Must Not Snog

By: Bianca Solderini

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Tick.

Tock.

Tick.

Tock.

Tick.

Tock.

Sirius Black was BORED. He hated this ruddy time of year because it was so...BORING. Stupid Exams. Even James had barricaded himself in the dorms with everyone else to study. What a prat.

Sirius himself was currently stationed in the Common Room with an unopened Charms book in his lap. He didn't want to study. No one should be studying on a day like today. It snowed for the first time this winter today. Big, wonderful, Gobstone-like flakes had been falling from the sky for at least four hours.

He had first noticed the snowfall at breakfast. What had been a fleeting glance up at the ceiling had turned into Sirius lighting up like a Christmas tree and then subsequently standing up on the bench and challenging the entire school to a snowball fight. The entire school quickly muttered excuses and all eye contact was lost entirely.

Sirius had decided to fuck the lot of 'em and go outside and have fun all by his lonesome. But that was no fun. Snow was meant to be shared, preferably with people. That's why snowball fights and snowmen were invented. Yeesh, he thought everyone knew that.

Sirius glanced around the common room. Fireplace. Table. First years. Remus. Window. Wait- Remus! Of course! That goody-goody had been studying for these exams for months. Probably since they took the OWLs at the end of last year. Sirius jumped out of his seat and bounded over to Remus.

"No."

Sirius stopped and closed his mouth at the sound of Remus's voice from behind the covers of the book that Remus was looking at. (Sirius's own Charms book lay forgotten over where Sirius had been sitting).

"Mooooony. Just Listen. It's snowing. Don't you want to go out and be normal and have some fun with me? I swear, I will—"

"No"

"Please Moony. Remus. I'm begging here. See? I'm down on my knees. Look at me. Please, Remus, look at me."

Remus put down the book on his lap with a sigh and then looked at the one thing that would crush any resolve he may have had. Sirius Black. Looking like a puppy that was just asking you to take one second out of your day and throw a ball for him. Remus hated that look. Hated it because Sirius used it only sometimes for effectiveness. The only look Remus had seen that was worse than that look was Sirius's "I'm Heart-Wrenchingly Sorry" look. Remus had only seen that look once, after the events of last year. He sighed again.

"Alright, let me go get my cloak and-" Remus never got to finish his sentence because he had been tackled by a large Black thing that was currently yelling something.

"You're the best, Moony. It'll be legendary!"

Remus sighed again and climbed the stairs to get his things. Sirius, for his part, was trying to erase the feel of Remus's body from his mind. It was surprisingly harder than he imagined. Sirius would mark it down as one of the weird things one notices after one finally admits to oneself that they fancy their best mate. He couldn't believe that he wanted to snog Remus Lupin, Hogwarts Prefect and resident bookworm. But it was true. Ever since Sirius had made The Mistake, he had made himself into something of Remus's champion. After that, it was just a matter of time.

Remus descended the stairs like a wheezy cloud. Sirius was mildly disgusted with himself that he wanted to snog Remus more, and not less, because of it. Sirius, unable to take the idea of not being outside in the snow anymore (or looking directly at Remus), unceremoniously grabbed Remus and proceeded to drag him out the portrait hole.

It was more brilliant than anything Sirius had imagined. Since this morning, it had snowed almost half a metre more. And it was sticking. Sirius dove into it like a dog and disappeared. Remus was just content to wallow in the fact that this would probably give him a cold and his nose would run uncomfortably and his sweater would become his handkerchief and-

Sirius hadn't come up.

Remus was slightly confused; as he was pretty sure no one had ever drowned in snow before. He cautiously approached the pile of snow Sirius had disappeared into, wand out and ready.

"Ah!" Sirius leaped from the snow like a rabid dog, intent on tackling Remus. Remus, with a muffled yelp, yelled for a Shield Charm and Sirius jumped into it instead.

Later, Remus would often retell the story by saying that Sirius looked like a puppy that had just run into a glass door and couldn't figure out why the deuce he wasn't outside yet.

"Unnh. Moony? Why are there three of you?"

"There aren't."

"Okay. What did you do?"

"I used a Shield Charm. You threw yourself into it."

"I see."

Sirius promptly fell down. Remus watched and then slowly approached his fallen comrade. He was promptly yanked down by said comrade. Bastard.

Sirius stared at an indignant Moony, allowing the muttered curses to oblivion to pass over him. Oh, Remus was looking at him, now. 'Must not snog, must not snog, must not snog' began the familiar mantra in Sirius's head. In desperation, he threw a snowball point blank at Remus's face to break the contact between their eyes.

Sirius had never heard anyone curse in Hungarian, but Remus did. The snowball was promptly returned to Sirius's own face, where is fell off in big glops.

Remus, by this point, had his own mantra of "Don't ruin your friendship" going through his own mind, so he had to ask Sirius to repeat what he said.

"I said, 'It's almost dinner time, you might want to go back inside.'

"Only if you're coming with me."

"I'd like to stay out here. I can get something form the kitchens later."

"No. If you stay out here, you'll never come back inside, and we'll find your frozen corpse here in the morning."

"I won't be a corpse."

"Yes, you will. Maybe not on purpose, but you will."

Sirius turned to look at Remus with an unwittingly paralyzing gaze.

"Would you care if I became a corpse, Moony?"

Moony was flustered, by both the look and the question.

"Of course I would, you're my best mate. I take great comfort in the fact that I'm going to kill you myself one day. Probably with a quill."

Remus missed the look Sirius had as the first part of his statement registered, for it was only there an instant.

"A quill? That's not a very heroic way to die, Moony. Could you at least transfigure the quill into a sword first?"

"No. Then it looks pre-meditated. I'm riding on the fact that people will believe I killed you out of passion."

"Passion? Man, I must have done something terrible."

"Of course. That's why it's' a crime of passion, not a crime of 'He just felt like it'"

"Good point."

Sirius couldn't stop gazing at Remus as he looked up at the sunset. He unconsciously leaned in closer, close enough for his nose to just brush Remus's hair. Remus turned and the position very quickly became awkward, as now their mouths were mere centimetres apart. For Sirius, the battle instantly turned internal. 'Must not snog, must not snog, must not snog'. It was Remus who lost his own internal struggle, however.

Sirius couldn't believe that all the surprised feelings in the universe had come to inhabit his body after Remus's lips brushed his. Naturally, however, all the surprised feelings in the universe can cause one's other bodily functions (i.e. moving, breathing) to slow down or stop altogether. Remus pulled away before Sirius could get past the all-encompassing fact that Remus's lips were touching his own.

"I'm so, so, so sorry, Sirius. I mean, I don't know what came over me. I just-you see- and- I'm sorry. God, I'm such an idiot and-fuck-I can't believe I- so, so sorry-

By this point, Sirius's brain was about halfway through the kiss. Apparently this was far enough along for him to realize that Remus was babbling like a deranged fool.

"Remus."

If possible, even more frantic babbling.

"Remus."

The babbling is no longer remotely coherent.

"REMUS LUPIN!"

Miraculously, the babbling pauses.

"Yes?" The hopelessness is laden throughout the answer.

"Shut up."

"Oh." The tone of Remus's voice has taken the sound one has after their heart is ripped out and tore up piece by piece and thrown into white water rapids.

"Shut up…so I can kiss you back."

Sirius, based on the events that transpired that day, later decided to make it his goal in life to make Remus possess a flabbergasted blush at least once a day for the rest of his life.