A/N. Hey guys, I know I haven't updated my other story, "And it all goes boom," but I have complete writer's block on it lol. SO here's another story yay! I do not own the characters apart from Rory, nor do I own CSI:NY. Becky xox. Oh and I was searching for sibling quotes for this but I couldn't find any good enough so I made my own up. Enjoy.
Forgiven but not forgotten.
"I regret that I spent more time teasing you and fighting with you instead of getting to know you-for now it is too late."
New York was not being kind to the people living there. For two weeks now it had rained, and forgotten to stop. The rain poured down on the unfortunate souls without any warning. Every day threatened storms, floods, misery. Umbrellas couldn't protect anybody. They ended up being blown into the roads that were quickly turning into rivers. They floated down, ran away, escaped from the madness.
Life was not being kind to Lindsay Monroe. The tears that she had cried over Danny had just disappeared. The memory still there lurking in her mind. She couldn't go to work. She wouldn't. not for a week. She used the rain as an excuse to Mac. But she knew that he was smart. Surely, he should have known that Danny and she was a couple. But she didn't care. She couldn't face seeing him. She wouldn't be able to control herself. Making a scene would make her in Mac's bad books. So would not doing her job right. She could explain all this to Mac instead of skiving of work, but she couldn't-not yet. She didn't know why, but she knew that she just wasn't ready.
But staying at home wasn't exactly doing her any good either. Because of the rain, she didn't dare go out, unless she had to. She didn't watch the TV much, not after her and Danny fell out. Everything reminded her of him. She couldn't even sit on the couch without wanting his arms around her, without wanting to just rest on him, feeling his heartbeat surrounding her. Now the only heartbeat barely beating was hers, filling her empty apartment. She was giving up.
She thought that she was pathetic. Every song she listened to had at least one word in it that broke her. So she removed music from her life. Every little object in her apartment seemed like it had a meaning, something that was special for them. So she just walked past them, didn't notice them. Eventually, she was imagining that her apartment was completely bare, empty, just like her.
She couldn't look at daisies. That was their flower.
And as funny as it sounds, she couldn't look at bugs.
Everytime she looked at a pool table, her mind wandered, which always ended in a sigh and maybe tears.
Every guy she spoke to was the wrong guy. The wrong voice. She needed that Staten Island accent.
Her bed was empty. She was cooking her own breakfast too-for one.
She was getting lonely. She no longer invited her friends over. It would just be Stella anyway. She didn't want to just break down on her, and make her feel awkward.
She didn't call many people either. Everytime she scrolled down her phonebook on her cell she would pass his name. And stop. And stare at it.
She didn't even like being called Lindsay anymore. Because she was soo used to "Montana".
She blamed herself. If she had been great in hard moments then he would have gone to her. But she wasn't. She was too concerned on letting her own nightmares haunt her again if she let him share his with her. How could she have been so selfish? If she were a proper girlfriend, she wouldn't have done that. Still, if he was a proper boyfriend, he wouldn't have done what he did, would he? She loves him, yet this feeling hurts her more than if she hated him.
She slouched on the stool that she was sat on at her breakfast bar. She stared deep inside her mug at the dark liquid swishing from side to side. It was cold. she had made it ages ago and only drank 2 mouthfuls of it. It was unusual for her to not drink her coffee. But she was in a dream, and wasn't really in reality.
She was remembering when she was 10 years old, back in Montana. It had rained for 2 days and the ranch mud was sloppy and sticky. Her mom had told her and her brother, Rory, not to go outside. But they were bored, so they disobeyed their mothers warning and played outside.
The minute they got outside, they got soaked. Her curly hair dripping rain drops onto her coat. She splashed in the puddles, jumping and laughing. Until her brother threw a mud ball at her. That declared war. By the time their mother had ordered them to get inside, they were walking talking mud people. From head to toe, they were covered in mud. But she still kept her smile on her face. Her brother had gotten into more trouble than she had. Their mother telling him that he was 14 and he should be more responsible, not starting mud wars with his younger sister.
She laughed as she snapped out of her dream. She hadn't spoken to her brother much. She knew he had moved to New York a couple of years ago, but still, she hadn't met up with him. Infact, she didn't know much about Rory. She didn't know if he was married, or if she was even an aunty. She hadn't realised how much she actually didn't know about her own brother. The only way to find out, was to ring him and meet up with him.
She quickly found his name in her phone book. She even closed her eyes at the beginning. Just in case she saw Danny's name and totally freaked out again. She pressed call and waited anxiously.
"Hello." The voice said. It didn't sound like her brother. But she only had her memories to compare it with.
"Hey." There was a hint of forceful confidence in her voice.
"Lindsay?" Now she was confused. The man's voice was different.
She held the phone to her ear but didn't speak.
"Why are you calling this phone?" He asked, making her realise who it was.
"Mac?" She exclaimed.
"Do you know our vic?" Mac said.
His words ran round her head. Vic. A lump formed in her throat and her hands started to shake, causing her to spill her coffee over the breakfast bar. She dropped her cell on the floor and stared at the coffee dripping of the counter top.
"Rory." She whispered, her voice shaking as tears formed in her eyes.