During the Years of the Lamps and the Years of the Trees many things came to pass that no elf has witnessed. It was the time of the Valar and of the Maiar in Eä. The Valar are the renowned ones, but of the Maiar many things came to be and was shaped in the world, that no man or elf would think to live without. This is the tale of an otherwise insignificant Maia, one of the unnumbered and unnamed by the elves, living her life quietly in the shadow of the great tales of Arda, and yet she had a greater part in the turning of the world than any could have imagined.
It was the long peace of the Spring of Arda, after the end of the The First War.
Melkor was keeping out of sight and thought from the Valar, and life in Almaren was fruitful and sweet. Being the servants and helpers of the Valar, the Maiar spent their days exploring, gathering knowledge of the land and of the Valar, settling in their guise of choice, typically what served their purpose the most.
It was at this time that a lonely spirit became aware of its own existence. It was a lesser Maia, one of those that came to be or grew more present after the ascension to Eä and the Marring of Arda. The spirits could range from anything of a present consciousness to a slight idea or feeling, fleeting through the uninhabited wild or circling the already growing settlements of Almaren. Over time they would grow more tangible, with ethereal fingers exploring and fleeting steps over the forest grounds. Eventually they would have the ability to maintain a physical form and would find their place among the Valar. Not every Maiar goes through the transformation, and even today some observe the world only as elements of nature.
But at this time the lonely Maia began to think. It opened its eyes for the first time, seeing the grandness of the earth finally, where before it had only had thought and the connection with the nature in mind rather than sight and hearing. Finally seeing the earth grow clearer before its eyes, it could feel the sensation of change in its entire being. As the Maia thought it was the world that changed, it was but itself that grew tangible. The ground became fast under its long, stiff stilts that was indeed its legs and feet, and a tingling sensation appeared as new fingers caressed its palms, and it suddenly fell hard and heavy, being held to the ground by a force unseen, a feeling unknown to the previous wind-like spirit that had flown weightless through the world.
It was all so new, the sensations and feelings that rushed through this new, physical body, so frightening and unimagined by the lonely spirit. The coldness of the soft wind, that made tiny, strange hairs stand up all over its body. The softness of the grass under its face and naked chest as it lay still. The sound of its own heartbeats, and the smell of the dirt after the rain that still lingered in the forest. Everything was observed as through a veil, with eyes and ears that warped the world in a different light and impression than when in spirit-form. Even as it was different, it could not stop observing the feelings that came with it all, and it revelled in this endless ecstasy of sensations that was so new and so unexplored.
As it lay on the ground, its head turned and one of its hands lay beside it. It carefully tried to move a finger, the sheer action of which was more exhausting than anything it had ever experienced. But as it moved one and then another it came more easily and the stiff fingers grew warm. The Maia exhaled then, and inhaling it felt the cold night air fill the lungs, yet a new sensation, and while it pondered the necessity of air to this earthly body, it tried to rise up, for it had seen many of its own kind walk on the stilts, even though it had no idea how to. Its entire body shook as it tried to push itself off the ground with its arms, with little luck.
At its third try, and it fell to the ground again, sighing heavily as it thought how easily it had looked with everyone else, the soft sound of foot steps approached. Being unable to move and turn around, the Maia felt its heart beat heavier, and that sensation alone scared it more than anything so far. The shortness of breath and adrenaline that pumped through its new body was too overwhelming, and suddenly water came rushing from its eyes, just as the approacher stopped close by.
«Why do you cry?» The voice came as the whisper of the wind, immediately soothing the scared Maia. But the spirit did not know how to speak. Even as it opened its mouth and tried to make a sound, nothing came. All it could do was shake its head softly. Yet it could not see the speaker.
«Is this form new to you?» The voice came again, curious and yet demanding, and the Maia nodded.
The voice laughed softly, and suddenly arms surrounded the Maia, and lifted it effortlessly into the air. «Well, you cannot lie here,» the voice chuckled, and the lonely spirit turned its face upwards and beheld the grand form of the Vala Irmo for the first time. It knew of him, but everything was new and colourful with the eyes of its physical form, and an awe grew in its heart, as well as the love for this Vala, the first creature it ever met.
—
While walking through the forest, Irmo spoke quietly of the world, of the changes of having a physical body, and the future of the Maia in his care. It was a bit overwhelmed by it all, and stayed silent all the while. When finally they came to a little clearing in the forest with a small pond in the middle, Irmo sat the Maia down by the waters edge.
«Touch it, it is refreshing to your new skin,» the Vala urged, having noticed the Maia's anxious expression and nervous pose as it sat clutching its knees at the edge of the water. At the words of Irmo, it stretched carefully out a hand and caressed the surface. It gasped softly, then laughed delighted as it felt the coldness of the strange liquid ease the sensitive skin of its hand.
Slowly the Maia rose to its feet, with a little help from Irmo whom held its hand securely. It waded slowly out into the pond as if with great strain, focusing on keeping its balance on the uneven ground in the water. As it stood in the middle, water navel-high, Irmo let go of its hand and stood with eyes wondering as the Maia laughed delighted by the feeling of water on its naked body, a feeling far unknown by any spirit. It played with its fingers along the surface, pondering the sensations of water on skin versus the air.
As it stood there, turning and laughing, it suddenly stopped, noticing the clear reflection in the water surface, the reflection of its own face. As frozen it stood leaning slightly forward, holding back the long, white hair that fell over its shoulders so to better see the features of its face; big, green yes, full, soft lips and a small, upturned nose.
«Me?» It suddenly asked, then surprised by the sound erupting from its throat, seemingly automatic.
«Yes, that is you, your face,» Irmo said, amused and yet serious as he sat lounged by the waters edge. «You have chosen that form to reflect your inner thoughts, to be the mirror of your soul. And the form you have chosen is female. Do you understand?»
The Maia looked at Irmo, her eyes big in surprise and wonder, but she nodded softly, for she knew this, having observed the world of the Valar from afar. The thoughts and concepts seemed to have vanished in the early moments of her new being, but now they returned to her, little by little.
«I am female, and you are male, in form,» she spoke softly, her voice yet unused to her, her throat untrained to form words.
«That is right,» Irmo smiled and tilted his head slightly at this sudden speech. «Do you have a name?»
The Maia looked at him, her brows creased as if in deep thought. «What do you mean?» She spoke again, with emphasis on each word, speaking slowly as to form each word perfectly before releasing it into the air.
«With which sound do you consider yourself?» Irmo sat up, his arms leaning on his knees, his eyes intense with intrigue as he observed her while she thought of the answer.
«There is a sound, but sounds are so different in this form,» the Maia answered, licking her lips and tasting the answer that lay on the back of her tongue. She began humming softly, then rolling the letters in her mouth, trying to make out the perfect sound for herself.
«There is no haste. Use some time to think on it, if you want. It is rather for your own convenience to have a name as to which you can identify in the eyes of others.» Irmo chuckled.
Silence fell between them as the Maia thought on the name of her spiritual self and how she could transfer it to her physical self. It was surprisingly difficult, for thoughts and impressions were so different from before. She knew her name by heart, but to translate it into sounds was something else.
She moved out of the water again, and sat down by the side of the Vala. Moving the limbs of her body was easier now, though still awkward and strange. She could walk without toppling and stand without swaying. Sitting down was a weird thing though, having to focus on both keeping her balance and bending at the same time, and she fell a bit more uncoordinated than preferred. She would have to practice all these different moves later, hopefully out of sight from the grand and majestic Vala whom she did not want to disappoint with her shortcomings.
«How did you do it? How did you find your name?» The Maia turned to Irmo, her eyes wrought in wonder and confusion.
The Vala, with more than twice her physical size, chuckled and caressed his smooth chin for a moment as he wondered on this that none had ever asked him before. «It is different for the Valar, our consciousness awoke long before the creation of Arda, and long did we live together in our spiritual forms. We had no need of names, and yet they were doubtless in our minds. Each of us with a different feel and sensation to the minds of the others.»
Irmo laid down in the grass on his back, folding his hands behind his head as he looked up on the stars through the thin layer of leaves. Suddenly his voice was coming from within her, rather than from without: Like this we communicated, sensing and knowing the presence in our heads rather than recognising a voice.
The Maia gasped. It was only a whisper, but the sensation was so intense and yet smoother than any of the harsh impressions of the physical body. It was like a memory of her life as a spirit was shot into her mind, removing all the inhibitors of the material world. And instantly she knew what he meant, as if he opened up his mind to her for a mere faction of a second, the sheer grandness of his memory being too much for her mind to comprehend.
«My head,» she cried, pressing both hands to her temples as she fell to the ground next to him.
He quickly sat up and embraced her, his warm hands removing instantly all that hurt by touching her forehead. «Forgive me, Fänya, I never quite know when is the right time to establish the telepathic bond with a new Maia.» His giant hand caressed over her head softly. «The new mind of your physical body is still in development and will soon allow for greater deeds than simple communication. As the time goes you will finish your establishment and discover your true powers in this world, be they big or small, they are no less important to your work in Eä.»
The pain subsided after a moment, one of the longest in her yet short life as the sensation of pain was unexpected and unbearable yet, unknown to any spirit. But after that moment she thought of what he had said, what he had called her and she laughed. «Yes! Yes, that is my name; Fänya!» and she stood up more quickly than before, feeling the balance steadying her and she stretched her hands to the sky, her whole being ravelling in this strange new world of physical things.
«How did you know?» She abruptly turned to him again. She lost her balance and he caught her safely in his arms before setting her on the ground.
Irmo chuckled and caressed her chin as a father would, perplexed by all the questions of his new child. «As you looked into me, so did I look into your mind, and there I found the sounds you were looking for before our connection was broken.»
«Thank you,» Fänya said, lowering her eyes in amazement of this Vala that helped her so in this confusing world of strange things.
«It is our task to guide all creatures, Fänya, you need not thank me. But, yes, my name,» Irmo pursed his lips as he considered how to best describe it to her. «Like you, my name was known to me in the feeling of a spiritual sense, and when I ascended to Eä the sound for my being was Irmo, but in this form that I am still considering and perfecting, that name feels wrong to me. But it is still being written in my physical form and I will have to wait to see what my name then becomes.»
«May I change my form as well?» Fänya wondered and leaned over the water to see her reflection again. She caressed her cheek, tugged at her hair, and traced her strangely shaped ear, imagining what else she could look like.
«It is a possibility, though it depends on the fashion of your powers. In not too long you will be fully established in the material world and you will be able to explore all your powers. Until then you should stay as you are, and get used to the feeling of keeping your feet on the ground.» Irmo winked at her and nudged her foot with his own.
This exchange of information and words was so strange and fantastic to the former spirit. Feeling the wind on her naked skin, the beating of her heart in her chest so loud in her head that she was wondering how she would be able to bare it, the feeling of the skin when the Vala had touched her, his sweet smile and calming voice, the feelings of exchanging thoughts and ideas. It was all new to her, and while being confused and overwhelmed, it also stimulated her greatly.
«Why now?» She whispered. If she intended for Irmo to hear, she did not know, but it was the clearest question in her head at the moment.
Irmo looked at her and smiled. «No one can say why you are here, but no action of Ilúvatar is without meaning. We can only be sure that your descent into this realm is a sign of a new beginning in the turning of the world.»
Fänya felt the greatness of his words. Though she could not know the thought of Ilúvatar, she was grateful for his blessing and the gift that was her life on earth. Excitement and happiness filled her and she couldn't but wonder what she would explore next. This world was grand, with possibilities unending. She sighed as she gazed up on the stars. So was her life begun.