Yami, Bakura and the Marshmallow Peeps
By Trinity Jasmine Elessar
Disclaimer: They offered to give me Yu-Gi-Oh if I could jump across the Grand Canyon… so I still don't own it. But I tried! And those dumb Japanese executives were laughing the whole time.
A/N: Flames will be used to boil an egg. Yami is really dumb in this story. In fact, he acts like me! :P He's already on a sugar high and then he eats a sugary treat… heh heh heh.
Have fun, my little Kung Fu fighters.
**********
"Hey, Yami! Check out my Easter candy!" Yugi grinned at the 5,000 year old spirit, holding a basket.
"Whoa. CANDY!" Yami peered into the basket and started drooling. "What is all this?" He held up a yellow package and narrowed his eyes.
"Peeps. Marshmallow Peeps."
"MARSHMALLOW? CAN I HAVE ONE?" Yami drooled.
Yugi snatched the package away. "NO! MINE! MINE! MINE!" He panted a little, eyes wide. "It's my sugar, Yami. You aren't allowed to have sugar!"
Yami pouted.
"I have to go to school now," Yugi continued. "DON'T EAT MY CANDY."
Yami nodded silently, an angelic look on his face.
"See you!" Yugi trotted downstairs. Yami's angelic look immediately flipped to an evil smirk. Striding over to the basket, he looked at the Peeps.
They stared back.
"Hey, what you looking at?" Yami asked, using the German accent he picked up from Yugi's TV.
"………" said the Peeps.
"I ask you a question!"
"………"
"Come on, little baka¹!" he glared at the first Peep. "Speak!"
"………"
"Okay, I guess I have to teach you lesson!" Yami ripped the package open and grabbed a Peep. "Ooh! Smushy!" He giggled manically and rolled the Peep in between his palms. "Oh well, I suppose I must put you out of misery."
CHOMP!
"Hehe, who's next? Whoa, this tastes good!" Yami dropped the German accent and stuffed two more Peeps into his mouth. He grabbed the remaining Peeps and ran downstairs.
Solomon Moto stared at the crazed Pharaoh in amazement. "Uh, I'm going to the supermarket," he said in an attempt to get away. "Be good."
"Hehehehehe. Don't worry." Yami cackled.
**********
"Alright, tell me where the rebel base is!" Yami yelled at the Peep.
"………" it replied.
"Grr. This is no fun if you don't play!" Yami yelled at it. "I guess I'll just have to invite someone else over!" He grabbed the phone. "Drat, I wish Yugi taught me more about this thing." He shook it. Nothing happened.
"Don't tell me I have to interrogate you too!" he wailed. "Alright, if you don't turn on, I'll microwave you!"
Luckily for the phone, Bakura happened to call.
Yami stared at the buttons. He pressed one.
"Where is the rebel base?" he demanded.
"Yami? You moron!" Bakura said.
"I need to know! Tell me now, you Kuriboh-Breath!"
Bakura hissed in anger. "Summoned Skull-Face!"
"Biscuit-Head!"
Bakura screamed into the phone.
"Owies!" Yami shrieked.
"Sorry, couldn't get you to shut up."
"I'm bored," Yami complained. "The Peeps won't talk to me."
"The what?"
"The Marshmallow Peeps! They're ignoring me! I told them I would invite someone else over instead of playing with them."
Bakura snorted. "Can I borrow Yugi's Playstation?"
"Hey, Bakura! I just had an idea! Why don't you come over here and we can torture the Peeps!"
"!!! Weren't you listening?" Bakura thought for a while. "Aww, what the heck. I can still play the Playstation."
"Yippee!" Yami shouted, hanging up. "Do you hear that, Peeps! Bakura's going to come and he'll get you to talk."
"………" said the Peeps, obviously unimpressed.
*********
"Peep! Peep!" Bakura said, staring at the candies. "They don't look very talkative. We must use desperate measures!" He filled a pot with water, set it on the stove and turned up the heat.
When the water was boiling, he tied a rope around the Peep and dangled it over the hot water. "Now you shall tell us why the cotton candy creatures are invading Disneyland and you shall also tell us where the caches of your kind are housed."
"Ahem," Yami said.
"Oh, and the rebel base. We need to know where that is."
"Ahem!"
"And, um, the location of the, er, um, eh, MARIK ISHTAR! Yeah, I'm sure he can get information out of you!"
"AHEM!"
"WHAT IS IT YAMI?!" Bakura roared.
"You have spilled boiling hot water on the floor. It has burned through."
"Great Scott! So it has!"
Bakura stood up after examining a huge hole in the tile. "Okay, you little- HEY! HE GOT AWAY!"
"What?"
"The string's there, but he isn't!"
"A MYSTERY! I NEED MY MAGNIFYING GLASS!"
"No you don't, Yami. I bet he's hiding in the water."
Yami poked at the liquid and tasted it. "SUGAR!"
"That's it! He's hiding in the water! Get handcuffs!" Yami dashed upstairs and returned with a pair of Yugi's "Police Man" handcuffs, dipping them in the water. "We've got him!"
"Just sit there," Yami ordered it.
"Blub," the water said.
"Aiiarrrgghhh!" Bakura screamed.
"What the heck?"
"Ahhhhhaaarrrgghhhh! Whhaarrgghh!"
"What are you doing?" Yami asked.
Bakura snickered. "I am using this meat grinder to extract information." He pounded the Peep and screamed loudly.
"Why are you screaming?"
"Eeepp! PEEP! PEEP! NO, STAY AWAY! Come on, Yami, you need some drama!" Bakura held up the Peep. It was stained with blood.
"BAKURA! DID YOU CUT YOURSELF?" Yami screamed, ambulances and hospital bills flashing through his mind.
"Heh, no," the tomb robber grinned. "I found FOOD COLORING!"
"COOL!" Yami grabbed a bottle of green food coloring and dunked it over the last Peep.
"Now… how many licks DOES it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop? Die, fool!" Yami yelled, throwing the Peep on the floor and jumping on it. Green goop flew everywhere.
"Yami! I'm home!"
"Oh drat! It's Yugi!" Yami shrieked and tried to rub the smashed marshmallow off the tile, but only succeeded in rubbing it over a wider area of tile.
"Look, Yami," Bakura held up the handcuffs. "These handcuffs grew sugar crystals!" He chewed on one. "Ready to talk yet, Peep?"
"Yami? Are you in the kitchen? ARE YOU COOKING?"
"Eep! No!" Yami cried.
Bakura opened the fridge.
"SODA!" both Yami and Bakura screamed, lunging for the bottles of Pepsi. "That's mine! Get off!"
"Fizz!" said the soda, exploding outward. Yugi ran into the kitchen, but he slipped on the Pepsi and fell onto the green marshmallow. Bakura yanked a Pepsi can violently out of the fridge and the machine fell over. It made an inhuman sound of a fridge in agony- a sound no healthy refrigerator would make- and shorted out.
"Right behind you, Yugi!" Solomon yelled, running in the door. "Who wants ice cream sandwiches?"
"ME!" Bakura ran out of the kitchen.
"MY AIBOU²!" Yami yelled. "THE PEEPS KILLED MY AIBOU!"
"I'm not dead," Yugi said in a shaky voice. "BUT YOU WILL BE!"
Yami screamed. "I TELL YOU, IT WAS THE PEEPS!"
"Peeps?" Yugi glared at Yami. "DID YOU TOUCH MY PEEPS?!"
"Well, Peeps One, Two, and Three are lost causes. Peep Four is dissolved in water. Peep Five is laying somewhere covered with red food coloring and Peep Six is on… the… floor. You still have them! No need to kill me!"
Yugi growled, jumping up and chasing Yami out the door. Solomon ignored him.
"Have an ice cream sandwich, Bakura."
********* YAMI'S POV **********
You may have won today, Peeps, but I won't give up! From now on I shall fight you to save the world from yellow sugary candies!
But first I must escape my aibou. I fear he plans to kill me for destroying his Peeps. I know it is too late for him. They must have turned his brain into a huge french fry. Maybe me and Bakura are the only unscathed beings left! And after Grandpa sucks out Bakura's brain with those ice cream sandwiches, it will be only me to fight the rebellion.
My life sucks.
THE END- or is it?
¹- stupid/idiot
²- companion
A/N: Hehehe, don't flame me.