i have recently reignited my love for this drama series - it was my first soap opera ever, and even now, i go back to it as my drama of choice when i need a laugh, or a romantic scene, or even an adrenaline pumping fight scene. it has literally everything, and it so full of cliches that you can't help but love it despite the atrocity your writing honor screams at you about.

in any case, here it is. my contribution to the pretty much dead fanfiction community. i bet when the remake comes out it'll grow though. for now, i am pleased to announce that ffnet now has two authors in this category, as opposed to nine stories written by the same author, who is quite wonderful for having carried on by herself.

a note: for certain phrases, i prefer using the chinese pinyin ( the romanization system ) simply because their meaning is not actually as important as their usage as court etiquette. this is the same for certain chengyu ( chinese idioms made of four words ) whose poetic meaning would just be lost if translated directly. any and all translations will be found at the bottom of the chapter, if used.

enjoy.

arya.
twentyten. august twelth.

through the looking glass

She was ten and running from her latest owner. Her hands were rough with shallow scrapes that were nonetheless numerous enough to recreate a mocking imitation of her skin with copper blood and gray mud. Small, savage lines of swollen skin reminded her of painful leather, but the tiny creature ignored them with appalling stoicism for one so young. Instead, she stood there, high on a mountain nearly on the other side of Beijing from her old cage, and just stared at the red stone and golden roofs, blessed with dragons on every corner and lions to protect the inhabitants. At once, she felt a surge of anger, mixed with resentment and envy. Was she not Chinese, just like the people in the palace with all their fine clothes and golden lilies?

But the ugly feelings faded as quickly as they came, replaced with something she couldn't quite name with her limited vocabulary. It was an absurd feeling, this audacious hope that spread from her wild imagination, as she pictured the famed golden lilies upon her own feet, the ridiculously large headdress she had only heard about in the vaguest of senses. Xiao Yan Zi looked at her hands, taking in their pitiful image, and imagined them soft and pliant.

"Maybe someday I'll get there," she whispered to herself. If she were older, more jaded, she would realize that this was impossible, that in this China with this court and these people, she would never live through a time during which she, an orphan who didn't even have a true name, would be able to dance within those red, red walls and sip tea under those golden yellow roofs.

But she was only ten, and children have the perseverance of spirit attributed only to those too ignorant to know any better. Sitting on that mountain, Xiao Yan Zi closed her eyes and imagined another world.

.

Er Kang met the Emperor Qian Long for the first time when he was fifteen. It was not truly the first time of course. He had been in and out of court since he turned seven, as he studied with the finest court scholars, and seeing as his father was the one of the most trusted advisors to the Emperor, it was only natural for him to have met the man as well. However, all meetings were brief and ceremonial, a simple exchange of courtly manners, before the man who touched upon the realm of the gods would sweep away in a procession of eunuchs and maids. Er Kang's impressions of the Emperor were thus generally objective. The Emperor was always ever the Emperor, and as much as Er Kang knew his younger brother spent hordes of time causing mischief with the Emperor's favorite son, the knowledge did not humanize the figure of the country's ruler in his mind.

So, at fifteen, when he was suddenly called by his father to accompany him to court, Er Kang did not expect to be ushered into the Emperor's study.

"Fu Er Kang greets the Emperor. May the Emperor live ten thousand years." The words slipped out of him smoothly, without any hesitation or warmth. They were said with the casual deference of someone who took their meaning for granted and received by the same sentiment.

The Emperor chuckled and immediately, Er Kang was wary of what was to happen next, but he needn't have worried. The Emperor turned to his father with wide smile and lifted a piece of paper from his desk.

"Fu Lun," he started, "do you know what this is?"

"Hui huang shang," Fu Lun bowed just slightly, "Chen does not know." (1) Er Kang stared at the paper. That couldn't be...

"It looks like your son knows though," the Emperor replied in a tone that could only be described as teasing. Er Kang slowly felt his image of his Emperor crack and begin to shatter. "Er Kang! What is this?"

"Hui huang shang," Er Kang didn't need to look to know that his father's expression was of caution. "That is the essay I wrote in class two days ago."

"I see. Er Kang, tell your father what you wrote about in your essay."

Er Kang looked over at his clearly curious father and licked his lips. "I... wrote about the recent peasant protest in Wu Nan and compared how the magistrate there settled it with negotiation as opposed to the one last year in Su Zhou, where the magistrate had several peasants hung."

"And your conclusion?" the Emperor prodded him, one eyebrow raised expectantly in an almost stern expression that belied the satisfied smile on his lips. Er Kang could not for the life of him understand why the Emperor was acting this way.

"Hui huang shang, I concluded that the negotiation most definitely resulted in a more profitable situation for both sides involved. Whereas the hanging did serve to quiet the protest, it should be noted that for the next several months, Su Zhou's commerce was noticeably slowed, and only increased with any significant gain after that particular magistrate transferred to another city. On the other hand, in Wu Nan, while there was no definitive change in economy, it should be noted that there is word that the crops there this year are doing remarkably well. Thus, it can be said that the relationship between the local government and the people have a direct effect on the local economy. If this is placed on a larger scale, it could be said that the relationship between the Emperor and the people also has a direct effect on the country. There are of course, other pieces of evidence, if the Emperor wishes for me to continue."

The Emperor waved his hand in dismissal, "No need, no need. Fu Lun! I do not think I need to tell you that I am extremely pleased with your son. Did you know? I asked his teacher to pass on to me the work of his most promising student and he handed me Er Kang's essay without hesitation," the Emperor grinned. "Fu Lun, to have sons like Er Kang and Er Tai is your Fu clan's fortune. I will leave Er Kang to you for one or two more years. But soon, I insist that your son begin to serve at my side. I am happy to allow Er Tai to continue to be my Yong Qi's partner. But Er Kang is clearly ready to enter court and start serving as his illustrious father does. I applaud your household, Fu Lun, for providing the fourth generation of the Fu blood to serve the royal family."

"Xie huang shang en dian!(2)" Er Kang bowed, speaking at the same moment as his father. The Emperor laughed then, loud and hearty, throwing his head back. His eyes crinkled as his lips curved, and he nodded in approval, as if they were both his sons that he was particularly pleased with. With a wave, they were dismissed, but even as the Emperor exited his vision, Er Kang heard his chuckle echo in his mind. This chuckle, he vowed quite suddenly, unsure where the thought was coming from but resolute in its sincerity, he would protect. For the sake of the country, but more importantly, for his father, for his brother, for his brother's obnoxious best friend the fifth prince, and for himself, so that they would never lose this giant of a man, who held all of China in his heart.

.

Yong Qi didn't know he was meeting the love of his life that moment. There were no sudden fireworks that only the two of them could see, no sudden heat that shot through his bloodstream. Her skin didn't burn to his touch, and his heart pounded only from the sheer exhilaration of the hunt that had been interrupted. Instead, when he held her in his arms, she simply felt heavy, like dead weight. Which, in a manner of speaking, she was, at the time. And when their eyes met briefly for the first time, he didn't feel his mouth go dry, nor did he feel his palms get sweaty. He simply observed that they were a deep, warm brown that was almost black in its depth - and that they were dying.

On hindsight, Yong Qi considered it rather fortunate that he didn't completely freeze up at the sight of a girl whom he had shot. Watching the doe leap away, he had suffered a shallow disappointment at not being able best the two brothers that were his companions along with an absent-minded reprimand from himself at his carelessness. These feelings were as shortlived as his arrow's flight, which went quite well until it halted in the middle of some nice flesh.

Later, when he finally saw Xiao Yan Zi awake, finally met her eyes head on while she wasn't dying, he still did not realize that something momentous had happened in his life. For all his book learning and martial arts skill, he could not for the life of him understand why this slip of a girl could incite the entire palace into one giant chaotic mess, why her silver tongue was so much nimbler than all their scholarly texts pouring from golden lips. How could she so easily enthrall the Emperor with her smile when she could barely make use of the simplest cheng yu in the proper context?

( Then again, Yong Qi supposed that Xiao Yan Zi was always out of context and that was part of her charm. After all, who else could use a phrase about the Emperor and worms to make the emperor laugh instead of scolding her for dressing up as a eunuch to sneak out of the palace? )

But regardless of whatever it was that he first saw her as, at some point, something changed. At some point, in those dark eyes, he saw not her death, but his future.

.

It did not occur to Zi Wei until later that when she first bowed before Ling Fei, she was bowing to someone who held the position her mother might have held. This sudden realization hit her that night, when Jin Suo was already fast asleep and the entire Shu Fang Zhai was silent with satisfied slumber. Quietly, she had lain in the bed, thinking and overthinking as she churned the day's events in her mind. At first, she had been caught up in her first sight of her father, missing from her life for eighteen years. And then there he was, larger than life, clad in golden yellow, adorned with dragons. He had presence, he had stature and - Zi Wei cherished this the most - he had an easy smile, an honest laugh, and the affection he had viewed Xiao Yan Zi with was one hundred percent genuine. How she wished he would look to her like that!

But slowly, she had remembered the pink besides the gold, and Ling Fei's gentle presence had captured her thoughts once more. The concubine had been smiling the entire time, a small, serene smile that occasionally broke out into a larger, more amused smile - a few times at Xiao Yan Zi's antics, and one the moment the Emperor's presence had been announced. Here, Zi Wei had been faced with something not unlike resentment. This woman, whomever she was, stood there, basking the Emperor's gaze. This woman stood there where her mother rightfully should, and never would.

The surge of negativity was quickly stomped down - Zi Wei was too kind to bear a grudge towards someone who had no say or involvement in the entire matter, and deep within herself, she admitted that part of it was simple envy that was directed not only towards Ling Fei, but towards anyone who could look up and see the Emperor smiling down upon them with affection and love. Zi Wei had no desire to be a concubine of course, but where she could not allow herself to be jealous of Xiao Yan Zi, for fear of the ugly feelings tainting the much cherished bond between them, she allowed herself that tiniest bit of jealousy towards this beautiful woman that had just given her the one chance she had to make her most treasured dream come true.

Quietly, for the next few months, Zi Wei nurtured that jealousy. Never in public, of course, but inside. She did not fan it into a rage, but kept it smoldering her slightly like an ember, protecting it from being doused by Ling Fei's continually displayed smile. Silently, she apologized to the concubine, who she genuinely grew to love. This jealousy, however, was too important to her to let go, for letting go meant not that she had accepted Ling Fei's position in the Emperor's court, but that Zi Wei's place in the Emperor's heart was just as high as the concubine's.

.

Holding her first child in her arms, she smiled, almost secretively, and refused to speak to her curious husband.

"I got there," she whispered to herself in her heart of hearts. "I got there."

(1) hui huang shang. a mannerism. it simply means "responding to the emperor" and is said a lot when someone of a lower rank ( aka everyone ) that is not of his blood addresses him. huang shang is the translation for emperor.

chen. a manner used to address oneself before the Emperor, used by... any males, it seems. females ( like Ling Fei and Huang Hou ) use chen qie. Yong Qi, his son, uses er chen. i've never heard Zi Wei or Xiao Yan Zi use it though.

(2) xie huang shang en dian. gratitude for the emperor's generosity.