Mai looked up at her father, Ukano. He was trying to teach her how to firebend. Again. Ukano had been trying to teach Mai how to firebend ever since she'd turned five two months ago and still hadn't been able to produce a single spark. He had said that if she was going to be Fire Lord one day- which Mai definitely would be when the time came, since Ukano was the fire lord and she was his only child- she had to be able to bend. She wanted to be a good ruler, someday many many years in the future, so she listened to him and watched him closely.
"Like this, see?" he said, lunging and punching in one quick motion. A small ball of fire shot from his hand, filling the air in their palace gardens with thick gray smoke. "Try it."
After a moment of carefully studying her father, who repeated the form perfectly each time, Mai gave it a try. She leaned hard to the side, bending one knee, and punched the air. Nothing happened. She tried it again, a little faster this time. Still nothing. Nothing ever happened, but she'd been hopeful that this time she'd get a spark. Or a cloud of smoke. Or maybe just a little wave of heat. She tried it over and over and over, but every time she tried, nothing happened. It never even sort of worked.
"Do it a little faster," Ukano said. "It can't be slow at all. This isn't some kind of... barbaric Earthbending."
"I am going faster!" Mai protested, panting.
"Don't talk back to me, Mai. I know what I'm talking about," the Fire Lord snapped. "Now, do what I told you."
Mai sighed, inaudibly so her father wouldn't be able to hear, and sped up the pace. Sweat dripped down her brow, and he watched her, sternly and impatiently.
"Are you even trying?" Ukano asked, frustrated. "Why isn't this working?"
"I don't know! I'm trying my best!" Mai said, not daring to take a break yet. "Maybe, maybe I'm just not a bender."
"Nonsense! Of course I can bend. And your mother, my late wife was a bending prodigy." Ukano shook his head. "Maybe I need to get you a professional."
"A… professional?" Mai asked, pausing.
"Yes. I don't have time to waste on this, because obviously whatever I'm doing isn't working. It isn't tapping into your potential. We can get a man to teach you classically, to teach you well, and I'm sure you won't disappoint me. I'm sure you'll become a great firebender. Just a few hours, five days a week with a teacher for a few years, and you'll learn."
Mai sucked in her breath. She already didn't look forward to her lessons, and they were with her father, maybe once or twice a week. If she had to start training for hours and hours every day with a stranger, she would hate it. She already hated it, and they hadn't even begun yet. Her face twisted up against her will.
"No! I don't need to learn how to bend, I don't want to learn how to bend- it's a waste of time! Besides, I've gone more than five whole years without it at all and I'm perfectly fine!" Mai complained. "Please, please don't make me do it!"
"If you would just make your first fire on your own, I wouldn't have to." Ukano said. Mai sobbed into the dirt in response.
"That's it, Mai. Get on the steps. I can't have you throwing a temper tantrum whenever something doesn't go completely your way."
Ukano picked her up, over his shoulder, and sat her down on the grand staircase inside the palace. Mai wanted to wiggle out of his arms. She wanted to scream and cry She wanted to climb out and run, but she didn't. She knew better. She should have known better in the first place, anyway. So she just sighed and relaxed and tried to relax. Inside, though, she was fuming. She just didn't see what the big deal was. So, she couldn't bend. So what? Lots of people couldn't bend. And yet her father was going to make her learn something she would never be able to do anyway.
The teacher arrived the next day. He looked terrifying, a hard look in his eye and a grizzly scar on his neck. Mai wanted to hide from him, but instead she just trailed far behind him when he took her to the training grounds. The teacher sat down on a tall hill, his legs crossed over each other, and had her sit across from him. She followed his instructions, resigned. He closed his eyes and demonstrated breathing exercises that were supposed to help her feel the sun, but didn't seem to do much of anything. Still, she did them- long, deep breaths with her eyes closed, focusing on the heat of the sun on her back. It was a hot, sunny day- typical for a fire nation summer- but she got the feeling that being able to tell it was hot wasn't exactly what her teacher wanted.
He didn't let her move an inch for at least an hour. Somehow, her teacher could tell whenever she started to squirm, whenever she tried to sneak away from her training. Eventually she was forced to just give up, and for an hour, she just sat still and tried to focus on the sun. Only, there wasn't much to really even focus on in the first place. It was just warmth, it was just light, and she couldn't stand it at all.
Finally, the "sit-down-on-the-floor-and-breathe" part was over, at least, but that meant it was time to move on to the "practice these firebending forms" part. The teacher spent another hour going over each and every form and making her practice it until it was perfect, but no fire came out. No fire ever came out. When the day was over and she was covered in sweat and nothing good had come of it, Mai was sure that she would at least be free of this teacher now, since he obviously hadn't accomplished anything. She was wrong. The teacher came back every other day for weeks and weeks, and she didn't learn anything at all except for how to sit still and make it look like she was concentrating on some really far away ball of fire.
By then, she had given up. She'd actually given up a long time ago, but now she knew she would never be able to. One day, over dinner, she told her father.
"I have something to tell you," Mai said one day. "I'm not a firebender. I keep trying and trying, but it's not working out."
"Mai!" her father said. "Just..try harder. This is going to work. It has to work."
"I've gone my whole life without it! That's five whole years! I'm sure that I'm never going to need it, anyway, and I don't think you can force bending into someone. Right?" Mai said, adding a bite to her words that would be more con
"Mai, mind your tone. Even if you were being a little respectful, you're just five years old. So you haven't had to defend yourself yet, or go to war? Someday you might have to, and if you can't bend, you won't be able to."
"Lots of people can't bend, and they're perfectly fine!" Mai said, a little too loudly. Her father shot a sharp glare, and she shrank back in her seat.
"They won't be Fire Lords one day! You can't be a Fire Lord and not be able to bend, Mai. It's just how it works. And since you killed your mother when you were born, it's not like we have any other options. You have to be Fire Lord, and that mean that I will just have to do whatever it takes to make you a bender!" Ukano shouted from across the dinner table. There was red-hot anger in his eyes.
Mai pouted at him, tears pricking the back of her eyes. It wasn't like she had meant to kill her mother. Michi had apparently died in childbirth, and although he didn't bring it up often, and most of the time he was very kind, when Ukano was especially angry with her, he would sometimes give her guilt about it. It hadn't been her fault, she was pretty sure. She ate her dinner as fast as she could and ran up in her room, not wanting her father to see her cry. That would only make things worse. Ukano would probably start telling her all about how she was crying over nothing, and he hadn't meant it, and wouldn't she stop crying please and just listen to reason and forgive him already?
She always hated it when he did that.
Over the next few weeks, she didn't improve. She stopped even trying, only doing the bare minimum so that her teacher wouldn't start yelling at her. Soon, though, it was the first day of the Fire Festival, and her Aunt and Uncle would be visiting.
Her mother had had two siblings- Mura, an older woman who was a florist in the little town that Michi had been born in, and Kanshu, who was a warden at a big prison. She'd never visited either of them, because it was too far away for a little girl to go alone and her father didn't have time to be away for more than a day or two at a time, but sometimes her family came to see her. And her father, too.
She had on her best clothes, which were bright red silk and decorated with a gold trim, and she was practically bouncing up and down with excitement. She always loved it when her family came in- she barely saw them outside of holidays, and letters were always a little awkward, since she couldn't write yet- at least, not legibly- and so she normally had to dictate them to a palace servant. It wasn't like she had to keep any secrets or anything, it was just uncomfortable.
Her aunt arrived first. Mura bent down to hug her, and Mai threw her arms around her.
"Princess Mai! You've gotten so big since I last saw you!" Mura said, standing back from her niece. Mai scratched the back of her head awkward and gave an uncomfortable laugh.
"Um, thanks, Aunt Mura," Mai said, not sure how to start the conversation. "How- how's your flowers?"
"Flow-? Oh, you mean the shop!" Mura laughed. "It's fine. Business has actually been very good lately, what with the festival and all. You know, I don't think I've ever been happier than when I started this shop. You have to find some happiness in your life, you know."
Mai opened her mouth to talk- she was about to complain about the whole firebending problem she was having- but just then, her father walked in. Mura bowed in front of him, and Mai clammed up immediately. She couldn't complain about it to her father; it would just ruin the whole day anyway.
"Hello, Mura. How are you?"
"Oh, I'm fine. How are you, Fire Lord?" Mura asked.
"I'm just wonderful."
"Glad to hear it."
Her father and aunt sat down on a long, wine red sofa to continue their conversation, and Mai followed them, plopping down on the cushion next to her father. She tried to pay attention to the conversation, but to her it was really nothing but noise- she didn't understand what they were talking about half the time, when they started talking about nobles whose names they'd never heard, and the war she knew next to nothing about, or politics. So she just curled up into a ball and tried to pay attention.
"And you know, the Ty family? They're pregnant again. This has to be, what, the fifth or sixth time?" Mura said, shaking her head. "I really can't imagine, and they're all right in a row like that!"
"I've never really understood either of those two. The man is a good general, though, he won is half the northern colonies." Ukano said, trying to compromise.
"True, true. You can hardly tell the girls apart, anyway, and they've all got the same name- Ty Lee, Ty Lo, Ty Lin…" her aunt sighed. "They can't keep their hands off each other!"
"They're probably trying for a boy, Mura. Which I can completely understand, really."
"Why? I don't really get it," Mai asked
"You'll understand when you're older, Mai." Ukano patted her head. "Then, it will all make sense to you."
"He's right, you know. You should listen to your father," Mura said.
Mai pouted and turned her head. A little while later, her uncle appeared. He was out of his uniform. He was one of those people who could look terrifying if he wanted, or very warm if he wanted. Around his niece, he was very warm. Mai leaped out of her seat and ran up to him. Kanshu bent down to her height and wrapped his arms around her.
"Mai! How've you been?" he asked.
"I'm great! How are you?" she asked. "Everyone's in the other, come on." She led him through the high-ceilinged hallways into the sitting room where Mura and Ukano were talking about politics. Kanshu bowed to the Fire Lord and greeted his sister, and sat down on the long couch with the rest of the family.
They ate dinner soon after. It was a spicy, steamed pig chicken dish. The meat was flavorful and tender and almost melted in the mouth. She sank her teeth into it and closed her eyes. Food was always the best around holidays, or when they had guests. Or when both happened at the same time. The spices warmed her stomach, and she sighed contentedly.
"So, Mai, did you tell your aunt and uncle about your firebending training?" Ukano asked, grinning.
"No," she answered, too fast and not meeting his eyes.
"You're a firebender? That's great to hear!" Kanshu exclaimed.
"I'm not a firebender," Mai mumbled.
"What did you say, Mai?" Ukano said, leaning in.
"I said I'm not a firebender." She bit her lip nervously, anticipating her father's anger. He huffed and put an arm on her shoulder.
"She's just frustrated nothing's happened yet. Go on, Mai, tell them about it."
She sighed, but followed his directions. "My teacher comes here for a few hours everyday and I have to sit on a hill and focus on the sun for an hour and take deep breaths, and everyone keeps telling me that it's supposed to be some sort of presence but to me it just feels kind of hot. And then I do these forms for a while and he keeps telling me that I have to force my body's energy out my arm and then there will be fire. But there isn't any energy in my body and it doesn't do anything. I just don't think I can do it! And I have to, but I just can't. I can't do anything." She squeezed her eyes shut and made fists under the table, trying to hide her emotions. After a minute, she relaxed enough to unclench her fists and open her eyes and look normal.
"I'm sure you'll figure it out someday, Mai," Ukano said. Her uncle and her aunt looked at her nervously, and she stuffed the rest of the meal down in silence. It tasted salty and bland now.
Later that evening, her uncle found her curled up in a ball under a tree. The sun was about to set, and he sat down next to her.
"Mai?" he asked.
"Yeah?"
"I'm just thinking that, maybe, when you're a little older, that maybe I can start teaching you how to throw yet, not today, but when you're ready. I have a practice set I can give you…"
"Really?" Mai asked, lighting up immediately. It sounded wonderful. If she couldn't bend- and she knew she never would- she would love to know how to throw knives. It already sounded fascinating. "I'd love to."
Author's Note
Hi! The idea for this is basically: What if Mai and Zuko switched places? How would things change? I apologize if Mai seemed a little out of character here, but I feel that's to be expected seeing as she's five and hasn't gone through a lifetime of being forced to be her parent's perfect doll yet. I really hope you like this, and it's going to be long- like probably at least fourteen or fifteen. I plan to update regularlyish. Thank you so much for reading I love you!