A/N: I've been having this idea for a while now and I thought it was time to put it into a story. It is set after the current season and JJ and Emily are married. Everything will become clear when you read it :-)

Spoiler alert: Someone from previous seasons will come back.

Special thanks: I would really like to thank elphiemolizbethbau. She beta read this to filter some grammar/spelling mistakes. So, thank you Gabby! I strongly recommend taking a look at her profile, she has written some amazing stories! You won't regret it!

Anyways, I don't want to hold you guys up any longer. Here it is! I hope you like it!

Chapter 1

"Today I start a diary; it is against my usual habbits, but out of clearly felt need."

– Robert Musil

It was 8 a.m. and Emily Prentiss Jareau was wandering around the house. All the blondes were out, so she had the entire day to herself. She stopped in the kitchen to make herself a coffee while looking out the large window to the backyard. They had bought the house right before they had gotten married, just because it had a garden so huge the boys would be able to horse around. Emily had built a homemade swing around the large tree in the middle of the garden, and the two little Jareaus had fallen in love with it at first sight.

Closing her hand around her cup of coffee, she turned around and walked past the living room. She climbed the stairs, one hand on the railing, and made her way to the master bedroom. A sigh left her lips as she stood in the doorway of the master bedroom and took in the sight. Clothes and boxes were scattered all over the floor, JJ's jewelry was a knotted pile of necklaces, and Emily only spotted one boot of her favorite pair. It was time to keep her promise and clean up the mess she had made earlier that week.

She placed her coffee, which she hadn't even sipped from yet, on the bedside table and sat down on the bed with JJ's necklaces on her lap. Why is it when you toss two necklaces at the same time that they instantly knot? Why did JJ have to have so many necklaces in the first place? Frustrated at the lack of movement in the tight knot, Emily grumbled to herself. It took her five minutes to finally free one necklace, and after that it was only a matter of time before the rest followed. Emily Prentiss wasn't a quitter.

She got up and neatly hung the necklaces on the jewelry holder against the wall, which they specifically built against the right wall next to JJ's side of the bed. Once every necklace was back in place, she made her way towards the big walk-in closet behind the left wall. She re-organized the closet to make room for the shoes clothes scattered around the floor. Hanging the last piece of clean clothing on a coat rack, her eyes fell on something blue on the top shelf. Only an inch of the object was showing and she reached up to pull it down.

Looking at the A4 book in her hands, she immediately knew what it was. She had never thought of JJ as the type of person to keep a diary, but her gut told her that was exactly what it was she was holding in both hands. She casually paged through the book and immediately noticed it didn't have daily entries. She flipped back to the very first page and paused for a mere second before letting out a groan and tossing it to the bed. "No, Emily, you can't," she said to herself as she took her cup of coffee and sat down in one of the two chairs against the wall.

Her eyes were fixated on the diary lying on the bed. It was as if it was taunting Emily to read it. "Oh no, I am not reading you," she told the book and crossed her right leg over her left. It was getting harder and harder to ignore the blue cover, since it matched JJ's eyes so perfectly. She placed the still untouched coffee on the table next to her and crossed her arms over her chest, yet her eyes remained fixated on the diary. Daring to glance at her watch, she saw it was 8.45 a.m. That meant she still had a little over 8 hours before everyone would return.

"Fine, you win," she scoffed before lunging forward, grabbing the book and sinking back in her chair. She didn't open the book immediately and just stared at the blue cover for a few minutes, still conflicted. On one hand, she wanted to know JJ's secret thoughts so badly, but on the other she didn't want to invade in her privacy. JJ had kept this diary for a reason and Emily was sure this wasn't it.

She took in a deep breath as her curiosity got the better of her and turned to the very first entry. This felt wrong on so many levels, but she just couldn't help herself. She trailed her finger over JJ's handwriting, smiling to herself. "I'm sorry," she sighed, making herself comfortable in the chair. She supported the book with one hand and took a hold of her coffee with the other, not even realizing it would be cold by now, as she let her eyes fall on the first lines of the first entry.

Dear Diary ; My sister Rosaline, a story rarely told

My therapist said it might be a good idea to buy you and try this whole diary thing. I'm not very good at explaining my feelings, but she thought writing them down might help. I'm not really sure how this is going to do any good, but mother told me I should give it a shot. So, here it goes.

The reason I had to see my therapist again is I had what you can call a mental breakdown in class yesterday. It was stupid really, but the teacher was asking us who we wanted present at our graduation. Of course, the first people that came to mind were my parents, but I also had to think of my sister. My beautiful sister Rosaline. The thought of her not being able to be there made me so angry and the feeling came so suddenly I just placed my hands under my desk and turned it upside down out of frustration. I got up from my seat and started kicking my desk over and over again. The teacher had to drag me out of the classroom to the principal's office and I kept kicking and screaming all the way.

Poor woman, actually. In hindsight, she really didn't deserve it but I just couldn't help myself. I felt so lost again just like I felt seven years ago and the feeling surprised me so hard I lost control of my actions. Mother picked me up from school and drove me straight to the same therapist I saw seven years ago. So now here I am, writing to you.

It feels silly, but it seems like it's really helping me. Writing down my feelings that is. It's much easier than talking about them. Maybe I should give you some insight as to what happened a few years ago.

Well, seven years ago, my lovely sister decided to kill herself. Just thinking about it makes me feel so angry again. Why did she do that? Why did she leave us? (Just for the record, the questions I ask are rhetorical. You're a damn book, you can't answer me anyway) I always thought she was so happy. She never once complained about anything to me.

Did she not want to burden me with her problems because I was only 11 years old? We were best friends and I never understood why she did it. I still don't. Was I too much of a pain in the ass for her? Did she not want to be in this world anymore because of all the cruelty it held? Did she have so much pain we didn't know about? The questions will always remain and we'll never get any answers.

Damn it, Rosaline! Why did you never tell us you were struggling?! I should just pull you back from heaven and kill you myself! Do you have any idea what you did to us? To me? You were being selfish, Rosaline! Maybe we could've helped you!

On important days I still wear her necklace. She gave it to me two weeks before it happened and I just now realize, as I'm writing this, that maybe it was a sign. People give away prized possessions right? Don't they say that? Maybe that was her way of telling me something was wrong. Why didn't I realize it back then? Of course, I was only eleven years old but she was my big sister. I always thought she was happy, but there was one emotion in her eyes that I couldn't quite place at that age. Now, come to think of it, I realize it was sadness. She had a lot of sadness in her eyes.

Mother and father still struggle too sometimes. There are days which will always be hard for us, like her birthday. We still light a candle every single year and wish her a happy birthday. Everyone always says things will get better in time. They're right, you know. Things do get easier, but the wounds never heal. Those wounds will always remain. Especially because we don't know the 'why'. Why did she do it? I guess we'll never know the answer, but one thing is certain; I will never forget my lovely sister. No matter how angry I am with her. Though my heart will never be whole again. I will never be whole again.

I think I owe a big thank you to my therapist. It really is a relief writing everything down. I think I might try this more often. Let's call you... Rosaline, for future references. Yeah, I like that, Rosaline. It gives me the feeling I'm talking to my sister. I won't be one of those girls who writes daily though. I will write on important days in my life or if I really feel the need to talk to you, very much like today. I also won't be naming the entries by date, I rather give them a real title. For example this one, I will be naming: My sister Rosaline, a story rarely told.

Well, I guess that's all for now.

See you soon, Rosaline.

I miss you.

I love you.

Love, Jennifer

Emily closed the book immediately, resting a hand on its cover. It felt wrong to be reading JJ's life like this. It felt as if she invaded her wife's life on more than one level. As she took a large gulp of her coffee, her face immediately turning into one of disgust as she realized it had gone cold. She had the urge to spit the coffee out of her mouth, but the thought of ruining the carpet in the bedroom made her swallow the liquid at the last minute. "Damn, that's disgusting!" Getting up from the chair, she tucked the book under her arm and walked back to the kitchen, stretching her body as she went after sitting in the same position for too long.

Back in the kitchen, she carefully placed the book on the table as if it was a baby that needed gentle care. She didn't want anything to happen to the precious, blue book. Turning to the drain, she poured away her coffee and made herself another one. This time, she wrapped both hands around the warm cup and turned around to lean her back against the counter. As she sipped from her cup, while trying not to burn her tongue, she eyed the book and grunted. "I am not reading you again," she mumbled over the edge of the mug.

She turned her back towards the book and looked outside instead to the large swing she had built for the boys, noticing the wind was making it swing. With a small sigh, she fished her phone out of her pocket and typed in a message.

How's it going over there?

Tossing her phone to her right, she leaned one hand flat on the counter. Her favorite people were only gone for about 45 minutes and she missed them already. Luckily, she didn't have to wait long for a response. She picked up her phone and read the message.

We're just having breakfast at our favorite restaurant. Can you please clean up the house like you promised?

With a grunt at the message, she stuffed her phone back in her pocket before turning around again to eye the book. She took a deep breath before placing the remaining coffee on the table and grabbing the book hastily. "You are going back where you belong," she said sternly as she made her way back to the stairs. However, as she made it to the first step, she stopped dead in her tracks and looked at the book, resting a hand on its cover. She allowed her fingers to slowly glide over the fabric. "Damn, I'm so easy."

With that, she turned on her heels and walked into the living room. With her coffee once again forgotten, Emily carefully tossed the book on the couch before picking up the small coffee table and turning it the right side up. After organizing the magazines properly, she settled herself in the couch, swinging her legs over the armrest into a comfortable position. She opened the diary and flipped through the pages, skipping some titles such as; 'Graduation', 'First day at the BAU' and 'Welcome to the world, Henry'. Although she was keen to read the entry about Henry, her eyes fell on the next entry titled; 'William LaMontagne Jr. VS Emily Prentiss'.

A small smile made its way to her lips as her finger trailed over the title. JJ had caught her eye as soon as she laid eyes on the beautiful blonde in Hotch's office her first day at work. Now was her chance to find out what JJ thought of her back then. "This better be good, Jareau," she said to no one in particular before nuzzling her body further into the cushions. She placed one hand on the back of the book to support it, while the other rested on her stomach.

Dear Rosaline ; William LaMontagne Jr. VS Emily Prentiss

I have to tell you a secret, Rosaline. You have to promise you won't tell anyone because this is a very big deal to me. What I'm about to tell you will probably shock you, but I can promise you it was a shock to me too once I realized it. Okay, here it goes.

I think I'm in love with Emily Prentiss.

I know I didn't mention it in any of my previous entries and I know I always said how happy I am with Will, but let me come clean about that. I kind of lied a little in the previous entries. Or at least, I hid some things from you. Is that the same thing? Depends on how you look at it probably. Anyways, things with Will haven't always been as easy as I told you.

Trust me, I never thought I'd be able to like a woman in this way and I certainly never thought it'd be my best friend I have this feelings for but… I don't know. It's hard to explain. Maybe I shouldn't even try. Goodnight, Rosaline

Love, Jennifer

Okay forget it, I can't sleep. I have to try and figure this out.

You know, when I first met Will, I really thought I liked him. He's nice, kind and he treats me like a princess. His southern accent is a big turn off though. Then I got to know Emily better and we slowly became best friends. She is compassionate, sweet and she treats me like a queen. Also, she doesn't have the accent which is a big plus.

Here's the thing though: it was Emily who told me to go for Will. That gives me two possibilities. Either she didn't have feelings for me and she thought me and Will were right for each other, or she did have feelings for me and was just being this amazing woman who just wanted to see me happy.

If I had realized my feelings back then, I would have turned around and kissed Emily instead. But I didn't, which is kind of sad. She is just so incredibly hard to read sometimes. She has these walls around her and her head is filled with all these compartments which makes her really hard to read. Sometimes though, she lets me have a glimpse of the real Emily. Not the Emily she pretends to be at work, but the real Emily without the walls, without the compartments. I like to believe I'm the only one who gets to see her that way from time to time.

Then there's Will. He's lovely and all, but he's not Emily. There's also this extra body part he has, but I'm not really fond of it… The only thing it's good for is to make babies (which is how we got Henry) but otherwise I don't really like it. That's the reason we rarely have sex. It's just weird. And when we do have sex, I just let him have his way.

I can't say I regret my relationship with Will, because saying I regret that is also saying I regret having Henry. I could never regret having that lovely, beautiful baby boy. He's amazing and he's the only boy in the world I truly love.

I like Will, but with time I'm realizing more and more I just like him as a friend. He can be so smothering at times. When something's bothering me, he tries to drag it out of me. He won't leave me alone. He hugs me, he interrogates me, he pushes me and that's exactly what I don't need.

Then there's Emily. When she sees something's bother me, she rests her hand on my shoulder without saying a word, gently squeezes it and then backs off. She knows when she gives me some time and space, I will come to her by myself. So whenever something's bothering me, it's Emily I go to and not Will.

When my water broke at the BAU bullpen, Emily was the first to my side along with Garcia. They rushed me to the hospital and while Garcia went out to find some water, Emily stayed by my side. When a contraction jolted through my body, she sat behind me and wrapped both her arms around my waist. She helped me relax. Her hands rested on my stomach, her thumb gently stroking the baby bump.

"You're doing great," she whispered in my ear and I allowed my head to fall back against her shoulder. Together, we steadied my breath and for a second, just a mere second, I wished it was her I was having a baby with and not Will. The position we were in felt so right and the feeling in the pit of my stomach was undeniable. I was having feelings for Emily Prentiss. Will was my partner and I was having his baby, but my feelings were for Emily.

Then Will arrived and Emily got up from behind me while Will took her place. I missed her warm touch instantly and when Will was behind me, I never felt warm again. On the contrary to Emily's soft touch, Will was rougher when he scooped me into his arms. A lone tear made its way down my cheek and both Will and Emily believed it was from the pain of the contraction. They were both wrong. I wanted Emily to be the one behind me, not Will. As Will wiped the tear away with his hand, I imagined it was Emily wiping it away softly with her thumb. Everything about Will was rough, while everything about Emily was soft.

I'm not ready to say it out loud yet, I'm really not, but I can write it to you. I don't think I'm in love with Emily Prentiss, Rosaline, I know I'm in love with her. Now, the only question remains: How am I going to fix this mess?

Let me think about that for a while and I'll get back to you soon, Rosaline.

Love, Jennifer

Emily read the last part of the entry over and over again. "We could have been together so much sooner, JJ," she whispered as she allowed her head to fall back against the cushions. She stared up at the ceiling, replaying the entry in her head. JJ had been in love with her so many years before they had gotten together and she never noticed. If she had noticed, if JJ had given a hint, they would have been together from the start.

With a deep sigh, she pushed herself off the couch and placed the diary on the coffee table in front of her. "Clean up time," she told herself, wanting to forget about the diary for a while. She got up from the couch and was halfway up the stairs as her phone started ringing. She lifted it out of her pocket and looked at the screen name, a small smile playing on her lips as she picked up the phone. "Rossi, I don't really have time. I promised JJ I clean up the house."

"I know, I know," the seasoned agent answered and she could hear the concern in his voice. Leaning against the banister, she patiently waited for him to continue. He wouldn't have called if he didn't have a very good reason. "Look, I know you no longer work for the BAU, but we need your help, Emily."

Any thoughts on the first chapter?

-CJ-