A/N: It's that time of year again, happy birthday Kara, I made a stupid crack fic based on that weird rp thing we did. I hope you like it, the cupcakes are coming too, I left a sheet. To anyone else who may be reading this, it's a dumb sort of crack fic that's loaded with inside jokes and nonsense, but read on if that kind of thing doesn't bother you I guess. It might not make a lot of sense, but eh. Have a nice day everyone!
The group of newcomers walked silently down the hallway of the Smash studio. None of them knew what to expect, as all they had received prior to coming was a letter that explained very little. Apparently they were going to be briefed on what was going on and what was expected of them. It was both exciting and terrifying, and the air around them was tense with anticipation. Once they reached the end of the hall, they were led into the fighter's lounge, which was currently set up as a makeshift theatre complete with free popcorn and sodas. The male Robin nearly had a heart attack when he saw a female version of himself already in the audience, but still opted to sit next to her to see if she was related to him, or a gender swapped version of him. Once everyone was seated, one of the staffers moved to the front of the room and tried to get everyone's attention.
"Alright, good morning everyone, good morning. I'm sure you all have a lot of questions. Let's get started. We at Smash team have gathered you all here to take part in Smash season four! You should all be very proud, as you'll represent your world to millions of adoring fans! Oh, how the crowds will cheer, you'll achieve celebrity status and become legends of entertainment…"
"Get to the point!" Dark Pit said bluntly.
"Er, yes, well, if you're all familiar with the show, you may have noticed that no matter how intense the battles get, no one ever sustains any injuries. Well, that's all thanks to our state of the art technology." As the staffer explained this, another was already in the process of distributing the microchips to all the newcomers. Shulk's face lit up with a child-like wonder in the presence of such interesting tech. No one else seemed particularly interested though. The staffer continued, "all you have to do is strap that onto your skin, it'll camouflage right away and you won't even notice it. Once you do, you'll be completely impervious to damage! Er, well, as long as you stay on set that is."
"But how does that work?" The Robins said in unison.
"That's a trade secret." It was an obvious dodge, but no one seemed that interested anyway. For now they'd trust that what they were told was the truth. "Anyway, when you enter one of our specialized set rooms while wearing that chip, you'll notice that the gravity feels a lot different than what you're used to. We'll let you get used to after this briefing, but right now we're about to drop the bombs, so you'd better get the chips on!" At that he took a step back, not that it would make a difference. He watched as the bewildered newcomers all scrambled to attach the chip. There never was any danger, because the staff wouldn't release the bombs until it was safe to do so. The last thing Smash team needed was a lawsuit after all. So when everyone was in the clear, the staffer pulled the sudden death lever and the bob-ombs rained down upon the new smashers. All of the newcomers were hit and ended up bouncing around until the momentum slowed. While they were all pretty rattled, no one was hurt in any way. After a few long seconds of confusion, the newcomers started trying to make sense of what just happened.
"Are you crazy?!" Dark Pit said, strapping on his electroshock arm and readying an attack.
"Calm down, you're fine." The staffer said, "everyone's alright yeah?"
"It would have been ideal to stretch in preparation for such an event." Wii Fit Trainer said plainly.
"That was fun." Palutena said with a smile.
"Ugh, the Monado didn't give a vision of this…" Shulk chimed in.
"Why do you need your stupid toy to think for you?! That guy TOLD you what was going to happen!" Dark Pit said, trying to vent his frustration and deciding that Shulk would be his punching bag for the time being.
Monado boy didn't react to the dark angel's belligerent ranting. The staffer continued then, "great! Now that you're all your toes, let's get you all acquainted with the type of fighting you'll be doing on the show." He gestured for everyone to stand and follow, which the disoriented smashers reluctantly did. They were led down the hall to the battlefield set. "Okay everyone, while we're on these sets, you have free range to be as vicious and violent as you want!"
"Oh really?" Dark Pit said, grinning evilly and looking slyly at Shulk. For some reason he was determined to smack around the Monado boy, possibly for being stupid earlier.
"Yes! Some things you should know first though, if you look at the walls, you'll noticed that they're coated with a substance that will react to your chip. It'll reset your damage and summon the rescue-copter to bring you back to the stage. Oh yeah! Even though you won't feel any pain, your chip will register all of the damage you take. You'll feel lighter and you'll get knocked back easier. Don't hit the walls, or the floor off camera or you'll lose a point. Oh yeah, and the person who knocked you to the wall will gain a point. You'll win if you have more points at the end of a match, or if you're playing survival, if you make your opponent lose all of their lives before they take yours…"
"That's great and all, can we fight now?" The disgruntled Dark Pit said.
"Err, sure, go ahead."
"Excellent."
The smashers moved around the set, noting the gravity and how easily they could move around. No one attacked, until Dark Pit came up behind Shulk and smacked him with the full force of his electroshock arm. Having been weakened from the bombs earlier, Shulk flew off the stage at breakneck speed and slammed against the wall. Everyone including Dark Pit was in shock, but seconds later some kind of device collected the Monado boy and brought him right back to the stage. Despite being completely unscathed, he was not happy. "Why you!" He jumped off the rescue-copter and charged at Dark Pit, who turned to run but couldn't quite get away from a full power backslash. Dark Pit never stood a chance.
After that, the dark angel returned with a vendetta against Shulk, but in his anger he accidentally shot one of the Robins, who didn't take kindly to that, so he charged up a thunder and shot it right at his aggressor, who flew away at the last second and the thunder instead hit Rosalina. She retaliated by launching Luma at him. It soon devolved into a dirty free for all, but at least everyone was well prepped.
Once everyone had amply indulged their violent side, some extra staffers arrived to show the newcomers to their rooms.