I gaze pass my locker as I see Santana and Brittany walking down the hallway, fingers interlock with each other. I slam my locker, in spite, and make an attempt to walk away before either of them sees me. I run into the classroom where I see Kurt and Blaine acting incredibly affectionate with each other. I sit down in the chair and sigh to myself. Why can't I have to the courage that Kurt and Blaine has? Why can't I have the bravery to stand up and admit to everyone that I am not boy crazy as I make myself out to be? To admit that I am in love with Santana? No, I can't. because in order to admit it to everyone else, I have to admit it myself. I have to tell myself that the reason I am so cruel to Santana is because I like her. That the reason I secretly draw pictures of her is because I am so captured by her beauty; That I must get it down on paper for fear of never seeing her again.
I watch as Santana and Brittany walk in, this time with their arms around each other, and make their way to their seats. Mr. Schue walks into the room and makes an attempt to get the class to quiet down. After a few moments, everyone manages to keep their mouth shut.
Mr. Schue explains to us about desire. "We all have desires in our life," he says. "Most of you might desire to become famous. Some of you might desire to actors or musicians, maybe start a family. Some of you might even desire to fall in love." I look over at Santana. Her black hair falling around her face creating a dark shadow near her eyes and forehead making her look mysterious and gorgeous.
"For your assignment this week, I want all of you to choose a song that expresses and illuminates your inner most desires. I want this done by next week. The person who does the best on this assignment will get to choose two songs for everybody to sing at sectionals. So that should get everybody motivated to get some work done."
Everyone gasps and talks about what songs to sing and why they would win. I already know what song I was going to sing and why I want to sing that song.
"Well, it's clear that I am going to win," I hear Santana say, "So you all better be prepared because we are going to sing 'there is no greater love' by Jones orchestra and 'illegal' by Shakira." Everyone moans and complains about the song choices while blurting out their own choices of songs that they will choose for everyone.
"Alright," Mr. Schue says, "Go out and start preparing for your performances." Everyone jumps out of their seats. I watch as I see some people go over to the piano and choosing music. I see people looking up songs to sing. I sit, in my chair still, as I ignore the commotion around me. I think about my inner most desires. What song do I sing and how do I display my feelings without making it transparent about what I really want.