Hi peeps, this is my first shot at a fan fic, so be kind! This is only short but it's about the hallway scene in the episode 'Sexy' between Santana and Brittany. I thought the song Just so you know by Jesse McCartney was perfect for this scene so I wanted to incorporate that in along with some other ramblings! Also I don't own glee or the lyrics obviously! *Drum Roll* Here goes…
Just So You Know
Santana stood at the end of the long hallway after the school bell rang, staring at Brittany while lost deep in a song that had been on mind repeat for the past 24 hours. She made her way over to Brittany, random lyrics running circles around her thoughts.
I shouldn't love you but I want to
I just can't turn away
After their meeting with Holly Holiday and a heart wrenching performance of Landslide, Santana had an epiphany. She didn't want Brittany to only be her best friend. There were too many feelings between them that they couldn't, shouldn't and wouldn't ignore anymore.
"Hi." Santana said
"Hey."
"Can we talk?"
"But we never do that." Brittany said confused.
"Yea I know, but…"
She paused and thought back to the first time she and Brittany kissed. It was just for show, to catch the boy's attention, climb higher up the social ladder but it felt right, as in Ross and Rachel true love right. Santana didn't know what love was but if she could bet her life that that was it, she would have. Her heart skipped a beat when she kissed her, jumped at the graze of her hand and fluttered when those big blue eyes met hers. However her heart and head were conflicted, fighting the battle of the apocalypse as Santana believed these feelings could end her world. She couldn't be, what she thought she might be. It was wrong. Society told her it was wrong. So she never said it out loud and pushed the feelings down, deep into the depths of her soul. She once thought she had to let go of these feelings or let go of Brittany.
And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not
Cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop
"…I wanted to thank you for performing that song with me in glee club. Because it's made me do a lot of thinking. And what I realized is why I'm such a bitch all the time. I'm a bitch because I'm angry. I'm angry because I have all of these feelings…"
Santana was once a sweet girl but lately she had become the HBIC, with a bitchy smirk and nasty comment always at hand. She never knew how or why she got this way, maybe it was just part of growing up or being a teenager. Everyone accepted her as the HBIC, she was followed and feared. Santana believed her status would definitely change if they found out her secret, but it was too late to rethink this, Brittany was standing in front of her. Waiting. Her head won the battle all these years, now she was going to speak straight from her not so straight heart.
Just so you know
This feelings taking control of me
And I can't help it
"…feelings for you, that I'm afraid of dealing with because I'm afraid of dealing with the consequences. And Brittany, I can't go to an Indigo Girls concert. I just can't."
"I understand that." Brittany replied.
"Do you understand what I'm trying to say?" Santana searched Brittany's eyes desperately trying to see if there was any reaction to the revelation, but first she had so make sure that, not always the sharpest tool in the shed, Brittany, understood what the revelation was.
"No, not really." Said Brittany whilst shaking her head.
In the past few weeks Santana had kept her distance from Brittany and her feelings. It was torturous and Santana searched to distractions and escapes, but nothing really worked. Everything reminded her of Brittany even Sam's highlighted fake blond hair. Looking at her sexy self in the mirror in her tight fitting cheerios uniform which would usually make her happy didn't anymore. There was something missing. It was that small pinky that used to wrap around hers, that laugh, those random comments. It was Brittany. Santana couldn't be around her anyway, not now, not when Brittany's robo-boyfriend was nearby. Even just the sight of the two together made her gut turn. She knew then that these feelings for Brittany were too hard to suppress and were rising from the depths of her soul in eruptions of jealousy.
It's getting hard to be around you
There's so much I can't say
Santana remembered back to the week when Brittany turned to Artie when she was too ignorant to acknowledge her own feelings and sing a duet with Brittany. It was obvious that Brittany was just trying to make Santana jealous so she'd finally give in. That moment of clarity had only arisen last night whilst Santana pondered their relationship but she knew Wheels couldn't have her anymore. Brittany belonged with her.
I won't sit around
I can't let him win now
It was do or die, or just die both ways Santana thought to herself because if she didn't explain to Brittany what she was trying to tell her then she'd remain alone, loveless and living an unfulfilling life of anger, but if she did tell Brittany it could be, as Mean Girls put it, 'social suicide'.
Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go of you
But I don't want to
She worked up the courage to speak again after checking her surroundings to make sure no one would hear. If only Brittany knew maybe she could remain on top and they could be together in secret. The professional bully and name-caller was afraid of getting it right back, for once.
"I want to be with you, but I'm afraid of the talks and the looks. I mean, you know what happened to Kurt at this school."
"But, honey, if anybody were to ever make fun of you, you would either kick their ass or slash them with your vicious, vicious words." Brittany said trying to comfort her friend as tears rolled down her cheek. All the bottled up emotions and feelings were all coming out at once. No pun intended.
"Yea, I know, but I'm so afraid of what everyone will say behind my back. Still, I have to accept that I love you. I love you…" Santana had finally said it. Twice to make sure Brittany understood every word clearly. The song lines continued to run around her head as she continued on with her declaration of love.
I just gotta say it all before I go
Just so you know
"…and I don't want to be with Sam, or Finn, or any of those other guys. I just want you. Please say you love me back. Please." Santana said desperately. Her relationships with all the guys were empty and loveless but whatever she had with Brittany was a polar opposite. This was it, the answer she had been waiting for. Did Brittany feel the same way?
This emptiness is killing me
I'm wondering why I've waited so long
Looking back I realize
It was always there just never spoken
Brittany was quick to respond. The answer was instinctive. "Of course I love you! I do! And I would totally be with you…" At this point Santana was relieved. Brittany loved her, her feelings were reciprocated. "…if it wasn't for Artie," Brittany continued. Santana's heart dropped from its cage and was rolled over by the flashing wheels of the wheelchair that belonged to Stubbles McCripple Pants.
"Artie?" Santana replied confused and hurt, but most of all angry.
I'm waiting here
Been waiting here
"I love him, too. I don't want to hurt him, that's not right. I can't break up with him."
"Yes, you can! He's just a stupid boy!" Santana tried urgently to win Brittany over. This couldn't be over. This wasn't how it was meant to play out. She started to panic, crossing her arms over her chest, her natural protective stance back in position indicating she was done opening up.
"But it wouldn't be right. Santana, you have to know, if Artie and I were to ever break up, and I'm lucky enough that you're still single, I'm so yours. Proudly so." Somehow this only hurt Santana more. She didn't hear that Brittany loved her or wanted a relationship with her in the future. She only heard the voice in her head 'Rejected, I was right all along, this is what following your heart gets you… heartbreak'.
"Yea, well, wow. Whoever thought that for being fluid, you could be so stuck." Brittany tried to console her best friend, pulling her in for a hug, but Santana couldn't handle the closeness. That once longed for touch was only hurtful, like Brittany had cut Santana deep with the razor blades from her very own hair.
"Get off me!" Santana yelled as she pulled herself back. She promised herself this would be the last time. The last time she followed her heart. And with those last words Santana disappeared into the hallways. Back into the darkness that was her life without Brittany.
I just gotta say it all before I go
Just so you know
Hope you enjoyed it or thought it was ok lol please review!