Author's Notes- Well, one request is enough. Considering the number of reviews I got, I'd say that's a pretty persuasive vote right there. Yeeep… anyways, here it is. The prologue (kinda-sorta) to my loverly FredxGene fic… Aren't you just thrilled?

Yami- Oh yes. Absolutely ecstatic.

You know, I thought pharaohs were supposed to be above petty jealousy.

Yami- *scowls*

Heh. Anyways, I'll be writing this one in first-person, I haven't done that in a while… Gene's point of view, in case you needed the hint.

Yami- It's not that you don't write YxY stories, it's just that you HAVEN'T in SO LONG…

Shush you.

Disclaimer- No, don't own Outlaw Star. Definitely not. If I did, Fred would have a much bigger part, and any competition that might get in the way of him and Gene hooking up would be tragically killed in a space fight. *innocent whistling*

Warning- Shonen-ai, FredxGene. Nothing too bad in this story, considering it's just basically musings. Until Gene understands himself more fully, nothing all that great. Go read 'Pool Party' for that, eh?

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You ever been so fucking confused that you don't know if you're the same person anymore? Well, if you haven't, just ask me about it. I could probably give you an hour-long speech on it. Heck, give me a few hours. A day maybe. Or, you know, just stop me when you get bored.

Why am I confused? Well, I don't know myself. Fuck. I'm so screwed up.

All right, I'll try and explain things. Try. I'll make a real effort, I swear I will. It started… when did it start? I don't even know that for sure. I know it was one of those times I had to visit Fred for parts… one of the numerous times. It must have been a while ago, because I swear, I can't remember NOT being this confused. Hell. It could have been yesterday and I wouldn't know.

Fred Luo. He's the man that's causing all this. Why? I'll be damned if I know. Yea, I'll try and get back on topic…

I was visiting for parts. I know I'd always been a bit uncomfortable around Fred… he is always flirting with me. See, that's where the confusion comes in. I don't mind it anymore. I used to whip a gun out if he got close, and now… fuck.

Ok, I'll really make an effort to stay on topic here. If I keep skipping around with random feelings like that, I'll never get this explained. Fine. So, I was visiting Fred for parts… I think, I think it was a few months ago, at least, but no more than a year. We were talking, like we always do: me sheepishly admitting I needed money, him asking when I'd pay him back.

Of course, that situation resolved itself the same way it always did. I ended up getting the money because Fred really didn't want to turn me down. But see, that's where it started. I felt bad about using Fred's feelings like that. I began to wrap my mind around the fact that he loved me. He still loves me, I think. He's always flirting… I finally managed to put it together and believe it.

That wasn't the shocking thing. The shocking thing was that I didn't mind. I didn't freak. It was fine. Fred loved me. Right. Moving along.

I didn't stop to think about it then. Of course I didn't. It wasn't something I'd even consider trying to return, now was it? Funny. It wasn't something I thought I'd return. Those thoughts are long gone right about now. I think they ran out around the next time I went to visit Fred…

I had to go in alone that time. Jim insisted that he was busy elsewhere, and Suzuka took Melfina shopping. Or rather, Melfina suggested it because she was afraid harsh feelings might exist between the assassin and her previous target. Melfina really is considerate. I think… No, I thought I was in love with her at one point, but really, I don't know what love is.

What is love? I don't know.

Right, the next time I visited Fred. Of course, he greeted me with his usual hug. It used to bug me. Then though… I found myself not minding. Not minding at all. Before he pulled away, I was amazed to find that my arms weren't hanging limply by my sides; rather, they were slowly moving along a path that would eventually lead them to returning the hug, however slightly.

That scared me.

I looked at Fred that visit, actually looked at him from a perspective other than a friend. You know what I found out? Fred is a really attractive man. That thought in itself would have scared the crap out of a me before that point, but somehow it didn't seem wrong to think of him that way. Fred was really beautiful to me. Mind you, when I stopped to think about this after I'd left, it DID manage to scare the crap out of me.

You know, to some extent... I'm not sure if I'm over that fear right now.

It's so strange… to have something you thought you knew perfectly well turned upside-down and inside-out, flipping your whole world around, somehow making anything and everything seem so much different than what it was previously. Not to mention that it somehow managed to turn you into a philosopher… fucking hell.

And that just brings up a new subject. I'm questioning my fucking sexuality. Something I KNEW was definite. I KNEW it, like I knew my name. I like women, right? Ha. I thought it was that simple. Thoughts… they can be incredibly deceiving. Especially when you KNOW they're true.

Ok, let's think about this rationally. How in the whole scheme of things could I possibly be in love with Fred? … No, don't answer that. I just talked myself into a damned corner. Fuck.

All right. Fred Luo. He loves me, everyone knows that. Even I know that. Right. I can accept that, it's perfectly fine. But… what about vice-versa? Gene Starwind, the might outlaw… he's not gay. Is he? Is it bad that even I can't answer that question? Maybe I should try and get more sleep.

Ah, sleep. That's ANOTHER thing. Is it bad that Fred now inhabits each and every one of my dreams? Is it worse that they're all incredibly GOOD dreams? Holy shit. Most of them are romantic dreams. About me and Fred. Together. And I regret waking up from them.

Jesus fucking Christ.

I'm so screwed up right now… I need to talk to someone. Someone, anyone. But there's no one to talk to… No one who would understand, and definitely no one who wouldn't laugh at me. Why do things have to work out this way? Crap. Love is a bitch.

But again… What is love? Is that what this is? Is love feeling empty when the object of your affections isn't around? Is love not minding their constant flirting, and even coming to enjoy it? Is love… what I feel for Fred? Is it? Fuck it all, I don't know.

I've never felt real love for someone else before, how the fuck am I supposed to know?! I have nothing to base this on! All I know is that I'm supposed to like women, and Fred does not fall into that category. Fred…

My God, I can't even think straight anymore. Fred is… Fred is just Fred. I can't describe him, no words seem to fit right. He's…. unique. Definitely beautiful. Unfortunately, it's that last one that's giving me the problems.

Love. I just don't know. Maybe that's it… love. I… love Fred? I love Fred. It… fits, somehow. I can say it without doubt. Funny, really.

Everyone knows Fred Luo loves Gene Starwind. But what happens when they find out that the feeling is mutual…?

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Author's Notes- Gah, I know that this was insanely short. I just went against my minimum of 3,000 words, but hey. It's hard to write a lot when your in 1st person, eh? Ok, ok, I take that back. But I just ran out of things to rant about, ok? I was already getting out of character with this thing, man. I'm no Gene Starwind, I'll tell ya that much.

Die- You're no Kyo either, but you named your Animal Crossing character after him.

Of course I'm Kyo! I'm incredibly Kyo-ish! I'm a psychotic ball of hyper-energy who's also a vocalist, how much more… Wait, how the hell did YOU get here?!

Die- *shrugs* You're listening to Dir En Grey, it seemed fitting.

But I'm not supposed to have REAL PEOPLE in my author's notes! *clutches her head in her hands*

Die- Why not?

Because what if, by some wild, million-to-one chance, the REAL Die pops in for a read and decides to sue me?!

Die-…. *waves* Hi me! ^_^

-_- Gah… ANYWAYS… since this was so short, I was thinking about writing another chapter… Well, not another chapter per se, but kinda the same motif, except from Fred's point of view. Whatcha think? And PLEASE, if you liked this, go read Pool Party. It's kinda the sequel anyway… But really, my poor Outlaw Star stories have soooo few reviews, it's quite sad… *sniff*

Die- *pokes* Write a Dir En Grey story!

Can't. FF.net won't allow band fics anymore.

Die- Then post it somewhere else!

Gah, I can't write a Dir En Grey fic! I don't know enough about the band to do that! @_@ Besides, if I DID write one, I'd end up making you jump Kyo or something.

Die- *thinks* Hey, good idea… *runs off*

Don't you love my imaginary versions of Dir En Grey? ^_^ Yeeeaaa… SO! REVIEW!