Finally, this long overdue sequel has been posted. This story is heavily influenced by Sheepish123-Need story that was influenced by my story Feel , so I highly suggest you read them first so you can get an understanding where these stories fall.
Huge thank you to my beta reader Noxixi !
And as always, I do not have any rights to Law & Order SVU.
She ran a hand through her hair as she stared back and forth between the computer screen and the file beside her elbow. It was a slow, repetitive action that unfortunately required most of her attention. She had her tongue wrapped perfectly around the end of a pen, focused and determined to get the final paperwork done. She cringed at the alternative- meeting the older woman alone.
Her eyes strayed away from her work to glance at the time in the corner of her computer screen, and a bout of anxiety briefly struck her. Despite the successful weeks of managing to leave with Benson, today she'd fallen behind and she'd left with her.
It had been two months since Olivia had come to her, telling her how she felt. However, Olivia was a little too late; Amanda had moved on. She needed to move on. The game had become tiring when her feelings became involved, and it had hurt too much. It still hurts.
Seeing the tall brunette everyday was difficult. Her rose scent lingered whenever she would come to her desk to talk about the current case. Only couple days of ago they accidentally touched hands, and the soft caress had caused flash forbidden and unwanted memories. The simple innocent touch caused them to lock eyes for a moment before Barba causally walked into her office unannounced.
It was hard to not to sit back on her desk chair and think about the last time they were together. It was months ago, and it was a few hours after Dodds was pronounced dead. The heartache and guilt had filled her bedroom that night; the roughness and the need to feel. It was the time she had Olivia underneath her, and it would be the last time she caresses Olivia's soft olive skin, the last time their lips touch, the last time her tongued traced those amazing curves, the last time she tasted her.
Her thoughts always went back to Olivia. The other woman occupied so many hours of her thoughts. She wondered if Olivia dreamed of her too. Wondered if she looked to her bedside and wished she by her side. Every morning it was a struggle to wake up knowing they had to face each other.
She couldn't help but laugh silently to herself at her own pathetic loneliness.
Olivia had Tucker, and she seemed happy- maybe even in love. While she had Declan, her baby's father was back from undercover work, and she couldn't help but sneer when she felt a wave of disgust wash over her when she thought of how he had begged for them to work something out and try for the sake for their daughter. Foolishly she couldn't resist his pleas and his watery eyes. She almost crumbled at these suggestions- not because she wanted to be with him per say, but the idea of having what she wanted most; a family.
Amanda couldn't help but feel utter disgusted every time her eyes fell on her daughter's father, making her skin crawl. She was grateful he came back in little Jesse's life, but she can no longer pretend that they are a happy family; that is what she really wanted. Every happiness in her life was a lie. She was playing a part. She had to play a part to get over Olivia and her feelings of loneliness that plagued her. It was her decision to live this way- to pretend.
Amanda thoughts broke when she felt a heat hovering her. The now faint smell of rose hitting her nostrils, she closed her eyes and inhaled the scent that she loved.
"Amanda?"
That voice. It did something to her that no other could. It broke her, made her weak. Slowly she turned in her seat and her eyes meet with sad, honey brown eyes that threatened to drown her within them. Those brown eyes searching for something, or maybe asking for something from her. They seemed to search her for hours, when really it was probably only a moment. When they looked away from her, Amanda could tell that she was disappointed.
"The paperwork can wait until tomorrow. Go home to your family." Olivia says, and Amanda would swear that she could hear the pain from Olivia's voice when the word family rolled off her tongue.
Amanda wasn't in the mood to argue, she really was exhausted. Her body begged for a hot shower and a nice foot rub that Declan would never give her.
"Okay. Thanks, lieutenant." she replies whilst turning off her laptop before closing the folder and setting it aside. She grabbed her coat and purse only realizing that Olivia had not moved from where she slouched into the desk when she moved towards the door.
"See you tomorrow. Good night, Lieutenant." Amanda mumbled under her breathe as she walked pass the older woman, only to be stopped at the sudden soft touch of Olivia's hand wrapped around her wrist.
Their heart beat echoes in the empty squad room. Amanda notices that both their breathing has become harsher. Her own chest tightens. She can feel it happening again.
Amanda slowly turned to face Olivia and she shuts her eyes. She refuses to keep looking into those brown eyes that always demanded her attention.
"Amanda." Olivia's husky voice calls to her and she feels like her knees are about to buckle. She flinches away when Olivia pulled her closer, still refusing to open her eyes. Not wanting to fall all over again.
Her rose scent was becoming stronger, it was starting to make her feel dizzy and her mind hazy.
No, no. Not again.
"Open your eyes." Olivia pleads softy.
Amanda shakes her head and pulls herself away from Olivia's hold. She can feel Olivia step closer to her, her hands slowly reaching to her. She swallows hard at the burning sensation that comes from her each side of her waist. Heat radiating onto her causing beads of sweat to build up, threatening to roll down her forehead. The fingertips that clutch the cotton of Amanda's top tighten and pull her closer.
"Please," Olivia begs, "Don't do this to me."
And like unnatural force, she did it again. Her voice. That need. Amanda fell in love all over again. It was the same pleading that lead them to all their one night stands. It was the same voice that lead her to straight to the bedroom. The same need that made her find herself between the older woman's legs. The same sound that caused her to fall in love with her. The same voice that broke her heart repeatedly.
The wound is still fresh. After two months, it still hurt to hear her voice, that voice pleading and begging for something more. The game was over. She had moved on, she needed to move on. It was tiring, she was exhausted.
But she was also tired pretending to be happy. Pretending that she had this perfect little family. It hurt too much. This game was over. It was all over. She needed air. She needed to feel whole. Her inner core was breaking down, her soul was weakening inside of her. And it was because of this. Because of Olivia.
"Please," Again, Olivia's voice more eager and now softer, sounding as if she was trying to hold back her own tears.
Amanda shook at the hot breath that fell on the side of neck and goosebumps rose in the places where Olivia's hand traced up her arm. She shut her eyes tightly, not wanting to feel so strongly for this other woman again; she couldn't fall again. Her mind was begging her to stop, needing her to stop. But Olivia had so much power over her. She hated her for that. No one in this world knew her the way Olivia did. She held in her in an unbreakable spell. A toxic spell.
Her chested moved up and down as her heart beat began to speed up, gasping for air. Her body begging for some air- she was shutting down. She felt like she was drowning, everything closing in far too quick. Her body was becoming weak. She dropped her bag and coat on the floor, no longer having the energy to hold on to them. Amanda swore she was going to pass out.
Air. She need air.
There was no longer a gap between them. Amanda could feel Olivia's hair fall on her face, her lips so close she feeling Olivia's harsh breathing on her lips. Never opening her eyes, she couldn't fall again. No, it hurt too bad. Fuck.
Her pulse became weaker at the touch of Olivia's soft lips on top of hers. It was a gentle touch with little hesitation, like Olivia was waiting for her reaction. Amanda was defeated. She had lost the hard battle. The toxic lips of her former lover brought back what she had tried so hard to push away. What she thought she had forever lost. It hit her like a ton of bricks. She accepted the kiss, soft and gentle. Allowing their sweet flavor to linger between them as their lips apart ever so slowly, allowing their tongues to slip in.
Amanda's placed her small hands on Olivia's waist, tracing the curve of Olivia's body. God she had missed this. The curves and the thickness of her lover made her weak. Her hands working their way up, never breaking the gentle and eager kiss between them. She nearly cried at the vibration from Olivia's moan when she reaches up to tangle her hand through the brown locks, taking it in a tight hold bringing her closer to deepen the kiss.
It was everything that she needed. Her act was fading, she can't hide it anymore. She was losing control, she needed her. Her mask was removed with little effort, and she was falling for Olivia all over again. Victim of the long hard game, a game that was had been broken. The rose scent became overpowering, and she felt dizzy again. Her breath hitched at the cold touch of Olivia's finger tips as they slipped under her top.
This was different. Her touch was different. It was soft and gentle. A quiet moan slipped between her swollen lips as Olivia's lips landed on the side of her neck. Leaving wet trails of kisses following up behind her ear. Her breathing becoming shaken and matching her body's own trembles as her hands run through the brown locks as Olivia sucked lightly on her weak point. Bringing her closer to her, wanting and begging her to leave a mark; to claim what is hers.
"Please, open your eyes." Olivia says softly in a whisper against the mark she'd left on Amanda's neck as she watches goosebumps rise at her hot breath.
Amanda shakes her head.
One kiss on the side of the neck of her milk skin lover. "Please, baby, I need to see you."
That voice. It was filled with need and hurt. She needed to heal. She knew it, it was only a part of the game. Fuck. Olivia's lips fell back on top of her, nibbling her bottom lip. Begging for more, needing more. Amanda felt it. It was hot, far too hot. She needed air, again.
Her pink lips part open and the air her body needed was quickly regained as the slip of Olivia's sweet tongue tangled with hers. Her arms fall to her side, weak from lack of her senses. Her
mind and body going to another world. The stars felt aligned at that very moment as her world stood still. Her body started to become numb.
She was under the spell once again.
A loud moan vibrated between their kiss, the gentle touch of Olivia's finger tips on her lower back under her top brought a chill rolling down her spin. Her hands reaching higher up her back, feeling the cold milk skin underneath them.
It was a losing battle. She needed to taste her, to taste all of her. Her hunger grew deeper. Amanda needed to heal. The long two months of pretending had taken a toll on her mentally and physically. She needed the sweet taste fall on lips, the musky scent deep in her that caused her fall dizzy all over again.
The kiss breaks for much needed air, their breathing becoming heavier. Breathless from each other's scent and taste. Their heads spinning. Bodies gone completely numb. Unspoken and unsure love hidden deep in them like a fire waiting to exploded. Olivia eyes never leaving Amanda's closed ones, as she silent begging for her to open them. Amanda felt her staring. Feeling her begging for her to open her eyes. Her body trembles harder, the numbness was fading. Her burning heat inside of her was waiting to come out.
They stand holding onto each other the empty squad room long after everyone else had gone home. Silence echoes around them.
Amanda feels a hand take hers, gentling pulling her. She walks with eyes closed, like a child, never letting ago at the hand that led her into a room. The sound of a door shutting behind her.
"Open your eyes."
Amanda felted defeated. The rough, breathless voice from Olivia made her so weak.
"Please."
There it is again. She took a deep breath and allowed her nausea and nerves fade away as she slowly opens her watery blue eyes. She finds herself in the middle of Olivia's office in the dark, the only source of light coming from the moon as it peaked through the half open curtains. Olivia stood in the front of her, leaning against the front of her desk.
Her eyes watched the extended hand reach out to her, and with little hesitation she takes it. A gentle pull and she was soon into Olivia's embrace. Her head hung low, not wanting to lock eyes with brown orbs.
Amanda felt a tear rolled down her cheek, unable to hold it any longer. She was truly defeated. Their foreheads touch when Amanda closes the gap between them slowly. Body heat quickly
poured between them, sending a new feeling run through them. It was unlike any other feeling they've felt before. It was as if the burning fire they had buried inside them had unleashed.
Her left hand was placed on over Olivia's heart. The uncontrollable beating matched her own. Olivia's shoulders raised up and down as she struggled to catch her breath while Amanda's blue eyes observed the woman in front of her.
"This is what you do to me." Olivia tells her in between heavy breaths.
Amanda couldn't breathe. She felt like she was burning inside out.
"You've always done this to me since our first time together." Olivia adds and reaches up to brush away a blonde lock of hair out of Amanda's face.
Olivia's lips crash onto her own, claiming them. The sweet sensation filled her. Soft and gentle kisses that brake too quickly.
"It hurts to be apart from you. It hurts too much." Olivia breaths out.
Amanda nods in agreement and she swears she sees small smile tug on Olivia's lips.
"I don't want us to hurt anymore. I want us to heal." The older woman continues as she lifts her head up slightly. Their eyes finally meet. It sent a high voltage spark between them.
Blue eyes finally met teary brown eyes. Their tears run freely, the same tears they hid. Tears that only their pillow cases witness. Amanda saw something different in the brown eyes that stare back at her. There wasn't the usual lust and need coming from them, the usual predator look that would shine out during their game. This was different.
Brown eyes flickered away as the tears gracefully fall, running down Olivia's cheeks, and Amanda couldn't help but reach up and catch a tear before wiping the tear away with her thumb. Her heart jumped when Olivia leaned to her touch, the simplest act made her weaker. She stared deeply into the tired, puffy brown eyes, how she wished she could walk away from this ache. But something deep in the honey orbs were trying to tell to her that shouldn't quite read.
"I love you." Olivia confessed like she did two months back.
Amanda's blue eyes get lost deep in the brown eyes as they too confessed Olivia's love to her.
Amanda feels lost in her own little trance, soaking up these last few moments that she knows won't last; because it never does. It never did. Soon enough, it will all end. And they will go back to how they were before. It was part of the game.
"I've always loved you, Amanda." Olivia says through her tears.
It was real. This was real, Amanda knew. She felt their burning core becoming one. The fire that had long lingered deep in their pits have exploded into one. It was time to heal. Time to heal with one another.
"I love you too." Amanda voice cracked.
Darkness that once filled them was lifting right before them as their lips crashed together. Their love passing through each other with every move, with every dance of their tongues. The tears that fell between their lips were real, they were proof of their love. Proof that the game was over. Proof that it was truly time to heal.