Title: Convert Torque Into Linear Force
Fandom: Gintama
Pairing: Sakata Gintoki/Hijikata Toshiro
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 419
Warnings: Excessive flimsy jokes. Spoilers until the Monster Hunter Arc (Season 3).
Disclaimer: Gintama belongs to Sorachi Hideaki.
Summary: Gintoki and Hijikata talk about their screwed situation.
A/N: Please excuse my feeble attempt on humor, and grammatical errors. Took the title from a part of screw thread's Wikipedia page.
Gintoki paced down the hallway of the restaurant. In a few minutes their offline meeting would start, and that guy still wasn't here. Gintoki turned, and saw two screwdrivers coming his way. One green, and one red.
Gintoki hurried towards them. "Ah! Soichiro-kun, just in time for our offline meeting! Come in!"
"It's Sogo, danna."
The silver haired man belted out a laugh. "Sure, Shoichi-kun!"
Hijikata stared at the two idiots. "I thought the the meeting would start already?"
Gintoki grinned forcefully at him, and abruptly dragged him away. Sogo stared at their departing figures then announced at the people inside the room. "I think danna and Hijikata-san are going to screw each other."
Silence ensued.
"Tell me you just didn't say that, Okita-san." Shinpachi said dryly.
"Let go of me, you idiot!" Hijikata snapped as his arm kept being pulled. "Where are we going?"
Gintoki didn't answer, and kept pulling at Hijikata until they had exited at the restaurant's back door. The smell of yakiniku was particularly strong, but at the moment Gintoki couldn't give a damn beyond his nether regions.
"Hijikata-kun." Gintoki stared forlornly at the demon vice-chief. Hijikata stared back.
Flinging his arms around the green screwdriver, Gintoki wailed. "They stole my dick!"
Hijikata kept staring at the opposite wall while the yorozuya grieved for his lost rare analog joystick. "How could this happen to Gin-san?"
"Because you're an idiot."
"I have been a good hero in the past episodes!"
"Who are you kidding?"
"They turned my dick into a hex socket screwdriver!"
"I don't even want to know."
"Who would fasten my Oogushi-kun's rosy nut?"
Hijikata smashed Gintoki's face against the wall. A vein throbbed on his forehead. "That's the second screw joke in this fic, and I suggest you stop at that if you don't want my sword in your guts, you bastard."
"I'm filing for domestic violence after this fic." Gintoki grumbled with a bleeding forehead. His pupils were already dilated from the head smash, and the shock of his lost anatomy. "My poor dick. What have they done?"
Turning his back to the bleeding man, Hijikata grumbled his way to the door. The yorozuya was losing his mind. This Monster Hunter Arc needed to end for the sake of the main character's sanity. He lighted a fresh cigarette, and inhaled.
"Oi, Gintoki. Let's finish this fic, and when you get your joystick back you can drive that screw of yours in my locknut."
Hijikata blinked. Make that for his sanity too.
END