"You must find the Emerald," murmured the memory of an inexplicably accented queen into the ear of an inexplicably third-person memory of a briefly dead little girl. Little zombie girl named DG like in the '90s.
"Ohmygosh," said the brainless one, grinning inexplicably. "You know what THAT means!"
"Time to shoot something?" guessed the tin man, eagerly fingering that blatant symbol of his masculinity. His gun, not his… you know.
They all shook their heads at him, to express their displeasure.
"WE'RE GOIN ON AN ADVENTURE!" Cheers and high-fives.
"I'm going to be a pirate." Whispered Glitch.
"Raw go to speech therapist."
"Wait! Hold on!" DG furrowed her eyebrows and looked confused, straining to keep her disbelief suspended. Her disbelief suspending muscle was getting sore.
"What is it, Princess?" Said Tutor, because he was there, duh. "Are you remembering something from your past?!"
"There's something I don't understand…" She said slowly. "Okay, If Glitch knew my mother when she was my age and I'm, what was it, twenty? Exactly how old is he, then? I mean, he looks like he's in his… late-thirties?" She gave him a good stare which made him shift uncomfortably. "Okay, mid-forties, maybe? What, did you start working for her when you were five or something?"
"Yeah, hey, com'on, zipperhead, what's the deal?" Cain thought it was too long since the audience heard his manly voice. Everyone looked expectantly at Glitch to clear up this profound mystery.
"Er… well… heh… Gee…"
He wriggled miserably under their stares for a few seconds, glancing around him for means of escape. Then he reached up, unzipped his head and pulled out the emerald from his empty cranium.
"Oh, look, heh heh- look what I found! The Third Br- er, I mean, the Emerald of the Eclipse!"
"Great!" Said DG, taking it from him. "Now all we have to do is make sure Azkadellia doesn't come in and immediately steal it!"
"Too late, little sister!" Came the voice of the Female Antagonist. With a collective gasp they all turned to face her. "Using all sorts of predictable puns and ambiguously orgasmic magical voodoo, I have detected your whereabouts and will now proceed to exactly that which you just spoke of!" And suddenly! A dozen ugly monkey-bats come flying out of her cleavage! She walked up to DG and took the emerald! No mean feat in those heels!
The monkeys flew around threateningly, not really harming anybody but poking them a great deal and being generally annoying. Everybody ran around in terror and Glitch quickly lost consciousness under the onslaught. Wyatt Cain was shot and fell out of a window into the freezing cold water below, but not to worry, he was just fine. Just like the Crow, he will rise again to avenge his perished love- with guns!
The next part is boring.