My name is Clary Fray and I am 18 years old.
I grew up in a small town, but not one of those corny ones you see on TV. Sure I was friends with the next door neighbours but they were my friends before they moved here, it wasn't some cosmic fate that we met or inherent because our families had lived their for generations, because they hadn't.
My best friends are the Lightwoods. (And Simon of course, because if he ever saw he wasn't mentioned he might destroy my comic collection).
Our parents met in college and have been best friends since. My parents grew up in the same small town, and the Lightwood's parents grew up in the big city. It only made sense that when they graduated college that they moved back to their respective homes. But of course, they remained friends and bought a cabin on the lake together which we all still stay in over the summer.
But then nothing remains the same forever.
Two years ago, when we were 16, Izzy walked in on her father cheating with Max's (their little brother) au pair. (Yeah fancy I know- big city like I said). She shouted out but the damage was already done. Within the week Maryse and the Lightwood kids were packed up and moving into our spare guest rooms and the basement unfortunately for Alec and Jace.
When, three months later, old Madam Dorothea moved into the retirement home in the centre of town and put her house up for sale, Maryse jumped on it and the Lightwoods have lived there ever since.
Don't get me wrong, I loved having my best friend living with me, but her brothers, specifically one, I was not so happy about.
The summer I was 15 was the first time I realised maybe I didn't think of all the Lightwoods like siblings. And I know it was also the summer one of the Lightwoods realised I wasn't one of their siblings either.
It wasn't a big dramatic moment, it didn't change the status of us, but it did change something. Whenever we caught each others eye, or accidentally touched we would jump out of our skin. We would always make sure we were never in the same room as each other at the same time. Whenever we were on the same team for any games or activities we would make awkward conversation that would end with Jace rubbing the back of his neck and me staring at my feet hoping the ground would swallow me up.
The worst part was was that we weren't that subtle with our awkwardness and the other Lightwoods and my brother thought the whole situation was hilarious. They would try to lock us in rooms together; try to get us to confess out loud what had changed. But I couldn't describe it, one day we were joking around with each other and one day we couldn't look each other in the eye without turning the colour of Ronald McDonald's hair.
This carried on for the rest of summer until the last day, when Jace walked into the kitchen grabbed my hand and lead/ dragged me out into the garden and down towards the dock.
"I'm really sorry about how weird I've been this summer."
"Don't worry about it, I was weird too." I replied.
"No I am worried about it, because I feel like this has changed something; you're not another sister to me, I don't think about you the same way Alec does anymore." He whispered rubbing the back of his neck, as his cheeks tinged pink.
"Well I don't think about you the way Jon does anymore either," I squeaked back, looking anywhere but at him.
"Clary, Jace, the Lightwoods are leaving come back up to the house!" my dad yelled from the top of the garden.
We glanced at each other as if realising this was likely to be the last time we saw each other for the next year. At the same time we took a step towards each other and for the first time since this all began we seemed to really look at each other and then suddenly I was looking at the dock above me as we were pushed into the water.
"Come on lovebirds Roberts getting impatient!" Jon yelled as we resurfaced, he was already halfway back up the garden.
"Yeah because that was way easier than him just telling us," Jace whined as he realised there was seaweed on his head and that he was going to have to drive home in wet clothes.
"Hey, it could be worse," I said.
"How?"
"You could have left without this," I whispered and then quickly pulled him closer, pushed the seaweed out of his face and pressed my lips to his; then as quickly as it started it was over and I was swimming towards the dock. When I finally pulled myself onto the dock Jace was only just starting to swim towards the dock. He pulled himself up and then he pulled me up towards the house, interlocking our fingers.
"Promise you'll call me when you get home?" he asked as he started walking backwards so he could talk to me.
"Only if you promise you'll call me" I joked back.
Except I didn't call him, and he didn't call me. We texted, we snapchatted, we messaged, but we never spoke to each other. We could never seem to work up the courage to actually say out loud how we truly felt. And then one day they were at our door step needing a place to stay and again Jace and I couldn't look each other in the eye. We couldn't even say two words to each other without stuttering. But we could still text, and we did, all the time.
Finally after three months of this they moved out. On the night before they officially left, I left my room after I thought everyone had gone to bed to get a drink of water. As I crept along the landing I heard glasses clinking and voices rising up from the room below.
"Trust me Jocelyn, they're a love story waiting to happen." I heard Maryse say.
"I don't know, it could just be a childhood crush." My mum replied.
"How old were you and Val when you got together? And look at you now."
"Sure, I know, but they both seem so young,"
"But when it's meant to be, it's meant to be."
I wondered who they were talking about until the next sentence made me want to hide in my closet because that's so embarrassing that even our mums had figured it out.
"Jace and Clary's feelings may have been written in the stars but dear god they can't even speak to each other." My mum laughed, as if she found the whole thing hilarious.
That was the day my balls metaphorically dropped and I decided to do something about the way I felt because this was awkward and not how I wanted to be with Jace even if we ended up just being friends.
The next morning everyone was sat around the kitchen table and just like Jace had done at the lake house to me, I walked in grabbed Jace's hand and led him out into the garden.
"Clary?" he asked as the tips of his ears turned pink. I tried to get the words out but couldn't so I pointed to my phone and typed out a message.
"I like you."
"W…w…what?" he spluttered out as he read the message.
"It's pretty clear what I said Herondale."
"But we don't say stuff like that, we just act awkwardly," he tried to joke.
"Well this is getting awkward again," my face was so hot I was sure you could fry an egg on it.
"It seems you always seem to be the one taking the leaps,"
"What do you mean?"
"Well you kissed me, you told me how you felt and now I'm two stepping stones behind you and the idea of jumping terrifies me."
"Then don't jump," I whispered as I turned away to go back inside.
"I want to, Clary, I do."
"Then why won't you?"
"Because what if once we say it out loud it gets ruined?"
"Why would it be ruined?"
"Because the world isn't all sunshine and daisies. Look at my family- my mother and father tore each other apart."
"So don't say it out loud."
"What?" I just pointed at my phone as my answer. It buzzed in my hand and I looked down at the screen.
"I really like you too."
I glanced back up but Jace was already walking back into the house.
The next time we were alone together was two weeks later and although we'd been texting since that morning it still felt like nothing had changed in our real lives. Gradually we faded back into how our friendship used to be before that summer, and everyone seemed to have decided it was a childhood crush and that we were over it. But the occasional gaze across the room at each other or brush of our hands as we were playing games with everyone else told me that we were anything but over it. Throughout this whole time we messaged each other constantly. Christmas of senior year we said we loved each other; well we texted it. We never acknowledged our feelings outside of text message and we ever acted on our feelings other than that kiss at the lake the summer of freshman year.
By the time the summer of senior year rolled around all Izzy could talk about was prom and how Simon had asked her and how perfect it was. I was jealous I'll admit. People thought I was some loner who didn't want to date or have a boyfriend because the few boys who had asked me out I'd turned down, but not before I saw the clenched fist Jace made when they asked me in front of him. And to be fair the same was thought of Jace who had never shown any interest in any girl whatsoever. But prom was prom and it was the first time I felt disappointed about Jace and I's relationship.
"Are you sure you don't want to go with Sebastian? He's so hot and he said he won't ask anyone else in case you change your mind! That's as close to commitment as you can get at our age Clary!" Izzy said as I drove the five of us home one day.
"Nah, I'm not even sure I'm gonna go to prom to be honest Iz." I replied.
"WHAT?" Izzy shrieked so loudly I almost swerved off the road.
"Holy shit Iz, shut up." I cried.
"But it's prom! Guys tell her she can't miss out on this rite of passage!"
"Uh well the rest of us are going so like it'd be fun?" Alec said sounding like he was questioning the fact that he was going as well.
"Yeah but you all have dates and I'd just be the single pringle hanging by the punch bowl, probably getting tempted to punch Seb," I shrugged. I heard Jace snort from the seat behind me.
"Jace doesn't have a date either so you guys could go together- I mean you did looooove each other back in freshman year!" Izzy giggled. We both coughed and I quickly replied.
"Oh nah, that was just a kid thing, and I'm not really a prom kind of girl and I don't think I'd be any fun."
"Claryyyyy, at least come buy a dress with me in case you change your mind?"
"Sure, but I really don't think I will."
So I went shopping with Izzy, bought a ridiculously priced dress and on the night of prom I still hadn't changed my mind and stayed in my room when my brother left to pick up his date for prom. About an hour into prom there was a knock on my front door and I heard my mum answer it.
"Clary there's someone here for you,"
"If it's Sebastian tell him to go away." I yelled back.
"It's not! Clary come downstairs!"
I wandered down the stairs and came to abrupt stop when my eyes met golden ones and I realised that Jace was at our front door, in a tuxedo, holding seaweed. My mum slipped out the front door as I made my way down the rest of the stairs.
"What the…" I said as I reached the front door. I was cut off by Jace.
"I'm jumping." He slipped his arms around my waist, pulled me into him and kissed me. I didn't realise we had an audience until I heard cheering coming from the front garden. We broke apart and found the source of the noise. Our mums were stood on the porch of the Lightwoods staring at us.
"That's $5 you owe my Maryse."
"No way, I said after high school, they've finished high school!"
"Shh, we're ruining their moment, we'll finish this inside." My mother said as she ushered Maryse back into the Lightwoods.
"They bet on us?" he laughed.
"What's with the seaweed?" I asked, still wondering why he was holding it.
"I was worried you only kissed me when I was wearing seaweed." he joked, and I suddenly remembered our first and only kiss back at the lake. I giggled and but my arms around his neck.
"What happened to not saying it out loud?"
"Well I realised one flaw with that plan."
"What was that?"
"I'd never get to dance with you at prom if I didn't."
"And that was a problem?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Because then I couldn't show the rest of the world how much I loved you." My breath hitched as I heard him say it out loud for the first time.
"Is the rest of the world at prom as well?" I joked, unable to calm my heart that seemed to beating so hard it felt like it was coming
"Nah, but showing Sebastard will be enough," he replied.
"Jealous much?" I laughed twirling the ends of his hair in my fingers.
"Of course not, because I know how you feel."
"Do you now?"
"Indeed I do, I just wish you'd say it out loud," he whispered pressing his forehead to mine.
"I love you too, Jace Herondale." I whispered back and with that he pressed his lips to mine for what was to be one of many.