Ok so seeing as Remembrance was read and nobody has come at me with pitchforks and torches. I'm going to assume that it was passable therefore I'm posting a sequel. I don't feel it is overly dark compared to other stories I've read, there is mention of rape and torture so I am rating it M to be on the safe side. Again I like playing with other people's toys, these characters do not belong to me…unfortunately. Mistakes are entirely my own. Also please feel free to review and let me know how I'm doing.
I shoot up in bed blindly trying to get an idea of my location. I'm panicking. It isn't until I feel you tentatively placing your arms over my shoulders, embracing me from behind, that I begin to calm. I'm safe. Here with you, how could I be anything other? Slowly I feel the tension, the rigidity that extends to every fibre of my being ease off. Gently you pull me closer to you. Drawing my back more firmly against your front, your chin resting over my shoulder as my head tilts back to rest upon the crook of your neck. As one hand pets and caresses my hair, the other traces down my left arm to clasp my hand. I feel the soft reassuring squeeze you give my hand as our fingers entwine. Already I feel infinitely better.
You're showing a surprising amount of restraint tonight. Patiently waiting for me to offer information rather than trying to pry it out of me. I don't want to, I never want to. To burden those that I truly love and care for with the phantoms that lurk in my past. I actually feel even worse about it tonight than usual. After spending most of the night celebrating our engagement we both need as much sleep as we can get for the day ahead, and I've ruined it. My past has ruined it. I had hoped that the nightmares, the phantom pain would at least hold off for a couple more days. Clearly too much to hope for.
I sigh breaking the silence that surrounded us and I feel you shift in anticipation of whatever I'm going to share with you. Reluctantly I pull away from the cocoon that you had me in, though keeping a firm hold of your hand. Right now you are my life line and it would be a form of suicide to let you go. My eyes find yours, you are so beautiful bathed in moonlight I feel my resolve weakening and so do you apparently as yet again you squeeze my hand. "I'm sorry."
"Whatever for dear? Suffering from a night terror that renders you petrified and unable to sleep? Or not confiding in me and letting me share the burden that even you cannot shoulder alone?" One delicate eyebrow arched perfectly over a deviously sparkling eye. I feel my lips twitch in amusement which you clearly catch as red lips curve upwards in satisfaction.
"All the aforementioned I guess." I give my self-conscious little half smile, the same one a gave you when we first met, "I don't know how to do this Regina. I don't want to talk about it especially on a night as special as this. If I talk about it now it'll tarnish our memory of this night. I really don't want that." I feel my brows furrow my eyes having drifted from your beautiful face to watch my free hand pick at non-existent loose threads on the bed sheets.
I feel the bed shift as you move from your previous spot to sit yourself comfortably on my lap. My view of imaginary thread picking impeded by a deliciously bare chest that I am intimately acquainted with. Our hands still connected are lifted between us the back of our hands resting over each other's heart. Your free hand demands that my head rise to meet your own as you kiss me. Foul play Regina. Not that I can complain. I wholeheartedly respond to your kiss with the passion that always ignites when I'm with you. Regrettably you pull away from me and that blasted free hand of yours halts my attempt to regain that contact.
"I will never force you to do anything you don't want to Emma. Just know that there is nothing that you can say that will make me think any less of you, or affect my love for you. Please trust in me and let me share your pain, as you allowed me to share my own." Your free hand rests upon my cheek, your thumb softly caressing the skin beneath it. Our gazes remain locked, I find myself preparing to give you what you want and what I know in my heart I need.
"It was after I had served my time in prison. Eleven months. The first nine of which I was pregnant with our son. I had been so angry with his father for stabbing me in the back for taking my trust something that has always been fragile, growing up the way I did in and out of people's homes like a twisted game of pass the parcel, I felt so deeply betrayed. After I had given birth to Henry, without even holding him and sending him away with nothing but a hope and a prayer that he would have better luck than me, I found myself in a dark place. While I never started any of the fights I sure as hell finished them." I pause as you stroke one of my many scars right between my shoulder blade and my spine, I'm touched that you remember. "The shiv attack was the most serious and believe me if you think that scar is bad you should've seen what I did to the bitch responsible. My last week in prison was spent in the medical wing before I was given the all clear to go. I collected my few meagre possessions, the clothes I had been wearing when they took me in and the keys to the bug and entered civilised society once more."
I stop and begin to fidget again. I need to move. I reluctantly remove myself from your embrace levering you off me and onto our bed before I begin to wander aimlessly around the room while I try order my thoughts once more. All the while you just continue to lie where I left you, in silence patiently waiting for me. With a sigh I carry on with my tale.
"Like I said I was angry at the most recent hand that I had been dealt. Betrayed by the man that I had loved and giving my baby up so that he would have his best chance even though I knew it had been for the best didn't mean that I had to be happy about it. But equally I had no desire to wind up in prison again. When I had got the bug after my release there was enough money for me to start making a new life for myself. So I decided that I need something that would allow me to vent my…frustrations in a legal manor. I found this gym and started training with a group of ex-military, they taught me hand-to-hand fighting and self-defence. I won't lie it helped. Sparring let me vent and beating the crap out of a punching bag was cathartic as well. It was Jack, he'd been a marine for twenty three years before being honourably discharged and he was a real gentle giant, that suggested I go into bounty hunting or bails bonding. He told me that I was natural and had the talent that would make me successful if I chose to follow that path. So I did." I stand at the balcony staring out at the Fairy tale Kingdom that lays below me. "It was going really well I was slowly building up a good reputation and gaining the respect of my peers despite being a woman and little more than a kid. I'd never really had any trouble when taking in a mark, a couple of bruises and scratches maybe. I didn't realise how lucky I had been up until that night."
I choke out the last word as I feel my throat constricting as I get closer and closer to the memories that haunt me in my sleep. I know that you're worried and I hear you rise from our bed and hear the rustling of the bed sheet as you wrap it around yourself and join me on the balcony. Opening the cloth cocoon that you are wrapped in you offer me the chance to join you in its warmth, my body shivers and the decision is made I join you gratefully and wrap my arms around your waist and your arms cover my shoulders enveloping us both in the cocoon together. Leaning my forehead against yours my eyes closing I continue.
"There was nothing extraordinary about the mark, nothing to make me think that it could possibly be any different from any of the other jobs I'd done. It was normal, I was arrogant so sure of my abilities to handle anything that was thrown my way that looking back on it shows how naïve I actually was. I mean I'd suffered abuse at the hands of so many that were supposed to care for me during my childhood that makes me wonder why I didn't recognise the signs. They were little things, he was so controlled around people, always aware of what they were doing, when he was being watched. Normal was an act. I had been out of the system for four years and I foolishly thought that I would never be on the receiving end of abuse again, that because I was a free adult looking out only for me, myself and I that it couldn't happen. So even though the signs were there, I was blind to them."
I feel you shift against me, holding me just a little tighter than before preparing yourself for something that you know is going to be unpleasant. "I don't have to go on you know, just say the word and I'll stop Regina." I open my eyes to find you giving me your patented Evil Queen death glare, guaranteed to turn even the bravest of souls into cowering messes.
"If you think for one second, Emma Swan, that I am going to back out of this you are sorely mistaken. Now get on with it or you shall find that without even being engaged for four hours that you will once again become acquainted with the love seat in the bower." I hold you closer as you try to squirm away from me, determined to punish me for my blatant idiocy.
"I got too close to him, he knew I'd been following him, my recklessness left him an opening and he drugged me." Immediately your squirming stops and you settle yourself heavily against me as I continue ignoring the fact that my eyes are close to tears. "When I woke up I had no idea where I was. My mind was fuzzy, the room was dark I could only see varying shades of shadow and I was bound to the wall, with my own goddamn handcuffs. My shoulders were burning they'd been supporting all my weight while I was unconscious and my wrists were raw where the handcuffs had cut into them. I don't know how long I'd been out. I don't know how long it had been since I woke up before he came to get me. He beat me senseless, the pain was bearable I'd had worse over the years but he was driven by paranoia, he needed to know why I'd been after him. So when he finally decided his fists weren't working he got imaginative. He used his belt, but that was nothing new to me either. So he tried cigarettes and a lighter, the smell of burning flesh was sickening even worse that I knew it was my own. He told me that he wanted to hear me scream that he wanted me to cry for him. I personally wasn't feeling up for doing requests I told him to go to hell, he didn't like that. He wanted my blood and he got it using a knife. I remember him carving into me, I was beyond feeling any worse, the pain was a constant, I was getting used to it. He must've been able to tell because that's when he…He raped me. I broke his nose while he was…" Saying it once was one time too many. You know what I was going to say anyway. My breathing feels laboured under the stress and panic that my remembrance is causing. My body aches, my scars itch and burn driving me mad. My resolve is weakening I need to finish this soon, I can't take much more. "It was after I broke his nose he used the gun. Shot me in the pelvis. Not at point blank because that would have killed me for definite. Instead he stood at the opposite end of the room, took aim and shot me like a hunter shots a defenceless animal in a trap, the bullet was lodged in my Ilium, that's the biggest bone in your pelvis by the way, after it ruined any chances of me having any more children. Although on the bright side, if there has to been one, it was the gunshot that led to me being saved. Someone heard it and reported it, the police investigated it, I was found still bound to the wall bleeding and looking like a victim from a horror movie, with the sick son of bitch holding a smoking gun. I was taken to hospital and he was taken into custody." Tilting my head back to stare at something non-existent on the ceiling I try control the part of me that wants to run into the night and never look back. Terrified of being so vulnerable. Mortified at sharing my weakness with you. "I'd been there for seventy two hours. Give or take. I was in hospital for months and then I had to go to the trail that he was put on. I had to be in the same room as him and relive it all in front of a room full of strangers that looked at me with more pit than I could bear, I'd never felt that pathetic and weak before. He was found guilty and sentenced to life with no second chances, turns out that had been his second chance. That's it. That's way I can't sleep at night. That's why everything starts to hurt."
Your hands are one my cheeks wiping away the tears that I hadn't realised were there. Peppering soft gentle kisses all over my face, my forehead, cheeks, closed eyes, nose and finally my lips. There have been many great kisses through the ages, but none can compare to the utter sweet tenderness of that kiss. With that one kiss Regina I believe that you could fix me, so long as you are always able to kiss me like that.
"You are not weak nor pathetic my love. The very fact that you carried on with your life, your job. That you have managed to recount this tale not just to me but to a room full of strangers is proof of your strength. These scars are symbols of courage, they show that you are a survivor Emma, that no matter what the fates have thrown your way you have faced it head on, defeated it and continued on your path. And I love you for that strength and for trusting in me to share in your pain. I will always love you." Your eyes are so expressive Regina, right now they are shining with love and devotion all for me. I don't know how to respond to such touching words so I kiss you.
"Regina I…Thank you. I love you more than I can say." I move us over to our bed once more."
"I know dear. I feel the same." You smile at me. "I love myself more than words can say too it's hard not to." I laugh hysterically, I know it wasn't that funny and I'm used to you doing this, hell I saw it coming when you smiled but I need an out. You have a content little chuckle to yourself before waiting for me to calm slightly. "You know dear I happen to love you even more than I love myself."
"Now that is certainly an achievement. Hey, ow!" Grabbing the hand that pinched me I drag you on top of me covering us both with the cool sheets. You settle upon me, your head resting on my shoulder, our legs entwined and our arms wrapped securely around each other. Clasping your pinchy hand within me grabby one I bring it to my lips. "Goodnight my darling."
Never satisfied unless you are one up you raise your head to quickly kiss my lips, "Goodnight dear. Sleep well."
As your breathing evens out and you enter the land of dreams, I smile to myself. I believe that for the first time, in a very long time I might genuinely sleep peacefully. My smile widens, who would've dreamt that it would be thanks to the Evil Queen?