, do I?" He shook his head, a smirk covering his face. "And you're not making me stay on the TARDIS forever?" Rose added teasingly.
The Doctor rolled his eyes, acting as if there was a decision to make before he responded. "No. I'll let you come along… but only because I need someone to make me sound impressive!" He took her hand, squeezing it tightly. "So you'll have to be next to me the whole time, because I need a lot of ego boosting."
Rose sighed in a mixture of exasperation and relief. "That's possible the last thing you need. In fact, that's like saying you need pears to live." He was letting her off the TARDIS. Definitely a good sign. She could live with staying within his line of sight for a while, if it made him more comfortable.
"Oi, Rose Tyler!" He berated, but his eyes were softening. "You know I only need one thing to live."
He hadn't told her he loved her yet. Well, he had, but he still hadn't realized she had been able to hear him. She didn't think it would be wise to tell him that she had.
She couldn't find it in herself to care. It was in his eyes, in his voice, in his hands, and in his smile. Oh, she knew. She had known for a while.
Still, she couldn't help but tease him about it. Hopping off the jump seat, she leaned her head against one of the pieces of coral that wound up toward the ceiling. "I don't know how you have stayed sane all these years," she stage-whispered to the TARDIS, glancing at the Doctor. "Quite emotionally stunted, that one," she added conspiratorially.
"Hey!" The Doctor glanced up at her, peering over his glasses with an offended expression. "Better question, how do she and I put up with you lot?"
"Okay then, Doctor." She turned back to the coral. "Why do you put up with us humans, anyway?" Rose asked with a grin, stroking the TARDIS gently.
The Doctor cocked his headed, listening. A wide smile suddenly split his face, the first she had seen since her accident, and his bright eyes met Rose's from across the console. He casually flipped a switch, but Rose was quite aware of the meaning. He was sending them spiraling across the universe again. Just like they were meant to.
"Well?" The pink and yellow girl prompted.
The Doctor placed his hand over hers on the console, leaning forward to whisper in her ear.
"Because you're bigger on the inside."
Finis
