Dream Back
by Dee 'ChakiChakiGirl' Eon
A parody sequel to Kagami's dream sequence in The Lucky Star OVA
Foreword: This is my quickie in-commute homage to the Lucky Star OVA, though I haven't seen it outside YouTube nor expect to for a long while, but I got the gist of the Kagami's dream segment well enough to wing this. I have to stress this is a parody! In other words, please nit-pick for fun, not spite! It's a free non-profit story, not a term paper! :) Check my bio for latest info! Take care!
Dee
ooOoo
"Can't believe I blurted that right out in Tsukasa's face last night!" Kagami Hiiragi plaintively muttered in a midnight whose outside chirpings were joined by the tap-tap-tapping of her bedroom's keyboard. "In fact – how could I even think of such a thing anyway – even in a dream??"
Tap-tap-tap!
'Personal assessment question #1546 recorded. PAD database completed. Please stand-by', scrolled across the screen.
Kagami sighed before Borneo Software's 'Personality Analysis and Diagnosis' online beta program. Being a conscientious person, Kagami was into beta-testing health and environment teaching tools, so recalling PAD program she once helped test was a great catharsis for the moment.
"Too bad a.i. isn't advanced enough to make you a sentient friend who you can dump your secrets and troubles on, but even if you make a little sense out of my situation it could relieve me with a good laugh!"
'Personality facets assessment updated. Turing-grade colloquial parser ready. Please define query.'
Kagami drew a soft breath then pushed her fingers; "I want to stop what happened to me with Tsukasa this morning from happening again when I – I accidently blurted out something stupid Konata in my dream made me say which woke me up!" Tap-tap-tap!!
'Query beyond colloquial parser comprehension. Please rephrase query.'
Tap-tap-tap!!
'Your reply to devotee's prompting in dream indicates anxiety with roots in deep seated emotional longing for close devotee Izumi Konata.'
Kagami coughed in denial, more to the Gods than to herself; "Longings?? Who are you fooling?? I don't feel any 'longing' for that – that impudent little otaku!" she fleered before moaning back at her humbled screen reflection.
"Oh, but who am I fooling? I don't know what it is, but I do feel – something I know I shouldn't for that – that little idiot. But I can't! I mean we've almost nothing in common! In fact she's out of my class! She's lazy, arrogant, selfish, conceited, sneaky, introverted, perverted! I mean my total opposite! What could possibly make her one iota attractive to me? What??"
The glowing words bore at her; 'Deep seated emotional longings for close devotee Izumi Konata.'
Shaking head, Kagami nibbled her tender lower lip and inward chewed on that bittersweet appraisal, and briefly her stunned ego bounced back and shook her head, her mild bosom lifting with a grudging sigh. "Alright, alright. Just for sake of argument let's say you're right. How can I make myself feel better about myself while keeping her – just a friend since she's too deep a bad habit to break?" Kagami wondered. Tap-tap-tap!
'Take command of your emotional insecurity with intimate relationships and pose your frustrations and pines to devotee in question.'
"Wha–??" What do you mean 'intimate relationship??" blurted Kagami. "'Explain!" Tap-tap-tap!
'Your obsession with devotee Izumi Konata suggests a non-platonic affinity.'
"Obsession??" Kagami nearly shrieked. "You're nuts! I'm not obsessed with her! Just because I try to meet and eat and walk with her every chance I get and constantly let her take advantage of my generosity and eat all her sexual harassment and public insults and sing songs wailing about why we're not in the same class doesn't mean I'm 'obsessed' with my Konata-chan!!" TAP-TAP-TAP!!
'This program rests its case.'
"Very funny! I'll write that up smart alec quip in my beta report! Now let's get serious! I don't want to repeat what happened this morning! So do you have an answer or not??" Tap-tap-tap!!
'Extrapolating query. That you broke sleep after your Freudian slip suggests that your distress is a conflict of exceedingly high moral and cultural-ethical values vs. adopting a hedonistic liberal attitude to mesh your devotee's mindset to create a harmonious relationship.'
Kagami snickered. "Gee. You make it sound like I'M the weirdo stuck-up one! So how would I fix this 'conflict' then?" Tap-tap-tap!!
'Best suggested remedy is repeating date scene with your devotee to help expunge unadmitted simmering passions troubling you.'
"S – S – Simmering passions?? Unadmitted? You're seriously on crack out of whack! 'Passions'?? I've no – 'passions' for her! Not even the faintest shadow of a wild insane infatuation! Nai! Nai! Nai! Admit that I feel anything past civil friendship for that little perverted imp! Ha!!"
Suddenly hard pounds deep her bosom were chiding her, and Kagami felt like her hand was caught in the cookie jar and her head dropped, abashed. "But...heaven help me, it's – it's true. Oh God, it's true!" she groaned, chin dropping on crossed arms over her keyboard. "When I'm alone with her on her bookstore stops or eating across from her or watching her play games, I can't help but wish we were all alone in the world to just talk our feelings...and when she leaves, I feel suddenly a little emptier... But – I – I can't feel that way! I mustn't!" her proud and reserved ego desperately retorted. "I never never felt this way for a – before! I mean – I mean we're both girls! We're girls!!" Tap-tap-tap!!
'Irrelevant. Subconscious dream definers did not modify devotee's sex-role identity to suit your sexual preference.'
"I – I don't know what that means...unless you mean Kanata wasn't cosplaying Inuyasha or Prince Charming but a female witch, right? So you're saying that my dream would've made her play a boy if I was...was...'straight'?? Oh god!" Tap-tap-tap!
'Query beyond colloquial parser comprehension. Please rephrase query.'
Tap-tap-tap!!
'Affirmative.'
"Ach!!" Kagami nearly slumped back over her chair with terminal chagrin. "Oh, don't say it's true! I've been a open-minded good girl, honest! I don't have a prejudiced bone in my body, but I'm not – not...'that way'! I'm not!!" Tap-tap-tap!
'Then based your current I.Q., emotional maturity and pulchritudal scores, why is there no male devotee?'
She winced aback, like someone delivered a slap of hard candor to her face, and it not being a personal opinion or viewpoint but cold dispassionate logic made it all the more substantial and humiliating.
Catching breath and composure, Kagami desperately insisted; "Because – because I'm too busy with schoolwork to – to associate with boys! I – I want to excel to go to a good college! To get a good job so I don't need any – any husband to survive!" Tap-tap-tap!!
'You're not too engaged for devotee Izumi Konata.'
Kagami snorted. "What are you, a cybernetic comedian? What's it to you how I use my spare time, huh??" she retorted, but as immediately the hollowness of her defensiveness rang back and she again slumped in dismay. "No...you're right – partly. I used to chat about boys with friends in middle school a lot, and even had a boyfriend – Sato, in my last year. I never saw him after that...and if I hadn't met Konata so early my first year in high school, before I got a chance to meet any boys there, maybe things would've been different. I mean, it's like she sucked up the same feelings Sato had which made me feel so – er, good about him..." Tap-tap-tap.
'Query beyond colloquial parser comprehension. Please rephrase query.'
"Oh gosh, I wish there was a way that you can feel and know feelings so you understood what I'm going through! Konata's totally hijacked my feelings, like she caught me on the rebound from missing Sato..." Tap-tap-tap.
'Emotional transference situation possible.'
Kagami sat up as though someone tossed her a life preserver in a storm. "Huh? You mean that – that – that my feelings for Konata are a wild misguided fluke?" Tap-tap-tap!
'Possible. Another possibility is you're 'bi'.'
Kagami smirked. "That's a big help!" Then perked with wild hope; "Still... if that were so, wouldn't that mean I could steer my feelings another way? To boys instead?" Tap-tap-tap.
'Sexual preference modification is currently beyond scope of this program.'
Kagami blushed redder. "I'm not asking to! If I'm really 'bi' like you calculate, then I've found an escape hatch, you stupid machine! Uh, let's see...okay; Is there any way I could stop feeling this way specifically towards Konata??" Tap-tap-tap!!
Kagami drew a breath, feeling traitor to her own feelings and another as she made her proud staunch ego cage her wild heart a few moments.
'Redirected emotions possible with cold turkey diligence and religious commitment.'
"Well, I'm a shrine maiden so that must count for something! Alright, so how could I swing this?"
'Complete and permanent physical isolation from devotee.'
"Thanks genius. Forget that! We go to the same school! Look, I'm not exactly jumping all over her – yet. I'm just troubled that she's always in my dreams and in back of my mind so. Way more than any friend I have. Is there anyway I can tone that back at least??" Kagami hoped with a heavy bated breath. Tap-tap-tap.
'Emotional attachment attenuation possible within a dream venue.'
"Alright!! How??" Tap-tap-tap!!
'Via subliminal emotional feedback modification of last effective dream. 65 success rates as scored by anti-nicotine programs.'
Kagami perked like finding a firm grasp on hope. "So it's possible like quitting cigarettes! How??" Tap-tap-tap-tap!!
'Aversion therapy via overindulgent exposure to devotee's intentions.'
"Aversion therapy? I've heard of that. Yes! You're saying that maybe if – if I – er, hang around Konata long enough, her foolishness and perversion will knock some sense into me, right?" Tap-tap-tap!
'Largely accurate. In repeated framework of last dream in question, you passively permit your devotee to fully exercise her designs upon you to sate your pine's curiosity, creating a morality rejection response despoiling devotee's appeal.'
Kagami coughed, blushed. "Let her 'fully exercise her designs' on me?? Isn't that kind of – uh, risky??" Tap-tap-tap!
'No risk exists. The purpose of this scenario is to assuage your anxieties within the self-controlled and morally and ethically non-condemning universe of a dream.'
"Uh...yea, I get the idea," Kagami soberly mulled. "Let Konata move on me like she's always teasing me what she wants to do till I barf her off, right? But still, there're things you still wouldn't even do in a dream, you know!" Tap-tap-tap!
'No. Please rephrase.'
"Forget it. Er, just so suppose I tried this; how can I do it? You can't just force yourself to dream the same dream again! And even if you did, you don't really have any control over how a dream goes, not like in real life!" Tap-tap-tap!
'As an ace beta tester, for only 8000 yen refundable you can download our classified Pink Pill beta file.'
"Pink Pill? What's that?" Tap-tap-tap!
'A customized subliminal dream scenario prompter in an iPod audio file format that will prep your subconscious to create manipulative dream situations.'
"Kidding!! But no way, I don't want anything from nowhere taking over my mind, awake or asleep!" Tap-tap-tap!
'No mind-control element is involved. Via your PC's microphone you will recite a script on screen which is especially tailored for your situation which will be impressed on sleep-inducing background sounds.'
"Kidding? Well, that sounds harmless enough since I'll be feeding myself all your stuff. But how can I be sure the Konata in my dream will behave even near like the real one if this is supposed to be any good?'
'Please complete 650 question devotee personality assessment addendum which will be used to create personality profile for devotee's character construct which will manifest behavior based your conscious and subconscious experiences with her.'
"You mean you'll use my personal experience with Konata to push a more accurate version of her in my head?" Tap-tap-tap.
'More or less. What actually occurs is your subconscious reinforces and prompts rules of appropriate devotee behavior within your dream.'
"Wow, that's wild! Just how accurate is all this??"
'Fidelity proportional to exposure with devotee.'
Kagami blushed and shook it off. "Well, then I guess it's going to miss by a mile, but it might even be fun. Oh – but one important thing before I raid Dad's ! You don't really have total control of yourself in a dream like in normal life, you know? If I can't what good is it?" Tap-tap-tap.
'Pink Pill will also fabricate a pseudo-conscience perspective within your dream avatar that will permit you to exert the same will and environmental control as you do in reality.'
"Well, I don't know exactly what that means, but it certainly sounds impressive! Well, why not? I'd hate to think I'm mooning for Konata deep in my soul and it's slipping out of my lips in my sleep like last night! Another six hundred questions! That'll take half the night alone! Oh well, worth a try, and there're worst ways to spend a night! Or tomorrow's!"
ooOoo
The following night Kagami finished her homework faster than usual and with great anticipation threw on her peach p.j.'s and hopped into bed and plugged herself into her iPod.
"Here goes Pink Pill! Well, at least I'll get a laugh out of this!" she chuckled, trying to fight herself to sleep but failing yet ironically in exhausting herself so, falling asleep. The audio file in the iPod seemed to take this delay into account because the program itself didn't play till an hour later when she was snoring.
Kagami swam out of the hazy darkness of sleep's interface into her dream and found herself in bed with a swirling pinkish background haze to her surroundings. There was also an exaggerated slight sluggishness to her movements and thoughts, though she was feeling peculiarly lucid.
"Weird! I know I'm dreaming yet I feel wide awake like I'm in a play on a stage! I never had that happen to me before! That Pink Pill really works! Alright, let's do a preview test run!"
Drawing a breath of anticipation and a little trepidation, Kagami reached her night stand for her cell phone and punched her speed-dial. After three rings a semi-nasal childish voice popped up and twice thumped her chest.
"Kagamin! You miss me!"
Kagami touched her softly pounding bosom; 'Oh gosh! My heart jumped just hearing her voice – like it usually does even though I try my best to ignore it! There's definitely something – unnatural going on inside me! This confusion shouldn't be! Now is the time to fix it! I must!'
Kagami carefully chose her words; "Konata, I'm going window shopping tomorrow for things for my room."
"Just window shopping? How retro-lame! And you call on-line shopping anti-social!"
Marveling. Kagami thought; 'It's incredible! That exactly what Konata would've said, even though I've never heard her say it that way! Okay, then if it's this real let's try it out!'
"Er, I – I don't have money to buy anything right now, but I want to see what's out there."
"Like the truth?"
Kagami's heart skipped. "Truth?"
"Yea, you know; Monsters, U.F.O.s., shape-shifters, Elvis."
Kagami rolled her eyes; 'Like, my brainless hormones are tickled by this??'
"Oh, yea, forgot. Ha-ha. Yeah, I just want to spend a day together – window shopping, because it's no fun going alone, you know!"
"Sure, I'll tag along to keep your warm and cozy, Kagamin, but how about Tsukasa?"
"Tsukasa? Er, she's got some homework to catch up on."
"Catch up??"
"Uh, oh, yea, just a joke, ha-ha. So...wanna go?"
"Sure! I'd jump anywhere with my lovely Kagamin! I mean, jump into anywhere – get it?"
Kagami resisted an urge to bark that sly coo down and instead drew a bated breath. "Ain't gonna happen, Konata, so hose your panties down. Uh, oh, one thing. I have to house-sit tonight so I'll be all alone and will be doing lots of homework. Oh, and some extra-credit work too."
"Gee, Kagamin, why don't you just throw some garlic on the door and spike the welcome mat with a couple of crosses while you're at it?"
"Well, don't be shy about dropping by!" tauted Kagami with smug glee at Konata's gagging sounds.
"Don't worry, I won't! See you tomorrow! Bye!"
"Bye!" Kagami said, hanging up with a sigh of relief and awe that was vexed by – 'Damn! Stop the drums, chest! I don't feel that way! I don't! Can't! Mustn't –!!'
"Onee-chan??" a soft plaintive voice issued behind her and Kagami spun to see Tsukasa.
O man!
'"Tsukasa! Er, boy, do you have soft feet!" Kagami half-twittered.
"No, I'm wearing my bunny slippers. Sorry I overheard almost everything you said but your door was ajar. So, are you going somewhere with Kona-chan??" Tsukasa dolefully asked with huge puppy eyes.
Kagami gnashed her lower lip; 'Omigosh! Yes, she's just a part of my dream, but my conscience just can't hurt her feelings, much less give her any ideas what I'm up to if a lightning bolt of suspicion hit her!'
"Uh, yes, I'm – I'm going out to spend a day shopping with Konata."
"Just you two??" Tsukasa whined.
"Er, yes –" Kagami told her pouting twin "– but of course I can't take you, because – because then it wouldn't be your surprise!"
"Surprise? Mine??"
"Yes! I mean you wouldn't want to spoil it for yourself, would you?"
"Uhh...no. Of course not! Uh, go ahead and have a good time together with Kona-chan finding my surprise! Don't worry! I'll act like I never overheard anything, cross my training bra! Uh...can't you just give me a little hint?"
ooOoo
By twilight's rays, Kagami critically eyed herself in the living room mirror and giggled with a sly thrill at her daringly revealing cosplay outfit. It was even more awesome because less than a minute ago she'd been sitting up in bed in the morning;
"Alright, now let's see if we can weave a dream!" she had said after a cheerful Tsukasa hopped off. Kagami somehow intuitively knew that closing her eyes and picturing her new self in a place would do it, and sure enough soon as she opened her eyes she there, in a empty house in the stillness of night in a cosplay outfit.
Awesome!
"I've always loved this character for some reason, and to play a dark side without the blood and guts thing, though I have to admit this outfit's just a little too naughty! Like if dad ever caught me wearing something skimpy like this...! In fact I really couldn't, even all alone in the real world! Does that Pink Pill dampen modesty here too?" she wondered with a trace of anxiety before an instant notion popped into her head;
'Pink Pill doesn't lower one's inhibitions but enhances awareness that this is really a dream so nothing you do here will effect the real world or compromise your self-esteem.'
Kagami chuckled in awe. 'Awesome! Like that's too cool! The answer just popped in my head like a computer tool-tip! Too bad Konata doesn't have one for homework!'
"I'm Herrrrrre!!" Kona-Yuki chimed out of nowhere, replete in a ersatz witches costume and a cheap wand. Surprised, she gawked at Kagami's Powerpuff Girls Z 'Dark Blossom' outfit. "Hey, Kagarella! You stole my thunder! I was gonna shock you by zapping you a Miku cosplay!"
"Hey, I saved your wand some sparkles, witchy-chan! Besides, I'm only into leeks in sukiyaki!" Kagami quipped, whipping her pink yo-yo around Kona-Yuki then doing a slow model turn, her long broad purple scimitar ponytail swishing like a cape while she basked the novel glow of almost shamelessly pleasing the other. Konata whistled through her drool.
"Wow, Kagarella! You sure know how to take the kiddie out of kiddie cosplay! Well, I came here to haul you out of this dump to a dance, but maybe we should just stay home since everyone's out, okay?"
Kagami's breezy bosom thumped. "Hey, stick with the script, alright pervy?"
"Alright, alright. But aren't you peeved about me hauling you out of the house even though you're bored out of your skull being home alone?"
"No, because it's a choice between being stuck here alone with you and being stuck with you out around witnesses and rescuers."
Kagami thought wistfully and nervously; 'Actually, staying home would serve my 'bi pine' and morbid curiosity right from the get-go, but why rush such intimate things? I mean we've got all night! Besides a girl's gotta party once a while!'
Kona-Yuki grumbled; "Alright, alright, Kagarella. Needn't get so snotty about it! Now let's get you a coach –!" She turned to the living room's shrine and started to wave her wand before Kagamin grabbed it. "Hey!"
"That's tacky and sacrilegious. Besides I got newer wheels!" Kagami said, leading the other outside to see a red Corvette Stingray.
"Hey! Your folks couldn't afford that in a million years!"
"No problem. They got a loan from Bank of America."
"Oh. Man! You keep treading on my tail like this and you'll put magical grandmothers on welfare!"
"Don't you mean fairy Godmothers?"
"That's out. Too many negative double connotations. Wow! Look-it this thing!" Kona-Yuki gushed then smirked as Kagami hopped into the driver's bucket seat. "Hey! Let me drive! I'm older!"
"I'm driving. You can't reach the pedals! Besides didn't I switch places with you at Aya's concert and get stuck staring at some big guy's sweaty back while you were having a stunned good time?"
Kona-Yuki muttered. "Hmm. Maybe I should call-in sick and let you play with yourself in your house tonight!"
Kagami blushed; 'Unreal! That's just what would come out of Konata's mouth yet I've never heard her say such at all! For all intents and purposes she really is Konata! Oh gosh, I wonder just how far her 'fidelity' goes!'
"What are you giggling so evilly about?"
"Uh? Er, nothing. Go ahead, Kona-chan. Have your fun!"
"Whooppeeee!!" Kona-Yuki cried as Kagami sidled over to the passenger bucket seat. Kona-Yuki gawked around the wheel and dash.
"Awesome!! Look at all this! Total holographic projected dashboard, self-contouring prime leather hot and cold seats and each with quadaphonic speakers! Heads-up self-tinting windshield with radar cruise control and GPS! Ten-speed overdrive and JP-4 fuel option and ejection seats to bail collisions over 400 km per hour! Shoot! I might as well leave my wand in a pawn shop!"
"Er, how'd you do in Drivers Ed?" Kagami asked and Kona-Yuki shied.
"Uh...did we have homework?"
"Forget it. You can't crash. This thing has more sense than K.I.T.T. "
"'Nuff talk! Let's burn!!" Kona-Yuki cried, turning the key and a BOOM-ROOOMM-ROOMMMM!! thundered over the neighborhood. "Wow!!"
Kagami grinned. "One million horses."
"That's impossible!"
"That's what makes it a dream car!"
"Hey, check it out, Kagarella! All the traffic lights down every street are green far as you can see!"
"All the way to school! Just point and go!"
"You got it!! First time I can't wait to get there!!" Kona-Yuki slumped down low for her foot to ram the gas pedal and the engine roared and the car shuddered but didn't budge. "What the hey??"
With a loud clearing of her throat, Kagami gestured Kona-Yuki to look down to see her hand clutching Kagami's right knee, and sheepishly Kona-Yuki moved her hand over to the hi-tech stick shift. "Er, my mistake. Sorry."
"Right," Kagami wryly said then yelped and braced herself as the moment Kona-Yuki shoved the stick forward there was a SHIREEERRKKK!!" of burning tires and an explosion of blue smoke which launched them like a kicking rocket in the back to wheelie down the highway.
While Kagami's scimitar ponytail brandished in the hurricane windstream like a whipping flag, Kona-Yuri screamed. "YAHOOOOO!!"
- - - - - -
Composed entirely on iPhone during boring commutes.