A/N: This is my first story for Mass effect and my first story all around, so please be kind. There are parts directly taken from the game, character interactions mostly the romance options were taken and put in but once that is done it'll be completely original dialogue.

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.

-Anatole France

She wasn't what Miranda Lawson had been expecting even after the two years she had spent putting her back together. She had made sure to go over every file, interview many of her old colleagues, her friends, her mother and even her old lover. Even with all the firsthand accounts, even seeing the results of her actions first hand, nothing had prepared her for this. She thought she knew who Shepard was, but she hadn't, not really. She had doubted her, angry that the Illusive Man had poured 4 billion credits into resurrecting a dead spectre. She had been jealous; even without genetic tailoring Jade Shepard was the closest thing to perfect the human race could aspire to. And Miranda Lawson feared that she might be falling in love with her.

Out of all the possible scenarios that could have happened, falling in love with Shepard wasn't one of them. Yet here she was, fantasizing about her like a love struck teenager. And that's what it would ever be; a fantasy. The Commander had her Asari. Even without the Asari, they were going on a suicide mission, starting a relationship was simply a foolish idea.

Everything and everyone had changed, in the two years she had been dead. And it hadn't bothered her, newer technology, a new Normady, Joker hadn't changed a bit and Dr. Chakwas was still the same person. The changes in both Garrus and Tali didn't make them different people if anything they had just matured, something she had already begun to see after Saren. She had even predicted that Ashley's reception to her being alive and working for Cerberus would have been bad. She had never expected Ashley to join with her, but she had expected her to at least understand and not call her a traitor. But she understood the why, she understood Ashley's feelings. If the situation was reversed she probably would have shot Ashley in the foot, called her a traitor and then of course joined up with her.

She had understood Ashley's reasons and her hatred of Cerberus, but she needed to save the colonists. It wasn't even Ashley that had cut her deep; her feelings of betrayal were expected. Liara's wasn't. She did want Liara by her side rushing off to get killed in some Collector base, even if Liara had wanted to follow her she wouldn't have allowed it. She would have been fine if Liara had moved on found someone else; at least she figured she'd be fine. She would at the very least have had the chance to win her back after this Collector business was finished. But Liara had moved on even if she herself hadn't realized it. Her obsession with vengeance had changed her, no longer was she the Asari she had fallen in love with. And it had been her fault she could have prevented everything had she managed to survive. Liara would still have her soul. All she could do was warn her of the personal consequences of her actions. She knew them better than anyone after all she was the Butcher of Torfan.

Jade ran her fingers across the scars on her face, they hurt of course, but it was a dull ache. The microsurgery hadn't completely taken and she could feel the scars opening up again. The stress was getting to her and she had noticed that her eyes had begun to degenerate showing the cybernetics underneath. Chakwas said she needed to remain calm and have positive thoughts, so she kept herself busy helping upgrade the ship, learning alien languages from Kelly, having lengthy discussions with members of crew. And it worked for a little while, it kept her mind of her own problems as she worked hard to solve everyone else's but in those quiet moments, when there was no one around to talk to.

Jade was jolted out of her thoughts at the sound of her door hissing open and she sat up on her bed, her eyes focusing on Miranda and she rubbed the back of her neck. "Lawson," she greeted sliding off her bed. "What brings you here to the Captains Cabin," a smirk playing on her lips.

Miranda sighed and began, "I wanted to apologize, I didn't fully believe that you'd be up to the task and it seems I was wrong. Frankly based on what I've seen I wished Cerberus had recruited sooner. I've seen the decisions you made when you were after Saren. The decisions you made on Torfan, you'd fit in fine here and we'd be lucky to have you. Too many join us out of simple xenophobia we need more people here for the right reasons," Miranda said looking at her.

Jade's eyes glowed for a second, "With your intelligence you could have landed any job you wanted. Why choose this?"

"Cause I still envy the time Mordin spent with the Special tasks group working with people as smart as he was. Cerberus never tells me that something is impossible, they give me my resources and say do it. And they've given you even more; a new life, a new ship, the illusive man's personal attention."

"And you," Jade said. "The best thing he did was to put you on my squad."

Miranda scoffed. "You'd have fine without me. I may not have believed it before but I don't have what you do; that fire that makes someone willing to follow you into hell itself."

Jade looked away, her eyes once again glowing, it was a burden all the pressure all the expectations and it was worse now, she knew everyone on her squad personally and they had become her friends, her family. She was putting them all in harm's way and it bothered her more than anything.

"My father got me the best genes could buy, I guess that wasn't enough. You are the best humanity has to offer Shepard." Miranda said getting up and walking towards her fish tank watching the fish.

Jade watched her for a second; she had sensed her jealousy and she had seen how much it bothered her but she was getting tired of seeing her get depressed about it. She had always regarded Miranda as her equal, but her fixture on her genetic tailoring had to stop, it was her experiences that made her who she was not her genes. "Does it always have to come back to your father's genetic tailoring? All that did was give you the potential to be great, all your accomplishments have been your own."

"This is what I am Shepard. I can't hide it, the intelligence, the looks hell even the biotics, he paid for all of that. Everyone of your accomplishments has been due to your skill. The only thing I can take credit for is my mistakes."

Jade glanced at the ceiling before getting up and standing behind her, her usual challenging grin on her face as her eyes glowed softly. "Wait a minute are you jealous?"

Miranda wheeled around glaring at her, disliking the fact that she was so transparent. "Don't be absurd," she scoffed.

Jade smirked, "The genetic mutt the that the illusive man put in charge," she snorted. "That must sting," she added.

Miranda took a step back, "First it's not a competition. Second based on your combat records you're practically a perfect human specimen."

Jade smiled this was the Miranda that she missed the one who was constantly challenging her pushing her to be better and she took a step forward entering her personal space. "Perfect human specimen huh?"

Miranda blinked and tried to take a step back only to be blocked by the wall. She felt her irritation rising at the sight of Jade's patented arrogant smirk. "Don't get cocky Shepard, I'm the one who put you back together remember?" She took a step forward giving Jade a once over her eyes lingering on her more...female attributes for a split second. "And I do damned good work," she added.

Jade nodded her body acting on her own accord as she took a step forward her eyes still glowing softly, "You certainly do," she breathed as she took a step closer to her.

Their bodies acting on their own accord as the sexual tension finally took over Jade's arm wrapping around Miranda's waist pulling her closer as they kissed. Both were caught off guard and it was finally Miranda who managed to break the kiss pushing Jade away as she took a step back.

"What the hell was that," she said looking at Shepard, the smirk was still plastered on her features but her cybernetics were no longer glowing and Miranda couldn't help but admire her namesake coloured eyes. Her mind struggled to find the words she was looking for, she was looking for. "Okay this doesn't mean anything...we're just god...I need to think...I need to...I'll talk to you later." With that Miranda escaped walking backwards as she tripped a bit on the stairs in Shepard's cabin. That infuriating smirk was still etched on Jade's features. "And stop smiling damn it," with that she turned and hurried out of Jade's cabin.

Jade turned to the picture of Liara she had on her desk and placed it face down before taking a seat in her chair as she began to play with her space hamster. The smile was gone and her cybernetics were glowing again, what had she done? She didn't have feelings for Miranda; at least she was positive that she didn't. Well apart from a healthy dose of lust, she wasn't blind but she had always managed to tightly reign in her hormones. What confused her that for those seconds she had felt at ease. Even when she had kissed Liara on Illium it had been nothing like this. It hadn't set her on fire like kissing Miranda had.

"Maybe Samara can help," she muttered to herself as she got up placing her pet back in his glass cage.