Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns all of Harry Potter's world and its wonderful characters. I own nothing but the plot I made.
…
"We are gonna have sex."
"Sorry… what?"
"James, we are gonna have sex."
"I don't get it…"
"James! We are gonna have sex! Get out of the room already!"
"Why are you telling me this? Are you trying to traumatize me for life?"
"No… I'm trying to get you out of this room so that Rem and I can shag! I don't understand why you're still here!"
"Stop saying that! Stop using that word! You are not going to do that here, this is our room too!"
"Stop saying what? Shag? Sex? Sex James, sex! Remmie and I are having it so get the bloody hell out already, you're wasting precious time!"
"No I'm not! You are wasting my time with this insane bollocks! Where is Remus? Why isn't he here with you?"
"He's distracting Pete while they walk around the castle so that he won't notice where they're going and will end up lost somewhere with no hope of coming back until at least a few hours have gone by and we'll be finished shagging… or at least that's the plan... I think."
"He's what? You've planned this? I can't believe it! You're not getting me out of my dorm so that you can get your wicked way with Remus! You're bloody insane if you thought that was gonna work!"
"James, why are you fighting this? It's gonna happen! You're not going to stand in the way of our beautiful love making just because Evans won't give you the time of day! And stop saying that this is your dorm, cause it's also ours and right now it's two against one!"
"I can't believe you're trying to have sex!"
"What's so hard to believe? We've been together for almost two years now."
"I know that! But aren't you a little young to begin with? We're only in our fifth year! I haven't even been properly snogged yet!"
"Well I certainly have! Rem is a wonderful snogger! I can't wait to found out what else he's great at…"
"Wh– What? Sirius stop talking to me like that! You can't be having sex! You're not ready for that yet! No, Sirius! That's it! You're not having sex!"
"Like hell I won't, mom! What's gotten into you? You can't just order me around! Telling me what to do or not to do… as if!"
"Padfoot– "
"No James! If I want to have sex and so does Rem, then we will do it! And you won't be able to stop us!"
"Argggh! Ok I won't! I won't stop you if you stop biting my head off! I'm just worried about what you're getting yourselves into! Are you sure you're ready to shag? I mean… you can't make this into a bloody joke Pads… what if one of you got hurt? It's too much for me to worry about!"
"Then don't worry about it Jamesie… I know this isn't some joke, of course I know that! Rem and I have actually discussed this plenty of times and came to the agreement that we were gonna do it as soon as we got back from the Christmas holydays. This isn't some rush decision. We've talked about it and bought all the stuff we need and I'm even pretty sure Rem's done some reading about it too… you don't have to worry Prongs, I'm being Sirius."
"Ha-bloody-ha Sirius, that joke's so old I don't think it's even a joke anymore… I guess I just can't believe all this time you've being thinking about having sex… Am I so bloody naïve? I can't even really picture a real-life scenario where my Lily-flower snoggs the hell out of me…much less one where there's the possibility of shagging…"
"Mate, don't get yourself down. Evans will come around…"
"I hope she does, or else I'm gonna die a virgin."
"Would you really? I mean, wouldn't you find somebody else if push came to shove?"
"No… I don't think I would, at least it doesn't feels like it right now. I know you believe it's just an infatuation, but I think I really do love her…"
"…"
"Sirius, can I ask you something?"
"You know you can Prongs."
"Do you love Remus?"
"…"
"…"
"Yeah… yeah I really, really do. I don't even know when it got to be this way, but I can't help it. Every time I see him I just feel this overpowering surge of love explode through me and it just becomes more powerful when he turns around and smiles at me. Every little thing he does, all his little quirks… the way he touches me… or just even listen to what I'm telling him. It doesn't matter if it's the most ridiculous or trivial thing ever, he will just lay there holding me and paying attention to every word I say like it's the most important thing in the world. And I do the same with him –for him… I just become so captivated by him, so entranced by his presence, it sometimes scares the shit out of me. It must be because I know I would do anything for him… and I don't really want that to change, as twisted as it may seem."
"Wow… well, it doesn't sound twisted at all."
"…"
"…"
"So… are you gonna leave the room yet?"
"I guess I don't really have any argument left to say no…"
"But you still want to, don't you? Say no, I mean."
"Yeah… don't get me wrong, it's not that I have anything against a good shag… or against you being together... but I can't shake this feeling of uneasiness. I mean, what am I supposed to do now that I know you'll be up here having sex?"
"Well would you've rather we didn't tell you and you stumbled upon us going at it?"
"I don't think so…"
"Sure you don't. Rem thought it would be best this way, and he was right…"
"…"
" Jamesie, we want –no, we need– our first time to be special. We won't just be shagging, we'll be making love, and it needs to be perfect and romantic and poetic and all that sweet and clichéd stuff Moony reads all about in his books. I want that for him, and I really want that for myself too. It doesn't mean we won't be going at it like dogs, but it will stand for so much more than just that, and we'll remember it for the rest of our lives."
"Aww Pads who knew you were such a romantic."
"Shut up James! I'm not kidding around, don't make fun of me!"
"Easy there, easy, you daft mutt. I'm not making fun of you… not really. I'm just shocked and kind of jealous in fact."
"Yeah well… it is something to be jealous about… I don't know what I would do if I somehow managed to screw this up."
"Screw what up, love?"
"Remie! You're here!"