Will you love me when I'm angry
Will you bring me my spirit when my soul is dry
Will you give me your forever
Will you lay down in this fire?
They went to Oklahoma together, even though it's a ridiculously land locked state with no surfing at all. Kensi told him it was the only state she'd never been to. Marty suspects she's lying, but it's such a weird thing to lie about, he goes anyway.
It's three months and three weeks after he first kissed her. He's had reconstructive surgery and physical therapy and mandated therapy. They kindly flew in Nate from somewhere scary that ended in a "n" to be his personal shrink. But he was mostly okay, so he usually tried to convince Nate to sneak off and spend all his time with Rose.
"We should vacation together," is how Kensi said it. "Let's finally do it. Do you want to?"
He wrote YES YES GOOD PLAN. His jaw was still wired shut.
When he can talk, he tells Nate: he remembers Sam looming over him, face wide and scared. Marty tried to say "this fucking haircut, right?" He thinks it came out as bubbles of blood and
strangled sounds. He thinks it was probably worse for Sam to see than for Marty to experience.
He remembers light, no light, hospital smells, and one time he could smell the ocean. It's weird he remembers that it was only one time because he doesn't really have a timeline in his head for being unconscious and worked on by doctors.
He remembers nightmares. Sam suffocating him with one hand, Callen clawing at his cheek. He saw Kensi covered in blood, he was so close he could where it had matted in her hair and on her ponytail holder. He screamed at her and couldn't get her to hear or move.
He opened his eyes and watched the doctors talk. He couldn't talk.
He listened to Michelle reading to him. She said something about a gorilla and her voice was thick with tears. Michelle inhaled her shaky breath and then said, "Marty, we are not reading that one again. I mean ever." He opened his eyes and she pressed her lips together. "You're awake."
He tried to nod. She smiled and handed him a tablet. He could use both his hands, sort of. He could tap out messages. He typed R U OKAY? BOMBS? KENSI?
She looked down and then back at him. "It's all good. Everything is fine. Everyone is fine."
He typed EXCEPT ME.
She smiled. "You're getting better." She told him Sam made him green juice smoothies every morning that the nurses dutifully made sure Marty consumed. He typed that he didn't remember that. She told him they'd had this conversation three times already.
"You always ask the same thing," she said. Sam would be here, she said, but he was back to work. Everyone was back to work. "There's a lot of clean up. Which I can not (cannot) do because I am now permanently retired." Even though he knew she had said that three times already, she looked like these were wounds to utter.
He typed CAN I STILL HAVE KIDS? THE FUN WAY?
She laughed. "Yes," she said. "The doctors can explain it but they didn't get that to full torture experience. You got off pretty easy, considering."
MY BEAUTIFUL TEETH. He drew a sad face.
"You're getting even prettier ones, promise." Michelle had a gorgeous smile.
He typed DON'T READ ME THAT STORY AGAIN. BUT I LIKE THAT BOOK. OTHER STORIES ARE OKAY, JUST NOT THAT ONE.
xx
Hetty told him his heart stopped on the operating table when they first brought him in. "The first surgery," she said. "In case you have any memories of white lights and beckoning hands, you chose to come back to us, apparently. I am very glad you did, Detective." She patted his hand and her hand was trembling.
xx
KENSI he typed. She smiled, eyes rimmed with red. DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M SMIZING, CAUSE I'M TRYING TO SMIZE.
She laughed.
He typed WE KISSED!
"I know," she said. "We did. You kissed me and I had to go save Michelle's life. And you saved Sam's and now we're all good." She leaned over and kissed his forehead. He looked down her shirt. She was wearing a very boring white racerback bra. She smelled like lack of sleep.
She sat back down. THAT DOES NOT COUNT AS A SECOND KISS, he typed.
"I know," she said.
HOW MANY TIMES HAVE WE HAD THIS CONVERSATION?
"This is the fifth time. You're on a lot of painkillers. You had some head wounds. You had a really bad infection in your leg and hip. It takes time to get everything back," she said. "What's funny is, you always say we kissed. It's either the first or second thing."
HARD TO FORGET! He smized again with all his might.
"Today's the first time you made that smize joke," she said. "It made me laugh."
xx
Three of his stab wounds on his leg and hip were infected and two were antibiotic resistant. "It's not from the hospital, though. It's from where Siderov had you. Or maybe what he used to wound you. He probably didn't sterilize them after previous use," Nell said. She had taken it on herself to explain to him his medical news. He wondered if she thought he was too dumb to get what the doctors said. Probably it was just the only way she could think to help.
She was very familiar with all the ins and outs of negotiating hospitals, so she was very helpful.
It was a week before he realized she must have done this before, for someone she loved. Maybe they didn't make it.
"So you're on a lot of medication and they're also working on your jaw," she flipped through the chart. "There are a lot of side effects you could have and some might be interactions and some might be from the meds and some could be symptoms of pretty bad things. So be very precise about how you're feeling."
SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE A NUT he wrote.
"You think you're funny," she said.
xx
"Actually, we wrapped things up pretty quickly so I've been watching Monty," Kensi said.
OKAY GOOD, he typed.
"But I'm already back at work, I have been. You know. New cases. I have a temporary partner, too." She looked a little abashed.
He was high as a kite on painkillers and the serious antibiotics and everything. He was on a lot of drugs. He typed, SO ARE YOU DUMPING ME AND MONTY? THAT'S NOT COOL. IS IT BECAUSE I'M MISSING FIVE TEETH? I'M GETTING THEM BACK. FAKE BUT PRETTY.
"I am not dumping you. My partner is temporary. I haven't even brought her back to my apartment. Sam keeps telling the poor girl not to get used to playing with the big boys, that's our boy Deeks's seat. And I love Monty but since I'm back at work I feel like Monty is getting depressed again. I was going to say, Monty's going to stay with my mom."
JULIA LIKES DOGS?
"She's happy to have Monty. He really likes her yard," she said.
He knew what Nell had listed for him, all the drugs, his injuries, the unspoken "and also you were tortured and almost died" stuff. Everything was pretty clearly spelling out he should not be making emotional decisions. Or starting emotional discussions. He wanted to anyway.
HEY, SO ARE WE GOING OUT NOW?
Kensi smiled. "Kinda hard to date when you can't leave this room."
DON'T DEFECT. DEFLECT. DON'T DO EITHER. He was worried, a little, she would act like nothing happened just because he was damaged heap of crap. For now.
"I'm not defecting or avoiding the topic. We can talk about it. When you can talk. And your eyes aren't so dilated from all the drugs. I want to talk, I swear."
LIAR.
xx
He finally saw Sam for the first time (he knew it wasn't the first time, but it was the first time he remembered) since Siderov at the place he was sent after the hospital. He thought of it as the halfway house. Sam dropped off more juices in labeled containers. "Don't worry, I checked with your doctors, it's all approved. They said it was a great idea."
Marty nodded. "Looks good," he said. "Yummy." His voice sounded weird.
Sam nodded, too. This was his apology, Marty thought. He could probably demand more penance than kale and chia seeds mixed with almond milk, but he wasn't up for it.
They were men and men stared and said it all with manly nods. Marty was down with that.
He was on a lot of pills at the halfway house.
"This is, like, my first reaction to something. Bad reaction. To a pill," he said to Nell. "Super painful hives. Specifically on my legs and my private parts. Finally, I don't have that, pardon my language, torturous catheter in me and now I have hives. On my private parts."
Nell looked at his legs and made a face of disgust. "Did you tell the doctors?"
"First thing. They took me off that pill."
Nell said, "So you just wanted to tell me about the painful hives on your penis?"
"And butt."
The next day he apologized. "I think I flashed you," he said. "Sorry."
"You did, and apology accepted." Nell kept her eyes on her tablet. "Feeling better today?"
"Yup. And I know, dentist today."
"But you should be back to talking much quicker than the last one."
He had that thing, like House on House M.D.
"No, you don't," Nell said. "If you want, we can watch the episode specifically and I will point out to you all the ways that your injuries are different from the fictional Dr. House."
"But we both have that thing, with our muscles." Also, he would love to watch that episode of Dr. House again because frankly, Sela Ward was a major hottie. And Lisa Edelstein.
"He had a stroke, the equivalent of, in his thigh muscle. You had a MRSA."
"He had to walk with a cane for all of his life," Marty said. He hated saying that.
"Because what happened to him, the fictional him, I might remind you, and he did not receive proper treatment for four days." She tapped at her table until he looked up. "You are going to be an agent again. Everyone is sure."
"They're fairly sure," he said. "But thank you."
xx
The best part of the center was the days they let him swim. It was very good therapy. He just loved being able to move again, to swim. It was nothing like the ocean but it was the closest he would get. He almost felt strong again but only in the water.
Everyone was very busy. He only saw Nell every other day. Sam came every three days with his juices. Sam being Sam, he came early in the morning and Marty slept 16 hours a day. He got to see Nate all the time.
Kensi he saw twice a week. "Tell me about my replacement," he said.
"Your temporary replacement," she said. "Are you having a little pity party here?"
"Just a little. I'm concerned you guys are going to have all these in-jokes when I get back and no one will explain them to me, like the first day back from summer vacation and everyone else went to some fresh air camp and you didn't."
She was sitting next to him on the bed while they watched House M.D. "Well, we already have one about you flashing Nell and saying painful rash on my penis."
"That one I would laugh at," he said. "Did I hallucinate you asking me to go on vacation with you?"
"Only if we both hallucinated the same thing," she said.
"This is how we're doing this," he said.
"Doing what?"
"Dating? What comes after kissing?"
"You know what comes after kissing," she said. She leaned against him, all warm and sunshiney and slightly sweaty smelling. "Yeah, I think that's what we're doing. We've got some things on hold while you get better. But then when we're on vacation, we'll figure it all out. For now, you know, I would appreciate if you didn't date any of the hot chicks you meet here."
"You can't, either. Not my replacement, not Callen or Nell, or Sabatino."
She turned to look at him. "You think I want to date Nell?"
"Who doesn't?"
She laughed.